MMAD Misconceptions
(A Story of how not knowing the whole Story can get you into trouble)
Written by The BubblesDisclaimer- Do I look like Rowling? Well, obviously you can't answer because you can't see me, so just suffice it to say I'm not
A/N- This story comes in four parts, but since each part is so short its all one chapter.
Fred and George Weasley were lying on the floor between their beds, seemingly minding their own business. Of course, anyone who has read the books knows that they were probably watching people on the Marauder's Map. They were. What's more, they were taking notes, because teasing people about meeting for a snog in the dead of night was their current favorite pastime.
Tonight, however, it seemed that they were not to get lucky (pun intended). The only students currently out of bed were a few Seventh Years who were in their Common rooms studying for their N.E.W.T. s, and Percy, who was probably also studying for his N.E.W.T. s, despite that he wouldn't even have his O.W.L. s until next year. This irked the Weasley twins no small amount. How in the world were they supposed to tease people about their nightly exploits if they weren't having any? It was quite frustrating, really.
George scoffed in disgust at the students' failure to break rules and stood to go to bed.
"Nothing's going to happen tonight. What a bummer."
Fred agreed and prepared to wipe the Map when something caught his eye. He grabbed his twin's pants leg and pulled him down.
"George, look at this!" George leaned over to look. Fred was pointing a Dumbledore's office.
Several minutes ago, they had observed McGonagall go up to the Headmaster's office. Neither of them thought anything of this, as it happened often and was really to be expected of them. This time, however, was different. This time, the labeled dots were very close together- far closer than they ought to be.
"Why do you suppose they're standing so close?" George asked, rhetorically, of course. "Blimey- they're right on top of each other!"
There was a pause as this comment sunk in and the twins looked up at each other, horrified by the images playing unbidden through their heads. ("Ew! Old People Love!") As one, they took their wands and wiped the map. As one, they crawled into their respective beds. And as one, they both fell asleep with horrible nightmares of Old People Love waiting in their heads.
Meanwhile, in Dumbledore's office…
Dumbledore patted McGonagall on the back in what was supposed to be a comforting manner.
"There, Minerva, now aren't you glad that I'm gifted in use of the Heimlich Maneuver?"
McGonagall eyed the half-eaten biscuit in her hand and tossed it in the bin.
"I suppose so, Albus, but why didn't you just use magic to stop me choking? And it's your fault anyway, telling me that joke about the rabbi and the penguin."
And now, Part 2:
Fred and George had talked it over after waking from their fourth nightmares, and decided that Fate had presented them with the ultimate pair to tease, only to have Logic snatch it from their greedy hands.
Most of the students at Hogwarts were convinced that the Weasley twins were omniscient; that's how they always knew when people were out-of-bounds. McGonagall, however, would be harder to convince, and Dumbledore probably already knew about the map's existence and would guess immediately. He might even confiscate it!
Of course, we all know how brilliant those two are, so of course they thought of something.
McGonagall took her customary seat beside Professor Dumbledore at lunch that day looking perplexed.
"You know, Albus," she confided, "You're going to find this very strange, but I do believe Mr. Weasley and his twin have been winking at me all day, and I think one of them may have even whistled at one point."
Dumbledore looked up from his lunch at the twins. Fred noticed and immediately flashed him a thumbs up while George waggled his eyebrows suggestively. (Yes, Albus Dumbledore is the only person on the planet, including their mother, who can tell the two apart at all times. Why? Because he is Albus Dumbledore, you silly fool!)
"You know, Minerva, I do believe you are right. Imagine that."
McGonagall sighed; this obviously wasn't what she'd wanted him to say.
"Yes, Albus, but why are they winking at me?"
"Well I suspect it is because they have become attracted to you."
It was the apparent ease with which he said this that made Minerva the most exasperated. After all, she was a teacher, and 52 and ½ years their senior to boot. Twelve-year-old students were not supposed to be attracted to her. She sighed.
"And why, may I ask, do you think that?"
"Oh, it's not uncommon for students to become infatuated with their teachers; I for one seem to recall another second year student who had quite the crush on her Transfiguration teacher, after all…" he peered over his half-moon spectacles at her and she suddenly found herself blushing. He wasn't supposed to know about that!
At the house tables, a few students saw their teacher blushing and wondered what the headmaster could have said to elicit such a reaction.
The twins weren't wondering; they could hazard a guess what had happened- the pair had learned that the twins knew what they had been up to the previous night. They were wrong, of course, but they didn't know that.
"Well what am I suppose to do about them, Albus?" she asked. "Just let it pass? Surely there's something that can be done."
"I would suggest you wait it out, but if it means that much to you, I'll have a talk with them.
"Thank you, Albus. They're good boys, really, and I don't want to hurt them."
Part 3 starts riiiiiiiiight…now!
Dumbledore found the twins as they were going to break. He came up from behind and grabbed the collars of their robes. They floundered for a moment before turning and realizing why they couldn't move forward.
