Hey everybody! This is going to be my first fic that isn't a one-shot so bare with me. I'll try to update soon but with school and stuff, it's going to be tricky. I'll try to do a chapter a week but the more reveiws I get the faster i'll try to update!

Flames are always accepted. They keep me warm in the cold winters that New York brings! I'm always happy to hear what you have to say and I'll usually respond to your reviews.

-- xAmerican Angelx 3333

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Logan had seen a lot of things in his day. He'd fought a lot of mutants, watched a lot of them die, and seen things most people couldn't even fathom. But nothing could prepare him for this kind of torture.

"NOOOO!" Logan yelled as he was forcefully pushed into the van, "HELP!"

"Oh my god! Logan shut up!"

"Never! I won't go! You can't make me!"

"God Logan," Kitty panted as she continued to help Marie, John, Bobby, and Jubes shove Logan in the car, "Get a grip, it's just Christmas shopping!"

Logan momentarily stopped his struggling against the five teenaged mutants, "Just Christmas shopping?" He said, "Oh no, don't say it like it's no big deal. The last time I went shopping with everyone, I lost two fingers!"

"They grew back!" Jubilee said defensively, "And I bet it didn't even hurt that bad!"

"You closed them in a revolving door," John said with a smirk, "That was real smooth Sparky.

"And, yes, it did hurt that bad!" Logan said, trying once again to get out of the van.

Jubilee, ignoring Logan's remark, launched herself at John and tackled him to the ground. John, taken completely by surprise, crashed to the floor. He groped for his fallen lighter, but Jubes kicked it far from his reach. Marie, Bobby, and Kitty just laughed.

Scott, Ororo, Jean, and Kurt, who had been watching the spectacle with interest, finally decided to intervene. Ororo and Jean each grabbed one of Jubilee's arms and pulled her, with some difficulty, off of John. He stood up, angrily muttering something about Jubilee needing anger management.

Scott and Kurt went to help with the Logan situation. They walked up to the van and stuck their heads in through an open window.

"Struggle all you want Logan, you still have to go," Scott said, unable to hide his childish glee in seeing Logan so miserable.

"Kiss my ass, Scooter, no way in hell am I going shoppingwith the mutant brat pack!"

"Oh, that's nice Logan," Marie said.

"Hello? Lost two fingers!" Logan said.

"When are we going to drop this!" Jubilee said, clearly pissed off.

Kurt tried to reason with him, "Logan, zee children vish to go Christmas zhopping. But, zey cannot all be togezer at vonce because zen zey vill know vat zey 'ave gotten each ozzer."

"So?" Logan said, wondering where this was going.

"Zee Professor does not vant zee children to be valking about alone. So he vants at least von adult to be vith each child." Kurt pulled his head out of the window, seeming pleased with himself.

Logan was silent for a moment, calculating in his mind, "There's five kids and four adults. So you need me to make five don't ya, bub? Fine, dammit, get off my case, I'll go!"

Jean and the kids looked relieved. Kurt looked even more proud of himself than before. Ororo opened the front door and got into the driver's seat.

"Thank you, Logan," She said.

Scott, with his head still poked in the window, looked smug, "Wow Logan," he said, "I had no idea you were capable of that level of math. And in your head no less!"

Logan frowned but said nothing.

"Aw," Scott said, smiling, "No comeback from the great Wolver-OW! Quit it! Logan, I can't breathe!"

"Who's the dumb-ass now One-Eye?" Logan said, his finger pressing on the button that closes the window, "At least I'm smart enough to know not to insult someone when your head's in the window!"

"Logan!" Jean screeched, "Logan open that window! You're gonna kill him!"

Logan sighed and opened the window, "I wouldn't have killed him Jeanie. If I'd done that, you'd be all kinds of pissed. Then I'd have no shot with you."

Scott had regained his breath, but it was still ragged, "You've- got- no- shot- with her- now!"

"Stick you're head back in this window bub! Then we'll-"

"ALRIGHT!" Jean yelled, "That's enough! Kids, get in the van!" They scrambled in without a second's hesitation. An angry Jean was not one to be tested.

"And you two! I should telepathically strangle you!"

"Uh, honey, in my defense, Logan just did that," Scott said, backing up a few feet.

"Okay. First thing, Logan, that was not cool what you did to Scott. So now, you will be responsible for John in the mall!"

"WHAT!?" Logan yelled. He looked back to where John was sitting. He was flicking his lighter open and shut. Occasionally he would levitate a fireball only inches away from Kitty or Marie (he wasn't ready to mess with Jubes just yet) and smile as they screamed in terror.

"Jeanie, you can't be serious. The kid is psycho!"

"Oh, I'm serious."

Scott was laughing like a maniac. Jean switched her gaze to her slightly-less-than-subtle fiancé.

"And you," she said threateningly, "You provoked him. This whole ordeal could have been avoided if you didn't provoke him."

"But, honey," Scott started.

"But nothing," Jean said shortly, "You will be responsible for Jubilee."

"Jean," Scott whined, "Jubes is so… well look at her now!"

Jubilee was in the back of the van, talking loudly on her cell phone, ignoring anyone's attempt to silence her.

"Oh my god, Kelly, I know! He is the worst guy ever. She should totally dump him. He doesn't deserve her! I know. I know. I know, I heard! How much of an ass could he be? Yeah, I know! I told her she should- no, I never said that! Who said I did? Mikey? I'll kill him! Fine then, you can kill him, I don't care so long as he's dead. Well did you here what he said about Michelle? You didn't? Well- no, worse than that! Worse! Worse! Okay, not that bad, jeez you've got a dirty mind!" This all came out of Jubilee's mouth in a matter of fifteen seconds.

"Jean, I'll kill myself if I have to put up with that for two hours!

"Well, you'd be doin' all of us a favor, bub," Logan said, sitting up.

"Enough," Jean said, rubbing her temples, "Logan, you're with John, Scott, you're with Jubilee. I'll be with Bobby. Kurt has Marie, and Ororo has Kitty, alright?"

Scott and Logan grumbled in response.

"Good, now Scott get your ass in the van. Storm?"

"Yeah?" Storm responded.

"We're ready! Start this thing up!"

Onward to hell, thought Logan.