author --- moi

summary --- Blair. Dan. Addictions are never easy to break.

disclaimer --- don't own the books or the TV show

a/n --- my story follows Gossip Girl, the TV series not the book. Sorry, I just never really loved the books that much but… I did read the first three.

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Breathe

2 AM and she calls me cuz I'm still awake.

'Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?

I don't love him.

Winter just wasn't' my season.'

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You aren't sure when it all began. Maybe it was because Serena was friends with him and you'd do anything to hurt her like she hurt you.

Whatever the reason was, you can't stop it.

God, you wish you could but the fact is you don't.

He makes you feel whole and beautiful. He makes you feel loved and you were positive you knew what love was. The truth is you didn't really.

But then he happened.

He's innocent because he knows what real love is. He knows how to care and be honest. He's never hurt anyone on purpose just to feel powerful.

You have though.

Maybe that's why you cling to him late at night.

"You look beautiful tonight," he whispers into your ear, his breath is warm and minty. His melodic voice swings by your long earrings, teases your earlobe, and makes its way into your heart.

Times like this you want him to stay.

He touches you like you could break any second. You aren't sure if you want to love him or scream at him.

He makes his way around every delicate curve you have. He's slow and careful. He doesn't want to break you anymore then you already have.

The last time you were in this room, ready to give yourself up to Nate, you ended up crying and disappointed.

He slips off your dress even slower then his kisses, that burn your mouth yet leaves a chill down your spine.

He traces the scar you got when you and Serena decided to bungee jump off her large couch. He only touches it for a couple second because he knows it still hurts, remembering your best friend.

He knows you too well now.

This isn't your first time with him. He likes to go slow, you guess as he nervously fiddles with your bra.

You want laugh but inside you're too nervous and giddy to.

After a couple slow paces of hips and hands, you find yourself reaching something only he's ever brought.

You let out a tainted gasp that fills your virgin room.

The room of the girl you used to be and, somewhere inside you, still are.

He shakes on top of you as you crash too. Lying next to you, he places his hands on your slim hips. He hugs you closer and closer till all you know is his warm chest and smell, apples and something burning.

He smells nice.

You let that thought sink in as you rest closer to him.

"Goodnight Blair."

You stifle a yawn. Blink your eyes a couple more times. Yawn once more.

"Goodnight Dan."

But my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles

You wake up alone and disappointed.

Hugging the covers closer to your petite frame, you notice a post-it stuck to the pillow next to you.

Went out to buy food. Going to make you an awesome breakfast. Love D.

You want to cry but all you can do is smile. You hug the post-it closer to your body. Immediately, you stick it in your drawer.

Just to keep it forever.

You rush out of bed to brush your teeth, pick a perfect outfit and plan to make this happiness last longer.

Before you can do any of those things the phone rings.

"Hello?" you answer once you've picked up the bejeweled phone.

"Blair. Hey it's me."

Oh shit. It's Nate. Something about that seemingly innocent voice made you weak in the knees with supposed love.

"Nate. Hi."

"What are you up to?"

"Nothing much." Liar.

"That's good. I miss you."

"I miss you too." Liar.

"I love you Blair. And I'm sorry about this whole Serena thing. I do love you."

"I'm sorry too," liar. "I love you too." Liar.

"I gotta go but I'll see you for dinner tonight, right?"

"Oh. Umm… I'm not really sure. I've got so much homework and stuff to do." You know perfectly well Dan's making you a special Italian dinner and watching The Notebook with you.

"Oh. Yeah. I get it. Well, if you can make it, call me. Bye."

"Bye."

The line goes dead but the guilt in your stomach kicks up once more.

"Honey, I'm home and I come bearing food…"

Wanna hold him, maybe I'll just sing about it

Author's Note --- Never really was into Gossip Girl but I saw the pilot and no offense to any of the actors but Penn Badgley (Dan) and Leighton Meester (Blair) were the hottest people on the show.

So I decided to write a Gossip Girl fic before the archive got really pumped with obsessive fan TV girls.

Oh… this is a story. I think?