Hey everyone. Sorry this chapter took such a freakin long time to get done. I'm pretty busy right now. And as horrible as it is to say, I just don't have time for Harry Potter. Gasp, I know! But anyways, here it is. Enjoy my lovelies!
Chapter Ten
Draco's POV:
I wondered around my room, trying to think if there was anything I was missing. I had all my quills and inkbottles and all my extra packets of parchment. My school uniform and half my wardrobe was packed in my trunk. 'Did I pack enough books,' I asked myself, mentally going through the novels I had picked out. I figured I had packed enough reading material to last me till Easter brake but just in case I decided to pick just one more out.
I raked my hand through my hair and made a mental note to remember to tie it up. Cautiously, I tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear and then tucked it again out of pure jitters. I couldn't believe that today I would be leaving this hellhole and going to the one place on earth that I never thought I would see again. I let out a shaky breath and forced my hands to stay out of my hair before it all fell out.
"This is daft," I muttered to myself just as I pulled the floorboard up. I didn't need any more books. I was just stalling for time. Time. 'What time is it,' I thought, walking out of the closet and checking the mantle clock. A quarter past ten. I didn't have much time. Not much at all.
I took one last glance around the room my eyes falling on Ginny's door. The last couple of days she has cooped herself up in that room. To be perfectly honest I was a bit worried. I hadn't seen her for three strait days. She didn't even go to the closet to read anymore. And if she was getting sick, (I wasn't sure if that was still going on or not) she was getting sick in that damn room.
Every night I would pinch a peek in, just to make sure she was ok, and every night I would find her in the same position on the bed with her thin dingy sheet thrown over her frail body. I wondered to myself if she ever moved from that spot. It didn't seem like it. But to make sure I slept at night I told myself she was doing fine.
All in all She seemed ok, health wise anyway. I monitored her trays when I collected them and she seemed to be eating fine. I listened at the door every once in a while to see if I could hear her crying. I never heard anything. So I told myself she was ok but I knew she was far from it. I wondered if she was upset that I was leaving.
'And why shouldn't she be,' I thought but then thought that sounded off. I didn't think she would miss me, no, perhaps my company but certainly not me. That fact hurt more then I thought it would and I sighed in dismay.
I wasn't entirely sure if I would miss her, but I had an inkling that I would. I missed her now. Just having her around my room, even if she wasn't talking to me, was nice.
Hesitantly, I moved to the door and brought my hand up as if to knock but stopped just before I did. I couldn't do this. I didn't even know what I was going to say. I really had nothing to say because I didn't…know. anything. I growled in frustration and slammed my hands against the door harshly, shaking it on its hinges.
"Damn," I hissed, placing my forehead against the cool surface of the doorframe. Then softly, ever so softly, I apologized. "I'm sorry," I hoped she would hear me but knew she wouldn't care even if she did but I continued anyways.
"I'm sorry for everything, really I am. And Ginny, if you're listening…" I paused, not really sure what I was going to say next but then continued anyways. "If you're listening, know that I'm going to find a way out of this mess, for the both of us." And with that said I turned away and left never knowing if what I was heard or not.
Ginny's POV:
I lay still and stiff on my bed, fighting back bitter tears that never seemed to go away. It seemed like every minute of every hour I just wanted to cry. It had been like this for three days solid.
I tried to think what was making me so upset but I couldn't pin point anything, per say. Maybe everything was upsetting me or perhaps it's nothing and I'm merely going daffy. I really didn't have the slightest clue.
I hadn't cried much in these past months. At first I did but then gradually the tears just stopped falling. 'Maybe I just need to have a good cry about everything,' I thought but then figured what good would becoming a blubbering idiot do?
"It wouldn't do any good at all," I grumbled irritably then took a few deep breaths to calm myself before I lost control and ended up turning into that blubbering idiot after all. I exhaled slowly then lay quietly again just listening to my surroundings. I could hear the scuffle of feet in the next room. 'Draco must be up' I thought.
I figured he would be up rather early since, if I weren't mistaken, today would be September first…the day he goes back to school. I closed my eyes and tried very hard to pretend that I was back home. I was safe and sound with my loving family and I was getting ready for another year at Hogwarts.
