AN: Wrote this one a while back for vampirepenguin's birthday, in under an hour, something of which I am very proud. 'S not much to warn for, maybe a swear word or two. Enjoy! ETA: Oh hell, sorry about that. The document I uploaded wasn't complete. Sorry guys, this ought to be the correct version.
Disclaimer: Definitely not mine. I'm completely certain about that.
Naruto didn't realize it until he was about twenty, but there had been several distinct advantages to him growing up alone. He was known throughout Konohagakure as one of the toughest, shrewdest hagglers ever to hit the market, his money managing skills were second to no-one's, (almost the complete opposite of Kiba, who couldn't save a penny to save his life), and he was an excellent, if somewhat unorthodox barber.
He'd been cutting his own hair ever since he could remember, and aside from a few memorable disasters, (he still didn't know where the glowing green dye had come from), Naruto had a real talent for barbering. By the time he joined Team 7, it was but the work of ten minutes, every few weeks or so, to maintain the spikes he was so proud of. Early on, when Sasuke tried to make a cutting remark about idiots and their idiotic hairstyles, Naruto took one look at Sasuke's hair and laughed so hard, for so long, that Sasuke never brought it up again. Kakashi and Sakura never even bothered, because Kakashi knew there were so many other things to tease Naruto about, and Sakura because she recognized the work of a truly talented stylist. (Although she was very surprised when she found out the stylist was Naruto, she got over it so quickly that she had asked him to trim her hair within a week.)
By the time the Chuunin Exam came around, Naruto had become the unofficial barber for Team 7, both on their longer missions, and back in Konoha. He did ask his teammates to keep it quiet, though, because he was a ninja, dammit, not a hairdresser! Now how much did Sakura want trimmed?
After the Chunnin Exam, Naruto was the first person Sakura came to see. ...At least, once most of the excitement had died down. He trimmed her newly shorn hair into order the morning of the Third Hokage's funeral, and received a tearful hug in return. Unfortunately, it was the last such haircut for any of Team 7, as Sasuke's defection came soon after.
During the two and a half years he was gone, Sakura missed Naruto and his hairdressing far more than she thought she would. She knew it was time for him to come back, however, when she started comparing his trims to her regular hairdresser.
No matter how Orochimaru's personal stylist cut his hair, it just wasn't the same for Sasuke. It took him a long time to figure out why, and when he did, he was quietly horrified for about five minutes. Then he resolved to never let anyone touch his hair, ever again. It was about that same time that he started wearing the open-necked shirts, but few people ever realized that they were to distract from the rat's nest his hair had become.
When Naruto eventually returned to Konoha, it didn't take more than a day for Sakura to round up a pair of scissors, sit him down, and trim his hair. He sat quietly enough, once he realized it was her way of saying thanks.
He took up the haircutting again, especially once he saw the state of Kakashi's mop. It wasn't quite the same as before, though, as Kakashi didn't bother hiding the porn from Naruto anymore. Although he did have to ask Naruto to shut up after a while, because the loud comments and insults made it difficult to enjoy his porn.
Naruto rarely tried to cut Sai's hair, as it always seemed to degenerate into name-calling and verbal mud-slinging. Even with the fighting, however, Naruto never gave Sai less than his very best haircut. Sakura put it down to a very weird form of male bonding, and left it at that.
Captain Yamato was vastly amused when he watched Naruto cheerfully snipping his teammates hair, but when he was offered a trim, he politely declined. He'd been cutting his own hair for years, and was happily set in his ways.
It took several more years for the rest of the Rookie Nine plus Team Gai to find out about Naruto's hobby, and by that time, they'd all realized that every ninja has his or her eccentricity. Naruto's just happened to be handy, and on the occasional undercover mission, profitable.
Years after Naruto became Rokudaime, it was not uncommon for a shinobi to receive his mission briefing and a nice trim at the same time. People tended not to worry about it, because after all, they could have had a Hokage that wrote porn, or wore green spandex, right?
Notes: Mmm, not much to say about this one. Another one of those fics where I seem to fixate on the tiniest, most random detail imaginable, and somehow build an entire ficlet around it. As always, reviews and concrit will be adored.