Treehouse of Horror: Naruto style II
A/N: I don't own Naruto or the Simpsons Treehouse of Horror.
Happy Birthday Naruto!
Sasuke was peacefully sleeping in his bed until he was woken up by two voices; belonging to his teammates.
"SASUKE! SASUKE!" cried Naruto and Sakura as they jumped into bed with Sasuke. The raven woke with a jolt.
"What?! What's going on?!" he asked startled by his teams behavior.
"We both had nightmares." said Naruto as he popped his head from under the covers.
"Can we sleep with you? Please!" begged Sakura since neither she or Naruto wanted to sleep with Kakashi (just imagine what he could to in his sleep if his dreams are as perverted as he is).
Sasuke groaned, he was way too tired to argue.
"You both toilet trained?" he asked groggily.
"Yes!" replied the two offended genins.
"Oh alright," agreed the tired raven as he looked at his alarm clock.
"Four o'clock!" he stated with alarm as he rested his head back on his pillow.
"In a couple of hours I have to get up and train to get stronger...gottan get stronger...get stronger..." with that Sasuke nods off to sleep.
(Dream Starts)
Team Seven was at their usual training grounds. Kakashi was teaching them how to break an enemy's neck with just one kick; of course it involved using ALOT of chakra. This was a powerful jutsu and Kakashi made them promise not to use it unless their lives depended on it. They had been practicing with wooden dummies.
Sakura had no problem with this jutsu since she as perfect chakra control, but the only thing she lacks is physical strength.
Naruto had no problem with physical strength at all, the only thing he lacked was chakra control (but he shouldn't have to worry since he always finds a way to come out on top).
Sasuke had both good chakra control and physical strength; the only problem with him (and the other two) was they had to keep it at a certain amount to break the bone. Too little and you will only succeed in cracking it, two much and you could end up hurting yourself (not to mention make the head fly off).
Sasuke sat on the ground breathing hard and nursing his (very) bruised leg.
"Why can't I get the hang of this?" Sasuke asked angrily to himself. He would never succeed in killing Itachi if he didn't master this jutsu.
"Sasuke this takes time to master, you can't just expect to learn it all in one try." said Kakashi in an attempt to comfort his prised student, but Sasuke didn't take the attempt to comfort him very well.
"Thats not good enough! If I'm going to kill Itachi I have to gain enougth power to do so, my flesh is too weak I need to get stronger no matter what!" Sasuke stands up and brushes dust off of himself.
"I'm going to go find a solo mission." he said as he walked off. Kakashi stared back at him.
"Perhaps this would be a good time to call it a day."
Back in the Sound Village, Orochimaru was having a bit of a problem himself.
It seems that ALL of his ninjas were nothing but weak wannabes that only wanted to get on his good side to be recognized. Thankfully he found a solution to the problem long ago.
"Kabuto come down to the laboratory with me, and bring the oil lamp." ordered Orochimaru as he pulled the switch on his fire place sending both him and Kabuto (who was following him with the lamp) into dungeon like place. As they made their way down the steps Orochimaru began to talk.
"You know Kabuto, I have always dispised the lazyness of the common shinobi. The spirit is strong but the flesh is too weak, so I replaced the flesh; which is weak with steel which is strong." while saying all of this Orochimaru made his way to a covered object.
"Behold! The greatest breakthrough in labor relations since the cat o' nine tails!" Orochimaru pulls down the covers unveiling his Frankenstein monster; a giant robotic ninja.
Kabuto looks at the creation with astonishment.
"How long before it's ready my lord?"
"Keep your pants on, Kabuto! All we are missing is...a human brain." Orochimaru smiles menacingly at this thought.
Back in Konoha, Team Seven was in the Hokage's office looking for a solo (low rank) mission that Sasuke could do.
"Hey, here's a good mission, Sasuke!" said Sakura, but paused as she read the scroll carfully.
"Oh, wait, you have to know how to operate an ultrasonic lithotriptor."
"How hard can that be?" asked Sasuke, but Saskura shook her head indicating not to take the mission.
"Hey Sasuke, here's one!" said Naruto as he took the scroll from Sakura. "Twenty-eight dollors any hour, plenty of freash air, and you get to meet lots of interesting people." Sasuke became fasinated by this.