I imagined that I would be rushing around my room like a chicken with it's head cut off, throwing random articles of clothing into my trunk and grabbing various books that were thrown in assorted directions upon my floor and bed. I would then go downstairs to greet Mum, Ron, Harry and Hermione.
Mum would be making a huge breakfast even though she knew we would be running late and Ron would be smashing as much porage and sausage into his mouth while Hermione chided him for being so immature. And Harry would be watching me quietly as I grabbed a quick piece of toast and he would smile that lazy goofy smile of his and…
"Damn" Draco cursed from the other side of the door. My eyes flew open and my little fantasy was gone just like that and replaced by a cruel reality. I bit my tongue as hard as I could till I could taste my own blood and tried to get myself to concentrate on the pain instead of everything else that was wrong with my life.
After a few moments of slow merciless torture that I was putting myself through, I stomped up to the door, ready and raring to fling it open and give him a what's what for ruining my perfect little fantasy. But just as I reached for the handle I heard him softly mutter something.
"I'm sorry for everything, really I am." Slowly, almost gracefully I slumped to the floor and just stared at the door. 'Did he just apologize?' I asked myself but that wasn't the surprising part. It was the way he said it that gobsmacked me. He sounded so sincere that I could feel my heart break a little bit.
"If you're listening, know that I'm going to find a way out of this mess, for the both of us." I nodded even though I knew he couldn't see me. I believed what he just said with every fiber of my being. I didn't know why but I didn't have the heart to second-guess him.
I waited a few seconds, just waiting for him to continue but nothing came.
"Draco," I asked quietly, my voice cracking just a little as tears threatened to fall once again. I took a deep breath to keep my wits about me and reached for the doorknob to help me up. "Draco," I asked again, a little more forcibly this time. But as soon as I entered his room I knew he wasn't here. He was gone. Really. He was gone and I was alone.
What came next I couldn't help. I started to cry. My whole body began to tremble with the force of my sobs. I had never been so terrified in my whole life as I was at this moment. I knew he was leaving and yet nothing could prepare me for this blow. I was truly alone with no one to help me… no one to hold me. I closed my eyes and let the tears flow down my cheeks.
I walked cautiously over to the bed the same bed I had lain in with Draco just a couple of days ago. It made me sick that I wanted that memory fresh in my mind but he was all I had for a few months with only my tiny bits and pieces of memories of Harry and now Draco was exactly that. He was just a memory. I didn't know if I would ever see him again. For all I knew I could die tomorrow. And as horrible as I felt about it, I wanted to keep what few memories of him close to me. Because they were the last happy thoughts I had left.
Curling up in the warm emerald sheets, I closed my eyes and listened to my pathetic sobs, as they became tiny sniffles and hiccups. I breathed in a warm masculine scent that could only be described as Draco and then turned my attention forcibly to Harry and brought up one of my favorite memories to fall asleep to.
It was of Harry and I lying together under the stars, whispering little nothings to each other. I wasn't sure if it was even a real memory but it was a tranquil thought. I sighed, content with my little dream but vaguely recalled just before I drifted into a deep dreamless slumber starry skies changing to emerald green gossamer hangings and messy ebony locks turning into downy soft strands of silvery silk.
Draco's POV:
I stood staring at platform 9 ¾. At the corner of my eye I noticed a few muggles look my way and look at me warily but I hardly cared. My mind was too preoccupied with this barrier.
I was so sure I had left this all when I ran away from it last year. I didn't think I would ever be standing before this wall…not for any reason that is. I figured someday, (If I wasn't locked up in Azkaban), that I would come back here to remember happier times but I just couldn't fathom that I was going to go back. I really was.
Hesitantly, I lifted my hand up and reached forward to just touch the wall. I just wanted to see if my hand would disappear through it. 'Maybe it wouldn't. Maybe it would shut me out, knowing that I don't deserve to go back,' I thought.
I bit my lip then began to chew on it nervously as my fingers drew closer to the barrier. I hadn't been this on edge since I was a first year when I truly thought my parents were yanking my chain when they said just to go running as fast as I could into a brick wall. Finally I couldn't take it anymore and just thrust my hand forward and to my utter surprise it went right through.
I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and looked around too see if anyone was watching me. Once I saw that no one was paying any particular attention, I slipped into the wall, pulling my trunk with me. Once I entered the other side I felt like it was my first year all over again.
