Bum Review Omake

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor this fanfiction, nor Bum Reviews. They belong to Masashi Kishimoto, FictionReader98 and Douglas Darien Walker respectively. I'm just the beta reader who decided to have fun with all of it :)

Quick Author's Note from Paintball-Gamer: That's right, folks, this omake will be a Bum Review of this entire fanfic! If you've never seen or heard of Bum Reviews before, go to and START WATCHING! Anyway, in keeping with the Bum's antics, he will review it as though it were a movie. This may be cheating, but since it's based off a movie (with a movie being made within it, no less), I think I can let it slide. Also, with how much material there is to cover, this will end up being several times longer than the average Bum Review (whether that's good or bad, I'll leave for you, the readers, to decide). With that out of the way, onto the feature!

(For best results, read straight after watching one or two actual Bum Reviews)

Narrator: And now it's time for Bum Reviews, with Chester A. Bum.

Tonight's review:

Clash in the Land of Snow: Legacy Version

OH MY GOD, THIS IS THE GREATEST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!

SPOILERS! Believe it!

So there's these three kids, who are ninjas? Only… they don't really look like ninjas.

One of them wears an orange outfit! Why is he wearing orange?! Did he just escape from prison or something?!

I escaped from prison once! Oh wait, no I didn't, they THREW me out! All of my cellmates kept ending up in mental hospit-a-mals! But I digress.

And the girl in the group has pink hair! PINK! How does that happen?! Does she dunk her head in icing every morning?! What is she, a cupcake?! I've tried dunking my head in all sorts of things and I still can't get my hair to change colour! Though there was that one time it came alive and started strangling everybody. Typical Friday night.

And the third kid looks like he has a blackened headless chicken on his head!

(shaking fists in the air) CHIIIICKEEEEEEENNNSSS!

Huh, thought I got over that.

So anyway, he also has a lollipop on the back of his shirt! It made me so hungry! The popcorn off the theatre floor was quite delicious as usual, I might add.

So anyway, the three kids are watching a movie in a theatre?

DUDE! These guys are watching a movie, in a movie! That's INGENIOUS! I always wondered what 'Two movies for the price of one' meant! All that's left is for there to be a movie about people watching a movie ABOUT people watching movies! I think my brain just melted.

But that's not all! These kids are sticking to the CEILING the whole time!

WHOA! Now I get it! These kids aren't ninjas! They're SPIDERMEN!

(singing to the tune of the Spider-Man theme) Spider-kids! Spider-kids! Watching whatever movies spider-kids watch!

So then after the movie, there's these guys chasing a girl? And Orange Kid takes out a frog and SLIMES them!

WHOA! Now I get it! These kids aren't ninjas! They're GHOSTBUSTERS!

(singing to the tune of the Ghostbusters theme)

If there's something strange

in your neighborhood,

who you gonna call?

THREE NINJAS!

So anyway, the three kids are sent on a mission to protect the girl being chased? And she turns out to be the actress for the movie they just watched!

I was ordered to protect an actress once! Except she wasn't an actress, she was a prostitute. And I wasn't ordered, I paid for it. And I didn't protect her, I just did whatever anyone with a prostitute does. Just like a REAL bodyguard!

So anyway, the actress lady has to go to somewhere to shoot a movie? Only she doesn't WANT to do it!

AND HER MANAGER IS LIKE!

"Please do it!"

AND SHE'S LIKE!

"No."

"Pleeeeaaaase?"

"No."

"Pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaase?"

"No."

AND THE KIDS' TEACHER IS LIKE!

Shoop! (lifts tilted hat off his left eye)

AND SHE'S LIKE!

(in a stoner voice) "Dude." (flops to the ground)

AND THEY'RE LIKE!

"Ok, let's go."

HOORAY! Kidnapping saves the day once again!

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, the kids' teacher looks like a SCARECROW CYCLOPS! And his one eye can HYPNOTIZE people! The Children of the Corn must have a HECK of a time with him!

So then everyone starts sailing away on a ship?