"What mission is that?" Naruto smiled evilly.
"Grave digger. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!"
The next day Sasuke found himself digging a grave.
'How did I ever let the dobe talk me into this?' thought Sasuke as he continued to dig and listen to the head grave digger shout orders at him.
"Dipper, widder, faster! I wouldn't burry my turtle in that mud puddle-ACK what's the use." complained the head grave digger as he left Sasuke to himself.
"Jeez what a slave driver." complained Sasuke. Feeling a little light headed, Sasuke puts down the shovel and takes a nap in the grave.
--
That evening, Orochimaru and Kabuto pay a visit to the Konoha cemetery in search of a brain; because everybody knows that Konoha's ninjas posses the will of fire.
"What corpse should we un-earth my lord?" asked Kabuto,holding the shovel while Orochimaru holds the oil lamp.
"I don't know yet Kabuto, I feel like a kid in a candy store." as they talked they stumbled upon a grave; Sasuke's grave. The two Sound ninjas take a look at it.
"Well what do you know an open grave. Kabuto, get him out quickly. The stench is over powering." said Orochimaru as he covered his nose with a handkerchief. Kabuto takes a closer look at the 'corpse'.
"Wait Lord Orochimaru, that's Sasuke Uchiha. Dosn't he already have your mark?" asked Kabuto.
"Well whom else did you have...in mind?" asked Orochimaru sinisterly as he pictures Kabuto's brain floating in mid air.
Kabuto starts getting very uncomfortable.
"Uh, Uchiha will do just fine, my lord!" inquired Kabuto trying to get Orochimaru to change his mind.
--
As they drag Sasuke away in a bag, he wakes up and struggles.
"My lord did you hear that?" asked Kabuto as he heard Sasuke's muffled voice.
"No, I didn't. Who is it? Frankenstein? The Booooger Man?" Orochimaru asked, sarcasm obvious in his voice.
"It's the boy in the bag, my lord. I think he's alive.
"Oh." says Orochimaru as he walked over to the bag and began whacking it with the shovel.
"Bad corpe!"
TWACK!
"Bad corpe!"
TWACK!
"Stop--"
TWACK!
"scaring--"
TWACK!
"Kabuto!"
TWACK!
Sasuke is knocked unconscious and the muffling stops.
"Is that better?" asked Orochimaru.
"Thank you my lord." replied Kabuto as he took the bag and continued walking.
--
In the lab back in Sound, Orochimaru began performing brain surgery on the Uchiha avenger.
Orochimaru saws the top off of Sasuke's head.
"Kabuto hand me that ice cream scoop."
"Ice cream scoop?" asked Kabuto.
"Dammit, Kabuto, this isn't rocket science, it's brain surgery!" Kabuto hands Orochimaru the ice cream scoop.
Orochimaru scoops out Sasuke's brain out of it's protective nerves and plucks the whole thing out with his hands. He stares at it in fascination.
"Hello." he says as he puts it on top of his own head.
"Look at me! I'm Davey Crockett!" he giggled
--
They install the brain in the robot, then eat some pepperoni pizza, then power it up (with your standard horror movie Big Switch, accompanied by lightening and sparks.
As Orochimaru glanced at the robot he saw it's hand twitch. Orochimaru becomes overly joyed by this.
"Look Kabuto! It's moving! It's alive! Oh, that fellow at Radio Shack said I was mad. Well, who's mad now! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
Orochimaru bends over to look his creation right in the eyes.
"Hi there, I'm your daddy."
The robot gets up and begins to examine his hands and began to speak (in Sasuke's voice).
"I'm...I'm made of steel..."
After taking all this in Sasuke was suddenly hit with realization.
"I...have...POWER! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!" the robot (Sasuke) activated his X-ray/Navigation vision and spotted Itachi Uchiha thousands of miles away. The robot (Sasuke) chuckled evilly, stood up and began making his way towards his destination.
"Itaaaaachi...come out and plaaaaaaay..."
"How delightful! Alive for only two minutes and he has already found a target." said Orochimaru, proud of his creations killing intent.
--
Back in Konoha Team Seven was having a night meeting at Kakashi's house. Naruto and Sakura were watching Johnny Carson (who was dressed as Karnak).
"Geraldo Rivera, Madonna, and a diseased yak."
