REPOSTED: This damn site screwed up my fic. So I had to repost it. Sorry about the formatting; it's the best I could do while keeping the text, which was DELETED last time. (is not happy) But oh well, here's the repost.

Me: Here's round one of Compy's contest: puzzleshipping. It's one of my faves, I had to do it. Well, it's an update, at least, a welcome break from hearing nothing from me. I'll try, try, try to get up NPNA soon.

Set after the end, dual POVs. It's pretty easy to figure out who's who. Flashes around a bit. Sort of stream-of-consciousness. PUZZLESHIPPING – this means YamixYugi, folks. Although there is absolutely nothing graphic about this, don't read if you are offended by gay pairings.

Disclaimer: Hikari Daeron does not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or any affiliations. This work was written exclusively for the aforementioned contest.

Watched You Slip Away

It was hard, watching you slip away.

When I walked through that doorway… I knew I was letting you slip away.
All these years, all this time, I've cherished you more than I should have. Perhaps it was wrong of me. Conservatives would call the way I feel about you "unethical" and "wrong" – but if this is wrong, then I don't want to feel right.

It is more than just a friendship that we have here. More that just the "host-spirit," "darkness-light", more than just me being the Puzzle Bearer and you being the spirit trapped inside of it. What I have felt, and still feel, is something that is beyond words. People have tried to describe it. Most have failed. Some of the Greats have come close: William Shakespeare, Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Emily Brontë, F. Scott Fitzgerald. But even they have only captured a glimmer of that infinite sun. Even they have been unable to capture such intensity.

I remember when you first appeared to me. I thought something had happened, and Death had come to claim my soul. For who else but Death could come in such a vision of loveliness? He has often been portrayed as a man in a dark cloak, no one able to see his visage. I've always believed that when one passes on, he or she sees the true nature of Death. I've always thought he'd be the loveliest creature one could ever see, which is why he hid himself away from the living. And so you appeared to me, wearing nothing yet positively glowing, shimmering like a thousand stars. Your golden bangs shielded your soft face, and when those long lashes flickered and your eyes opened, I felt as if I were falling into a pit of rubies. Your eyes were of a bright, fiery red, filled with passion, intellect, wisdom and, I was surprised to see, a slight hint of confusion. For when you awoke, you were a blank slate, a tablet of lost memories.

And it warmed my heart, to see you so helpless. Not because I had any malignant intent, but because you suddenly needed me. And so I reached out to you, and vowed that I would never, ever leave your side.

How strongly my heart has burned for you. Every time I saw you, my stomach fluttered, and I became warmed and strengthened by your presence. I soon took on a nickname for you: Aibou. Partner. Because more than anything, I wanted you to be just that, my partner in this rebourn life and beyond. I wanted to hold you in my arms and whisper in your ear. I wanted to tell you all the things you needed to hear, because, Ra bless you, you were so insecure. You thought that your friends were drawn to you because of me, when in fact it was the opposite case. You thought your strength came to you because I suddenly entered your life, when in fact it was my strength that was dependent on you. You feared so much and gave even more, and I wanted to show you just what that had done. Done to me, done to our friends, done to everyone who had ever met you. You changed everyone you met without even knowing it. Everyone was drawn to you, and you in turn reached out and helped them in ways that astounded even me.

But I knew, I always knew, that while everyone would find a place for you in their hearts, none would love you the way I did. Because it was me, not them, that was trapped inside the Puzzle that you solved. Because it was me, not them, that you rescued from an eternity of darkness. Because it was me, not them, that became "mou hitori no boku." Who else could claim such an honour? Not Jounouchi, not Anzu, not Honda. None of your best friends could ever become your other half. You did not cry when Noa turned them to stone. You did not reach out to them and pick them off their feet. You did that to me. You cried when you won against me. Does that not count for something?!

