A/N: POTO Parody! Yay! Inspired by the WICKED Parody and RENT Parody, by LostOzian and s-slytherin, respectively. R&R. Nice flames welcome. Musical world.
Phantom of the Opera Parody
Act 1
Auctioneer: Who wants to buy lots of worthless things for absurd amounts of money?
People: We do! We do!
Auctioneer: Look! A music box with a monkey on top! Who wants it?
Old Raoul: OMG Christine! I want it! Starts to remember haunting past
Auctioneer: It's a chandelier in pieces. We've fixed it up. Men, raise it, turn the gears, monkeys!
Audience: OK, why are you quoting WICKED? I thought this was Phantom!
Auctioneer: Heh, sorry about that. Start the overture!
Transport back to 1881
Chorus singers: Hannibal is our ruler! Sing sing sing! Oh, look, men are coming. We must have new managers.
André and Firmin: Wow, they're good singers. Let's check out the ballerinas…
Madame Giry: No hitting on the dancers!
André and Firmin: Damn. Who's that pretty blonde anyway?
Giry: My daughter, Meg. And you may not have her.
André: Aww man!
Firmin: Wait…the brunette there…any relation to the Swedish violinist Daaé?
Giry: Yes, she is his orphaned daughter, Christine. Watch, Carlotta, the leading lady, is about to sing.
Carlotta: Let me impress you with my operatic voice!
Phantom: Haha I want Christine to perform…what does this switch do?
Big set falls on Carlotta
Phantom: Oopsie…well, that was amusing.
Ballet girls: Opera ghost! Oh noes!
Carlotta: Bring me my poochie, and I'm out of here!
Piangi: I'm comin' with you…
Giry: a letter…Oh, yeah, by the way dudes, the Opera Ghost wants 5 grand a week for a salary. And leave Box 5 open, or he'll get mad and kill you.
André and Firmin: Yeah, right. Like, there is no Opera Ghost. Now, what are we gonna do about not having a leading lady?
Meg Giry: Christine Daaé could sing it…she's friggin' AMAZING!
Firmin: Yeah right. Well, sing the aria anyway.
Christine: Here goes…starts to sing really pretty Think of Me song
André and Firmin: Damn! She can sing! You're hired!
Dramatic scene change
Phantom: Now I'm happy…let's pay a surprise visit to Christine tonight.
Raoul: She's lovely…wait a darn minute…CHRISTINE?! OMG! My childhood sweetie! Let me take her out to dinner tonight…I hope she remembers me…
Audience: Aww! They'll be so cute together! I hope this doesn't end up like West Side Story or Romeo and Juliet…
Christine: I will wow you with my voice! It's better than Carlotta's…
Opera Audience: Bravo! Bravo!
Giry: You ballet girls were terrible! Christine, you were fabulous. Hands her red rose with black ribbon O.G. is pleased…
Meg: Who taught you how to sing, girlfriend?
Christine: An ANNNNGELLLL OF MUUUUSIIIIICCCCCCCCC!!!
Meg: But who is this angel?
Christine: Dunno. Oh, well.
Raoul: Knock knock…it's your childhood sweetheart…
Christine: Raoul? Huggles! I remember you!
Raoul: Honey, let's get out of here. Meet you in 10?
Christine: My trainer won't like that…
Raoul: Whatever. Come on!
Phantom: Oh no, you didn't! Let me insult your boyfriend…
Christine: Angel? Is that you? What the heck is going on with my mirror?
Phantom: Come with me…let me lead you into my cavern under the stage…
Christine: Okie dokie! Phantom of the Opera notes sound
Christine: Craaaaap!
Raoul: Christine? What the heck?
Christine: Let me again wow you with my voice!
Phantom: Sing to me….sing! SING!
Christine: hits incredibly hard high note
Audience: DAMN! THAT'S HARD!
Phantom: Lookie here. I brought you here to sing to me. Now sing!
Christine: Glark…uh…speechless
Phantom: Let me clarify for you. Sings Music of the Night
Christine: Faints
Phantom: Let me angst on my organ!
Christine: Huh? What happened last night? God, I have a hangover…
Phantom: Wha…oh, you're awake.
Christine: What's behind his mask? Rips off mask dramatically
Phantom: DAMN YOU! I'M DISFIGURED! GIVE ME THE F---ING MASK BACK!
Christine: Whoa, you've got serious anger management issues, dude. Here's the mask.
Phantom: Thank you. Come, let's go back to the surface.
Buquet: He'll take his magical shoelace…erm, lasso, and strangle you!
Ballet Girls: Oh noes!
Giry: Shut it, Buquet.
Raoul, Carlotta, Firmin, André, Piangi, Giry, Meg: Look! We've got notes from the Opera Ghost!
André and Firmin: He wants money!
Carlotta: He threatened me and called me terrible! Starts to throw hissy fit
Piangi: I'm with her…
Giry and Meg: Careful, the Opera Ghost is mad…
Raoul: Whatever. There is not Opera Ghost.
Carlotta: Submit to my demands!
Piangi: Yeah!
André and Firmin: Fiiiiiine. Here, let's sing a song about Prima Donnas.
Carlotta: Thank you.
Giry: Uh, guys, Christine is back…
Managers: Give her Carlotta's old role.
Giry: Ok, but he'll be mad….
Phantom: This displeases me! Grr…I wanna kill now!
Audience: Uh-oh.
Carlotta: Singsingsing…CROAK?! What the…?
Giry: He's baaaaaack!
Phantom: HAHAHAHA!
Buquet: Why do I have the feeling that I'm being followed…?
Phantom: Let me take my angst out on you by strangling you with my MAGICAL SHOELACE!!
Buquet: You mean lasso?
Phantom: No, I really do mean shoelace! Strangles random old Buquet for no good reason
Audience and Cast: CRAP! HE'S DEAD!
André: uhm…sorry. Here's a scene from the ballet…oh yeah, and Christine is now the lead.
Christine: I must flee to the roof! Ya know, that IS the safest place when an insane but brilliant disfigured guy is after you!
Raoul: Honey, there is no Opera Ghost…
Christine: Well, how do you explain the dead guy?
Raoul: Good point…
Christine: Take Me or Leave Me!
Audience and Raoul: Christine, darling, that's RENT. This is Phantom.
Christine: Right. That's from my other job. Sorry about that.
Raoul: It's ok. That's All I Ask of You, anyway…
Me in Audience: OMG….Sam and Jake were totally singing that song last year…that was weird…
Christine: Gotta go back to my show!
Phantom: NOOOOOO!!! CHRISTINE, I LOVE YOU! OK, no more Mr. Nice Phantom! You'll pay. You'll all pay!
Audience: Uh-oh. Can't be good…
Phantom: Hmm…let's cut the chandelier cord…
Chandelier falls with big crash…at Christine's feet…
Phantom: HAHAHAHA!!
Audience: Now we wait for Act 2…
gothic-bunny-rabbit: That's right! You wait for me to write more!
A/N: I know, it kinda sucks. But then again, I kinda like it, too. Can you guys R&R please? Nice flames welcome. If I get enough NICE reviews soon, I'll post Act 2 soon. If not…too bad! Please? You know you want to…