Butterflies were fluttering in my stomach and I was practically bouncing off the walls with nerves. I wondered who would be here. All ready I could see that it was less packed then all my previous years. I didn't think it odd. I expected that many parents were keeping their children home not knowing if it was safe for them to go off to Hogwarts, especially with Dumbledore gone. I swallowed harshly and forced that thought away. I didn't want to think about that right now. I was already nervous enough.
I itched to cover my face with the hood of my cloak as I walked up to the train, passing students and parents alike. I watched as eyes followed me and mouths whispered and fingers pointed. I already knew what they were saying and thinking and I really wished I could just disappear. No, I wanted to shout at the top of my lungs that I, Draco Malfoy did not kill Dumbledore. I chickened out! Honestly, if any of them knew me they would believe that I was a coward and not these ridiculous lies.
My fingers clenched and unclenched as I finally made it onto the train. Hurriedly, I rushed down the isle to the back of the train where I usually sat. I looked down the whole time. I didn't dare look anyone in the eye. I couldn't. I just couldn't face what I might see.
Finally making it to my usual compartment I rushed in, thankful it was completely left alone. I smirked as the feeling of familiarity. If something was the way it always has been I could play along with it. I could pretend that this was just another year, just like any other. I could pretend that I just got back from a prefex meeting and now I was just planning my next dastardly trick for some poor first year or better yet the golden trio.
But this was all a lie. I wasn't getting back from a prefex meeting. They don't exactly allow convicted criminals to become head boy. And I definitely wasn't thinking up a plan to wreck havoc. No, I was just sitting here praying that I would be left alone. And making a move against Potter was truly the last thing that I wanted to do. If anything I wanted to be as far away from him and his friends as possible. Because, oh Merlin if they found out I was here it was only a matter of time before one of them cornered me and beat me to a bloody pulp. I wouldn't stop them either. Merlin knew I deserved it.
I sat, watching as the scenery rolled by. I was so many miles away from the manor now. So many miles from all my troubles and yet I didn't feel as happy as I wanted to feel. I felt guilty. I sighed and closed my eyes and said a silent prayer for Ginny hoping that she would be ok. I then heard the compartment door open.
I didn't turn, I just watched from the reflection in the window. It was only Crabbe and Goyle. They looked at me then at each other and shrugged and took a seat across from me.
"Where have you two been?" I asked, still not turning away from the window.
"Uh here and there," Goyle mumbled with a shrug.
"Found some first years, ya know." Crabbe added. I turned around, my eyebrows raised in quite suspicion. Why were they being so coy with me? I then noticed how both of them were absentmindedly rubbing their left forearms. I rolled my eyes. 'So they have become death eaters. What a surprise.' I turned back to the window but watched them from the corner of my eye. They looked uncomfortable. I wondered why. But I didn't have time to ponder the question as the door opened and in walked Pansy and Blaise.
I nodded at them and gestured for them to take their respected seats. Pansy sat beside me, while Blaise sat across from me with Crabbe and Goyle. I caught Blaise's eye and held it for a while looking to see if anything changed between us. Blaise smirked and let out a low chuckle.
"You chickened out. I always doubted you." I glared at him but the corners of my lips twitched in amusement. He always knew me, not the real me but close enough.
"Thank you for your vote of confidence, Zambini," I huffed. He bowed mockingly while Pansy giggled softly beside me. Crabbe and Goyle didn't join in with our laughter. They hardly ever did seeing as how they never quite got the joke but I knew that they understood this one and it unnerved me the way they were looking at me. I attempted to look at them harshly to mask my own uneasiness.
"So how have you been," Blaise asked, like he always asked but it sounded like he already knew. But like Pansy, he was playing dumb and acting like nothing had happened. And if they were both willing to forget last year, I could at least try. I wouldn't ever say it to them, but I was grateful for what they were doing.
"Fine. And you? I see that you made head boy."
"Yes, well someone has to do it. I'll make sure to take off extra points from the Gryffindors for you." I smirked then settled back comfortably against my seat. Pansy shifted closer to me and snaked her arm around mine. I didn't say anything but I was slightly uncomfortable with her touch. It just didn't feel right.