… Ah, I have let my feelings get away from me. For you see, you

You were the strength I never had. You were the courage I always wanted. You were the other half that I never knew was missing, because when you entered my life, Kami-sama what a change it made. I didn't have to be afraid anymore, because I knew you were near. I didn't have to shirk away from the ones I wanted as friends, because you were always right there when I needed you. Suddenly, I started to become the person I always wanted to, but always feared becoming. You gave me confidence, you gave me hope, you changed my life in a way that no one else ever has, or will ever be able to again.

And you showed me what it's like to be a hero, what it's like for people to depend on you. Everyone around you was in awe at your presence. You didn't need to physically do anything for them. Just a calculating look, a gesture, a shrewd smile, even a casual shrug would be enough. Suddenly, they became aware that you were there. Suddenly, you were the focus of their attention. Their backs became straighter, their mannerisms more polite, respect and awe radiating from their very pores. And you took it all in stride, cradling them with your words, caressing them with a smirk or smile.

They simply loved you. Without knowing why, without any rhyme or reason, they cheered and adored you. And I watched this all, taking pleasure in everything you did. It made me happy, to see you in such an atmosphere, because it brought out the best in you. You would glow with such authority and contentment that it would always bring a smile to my lips. Sometimes it saddened me that the reason behind your smile was not something I had done, but I pushed such feelings away. I wanted nothing to distract me from the joy that you gave me. Nothing ever did, except for the sadness when you left.

When I first saw you, I thought you were an angel. You were the purest form I'd ever laid eyes on. And your eyes… Ra, I'd never seen such beautiful eyes. Wide and violet, they were able to see through my soul and back again. Your eyes held innocence that I couldn't even begin to comprehend, and yet, they did not show naivety. On the contrary, the kindness and heart that they reflected would be something that I would grope towards when I was lost. Because your kindness changed me. Before, I was cruel, heartless. I crushed my opponents and passed judgment on them without any thought to their lives before and after. I didn't care for anyone but myself – and to my utmost surprise at the time, you. But then you reached out and showed me how to love, how to care and be kind..

I have in no means ever been chaste. I was bourn from the man who allowed for the creation of the Millennium Items, items that control Shadows, items that can be used for good, but have mostly been used for evil. I took the place of that man and manipulated and used those around me to rule. I even used you, for although it was your name that was honoured with the title of King of Games, it was my face that everyone knew. I even took away your friends from you – after all, did Anzu not fall in love with me? Did Jounouchi not wish to prove himself a True Duelist by dueling me? Was Kaiba not my rival?

And yet, there was one thing that I refused to blemish. There was one thing in me that I would protect at all costs, because it was the only pure thing left. More than anything, I cherished the way I felt about you. That was the one thing that was uncorrupted, one thing that I would give up everything to keep such.

Everything, that is, except you

I did not question the instinct. I did not stop and think about my soul for even a heartbeat. The moment that you lost that duel, I knew what to do, and I knew it was the right thing. Because people have always depended on you. It would make no difference whether or not I was gone – as long as you were there. I was giving you another chance. I didn't care that you hadn't listened when I told you not to activate the card, or that suddenly you were consumed with darkness and rage.

It only needed one of us, so I let the Seal of Oreichalkos take me instead of you. I bought you time, another chance to destroy the darkness in your heart. For there was darkness. Or not quite – my presence had somehow turned them into Shadows. These Shadows were remnants of a past that you refused to remember. But why? I still don't understand. After we found out what had happened, we realized why you'd forgotten. You did to for the good of all – yet again, your selflessness made my heart swell with pride. But the Shadows... Did they remain after the finished their duty of wiping your memories clean? And if they did, why?

In any case, you got rid of them, and my pride cannot be measured. Despite showing the tough exterior that you do, I know that you were never happy about not knowing your past. But eliminating the Shadows brought you closer to finding out who you truly are, and even if you didn't realize it, I saw the change it wrought in you. Until that time, you were always brooding, heavy, a tinge of sadness in even your brightest smile. But then, after that moment, suddenly you seemed… free.

I remember crying after I beat you in that duel. You had destroyed the darkness in my heart, and then disappeared. Tears streamed unchecked down my face. I didn't care that I was once Pharaoh. I didn't care who saw me weak and vulnerable. Without you, I was just that.