Ed McMahon could be heard laughing
"Ho ho ho ho!"
Kakashi walked passed the kids to look out the window.
"Sensei, what's wrong?" asked Sakura.
"It's Sasuke. He's missing." replied Kakashi with worry.
"Sasuke missing? Get outta here." said Naruto in disbelife
"He hasn't showed up for meetings in two days." replied Kakashi matter-of-factly.
"What do you know. He's right." replied Sakura, looking at Naruto.
--
Back in Sound, things weren't going so smoothly for Orochimaru.
Orochimaru was sitting on his knees, crying.
"It wasn't suppose to be this way...It was suppose to be a thing of beauty. Not this abomination!" as he said this, the robot (Sasuke) was sitting in a chair with his feet propped on top of the table, swinging Itachi's spine; which still had his head on it.
Sure he succeeded in killing someone. But the problem is that he wouldn't do a thing Orochimaru said. All he did was spin his brothers head around and eat rice balls. Seeing as he had already fulfilled his purpose in life he didn't have to lift a finger anymore.
Orochimaru grabs onto the front of Kabuto's shirt.
"Oh Kabuto I was wrong to play God. Life is precious, not a thing to be toyed with. Now take out that brain and flush it down the toilet!"
"My lord his friends might appreciate it if you returned the brain to it's owner." Kabuto suggested.
"Oh come on, it's 11:45!" complained Orochimaru, but one look at Kabuto's puppy dog eyes said so other wise.
"Oh, Kabuto when you look at me with those puppy dog eyes...Oh alright!"
--
As Orochimaru sawed the brain back in Sasuke's head he heard Sasuke muttering.
STITCH
"Ow."
STITCH
"Ow."
STITCH
"Ow."
STITCH
"Ow."
"Oh, will you quite you're complaining!" said Orochimaru in annoyance.
"Lord Orochimaru do you know what this means? He is alive!" stated Kabuto.
"Oh, you're right, Kabuto. I guess I owe you a coke." Orochimaru then turned his attention to his failed experiment.
"And as for you, you clinking, clattering cacophany of colligenous cog and camshifs, take that!" with that Orochimaru gives the robot a swift kick in the leg and walks away.
But to Orochimaru's dismay the robot begins to topple over.
"RUN MY LORD!" screamed Kabuto. But it was too late the robot fell on top of Orochimaru, trapping him. Kabuto ran towards his master, only to see his head sticking out.
"Every bone...shattered, organs...leaking vital fluids...a slight headache...loss of appetite. Kabuto, I'm going to die."
"My lord, is there nothing I can do?" asked Kabuto, desperate to save his master.
"Well...perhaps there is. Kabuto go to my office...on the third drawer to the left are...surgical tools, and some ether...
(Dream ends)
Sasuke woke up screaming.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
"Did you have a nightmare, Sasuke?" asked Sakura worried.
"No, Naruto bit me!" cried Sasuke pulling his left arm up, rubbing the sore spot. Said blond stuck his head out from under the covers.
"Hey man you were crushing me! I tried to scream but my mouth was full of flesh."
"I'm gonna go to the bathroom." stated Sasuke as he got out of bed to make his way to said destination.
When Sasuke made his way to the bathroom and looked in the mirror he was horrofied to see Orochimaru's head sewed on his right shoulder.
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" screamed Sasuke.
"Perhaps you are wondering why I have two heads," Orochimaru spoke.
"Well, my body was crushed, so I had my head grafted onto your, shall we say, skelital frame.
Sasuke tried to stay calm.
"I can wake up. It's all a dream. It's just a dream!" Orochimaru smiles sinisterly.
"Oh, that's right. It's all a dream...Or is it? MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!"
Next week, on 'Naruto'...
Team Seven was sitting at the breakfast table while Kakashi cooked breakfast. Sakura makes an announcement.
"Don't for get, Sasuke, next week at the Culture festival, there having their annual rice ball sale."
"Mmmm...rice balls." hummed Sasuke with bliss on his face. He still had Orochimaru's head attached to his shoulder.
"But Sasuke, next week I have a meeting with the Sound Four to discuss taking over Konoha!" inquired Orochimaru. Sasuke didn't look too happy about this.
"This is exactly why I hate sweets!"