"A word in my office, boys."
They exchanged worried looks and followed the headmaster to his office. Despite their initial fear, they were a bit curious. They had been in the offices of almost every teacher at Hogwarts, but never Dumbledore's.
He led them to a stone gargoyle and said, "Sugar quill." They exchanged grins- the headmaster had a sweet tooth! - and followed him up to his office.
Once inside, he sat behind his desk and gestured for them to sit as well. They did, still worried. Had he learned of the Map? Would he confiscate it? What lengths would he be willing to go to to keep them quiet? Was that a phoenix in the corner?
Dumbledore spent several minutes watching the twins; the twins, meanwhile, spent several minutes looking everywhere but at him. Finally he seemed to decide they had been silent long enough.
"Well, boys, Professor McGonagall has asked me to speak to you on her behalf. I have assured her that I will put a stop to our little… situation."
Fred exchanged a relieved look with George; it was clear they were both thinking the same thing. McGonagall had asked Dumbledore to deal with making sure they were quiet about what they knew. He hadn't found out about the Map!
"Now then. What you are feeling is perfectly natural at your age. Your bodies are growing and changing; you can't control it any more than I can control the weather."
They looked at each other again; now they were completely lost. This was beginning to sound like the speech their dad had given them about the birds and the bees. What in the world was the headmaster talking about? Also, they had a distinct feeling that Dumbledore could control the weather if he really wanted to.
"Now, Professor McGonagall is flattered, however, she feels that these emotions are better off directed at someone your own age. She is, after all, 52 and ½ years your senior."
Fred and George looked horrified. This was the bird and the bees talk, with a frightening twist!
"But Professor Dumbledore, sir," George said, while Fred shook his head in disgust, "We don't like Professor McGonagall. I mean, we like her all right as a teach, but, she's old."
"Besides, we don't like girls yet," Fred added.
"You don't?" Dumbledore peered over his spectacles at them. "But then… why have you been flirting with her all day?"
They sighed. Maybe they would have been better off letting him think they were attracted to their teacher.
Oh, well. The truth had to come out sooner or later.
"Well, Professor," Fred began, "we've got this map. It's a map that shows where a person is at all times."
"We like to use it to spy on people," George continued. "We were looking at it last night, and we, er, we saw, er, see what we saw was…"
"We saw you right there with each other, all close together and stuff. We… we know you were snogging."
There. The truth was out. He knew their secret, and they knew his.
He stared at them for a moment, then started laughing. They stared.
"Boys, I must stress something to you. You can never, never look at two people close together and assume that they are snogging."
"But then what-?"
Dumbledore sighed. "Have you ever heard of the Heimlich Maneuver?"
"Of course we have! It's- it's… Oh."
They fell silent.
"So you and McGonagall- you aren't- you don't-?"
Dumbledore shook his head. "A simple misconception."
They breathed a sigh of relief.
"Er, Professor?" George asked. "Could you, er, not tell Professor McGonagall what we thought? Just let her go on thinking that we were attracted to her, ok?"
Dumbledore peered at them for several minutes.
"Yes, I think that this can just be our secret. You may go now."
"Thanks, Professor!" they said together and left.
Part 4
((Fred- What? No witty introduction?
The Bubbles- I'm out of ideas. What do you want me to do, pull one out of my ear?
George- Aren't you supposed to be a comedian? Think of one!
The Bubbles- sigh Fine.))
And here is what we in the 'biz call Part 4!
Dumbledore had told McGonagall nothing of his interview with the twins, only that they would not be flirting with her any longer. She seemed slightly disappointed by that, which bewildered him no small amount.
"My dear Minerva, why does this disappoint you?" he asked. "Just this morning you asked me to tell them off for you."
"It's not that I'm disappointed, Albus, it's only that a part of me- the part that knows I get older and less attractive every year- was a bit, well, flattered by the attention."
Dumbledore smiled, his blue eyes twinkling merrily, as is their habit.
"Minerva, I assure you, you are no less beautiful now than you were 48 years ago when you left Hogwarts to make your way in the world- and as I recall, you were quite popular with the young men at the time."
She gave him a rare smile as he swept her into his arms and spun her around the room in an impromptu waltz.
As he spun her around the floor of his office to the music in their minds, his eyes twinkled at the mere thought of what the Weasley twins would say if they were looking at that marvelous Map of theirs, and if they new how close they had come to learning of the secret romance between their teachers.
Not that he was worried, though. They wouldn't be finding out tonight. They were currently under the watchful eye of Professor Snape, in detention for spying on their teacher's privacy.
A/N- This is a completely random idea I had a few days ago. I was originally going to have them get together because of what the twins said, but I liked this better. In case you didn't figure it out this is their 2nd year.
And the age difference is accurate; I checked their birthdays and did the math three times. There's no excuse for not doing your homework when writing fanfiction.
The joke he told her? A Rabbi and a penguin walk into a bar. Really, you'd think one of them would have seen it.