Why did you always take the punishment for me? Why did you stand by my side, even when I had pushed you away? I still can't comprehend how you were always there, how you kept by me even when I thought I was alone.

When you disappeared… I swore to myself then that I would not rest until you were back by my side, safe once again. I wanted to be the one protecting you, the solider who would sacrifice his life if only to save yours for but a moment more. I knew that that I would go through Heaven and Hell, go through the Afterlife and snatch you from Anibus' greedy clutches before you floated away from me forever. I knew then that I would go to the Gods themselves and throw myself at their mercy for you – even fight them to save your pure soul. Nothing in this world or any other would have been able to stop me.

In the end, I was able to get your soul back. It was not easy, but never do I regret such actions, and I'd never take them back. If I had to, I would have gone through even more to have you returned. I would have traded my soul without thought to keep yours safe, so that it would return where it belonged. And though I would mourn the distance between us all the while, as I do now, I would take happiness from the fact that you were alive, safe, and well. If you, too, were happy, despite the lack of my presence, then I would never again have any discomfort in the world.

… There is just one thing, however. As I could not be near you

I love you. More than anything in the world, more than anyone in the world, I love you, Atemu. You are and always will be my other half. I would join you in the world you are in now in a heartbeat. I only wish that I had told you how I felt while you were still with me. Now, an eternity away, I mourn your loss. Everyday, I sit, wondering how life would have been if I had told you. How life would be different if I had came up to you and kissed you when you least expected it. I wonder, would I be happier not knowing how you felt, or with you knowing and throwing a stinging rejection in my face? Because Atemu, everyday is too long for me. I want, no need you back in my life. I'd go through any means to have you back if only I knew…

No. You wanted rest, you were tired. You told me yourself that you wanted me to win our duel more than anything else, because your adventures had gone on long enough. You told me yourself that you wanted to return to where your forefathers and your ancient friends were residing. I respect that. I tell myself that your happiness is enough. As long as you are happy, I will be content. Perhaps I can never reach that state of bliss without you by my side – but contentment is enough.

I hope.

I cannot lie to you. I love you, Yugi. I love you more than anything or anyone I have ever known. More than Mahaado and Seth; more than Jounouchi and Kaiba. I love you more than I have ever loved my Duel Monsters, my warriors that have never once failed me. Is it bad, Yugi, that I would give them all up in an instant if I could see you smile just once more? Hear your voice assuring me of victory, feel your laugh warm every fiber of my being? Because I cannot help that I miss you so sorely. It is often said that love captures those fools who think they can be devoid of it. I went three thousand years without so much as seeing another being, and I thought that I could never learn to feel again. But you… you taught me otherwise, Yugi.

But even the experiences you have taught me I would trade away, if only I could have you by my side. If only there were some way to get you back… if only I had told you how I felt! If only, during those times when I comforted you, and you, in turn, comforted me, I had told you just what you mean to me! But no. Cold comfort in an even colder land is no more than I could ever wish for. I watched you slip away, Yugi, and did nothing to stop it.

I knew it was wrong, to watch you slip away without saying anything. I should have at least told you then. As Anzu begged you to stay and Jounouchi held her back, I should have shouted it then. I should have made it clear. But I didn't.

It's my own fault. I watched you slip away, and I did nothing. I could have tried to follow, I could have went with you… instead, I'm stuck here, in the land of the living, with nothing but fleeting memories to comfort me now.

There is nothing I can do about it now. You are another lifetime away from me. I cannot be rebourn again. I cannot leave the world that I have now been confined in. Who would have guessed that Pharaoh prefers mortal Earth to Paradise? But it cannot be such without your presence.

If only…

I just wish…


… I had told you. I should have.
… that I had told you. I know I should have.
Cowardice kept me away from the truth.
I was afraid at what you might say to me.

But now, I realize…
But suddenly, I realize…

… that I don't care what you would have said…
… that I don't care…
… if only I could have kept you for one more day.
… if only it would have stopped you from slipping away.
Fin.