I never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I'm missing you and wishing you would come back through my door
Why did you have to go?
You could have let me know; so now I'm all alone
His heart, wounded and achy, felt like it was bleeding inside his chest, the dark metallic liquid leaking into his stomach, nauseating him. He desired nothing more than to bang himself upside the head with his skateboard, to purposely fall on the ramp at the skate park and pray that he ended up with a concussion.
A concussion, yes. And maybe amnesia, oh yes. Then he wouldn't remember her. Wouldn't have the fainted clue who she was; know of the damage that she'd performed with a few common words.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me. Spud wanted to track down whomever it was that had created the saying and give him or her a lesson or two. He would have been more than happy to go through broken limbs than go through the emotional crisis t hat currently ate at him, gradually proving to be his demise.
The heartbroken teenager stood in the school hallway, pretending to be occupied at his locker. To passersby, he was simply rummaging through his disorganized belongings, through the thousands of paper stacks and books, possibly searching for a pen or a certain textbook. But to anyone who looked close enough, to anyone who cared enough to examine his actions movement by movement, it wasn't a book or a pen or a notebook he desired. No, more like a heart.
Out of the corner of his eyes, very slyly, secretly, carefully, he stared at her across the hall as she giggled with her cheerleading friends. She stood at her own locker, five lockers down from his on the opposite wall, applying makeup to her face, combing her beautiful blonde hair, making sure that her appearance was absolutely perfect and flawless.
But to him…she would always be perfect. Without makeup. Without the most adorable hairstyle. Without expensive clothes. Without being popular and without having popular friends. Without effort. Because she just was, in every possible way that she could be.
She wasn't some fantasy girl from his daydreams, not some Barbie doll that he drooled over for strictly looks (though she was, without a doubt, nice to look at). At first he'd contemplated the possibility, that perhaps it could be that…but then she'd given him a chance, allowed him in, and he'd known after that the truth. It wasn't just a crush. It was more than that…so much more than even Genius Spud couldn't describe the feeling, the emotions connected to it. It was bigger than him.
Girl you could have stayed but you wouldn't give me a chance
With you not around it's a little bit more than I can stand
And all my tears they keep runnin' down my face
Why did you turn away?
So why does your pride make you run and hide
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you want it to be
She hadn't stated a reason for leaving, but Spud was no idiot, he knew. It pained him, stabbed him like a dull knife, but he knew and admitted it. They were too different. From two extremes, two cliques, and therefore they might as well have been from two different worlds. She had a reputation to maintain and couldn't risk at the time being of losing it. She, popular, a cheerleader, a goody-goody, could never associate with him and still live it down. He understood.
He could wait. Wait until popularity wasn't an issue, until an epiphany washed over her, until she realized what he could offer. Jake insisted for Spud to move on, that there were 'other fish in the sea' and that she wasn't 'the one'. It didn't matter how many times his friends told him this. He may have been young, but he didn't care how cheesy it sounded. He knew what his heart felt.
So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life
Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
I really need you in my lifeNo matter what I have to do
I'll wait for you
He walked past her locker several times every morning, but never once would she glance up or acknowledge him. Like he was no one. A ghost, invisible to the naked eye. Like he was nothing but oxygen, less than even the wall, which at least had the privilege of her attention. At least the wall had the honor of being criticized by her.
But him? She wouldn't so much as glare at him anymore. As if she'd forgotten what they'd shared. How they'd hide in the utility closet to talk and smile awkwardly and share fluffy memories and giggle like school kids in love. How she'd poured out the pressure her Mother forced upon her, pushing her towards fame and fortune when all she really wanted was to be happy.
To be happy…what ever happened to that?!
Been a long time since you called me
(How could you forget about me)
You gotta be feeling crazy
How can you walk away
(When) Everything stays the same
I just can't do it baby
What will it take to make you come back
Girl I told you what it is and it just ain't like that
Why can't you look at me?
You're still in love with me
Don't leave me crying
Reminiscing, his mind went back to the day she left. It'd been the shock of his life, a day he'd never forget. She'd written him a note, with ten words:
Meet me in the utility closet after school
Love, Stacey
It hadn't been an unusual note considering that they often met in that closet. He'd even blown off helping Jake out with some demon-creature thing for her, only to be left with a broken heart!
"If you gotta meet her, man, go, but yo, one of these days she might move on. Here what I'm sayin' Spud, I don't wanna see you hurt." Had been Jake's words. Spud could still hear them echoing in his mind. Had Jake known? Had those twins (he couldn't remember their names) tipped him off somehow?
He supposed it didn't really matter if Jake had known ahead of time. What had happened, had…well…happened. End of story.
He closed his eyes, and he was there, in the closet, waiting for her. He should have predicted that something was wrong when she arrived five whole minutes late.
"Hey Stace," he'd greeted her when at last she'd arrived.
A watery smile creased her features. "Spud, listen," she began hesitantly, "There's something I need to tell you…"
His insides had twisted uncomfortably at this. "What is it? What's wrong?"
She reached out, took a hold of his hands, and sighed. "I…I can't do this anymore. We can't go out anymore. Ever. I'm sorry."
"B—but…"
"I just can't. Please, just put this behind you. Forget about all of this. We never knew each other. I don't know your name, you don't know mine." At that, she let go of his hands and stormed out of the closet. Just like that.
Sure, she'd said she couldn't do it anymore—ever—but Spud refused to listen. There wasn't another girl for him. He would wait. He swore it to himself.
Baby why can't we just start all over again
Get it back to the way it was
If you give me a chance I can love you right
But you're telling me it won't be enough
So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life
Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just aint' true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I'll wait for youThe school bell rang, and she abruptly slammed her locker shut. So did he. As if suddenly he'd found whatever it was he'd been searching for. Stacey, hidden between a swarm of her friends, began walking to first period. He followed, several feet behind her, so as not to be suspicious. He almost wondered if he would be considered a stalker, even though his class did happen to be in the same direction as hers.
So why does your pride make you run and hide
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what you're keeping insideThat is not how you want it to be
Halfway to History class, Jake and Trixie met up with him.
"Spud, baby, you all right?" Trixie questioned immediately upon noticing his sad features.
"Yeah, Spud, you haven't been yourself lately. You're not still sick over Stacey, are you?"
"I'm…" Spud paused in mid-sentence. Should he tell them? Which would in turn worry them? And then there would be a lecture…"I'm okay." He lied.
"You sure?" Jake pressed, concerned.
"I've moved on. I'm thinking about taking a shot at one of the girls in my English class." He assured him.
"That's what I'm talking about, baby boy!" Trixie applauded.
"Yo, good for you!" Jake added with a grin.
Yes, Spud had moved on to the outside world. But on the inside, he was still grieving, bleeding, dying…waiting.
Baby I will wait for you
Baby I will wait for you
If it's the last thing I do
Baby I will wait for you
Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life
Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just aint true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I'll wait for you
I'll be waiting…