---BRICK ROAD ZONE: ACT ONE

"Look at this, little bro'!" Sonic the Hedgehog boasted, spreading his arms wide while running at super-Sonic speed. "No hands!"

"But Sonic," Miles "Tails" Prower said, using his twin tails to boost his own sprinting speed, "you don't use your hands to run."

The blue blur screeched to a halt. "Okay," he said to his younger friend, "you're right. But it's hard to come up with new things to show off, sometimes."

Tails didn't say anything. He idolized his spiny friend far too much to contradict him.

"Anyway," Sonic said, trying to change the subject, "I heard our pal MacHopper wanted to talk to us. He said to meet him at the Star City Dogateria. So we gotta move fast. I'm up, over, and---"

"Gone!" Tails shouted in pre-emption.

"Don't ever do that, buddy," Sonic warned. "Anyway, I'm up, over, and..." He built up a massive amount of speed and looked sharply at Tails, daring him to speak up. "GONE!!!!" he yelled after a moment's wait.

The blue streak was highly visible as Sonic, his two-tailed sidekick struggling to catch up, sped towards the bright neon lights of Star City.

---SCRAP METAL ZONE: ACT TWO

The clanks of metal banging metal and the creaks of rusty joints were nothing to these environs---Dr. Robotnik's lair. However, for some reason, they seemed much more grating to the mad scientist's nerves than was usual. Each ring and squeak seemed to taunt the middle-aged man with one word. Sonic. Sonic. SONIC!!

"Ohh," Robotnik growled. "This time, I'm going to get you, hedgehog! And with public opinion on my side, there's no way you'll be able to defeat me!"

"What's going on, Dr. Robotnik?" Scratch's high-pitched voice screeched. That was really getting annoying. One of these days, he had to tweak Scratch's voice box down an octave or two.

"Hold on, Scratch," Robotnik said. "Let's wait for Grounder to finish whatever important work he must be doing right now and---"

"I'm right here, your Nastiness!" Grounder's voice echoed. The green 'bot rolled in on his treadmills, covered with some sort of gunk.

Robotnik slapped his bald forehead. "Did Coconuts trick you into cleaning the toilets for him again?"

"Uh, yes." Unlike Scratch's voice, Grounder's was not an intended part of his creation. He was just stupid, and it showed. However, experience had taught the master of robotics that it was dangerous to have smart minions.

"Anyway," Robotnik said, irritated, "do you two remember those 'home videos' we shot a few weeks ago?"

Scratch and Grounder looked at each other in confusion. "Um, no?" Scratch answered.

"That's not important!" Robotnik snapped. "What IS important is that I'm going to use them for a very sneaky purpose. Gentlebots, I've created a new telvision phenomenon. I give you 'The Adventures of Scratch the Robot!" Robotnik flipped on his viewing screen with a quick motion of a remote control.

Grounder and Scratch looked on in awe as they appeared, using their robotic powers to destroy fictional villains, no doubt spliced into the picture by Dr. Robotnik's computerized special effects.

"Wow!" said Scratch. "That's cool!"

"Yes," agreed Robotnik. "And I've already sold two seasons to a popular television network. You've hit the big time, my minions. And I'll use the public's infatuation with you to take over Mobius!! Ha ha ha!" Robotnik's evil laughter filled his hideout.

---STAR LIGHT ZONE: ACT THREE

The sounds of Machopper and Sonic snarfing down chili dogs were evident. Tails sighed. This had been going on for almost an hour now. "Um, Machopper? Why did you need to see us?"

"Oh, right," Machopper said in his Australian accent. "Dr. Big-buttnik has hatched a new evil scheme."

"So?" asked Sonic, wiping chili off his face. "We'll just stop him, like always."

"It's not quite the same as usual, mate," Machopper said. He motioned to the bartender to flip on the TV.

"It's the Adventures of Scratch the Robot!" the television announcer shouted. Scenes of Scratch punching out badguys were interspersed with him and Grounder posing for the camera.

"What's this?" Sonic asked shrewdly.

"Just watch," insisted Machopper.

On the TV, Scratch and Grounder were using all of the robotic abilities to stop an evil chili-monster from eating Mobotropolis.

"No!" Sonic screamed. "Not a chili-monster!"

Finally, Scratch and Grounder used a sour-cream cannon to cool of the chili-monster, and the threat was abated, Scratch spouting phrases that described how cool he was all the while.

Finally, the scene faded out, but that was not the merciful end. A sign proclaiming "Scratch Sez" popped in and out of the screen, and Grounder was shown, holding a fork. "Gee," he said stupidly, "I wonder what'd happen if I put this fork in this electric socket?" Grounder inched the prongs of the fork toward the socket.

"Whoa, stop!" Scratch screeched, wresting the fork away from his fellow 'bot. "Grounder, don't you know it's not cool to stick forks into power sockets! It could shock you!"

"Gee," Grounder said, "and I guess it could run up the power bill, too. Sorry, Scratch."

"That's okay, little bud," Scratch replied. "Just don't do it again!" And then he looked directly into the camera. "And YOU shouldn't, either, kids!"

Finally, the show was over. Sonic was enraged. "That's the most unintellectual, useless tripe I've ever seen!"

"Right," agreed MacHopper. "Let's get to the TV station!"

---TELEVISION NETWORK ZONE: ACT FOUR

"You've gotta get this trash off the air!" Sonic shouted at the TV Network salesman.

"The Mobius Broadcasting Company certainly appreciates your input, thank you for stopping by," the salesman said, ushering them out of his office.

"Wait!" cried Tails. "Scratch and Grounder work for Dr. Robotnik! You've got to listen to us!"

"Look," the guy said, stopping, "I appreciate how you feel---I don't like the show that much myself, but as long as the ratings are good, it's gonna stay on MBC."

"AND," he continued, forestalling interruption from MacHopper, "there's nothing you, I, or anyone can do. Money talks, you know."

And that was that.

"Oh, well," Sonic said remorsefully on the steps to the MBC building, "at least we know there's NO way people will actually watch that crap."

"Right," Machopper agreed.

"Yup," Tails echoed, with more than a bit of uncertainty. "Nobody'd ever watch a show that dumb."

Or would they?

SONIC SAYS

Tails and Machopper tiredly strode into the laundry room. "Man, mate," said Machopper, "all that runnin' about made me thirsty. Got anything to drink, little buddy?"

"Um, sure," Tails said, picking up a couple of jugs labeled "Bleach" in big block letters that seemed to be handy. Tails and Machopper popped off the caps, tilted back their heads, and got ready to quench their powerful thirsts.

"Whoa, stop!" yelled Sonic, rushing in and grabbing the bottles of bleach away from his friends. "You should never drink bleach, little bro," he admonished Tails.

"But Machopper was going to drink it, too!" Tails protested.

"Remember," Sonic said to no one in particular, "It's not cool to drink bleach. It could hurt---it might even kill you. That's what Sonic Says."