WHOA! Now I get it! They're not ninjas! They're PIRATES!

(singing) Fif-teen ninjas on a dead man's chest,

Yo ho ho and a bottle of… pills!

Seriously, these kids go through energy pills like I go through LSD! The 5-Hour Energy guys must make a FORTUNE off them!

So then Orange Kid and Chicken-Head get into a fight?

And Chicken-Head shoots a HUGE fireball at him! The only problem is IT SHOOTS RIGHT BACK AT HIM!

I had a fireball shoot back at me once after using a lighter and a can of beans! It was disturbingly pleasant.

So then the teacher and Cupcake Girl stop the fight? And the director guy super-ma-vising the movie is like!

"Be in my movie!"

AND ORANGE KID IS LIKE!

"Screw you, man! There's no way I'm going in your movie!"

AND THE DIRECTOR GUY IS LIKE!

(in a sing-song voice) "I've got ra-men!"

"SOLD!"

HOORAY! Bribery saves the day once again! Though why does Orange Kid go for ramen? I would ask for BOOZE!

And the Chicken-Head and Cupcake Girl are like SO WEIRD! Chicken-head is like!

"Let's talk."

AND SHE'S LIKE!

"Piss off."

AND HE'S LIKE!

"Oh bummer. Time to angst."

It's like if the girl and vampire boy from the Twilight movies were actually COMPLEX!

BULLCRAP! I demand pretentious complaining and creepy, pointless staring! Not all this realism crap! That's what sobriety is for! And sobriety is for LOSERS!

So then the boat comes across this big huge iceberg? And the boat CRASHES INTO IT! The boat starts to sink, Jack and Rose escape to the ocean, and…! Oh whoops, wrong movie! Let's try that again! (rewinds)

So then the boat comes across this big huge iceberg? And then these three OTHER ninjas show up and have a BIG, HUGE fight scene on it with the teacher and the kids! Sounds like my Spring Break!

AND WHEN IT'S OVER… the kids' teacher dies.

NOOOOOO! WHY MUST ALL SCARECROW CYCLOPSES DIE YOUNG?! (cries)

Anyway!

So then the kids are talking to the movie guys? And it turns out the actress they're guarding is a PRINCESS! Only… she doesn't want to be a princess!

Why?! Why would you not want to be a princess?! I would want to be a princess! Bathed everyday! People to boss around! Being served hand and foot…! …wow, that sounded horribly disgusting. No wonder she doesn't want to be a princess! Wait, does that mean ALL princesses in movies are just cannibals who like to eat hands and feet?! I think something inside me just died… I mean, they could at least add ketchup!

So anyway, it turns out the kids are being stalked by this shapeshifter guy who can change into any one of them?

AND HE'S LIKE!

"Come with me!"

AND THE KIDS ARE LIKE!

"Piss off." (does punching motion)

(acts like he's getting hit, complete with sound effect) "UGH!"

So then the three kids start fighting the shapeshifter guy? And suddenly he turns into a combin-a-mation of ALL THREE OF THEM! That's so COOL! I wish I could do that! I wonder what it would look like if I combined with Nostalgia Critic and AskThatGuy?

(Both Nostalgia Critic and AskThatGuy suddenly appear on screen) "HELL NO!"

(Bum jumps back looking scared)

Geez, what a couple of douches.

So then they have this big, huge fight scene? And then Orange Kid shoves his fingers up the bad guy's ass! I'm totally serious! He actually shoves his fingers up the bad guy's ass!

MORE! MOVIES! NEED! PEOPLE! SHOVING! FINGERS! IN OTHER! PEOPLE'S! ASSES!

I hope the next Avengers movie has the heroes doing that to the bad guy!

(in villain voice) Haha! I'm going to kill everyone!

(in hero voice) Oh no you don't! You're getting a finger enema! (acts like he's shoving fingers up someone's rear end) Shoop!

(high-pitched girly voice) AAH! (jumps off screen)

Hilarious!

So anyway, they keep on fighting? And the shapeshifter guy manages to pin Chicken-Head down!

