Yay, I finally managed to finish the second chapter of These Hands! Thanks to the people who reviewed, without you I never would have bothered to keep working on this. Now let's only hope the third chapter doesn't take me another six months...

I'm not sure this chapter came out exactly as I wanted it to, especially since I got a few scenes back I wrote quite a long time ago and mixed them into what I already had. Not too much happens, it just further shows Kaoru's feelings. Have fun reading!

In case you failed to notice, in case you failed to see

This is my heart bleeding before you

This is me down on my knees

Something is digging into your back and you know that come tomorrow, you'll have a rather painful bruise there, but right now another heavy body is pressing you into the mattress and warms hands are wandering all over your body and you really try, but you just can't bring yourself to care.

„Kaoru! Where the hell have you been?! I was worried sick when you didn't come home and the maids didn't know where you went!"

The younger twin watched as his brother ran towards him, slightly amused by how frantic he seemed. Really, it wasn't that big a deal, was it? He had spent a night out, so what? Hikaru had been busy anyway, hadn't he? His thoughts were interrupted as Hikaru reached him and practically tackle-hugged him.

"Promise me you'll tell someone when you plan on going who-knows-where. Just where have you been?"

Kaoru slowly brought his arms up to return his brother's embrace, his tone tired and contrite but with a smile on his lips as he answered. Someday they would reach the point at which Hikaru would stop expecting Kaoru at his side, but the younger twin had reason to hope that it wouldn't be any time soon.

Hot breath on your shoulder blades and you gasp as a sharp pain races up your spine, the guy behind you moaning loudly. Some small, forgotten part of you screams at you that you shouldn't be doing this, that you'll regret it, that it's wrongwrongwrong - but there are big, firm hands on your hips, guiding your body in a rhythm it's quickly becoming familiar with and oh god, you want to be wanted so badly, so it's all worth it.

He wound a strand of Hikaru's hair around his finger, twirled it this way and that, and contemplated the events of the last 24 hours. It was kind of funny, he supposed. Or not. He had spied on his brother's date, ran away because he couldn't stand the sight of his twin liking someone outside their world and allowed himself to get wasted, causing him to give his virginity away to the next best stranger.

Maybe he should feel shocked, or guilty, or at least depressed, but now, laying here on their bed with Hikaru fast asleep next to him, a vaguely comforting sense of emptiness was filling him. He had told his brother that he had gone out to eat at some fancy restaurant since they had sent the cook home yesterday, and because he wasn't in the mood to go home he had spent the night at a hotel.

Hikaru had looked sceptical, but was much too tired to do anything about his suspicions, and so they had decided to skip school and go to bed. The older twin had fallen asleep the second his head hit the pillow, leaving a slightly amused Kaoru to crawl into bed and settle down next to him.

And that was where he found himself now, laying there with his face propped up on his hand, playing with Hikaru's hair and wondering what the hell was wrong with him. He couldn't remember too much, but he got the impression that last night had been fun. (And the hickeys on his hipbone were confirming that theory.) It had been purely physical, a nice distraction from the possessive rage seething just under his skin.

He sighed and lowered his forehead to the mattress, staring blankly at the white cloth beneath him, pure and unstained, only a little bit crinkled where he had lain. He rolled onto his side and studied his twin for the billionth time, feeling a slight smile tug at his lips. Hikaru looked like an angel, bronze skin on white sheets.

The dark bruise visible when he tugged his shorts down a bit throbbed painfully. He felt out of place.

The steam from the shower has fogged up the ceiling high mirror you're standing before and you're dripping water all over the floor, but you don't care. It's not your bathroom. Bright sunlight is streaming through the window and there are twentythree missed calls on your cell. You're staring at the bruises on your hips and wonder whether Hikaru will notice.

It was funny how time just went on as if nothing had happened. Over the next few days Hikaru and Kaoru continued their brotherly-love-act. An oblivious Tamaki tried to court an even more oblivious Haruhi. Mori was silent, Honi was crazy about sweets and Kyouya was scarily manipulative. And yet, a few little things had changed.