'I'll just have to get use to it again,' I thought and hoped that was all it was. After all she was my girlfriend. 'Perhaps 'was' should be used in the past term instead of the present,' but then I tossed that thought away. Pansy and I had been 'together' since we were children and it wasn't going to change any time soon.
"Draco, your so tense," she cooed in my ear, sending a shiver down my spine.
"Nerves I suppose," I said then went back to looking out the window. Blaise nodded and took the cue to get her to leave.
"Pans, we should go and patrol the hall." She pouted and held onto my arm a little tighter but I nodded her off. Reluctantly she let go of me and followed Blaise out of the compartment.
"Eh, we should go and…" Crabbe began dully and looked for Goyle for what to say. It was pathetic really. He couldn't even think up a good enough excuse to leave.
"Find the trolley," I suggested, helping them out a little. They both nodded.
"Yea, better find that." I flipped my wrist to show that I didn't care what they did but I was thankful that they were leaving. They were making me oddly nervous. I didn't know why, but I didn't believe what they were telling me. And the fact that they were trying to keep something from me was terrifying.
In all my years they had never once kept something from me. Hell they even found it necessary to inform me when they had to go to the loo. I made a mental note to ask Snape about it later. Since he was still talking to me. I hoped he was anyways.
I waited a few minutes but once I was sure I was alone again I pulled out my trunk and began to dig through it for one of my books. I found one of my mother's romance novels and cracked it open while I reclined myself on the seat. I read only a few pages when sleep found me and swept me away.
"Dray," Blaise said shaking my shoulder softly. I groaned and swatted his hand away. "Come on, we're almost there."
"Don't care," I mumbled as I opened my eyes for a second only to see Pansy kneeling at my side with her delicate fingers worked through my silvery hair, pulling strands loose from the plait
"You won't be saying that when you're on your way back to London when we leave you." I opened my eyes with a long exasperated sigh and glared up at the dark haired boy.
"You wouldn't dare,"
"Want to bet?" He laughed. My lips broke into a smile and I joined in with his laughter as I sat up and raked my hand through my hair, pulling it all back again.
"Let me," Pansy said with a silky tone as she combed through my hair with her fingers making me shiver when her long nails scraped softly against my scalp. I sat there obediently as she gathered all my hair together then knotted the thread.
I nodded my thanks then dragged out my trunk again to dig out my uniform. As everyone did the same, I peeked out the window and just barely in the distance could I see Hogwarts. But I could see it. I thought of Ginny and how I wished she were here with me to see this. It was one glimmer of hope that I knew she needed. 'She deserves to be here, not me. And I would give anything to have her here.'
We walked into the Great Hall. I was on edge. I felt as if anyone touched me I would snap. Pansy could even sense this I think and kept her hands to herself but she couldn't help but shoot worried looks at me the whole way to the table. I tried not to pay much attention to her. My surroundings were far more important then her persistent staring at me. I noticed that she wasn't the only one staring at me.
Every eye was on me at I made it to my seat. I didn't look up from the floor but I could feel their gazes. I took a seat and quickly scanned the room. My eyes caught sight of Snape. He was sitting in the middle of the staff table and he looked honestly concerned about me for a moment as he caught my eye. No one would believe it, but Snape really was capable of human emotions. In a way, he reminded me of myself. Perhaps that's why I always trusted him.
I looked away and focused on my empty plate. I stared at my reflection in it. I didn't look like myself. My face looked hollow. I know that I hadn't been eating that much but I didn't think it would make much of a difference but apparently it did. I was even paler then usual. Merlin, I looked like death. I scowled and pushed my plate away. So now I was just staring at the table.
I did look up when the first years walked into the room. There was a very small amount. Fifty or so I gathered. Not many at all. But it wasn't a surprise. Actually I was surprised to see this many.
They all looked so tiny and scared. I always thought it was so comical to see the first years and to think 'oh wow I use to be one but I never looked as scared as they do now' but in the back of your mind you know you were terrified. I didn't blame them for looking frightened. This year held so many uncertainties. I almost couldn't believe that any of us were here. The school was being run under Voldemort's power. What was wrong with all of us?
I watched idly as these children walked up to the sorting hat and delt into their houses.
