SPIDER HANDS
by Liz Barr
April 2001
kind of Riley/f
rating: strong PG-13
Spoilers for "Listening to Fear" and "Into the Woods"
email: [email protected]
homepage: http://www.geocities.com/elizabeth_barr/
characters: even the really skinny ones without dialogue, are the property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.
summary: The story of Riley's vampire woman. Poor thing -- I just wanted to give her a (solid) meal!
I look in the mirror and see fat. My cheekbones have been released from their cocoon of baby fat, but I can feel flab wobble as I move my legs. If I walk heavily -- and everything I do is done heavily -- my jowls shake. I think about gravity, pulling me down. I imagine myself in twenty years' time, saggy and ugly, with a face like Nixon's.
I skip lunch, and, because I get sleepy in the afternoons, I skip my classes as well. My roommate gives me a Look when she gets in, but she's only jealous of my discipline. She's always nibbling on something; she says snacks should be a separate meal.
I weigh myself naked, avoiding my reflection. If I have a long, hot shower just before I weigh myself, the mirror's too steamy to see my ugly body. I dry myself carefully, because I don't want the water to affect my weight.
I shower five times a day. Sometimes more.
My skin is covered in fine, white hair. I have spider's hands, with long, thin legs and a fat, furry centre. I try shaving the hair off, just a small patch on my arm, but it grows back darker and heavier.
I don't want to be a black spider.
My roommate takes me out to the Bronze. It's too dark to count the calories in my beer, but I decide to drink it anyway. I'll skip breakfast tomorrow to make up.
I leave early, walking home alone in the dark. Sunnydale has rules, but no one would attack a lump like me.
I hear footsteps behind me. A dark young man, heavy with the scent of beer and something else, watches me. He's thin, hungry looking.
He says, "You look like you could do with a good meal."
Stupidly, I say, "I don't want to break my diet."
He smiles. "You from around here?"
"No. I only go to college here."
He takes a step towards me, holds my spider hand in his strong fingers. "There's this local diet. Liquids only." His face changes, but I'm rooted to the ground, I can't run away. "You'll like it."
With death comes clarity, and hunger. I can hide from the mirrors and eat as much as I want. Josh helps me hunt, understanding that I'm not as strong as a vampire should be.
For the first time, I'm grateful for my roommate's constant snacking. She is sweet, rich, filling.
I weigh myself, knowing that I'll stay this way for eternity. Josh smiles, and goes hunting for me.
She stakes him, without a thought or care. I watch her in the shadows, all blond and curvy. I wonder if *she* has to count calories, and how I'll manage without Josh.
I find a place to stay, and even if it's not pretty, at least I don't have to hunt. I never get enough to eat, and it's always cold, but at least I have something.
A new one comes in, all fair hair and broad shoulders. I wonder if he'd hunt for me if I turned him. But I know the rules, and anyway, what if he ran away from me?
He smells of sweat, soap, aftershave and the Slayer. I wrap my spider hands around his wrist and drink.
END
Feedback and chocolate: [email protected]
by Liz Barr
April 2001
kind of Riley/f
rating: strong PG-13
Spoilers for "Listening to Fear" and "Into the Woods"
email: [email protected]
homepage: http://www.geocities.com/elizabeth_barr/
characters: even the really skinny ones without dialogue, are the property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.
summary: The story of Riley's vampire woman. Poor thing -- I just wanted to give her a (solid) meal!
I look in the mirror and see fat. My cheekbones have been released from their cocoon of baby fat, but I can feel flab wobble as I move my legs. If I walk heavily -- and everything I do is done heavily -- my jowls shake. I think about gravity, pulling me down. I imagine myself in twenty years' time, saggy and ugly, with a face like Nixon's.
I skip lunch, and, because I get sleepy in the afternoons, I skip my classes as well. My roommate gives me a Look when she gets in, but she's only jealous of my discipline. She's always nibbling on something; she says snacks should be a separate meal.
I weigh myself naked, avoiding my reflection. If I have a long, hot shower just before I weigh myself, the mirror's too steamy to see my ugly body. I dry myself carefully, because I don't want the water to affect my weight.
I shower five times a day. Sometimes more.
My skin is covered in fine, white hair. I have spider's hands, with long, thin legs and a fat, furry centre. I try shaving the hair off, just a small patch on my arm, but it grows back darker and heavier.
I don't want to be a black spider.
My roommate takes me out to the Bronze. It's too dark to count the calories in my beer, but I decide to drink it anyway. I'll skip breakfast tomorrow to make up.
I leave early, walking home alone in the dark. Sunnydale has rules, but no one would attack a lump like me.
I hear footsteps behind me. A dark young man, heavy with the scent of beer and something else, watches me. He's thin, hungry looking.
He says, "You look like you could do with a good meal."
Stupidly, I say, "I don't want to break my diet."
He smiles. "You from around here?"
"No. I only go to college here."
He takes a step towards me, holds my spider hand in his strong fingers. "There's this local diet. Liquids only." His face changes, but I'm rooted to the ground, I can't run away. "You'll like it."
With death comes clarity, and hunger. I can hide from the mirrors and eat as much as I want. Josh helps me hunt, understanding that I'm not as strong as a vampire should be.
For the first time, I'm grateful for my roommate's constant snacking. She is sweet, rich, filling.
I weigh myself, knowing that I'll stay this way for eternity. Josh smiles, and goes hunting for me.
She stakes him, without a thought or care. I watch her in the shadows, all blond and curvy. I wonder if *she* has to count calories, and how I'll manage without Josh.
I find a place to stay, and even if it's not pretty, at least I don't have to hunt. I never get enough to eat, and it's always cold, but at least I have something.
A new one comes in, all fair hair and broad shoulders. I wonder if he'd hunt for me if I turned him. But I know the rules, and anyway, what if he ran away from me?
He smells of sweat, soap, aftershave and the Slayer. I wrap my spider hands around his wrist and drink.
END
Feedback and chocolate: [email protected]