It looks like Chicken-Head is DOOMED!

But then the shapeshifter guy is like!

"You will go to my boss!"

AND CHICKEN-HEAD IS LIKE!

"Why?!"

AND SHAPESHIFTER IS LIKE!

"Because – BLAAUUGGHH!"

"Aw, dude! You just puked all over me!"

Well, that's an awfully weird way to convince someone to do something! Does that mean if he wanted to propose to his girlfriend, he'd piss on her?!

Actually, that's not a bad idea!

AND THEN HE'S LIKE!

"Gotta go! Bye!" Poof! (disappears from screen in jump-cut)

AND THEN CHICKEN-HEAD IS LIKE!

"SHAPESHIFTEEEEERRRR!" (shaking fists in the air)

AND I'M LIKE!

"Hey! That's MY shtick! Quit stealing my act! CHIIIIIICKEEEEENNNN HEEEEAAAD!"

So then Cupcake Girl starts acting all emo! Why? Because Orange Kid and Chicken-head kept throwing her out of the fight!

Which is a very legitimate reason. I should know! People are throwing ME out of fights all the time! So what if my only method of attacking is biting, kicking in the balls, scratching with my nails and farting in their faces? It's still a fair fight!

So then Orange Kid and Chicken-head go to try to cheer her up?

AND THEY'RE LIKE!

"Let us help you!"

AND SHE'S LIKE!

"Piss off."

AND THEY'RE LIKE!

(makes a bunch of punching motions from different angles accompanied by punching sound effects)

AND THEN THEY'RE LIKE!

"Are you a team player or not?!"

AND SHE'S LIKE!

(in a dazed manner) "OK, I am!" (flops to the ground)

HOORAY!

Take that, anti-violence protesters! Fighting DOES solve everyone's problems! I keep telling everyone that violence solves everything, but no one ever listens! (scoffs) Savages.

So then the kids and movie crew arrive at this winter country? When all of a sudden a TRAIN starts attacking! And then the main bad guy pops out of the train!

AND HE'S LIKE!

"I'm here to kidnap the princess! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

AND I'M LIKE!

"When did this suddenly turn into Super Mario? Those mushrooms must be having more of an effect than I thought."

AND ORANGE KID IS LIKE!

(waves fist while mouthing a long rant with censor bleeps over every word)

Seriously, did this kid just watch Angry Video Game Nerd or something?

So then this group of rebel guys led by Princess Peach's manager shows up to take the bad guy out?!

AND THEY'RE LIKE!

"(pointing dramatically) You will pay for taking over our country!"

AND THE BAD GUY IS LIKE!

(acts like he's pulling a lever) *ka-chunk*

"Wha?"

BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM!

(thrashing around as if getting shot over and over) AGHLAGHALAHGHLA! (flops to the ground)

And then they're all dead! … Gone! Kaput! Completely wiped out!

If only Samuel L. Jackson were around! If he can deal with snakes on a plane, why not ninjas on a train?! But I digress.

So anyway, this HUUUUUGE army of like a BAJILLION ninjas shows up out of nowhere to attack the three kids!

AND PRINCESS PEACH IS LIKE!

"(in a high-pitched voice) Oh my god! We need to get out of here!"

AND THE KIDS ARE LIKE!

"No."

"Why?!"

"Because WE'RE NINJAS! We're too COOL to back down from ANY fight no matter HOW hopelessly outmatched we are!"

"That makes no se-"

"Also, we're surrounded on all sides."

"Oh yeah, good point."

So then they have this BIG GIGANTIC BATTLE! FWOOSH! BOOM! SHING! CLANG! POWPOWPOWPOWPOW! It's just like every time I go to the unemployment office! Except those guys use tasers.

And then Orange Kid summons a GIIIIANT frog! The thing is HUUUUGE!

I summoned a giant frog once! But upon seeing me, he killed himself. (rubbing belly) It was the best Thanksgiving ever!

So anyway, the giant frog starts kicking all the bad guys' asses? And it looks like he's going to WIN!

