A/N: Smirnoff and Muses do NOT mix!

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the insanity that follows.

The sky overhead opened up and let fall it's seemingly endless streams of rain, washing away all the grime and filth that had gathered on the world and sending it drifting away to never be thought of again.

Standing in the rain was a cleansing experience. It was a metaphorical way to rid one's self of the sins of one's past. However, for Vincent Valentine, standing in a tsunami wouldn't uncorrupt his black soul. Too many sins lay heavily on his tainted heart, a testament to the unforgivable past deeds that had condemned him to this life of solitude and severe angst.

"Shiva's tits, he's brooding again," Yuffie said, staring out the window of Tifa's bar and sucking on a lime wedge. She turned to her female companions. "Girls, we've got to do something about this."

Shelke stood up on a chair and looked out the window with Yuffie. "It appears that Vincent Valentine is standing in the rain," she observed. "How do you figure that he is brooding?"

"Hello?" Yuffie said, knocking on Shelke's head. "Reboot the neurological network. It's Vincent...standing in the rain. Besides, he always broods."

"Past sins and unforgivable actions, or inactions, as it were, forcing him to atone for all the pain he supposedly brought upon the world," Tifa sighed. The younger women looked at her oddly. "What? You hear a lot of crazy shit when you work in a bar."

"I suppose so," Shelke replied.

"You know, it would be kinda romantic and shit if it wasn't so..."

"Icky?"

"Yeah," Tifa replied.

All three women continued staring at the red-cloaked gunman. Vincent turned his face up toward the weeping heavens. "Oh hell, if he screams her name again..."

"LUCRECIA!"

Yuffie slammed her face down on the counter. "That's IT!" she yelled. "No more! We have GOT to do something about this!"

"What do you propose we do, Yuffie Kisaragi?" Shelke asked.

Yuffie thought for a moment, her hyperactive ninja mind going a mile a minute. "We've got to lure Emo-Vinnie out and kill him," she said darkly. "Teef, didn't Cloud say that's how he got better?"

Tifa nodded. "Yeah," she answered enthusiastically. "He got jizzed on by the Lifestream in Mideel."

"Do you think the Lifestream in Aeris' church will work or do we need to get his broody ass to Mideel?"

Tifa reached for her cell phone. "Hang on, let me find out," she said, hitting Cloud's number. "Cloud? Hey, we have a situation we need your help with."

"I do not understand why you required me to come along on this venture," Vincent sulked, his head hidden behind his cloak. "You three are perfectly capable of fending for yourselves."

"True that may be, it always makes a lady feel better to be escorted by a gentleman," Yuffie said, hanging onto his clawed arm.

Vincent looked at the three women in his company. "I see one lady, an annoying ninja and a prepubescent midget," he growled.

Yuffie smacked him. "That's not nice!" she said. "And Tifa's a martial artist, not a ninja."

"Hey!" Tifa exclaimed. "I was the lady."

"She's delusional," Yuffie whispered as they walked into Aeris' church. "Oh good! The flowers have started growing again!"

Vincent watched as the women went to gather a bouquet of the lilies, wondering how the pool of Lifestream remained so...untainted; whereas his black soul continued to dwell in the endless darkness of sin and despair.

"He's brooding," Shelke whispered.

"Good!" Yuffie whispered back. "Now's our chance. Flash him and distract him so that..."

"Flash him?!"

"Uh, yeah," Yuffie said, rolling eyes. "You know, lift up your shirt and show him your boobs."

Tifa flushed indignantly. "Yuffie, I don't..."

"Shut up and do your part!" Yuffie snapped.

Tifa huffed and got to her feet going over to Vincent.

"Vincent Valentine."

Vincent turned his head over to the direction of Shelke and Yuffie. Shelke had lifted her shirt up and was...flashing him? He cocked his head to the side and arched an eyebrow. "What are you doing, Shelke?" he asked with a hint of amusement in his voice.

"I'm showing you my breasts," she answered.

"That's highly in-..."

"She's nineteen, Vinnie!" Yuffie retorted.

"She looks ten."

"But she's nineteen!"

"She looks ten."

"But she's --"

"It doesn't matter how old she is," Vincent snapped. "The fact remains that she looks ten. Therefore, by Shelke flashing me, you would have received the same result by shoving a piece of cardboard in my face."

"He does have a point, Yuffie Kisaragi," Shelke said, lowering her shirt.

Vincent smirked. He didn't have time to bask in his victory, however; Tifa came forward and shoved him into the pool of the Lifestream. Vincent released a very amusing sound, something between a grunt and a squeal as he hit the water. He sputtered to the surface, his red eyes dancing with...mirth?

"Yet another sin to add to my already abundant collection, damning me further into the farthest circle of the worst hell imaginable."

Vincent turned in the water and stared straight into the crimson eyes of himself. He stared. He stared back. A feeling of giddiness began to overcome him as he looked upon the soggy dark locks of his emotional counterpart. "Holy fucking Ifrit, get this freak some eyeliner!" he laughed.

Emo-Vincent stared back, his blood red gaze a mix of anger and angst. "You mock the pain that weighs so heavily upon my soul, damning me eternally into a hellfire that I so deserve?"

Vincent laughed as he dragged himself out of the water. He removed his cloak and tossed it to his tortured self. "You may need an extra one," he told him with a smile. He then stripped out of his wet shirt and kicked off his metal boots, leaving him in nothing but his leather pants. "Damn, those things hurt my feet!"

He removed Cerberus from his holster and checked the gun, knowing the weapon was not susceptible to water. "Okay, emofuck, here's the deal," he said, aiming the three-barreled pistol through the aura of gloom and doom. "I fucking hate you! DIE!"

Three bullets ripped through the chest of Emo-Vincent, the currents of his dark and tainted soul, which, consequently, weren't so dark and tainted, drifting off into the heaven's. Vincent grinned and breathed a deep breath. "I say gods DAMN!" he laughed. He grabbed Tifa, who happened to be the closest to him, and kissed her fiercely on the lips. Tossing, her into the Lifestream pool, he went to Yuffie and did the same to her, throwing her in after Tifa. Going to Shelke, he gave her an affectionate pat on the head and tossed her into the water. With a yelp of joy, he jumped in after them.

Resurfacing, Vincent laughed at the shocked but smiling faces of his companions. "You know what would make this better?" he asked with a mischievous grin. He tossed his leather pants and boxers onto the shore and smirked. "If we were ALL naked!"

The girls shrieked as he chased them, laughing as they tried (not very hard) to get away from the nude gunman. He caught Yuffie first and she kissed him playfully. "Welcome back to the world, Vincent," she said with a grin.

He smiled back and tossed her now nude form into the air. He set his eyes on Tifa who giggled and shrieked as she tried to swim away. "It's good to be back!"

A/N: Mwah ha ha ha! Yay! Vincent's happy...and naked! Drinks all around!