Once the twins finished with their act, Hikaru usually ran over to Haruhi and proceeded to fiddle with her hair or her clothes, talking a mile a minute. Kaoru used that time to entertain a few guests on his own or he pretended to be heart-broken over Hikaru having left him, and got Tamaki to comfort him (The only one who noticed that Kaoru was simply diverting Tamaki's attention from Haruhi was Kyouya).

And the whole time Kaoru thought that any minute now, they would see.

One one hand he knew it wasn't obvious that he had lost his virginity, but on the other... There was something fundamentally different about Hikaru and Kaoru now, and the latter knew it was his fault. If he hadn't been so stupid and thought Hikaru would be his forever, then maybe it wouldn't hurt so much now. Because to the others everything was as usual and he knew that not even Kyouya noticed how his twin's gaze tended to linger on Haruhi's face until she looked up and caught him, or how she blushed when it happened.

He wished he wouldn't notice either.

You wonder how you can smile when everything inside you is breaking, but maybe you're being too much of a drama queen. Hikaru is right beside you, you're walking to your room, and sunlight is streaming through the windows. It's a beautiful day and you laugh at all the right places as Hikaru tells you about his date with Haruhi. As if you hadn't been there.

You walk so closely together that your shoulders are constantly brushing and when you turn the corner to the out-of-the-way hallway that leads to your room your wonder what it would be like to push Hikaru up against the wall and kiss him senseless, what it would feel like to sneak your hands beneath your brother's waistband and make him moan your name.

Then Hikaru's cell rings and with a glance at the display he happily declares that it's Haruhi. You kick the wall as your twin runs off to talk to her in private.

Kaoru smiled as he watched his brother serve tea to a few giggly girls, grinning rakishly at them and making one of them swoon. Things were back to normal, he supposed, or maybe he only wanted them to be. He knew that Hikaru tended to stare at Haruhi now more than ever, but as long as he didn't acknowledge it, it couldn't hurt him. Right?

He knew that at least Kyoya suspected that something was wrong with him – the way his dark haired friend's eyes followed him didn't allow him to come to any other conclusion. But he ignored that, too, and instead chose to laugh at Tamaki as the blond once again fell into the role of concerned daddy. It was rather hilarious, the way their leader constantly confused his to everyone else rather obvious feelings, but a bit annoying, too. If only Tamaki would finally make a move on Haruhi, then maybe Hikaru would…

He forbade himself to think any further. He was supposed to be happy for his brother and support him, not hope another guy came in and destroyed Hikaru's and Haruhi's budding relationship. In fact, he had sworn to himself that he would be happy for his brother… or at least try to be.

A few girls came over to him and automatically, a charming but empty smile sprung onto his lips. He was rather happy about the distraction, not liking the way his mind was spiralling down into depressing thoughts once again. He flirted with them for a few minutes, gradually slipping more into his role as host and forgetting about his troubles, when out of nowhere, a certain someone wound his arms around the younger twin's waist.

"Kaoru…"

He shivered as he felt Hikaru's breath caress his ear and was glad that he could pretend his blush was faked. The girls squealed happily and he leaned his head back onto Hikaru's shoulder, looking up at him out of the corner of his eye.

"What is it, Hikaru? You surprised me…"

He trailed off and coyly averted his gaze, feeling the older twin's shoulder's shake a bit as he barely held in a snicker at his twin's exaggerated acting.

"I'm sorry, brother. I just wanted to ask if you are mad at me? We usually shower together but lately…"

Once again the girls squealed and one of them fainted. Kaoru's stomach churned. Five days after the… incident, the numerous marks on his hips and chest still hadn't faded completely and in order to hide them from Hikaru, he had invented some excuse to avoid their showers and otherwise made sure to never undress in front of his brother.

It was rather underhanded to ask him in front of the girls what was wrong. It put pressure on him not to muck up their performance and the relationship they displayed to their guests, and for a moment he wasn't sure if Hikaru really knew what he was doing. A coy glance at the other's eyes showed though that Hikaru was quite aware of the fact that he was putting his brother on the spot, and Kaoru angrily gnashed his teeth while giving his twin a sickenly sweet smile. He would not let Hikaru get away with forcing an answer out of him.