"GRYFFINDOR," the hat shouted. The boy, a rather scrawny looking lad with messy blonde hair, hopped down from the stool and joined his table. A girl walked up next with wide fearful eyes. She sat hesitantly on the stool while McGonagall placed the sorting hat over her brown tresses. "HUFFLEPUFF!"
I rolled my eyes and looked back to the table. There weren't many of us, Slytherins, that is. I didn't expect that there would be many what with most of them being death eaters. The ones that remained were either too young or they were to keep an eye on the school. I figured that was what Crabbe and Goyle were doing here. They were just doing His bidding.
"SLYTHERIN," I snapped my attention to our newest arrival. It was a young boy. He was rather small for his age with big brown eyes that didn't look like they would ever blink. He looked around and took a seat a ways a way from where my group sat.
"Ten knuts that he's going to burst into tears by the end of the feast," Blaise whispered in my ear. I smirked and looked over at him. He certainly did look like he was going to cry. I wondered why. I don't think in all my years have I seen anyone placed in Slytherin who didn't want to be. Maybe it was just nerves.
"Your on," I said then turned my attention back to the ceremony. It was almost over anyways. The hat called a few Ravenclaws, at least five Hufflepuffs, and then what seemed like an endless string of Gryffindors. 'Everyone wants to be a fucking hero,' I sneered as I watched their table become more full. It didn't look like anyone from Gryffindor decided to stay home and of coarse none of them were death eaters, gods forbid!
"Where is Potter," I thought but accidentally voiced it aloud. Pansy looked over at me just as another Ravenclaw was called.
"You mean he's not over with the Gryffindors?" She asked as she too began to scan their table but even she had to agree that neither he nor his annoying sidekicks were present.
"He's probably out in the hall right now getting ready to make his grand entrance. You know how he loves to start his year off with a bang." I nodded in agreement. He always did tend to make an extravagant show at the first feast by just showing up late. I don't think he's ever even seen the sorting ceremony before.
"Why do you care anyways?" This question came from Blaise. I turned to him and glared.
"I don't care. I'm just curious, that's all."
"Curiosity killed the cat," Pansy added with a smirk. She knew how I hated muggle phrases especially ones that didn't make any sense. Who ever heard of a cat dieing from curiosity? Were cats even capable of those types of emotions?
I hardly listened as Snape began his beginning of the year speech. It was fairly similar to Dumbledore's except it wasn't as scattered brained. But it still consisted of the same basic principles. Don't go into the forbidden forest, no student is allowed out of their dorms after curfew, kitchens were off limits, blah blah blah.
I sat bored through most of it. He wasn't explaining anything that I wanted to know. But I suppose he wasn't going to flat out and say that he and half the staff were death eaters. But it wouldn't really matter if he did. What could possibly happen? The ministry was under the control of Voldemort too. It was a check and mate in my standpoint.
I didn't notice that Snape had stopped talking and that our plates were now filling up. I was too preoccupied with my own thoughts. I just stared off into space…or directly at the Gryffindor table if you want to be specific. I just kept asking myself where the hell Potter was. Was he looking for Ginny? My chest constricted with the thought.
"Draco," Pansy hissed, tapping my hand lightly to get my attention. I looked up at her and blinked. Why was she talking to me? Merlin, can't I even be left alone for a few sodding moments?
"What Pansy?" I asked dully. She gestured to the table. I looked and was mildly surprised to see that there was a feast laid out before me.
"That's great," I said, rolling my eyes.
"Draco," she said, her lips pouting in that most annoying way that she thinks is oh so sexy. "What's wrong?" I bit my lip to stop myself from busting out laughing. She had to be kidding. She just had to be. No one in the world could ask me that…well except for Potter. He has the right because as I'm trying to kill him, he's trying to kill Voldemort. So our predicaments almost even out. Except that my life sucks ten times more than his.
"Pans, leave him alone," Blaise cut in, dabbing the corner of his lips with his napkin. I looked over at him and nodded my thanks. I then looked back over at the food on the table. Nothing looked that great even if it was favorite, shepard's pie.
I sighed and stood up.
"Draco, where are you going?"
"I'm not hungry, I'm just going to head off to bed." I didn't turn to Pansy or Blaise. I just left. I couldn't take anymore today.
TBC!!