HOORAY!

BUT THEN… the main bad guy punches him out.

(loses enthusiasm) Ha-roo.

You know, what the hell! The main bad guy just comes up and punches out the giant frog?! That's BULLCRAP! He should have at least torn off its legs and eaten them! With the right amount of LSD, they're quite a delectable dish.

So then the big gigantic battle keeps on going?! And then the three kids launch a HUGE five ele-ma-ment attack out of their hands!

WHOA! Now I get it! They're not ninjas! They're PLANETEERS!

(singing to tune of Captain Planet theme) Three kid nin-jas!

They're our he-roes!

Gonna beat the bad guys down to ze-ro!

Now if only Ma-Ti were there!

(Bhargav playing as Ma-Ti appears on screen holding Super Scope) "Suck my big fat fucking HEART!" (fires off shot)

I love that guy!

So then the three kids end up destroying the train? And then they WIN THE BATTLE!

AND THEY'RE LIKE!

"(in a high-pitched voice) HOORAY! WE WON! THE DAY IS SAVED! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA - !"

BUT THEN… some more guys come and beat them.

"HAHAHAHA– awwww."

So then they capture Orange Kid and Princess Peach? And they take them to this HUUUGE castle!

Pfft! Big whoop! That thing's got nothing on the toothpaste tube I'm living in! The empty envelope I used to live in didn't even have a Jacuzzi!

So then Chicken-Head and Cupcake Girl get lost in a forest?

AND CHICKEN-HEAD IS LIKE!

"Let's talk."

AND SHE'S LIKE!

"No."

AND HE'S LIKE!

(makes punching motion with sound effect)

"Hey! What was that for?!"

"We're over halfway into the story here! We need to start making up!"

AND I'M LIKE!

"Hey! You can't make 'Up'! That's PIXAR'S movie! Go back to Dreamworks!"

And then Inigo Montoya from The Princess Bride shows up to kill Chicken-Head!

AND CHICKEN-HEAD IS LIKE!

"Hey! You're in the wrong movie! Get out of here!"

AND HE'S LIKE!

"Screw you, man! I can be in any movie I want! I'm just that awesome."

"Oh, ok."

SO THEN CHICKEN-HEAD IS LIKE!

(Runs to right with fist raised) "RAAAAAAAAHHHHHH…!"

AND INIGO IS LIKE!

(casually swipes fist down with punching sound)

(falling to ground) "A-hole." (thudding sound)

It looks like Chicken-Head is DOOMED! …Again!

But then Inigo's buddy is like!

"OK, they're dead. Let's go."

…O-kay!

AND THEN CUPCAKE GIRL IS LIKE!

(miming chest pumps) "LIVE, DANG YOU! LIVE! YOU NEED TO BE ALIVE FOR THE SEQUELS THAT ALREADY EXIST!"

And then Chicken-Head is okay! Whew! TOTALLY didn't see that coming! (Legacy Part 2 starts shoving its way onto the screen, with Chester trying to shove it back out) Go away! We already mentioned you!

SO THEN CHICKEN-HEAD IS LIKE!

"Let's talk."

AND CUPCAKE GIRL IS LIKE!

"Okay!"

HOORAY!

It almost makes you forget that they're slowly freezing to death in the wilderness while their friend is captured and their teacher is dead! Joy all around!

So then we cut back to Orange Kid and Princess Peach in the castle? And they're all chained up!

AND THEN THE MAIN BAD GUY'S HENCH-GUYS ARE LIKE!

(sing-song voice) "Let's go! Time for torture!"

AND ORANGE KID IS LIKE!

"Ha! Bring it on! I can take anything you can dish out! There's NOTHING you can – "

(Bum disappears from screen, audio from "The Room" plays from the side) "I did not hit her! It's not true! It's bullshit! I did not hit her! I did not! Oh, hi Mark!"

(from same side) "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

(shaking head while looking disturbed) The horror!

So then Chicken-Head and Cupcake Girl sneeeaaaaak into the castle with the movie guys?