"Oh, it's just..." Kaoru turned in Hikaru's arms to look up at him and trailed his right hand down his brother's chest, only stopping when he could hook his fingers into the other's belt loops. He felt Hikaru tense against him and had to suppress a wicked grin from surfacing.

"I always feel so strange lately when I look at you..." He trailed off and looked at Hikaru from beneath his lashes, forcing an embarrassed blush onto his face. The girls were hanging on to Kaoru's every word.

"I think that maybe..." He leaned into the other and layed his head onto Hikaru's shoulder, so that his lips brushed against his twin's neck when he spoke. His voice had dropped to a low, husky whisper. "...it's inappropriate..."

Around them there was an explosion of screams and squeals and several girls fainted dead away, but Kaoru didn't pay attention to any of that. He watched as Hikaru's eyes widened in surprise and a hot blush spread over the older twin's cheeks, a feeling of twisted satisfaction in his stomach at the way he could influence the other.

Then Hikaru jumped away from him to help wake up the unconscious girls and satisfaction quickly turned into cold, heavy desperation.

You don't know how late it is, but it's pitch black outside and you know you should have fallen asleep long ago. The one next to you is breathing deeply and evenly and has been dead to the world for at least two hours now, oblivious to the way you can't stop staring at him. You need to sleep, you want to sleep, but the moment you close your eyes those memories are back, only this time it's not some stranger touching you but someone that could have stepped out of your mirror and you shudder as heat races through your veins.

It would be so easy to scoot over and touch him, run your hand over his chest, taste his skin and tangle your fingers in his hair. He would sleep right through it. He would never know...

Your heart beats a horrified drum roll as you stumble out of bed and run from your room, from your house, from your feelings. How could you even think...?

He leaned his forehead against the cool glass and stared blindly out into the rain, wondering when the sky had gotten so dark. His limbs felt heavy and his head pounded in synch with his heart, the sound combining with the murmur of rain to a white noise that drowned out his thoughts.

"Kaoru?" There was the sound of footsteps coming closer and he slowly let his eyes fall closed. Maybe if he pretended the world didn't exist, the world would pretend he didn't exist either. That would be nice…

"Kaoru." Warm arms wound around his waist and a chest pressed against his back, hot breath ghosting over his neck making a shudder race down his spine. He tensed. "Are you alright?"

He wanted to laugh, to scream, to tell his brother that No, he wasn't alright, but he knew that he could never do that. Instead he shrugged and leaned forward against the cold glass, away from the enticing warmth of the body behind him. He felt Hikaru clench his hands into fists and rest his forehead between the younger twin's shoulder blades and concentrated on the cold seeping into his skin, making him slowly go numb.

"Please tell me what's wrong." The voice was almost a whisper and something inside of him broke as he heard how confused and hurt Hikaru sounded. His twin shouldn't be sad, after all, it was all Kaoru's own fault. If he weren't so stupid…

"Nothing's wrong." He felt Hikaru flinch and couldn't stop a small ironic smile from flitting over his lips. He was so tired of pretending, of trying to ignore what his heart was screaming at him. He just didn't have the energy to keep the cold, the hurt from seeping into his voice anymore. Well, maybe it would make Hikaru leave him alone. He couldn't bear to watch his brother worry over him, but at the same time he couldn't push him away. It would be best if Hikaru saw on his own that he wasn't worth the pain.

"Stop lying." It was his turn to flinch as lips ghosted over his exposed neck, making heat race through his body and chasing away the coldness crawling through his veins. He flexed his fingers as he got a weird tingly feeling in them.

"You don't want to hear the truth."

You know that your decision to come here again can lead to nothing good, but that doesn't stop you from doing it anyway. You need something to distract you, to chase your thoughts away and to make you forget about everything you want to run form.

It only takes a few minutes to find someone who is interested and it takes even less for him to push you against a wall and start kissing you. You drown yourself in passion and need and at one point you almost think that it's enough.

Then you open your eyes and reality is back.

End.

A very wise friend once told me 'There can never be too much angst.' and since then I swore to live by that motto. Seems like I'm doing good, huh?

Hope you liked it,

Shiruy