Sentimental Truths
Chapter 2: Misery
Author's Notes: This would have worked alternatively with Edward – but I've had enough of Edward's misery for the time being…
It doesn't quite work in some places, which I hope you will forgive me.
Last note – I haven't edited this, so I don't really like it all that much.
Disclaimer: No genies still, so no, not mine.
Song: Misery – Good Charlotte
--
No one here has a clue,
What you're feeling.
Don't feel bad,
Keep your sadness alive.
--
Bella
They couldn't understand my pain – that was true.
It wasn't as if someone had just left – and that was true enough, it wasn't as if, a whole family had left – but as if someone had died.
As if I had died.
My whole future had been swept away, just like that. All my expectations, hopes, dreams – all gone with the saying of just a few words.
I don't want you to come with us.
The voice was cold and as flat as ever in my memories.
I stared at him. You don't want me?
No.
They didn't understand, but it wasn't their fault, in a way. They hadn't known about the… Cullens. They hadn't known what they were or what the future – my future – had been so close to being.
The feeling wasn't just pain, there was numbness as well – some sort of unrelenting stubbornness which wouldn't accept the truth.
And then there was the misery.
Over many things. Firstly, over what had happened – that's where there was also pain. Over the future – nearly the same deal – and over the loss too, of not only a lover, but also two sisters (even if one didn't exactly like me), two brothers, a mother and a father. When you looked at it that way, the misery and the pain were pretty much interconnected – almost undistinguishable from each other.
I didn't want to forget him though – even though it hurt so much. I even shoved the memories away, hiding them, but the thought still lingered in my mind.
The sadness and pain didn't – and probably wouldn't ever – die. It would remain alive.
Almost forever.
--
Don't you know,
That misery loves company?
Yeah I heard,
That misery is looking for me.
Happiness, a place you don't
know if you know me.
Yeah I heard,
That misery comes looking for me.
--
Bella
My social life had gone to the dogs, I knew that. I lived life like a zombie – a good one, mind, not like the one in that movie with Jessica – and did everything perfectly and as I was told.
A model student – but not one alive.
Jacob's company eased some of the pain and misery – that was true too – and I could laugh for the first time in quite a while, but I still didn't fully embrace the happiness. The reminder of my heartbreak still lingered in the background, threatening to swamp me whenever my sun wasn't around.
Those feelings had an uncanny knack of knowing where I would be and overran me with pain and grief so that, very often, I fought to keep myself 'together'.
Even with Jacob to ease some of my sadness, I wouldn't be whole still.
I would probably never be whole again.
Edward
I stayed away, away from people who knew what was happening and were trying to understand what I was going through.
Did they understand?
I knew Jasper probably would and that was partially the reason why I had left, to spare his pain from the strength of mine. Another was that I couldn't stand for them to see me this way – even if their company might have been welcome. I didn't want their pity either though.
I would probably never know happiness again – just like I would never know love again. Bella would be – and was – the one I loved, continued to love and would always love.
I let the misery swamp me.
--
Misery's my company.
Misery is looking for me.
--
Author's Note: Alright, I'm stopping before this becomes any more depressing. Besides, I can't think of anything to write – I'm getting very confused over the lyrics. Trying to make them match well isn't working as well as I might have hoped.
Still, I hope it conveyed the right stuff.
Review – even if it is to whinge.
I am NOT continuing this – it's too depressing!!