And then they start BLOWING EVERYTHING UP!

I started blowing everything up once!

Watching Die Hard on Christmas while high on meth is NOT a good idea… even though it's THE GREATEST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!

So then it turns out Inigo Montoya actually hates the main bad guy? And he helps break Orange Kid and Princess Peach out of prison! And they meet back up with Chicken-Head and Cupcake Girl!

AND ORANGE KID IS LIKE!

"YOU'RE ALIVE!"

AND THEY'RE LIKE!

"No thanks to you!"

"Bitch."

"Jerkface."

So the group splits up to find a way out of the castle? And Chicken-Head starts fighting Inigo again!

"Hello. My name is Sasuke Uchiha. You tried to kill me. Prepare to… not quite die."

"Wha?"

POWPOWPOWPOWPOWPOW!

And then they stop! AND INIGO IS LIKE!

"Why didn't you kill me?!"

AND CHICKEN-HEAD IS LIKE!

"Because it's much more fun to rub it in your face just how useless your revenge subplot was!"

"Oh, ok. (under his breath) Dick."

"What?"

"Nothing!"

So while this is all happening, the director guy gets into a fight with this really creepy witch lady?

AND SHE'S LIKE!

"You will all perish in the name of the dark lord!"

AND HE'S LIKE!

(suave voice) "You know, you're kinda hot. Wanna get a drink?"

"Oh my! So forward! Well okay, maybe I can – "

(punches)

(falling backward) "Typical male." (hits floor)

"Haha! I win! And now… to have a heart attack!" (flops to the ground)

So then everybody gets out of the castle? And then the three enemy ninjas from the iceberg attack the kids again! And then there's ANOTHER big gigantic battle! It's a good thing I snorted all that crack beforehand, or I'd be getting pretty exhausted at this point!

And in Cupcake Girl's fight, she goes COMPLETELY berserk! And in the process causes the fat guy to do his best Crash Test Dummy impersonation! I hope Chicken-Head isn't planning on a car for a future wedding gift!

And in the middle of the fight, Chicken-Head transforms himself? And sprouts a GIANT pair of wings from his back!

WHOA! Now I get it! They're not ninjas! They're GARGOYLES!

(singing to the tune of the Gargoyles theme song) Niiiiiin-jas are flying throooooooouuuugh the air!

Aaaaaaaaall of them have such cra-zy hair!

And so Orange Kid starts fighting his bad guy with a torture device stuck to him?!

AND THE BAD GUY IS LIKE!

"I shall now do the foolishly honorable thing and remove this torture device so that we may have a fair fight!"

AND ORANGE KID IS LIKE!

"SUCKA!" (punches)

(Bum flies forward) "WAAAAHHH - !" (splats against the camera and slides down)

So while this is all happening, the main bad guy runs away with Princess Peach! I think I'll start calling him… Bowser!

So then Ganondorf uses her necklace to activate the hidden treasure?! And it turns out to be… a giant heater! That's right! A gigantic radi-a-mator to warm up the country! I guess the last guy in charge was too impatient for global warming to happen!

Come on, man! Haven't you ever seen South Park? Just fart to your heart's content! THAT'LL speed things up!

SO THEN SHREDDER IS LIKE!

"THIS is the treasure?! BULLCRAP! Time to kill everyone and take over the world!"

And then the kids show up and are like!

"No way! You're going down, M. Bison!"

AND HE'S LIKE!

(looking over shoulder) "Of course! …NOT!"

And then there's YET ANOTHER big gigantic battle!

Again, crack. It helps with EVERYTHING!

And so the kids manage to overpower Lex Luthor? And he starts having a big long flashback inside his head!

I had a big long flashback inside my head once!

(hugs himself while rocking back and forth and sucking his thumb, whimpering)

And for some reason, once it stopped, I was in Brazil! That's the LAST time I take acid and LSD at the same time! Now where did I put that Pearl Harbor Brownie?

So anyway, PRINCE HUMPERDINCK IS LIKE!

(Staring off into space on one side of the screen, speaking in a stoned voice) "My brother and I were so close as kids…"

(On other side of screen looking in direction of the first side) "Um, hello?"

"Then we grew up and he got married…"

"Aren't we supposed to still be fighting?"

"Then his wife died after having a kid when our country went to war…"

"Fate of the country at stake here?"

"Then he stole my girlfriend…"

"Is this really the best time for this?"

"Then I killed both of them and took over the country…"

"Ah, screw it, let's just – "

"And now… YOU ALL DIE!"

"Wha?"

So then Emperor Palpatine wakes back up and starts fighting again? But then the kids all power up a GIANT combo attack!

AND GREEN GOBLIN IS LIKE!

"You're still trying to beat me?! This is madness!"

AND ORANGE KID AND CHICKEN-HEAD ARE LIKE!

"Madness? This! Is! SNOW COUNTRY!" (throws kick with impact sound effect)

"UGH!" (tumbles off screen)

HOORAY!

AND THEN THE KIDS ARE LIKE!

"YAY! We won again! The day is - !"

But then the shapeshifter guy comes back to whoop their asses! And it turns out… he way Princess Peach's MANAGER the whole time!

WHAT A TWIST! Except for the fact that I felt like I'd been watching for like a FREAKING DECADE! Does it even matter anymore?!

Wait! Of course it does! It's another excuse for MORE CRACK!

AND SO THE T-1000 IS LIKE!

"Haha! You're mine!"

AND THE KIDS ARE LIKE!

"Oh, COME ON! Can't we have just ONE freaking victory actually stick for once?!"

"No."

"Aw, balls."

So the T-1000 grabs Cupcake Girl and puts lightning in his hand?

I put lightning in my hand once!

Oh wait, it wasn't lightning… it was BOOZE! Is it even possible for your hand to get drunk? Cause mine ALWAYS is! Along with the rest of me.

It looks like Cupcake Girl is DOOMED!

But then the kids' teacher shows up out of nowhere to stop the T-1000!

AND HE'S LIKE!

"Surprise! I'm alive!"

AND THE KIDS ARE LIKE!

"Where the hell were you?!"

"Around."

"That's not an answer!"

"Look, I have to whoop this guy's ass right now. Just kiss or something."

"Screw you!"

"No thanks."

(cringes) "Eww!"

SO THE T-1000 IS LIKE!

(facing to the side and pointing) "I REMEMBER YOU! Time to - !"

(throws punch with sound effect)

(holds face) "OW! Dang it! Ok… as I was saying, I'm going to - !"

(punches again)

(staggers) "GAH! Ok! For real this time! You're going dow - !"

(another punch)

(staggers again) "WILL YOU STOP THAT?! I'm trying to be villainous here!"

"Don't care. Now make like a tree and GET OUT OF HERE!"

"Actually, it's make like a tree and leav- "

(punches)

(flies backward out of frame) "WAAAAAAAaaaaaahhhhh…! (pause) …twinkle!"

So then the teacher puts the kids to sleep so he can talk to Princess Peach?

AND PRINCESS PEACH IS LIKE!

"My eyes have been opened by all this nonstop violence! I'm going to be the princess after all!"

HOORAY!

Just don't go eating MY hands and feet! (suddenly up close to the camera looking deadly serious) You'll see things. Trust me.

So then the kids wake up in a hospital?

AND THE TEACHER IS LIKE!

(acting like a zombie) "Yooooouuuuu kiiiiiilllllled meeeeeeee…"

AND THE KIDS ARE LIKE!

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

"Haha! Just kidding! I'm not a zombie!"

"(under his breath) Dick."

"What?"

"Nothing!"

AND SO THE KIDS ARE LIKE!

"For real this time: WHERE?! WERE?! YOU?!

AND THE TEACHER IS LIKE!

(nonchalantly) "Tailing the T-1000."

"...that's it?! There were TONS of times you could have helped us!"

"Yeeeeaaahhhh, but it was better for your learning process."

(raises finger with mouth open, then closes it)

"Oh, by the way, you failed the mission."

"WHAT?!"

"Yeah, you didn't protect the princess."

"Yes we did!"

"No you didn't."

"Yes we DID!"

"No you didn't."

"We TOTALLY did!"

"Nuh-uh."

"That's it! DIE! FOR REAL THIS TIME!"

(punches fly everywhere on screen, then Bum walks off screen with collar popped and looking smug. Then a hand reaches up feebly) "…a…hole…!" (hand flops back down)

So then the movie director survived, but is really messed up? But he's still going to make movies!

HOORAY!

AND THE KIDS ARE LIKE!

"DUDE! What. Is. Your. DEAL?!"

AND HIS STAFF ARE LIKE!

"He's just badass."

"…Really? That's it?"

"Eeeeee-yup."

"No big twist or reveal to possibly create a ton of spinoffs?"

"Nnnnnnope."

(scratches head while looking puzzled) "I have no idea how to feel right now."

"Just go with it."

"Ok!"

So then Princess Peach has her big huge corona-mation ceremony?

AND THE KIDS ARE LIKE!

"You're the ruler now! Awesome! What are you gonna do first?"

AND PRINCESS PEACH IS LIKE!

"I'm gonna become a porn star!"

AND THE KIDS ARE LIKE!

"AWESOME! … wait, what?" (poofing sound effect, Bum disappears by jump-cut)

But then they ALL get warped back to their village!

You know, as you do.

And so they all get congratulated on a job well done?!

HOORAY!

But then the village leader SPLITS UP THE TEAM!

(loses enthusiasm) Ha-roo.

But it's okay! It's implied that they'll get back together! …Years later!

(confused) HAaaa-ray-roo.

THE END!

And so the moral of the story here is: If someone doesn't agree with you, BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF THEM! That's the code of EVERY good ninja!

So wait; (counts on fingers) if the kids aren't Spidermen… and they're not Ghostbusters… and they're not pirates… and they're not Planeteers… and they're not Gargoyles… then that means… they're NINJAS! OH MY GOD, MIND TOTALLY BLOWN! Of COURSE ninjas have that many different superpowers! You'd have to be HIGH to think otherwise!

…Wait.

This is Chester A. Bum saying: CHANGE?! YA GOT CHANGE?! AW, COME ON, HELP A GUY OUT, WILL YA?! COME ON, CHANGE!

Come on, you could even hire ME as a ninja! Just the smell of me is enough to knock ANYONE out from the shadows!

THE END

Seriously though, "Clash" was FREAKING AWESOME!

Author's note from Paintball-Gamer: There! How's that? I've had this omake brewing in my mind for YEARS prior to the completion of this fic and have been adding to it ever since. There's even a joke or two of FictionReader98's creation included in here as well. I realize this went on a lot longer than any single real Bum Review, but with the scale of this fic (and how many jokes I had been able to think up for it), it was unavoidable. I hope it was satisfactory overall.

The 'WHOA! Now I get it!' bits were my attempt at a running joke, since a lot of Bum Reviews tend to have them, but I'm not sure it came out as well as I hoped, as I think some of them probably sounded forced. As for the omake as a whole…

Just a small note: I've never read the Twilight Saga nor seen the movies. I just put that reference in there because it sounded like something the Bum would say, not because of any nonexistent opinions of my own on the series. Apologies if anyone was offended. And if anyone feels the need to blast anyone about it, I urge you to direct it at me, Paintball-Gamer, and not FictionReader98. He's completely innocent.

And just so you know, I think Dreamworks is awesome. Nothing against them.

For those wondering what the ingredients of a Pearl Harbor Brownie are, go watch Doug Walker's "Fear and Loathing in Shadocon" video! Or if you're too lazy, here's the list:

Grass

Mescaline

High-powered blotter

Acid

Cocaine

Uppers

Downers

Screamers

Laughers

Tequila

Rum

Budweiser

Raw ether

Amyls

Is it any wonder why Chester A. Bum loves it? ;)