Sex For Dummies Chapter 1, a bleach fanfic

Chapter 1 – Through the Grapevine

Summary: Ichigo and Rukia finally get engaged. Deciding that the two are too clueless for their own good, their friends decide to help prepare them for their much-anticipated wedding night.

Beware of well-meaning friends.

Fiction Rating: M for violence, potty mouth, and other 'stuff.'

Characters: Various characters from Karakura, soul society, conveniently placed random OOC (no, no Mary Sue here), and of course, Ichigo and Rukia. Aww.

Disclaimer: I OWN BLEACH! I have the bragging rights because I own bleach (men in white come in). Er… wait up guys, I'm in a middle of a fanfict here… What shot? I don't need a shot! Get away! Get Away! Get… zzzzzz.

Oh yeah, I also don't own the "For Dummies" book series; just to let you know.

SPOILERS: From hereon, everything has nothing to do with the present timeline and episodes of Bleach! Yeah, crack!

WARNING: I just said it: ABSOLUTE Crack! Oh yeah, and another VERY slow start.

(Page Break)

Chapter 1: Through The Grapevine

It was a day that will long be remembered in Seretei's history. News travels fast in the land of the dead, and any gossip was treated like yesterday's laundry – thrown immediately to the person beside you. Aizen's defeat was the last big news that swept Soul Society, from the nobles to the lowest residents of Rukongai. That entire hullabaloo was several years ago and Soul Society needed something new to discuss.

This time it was that of an upcoming marriage.

Yes, the whole area was abuzz with the news that Soul Society's hero, the orange-haired substitute shinigami, Kurosaki Ichigo is currently in the middle of his talk with Kuchiki Byakuya Taicho for the hand of his younger sister, the Kuchiki princess and the fukutaicho of the 13th division, Rukia.

Everyone waited with baited breath at what the decision of the Kuchiki noble might be. Would he finally give in and allow his sister to marry one of the strongest and good-looking heroes that ever graced Soul Society? Or would Kurosaki Ichigo be sent home to the living world in a small box?

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At that exact moment, Kurosaki Ichigo was seated in front of the illustrious Kuchiki Byakuya. The captain had an unreadable expression on his regal and stunningly handsome visage.

Ichigo was feeling a twitch starting to persist on his leg. They have been seated here for almost an hour now and the noble was yet to say ANYTHING to him.

This was no social interaction between two mature individuals; this was psychological warfare.

"Will you be able to take care of Rukia?" The older man said at length. "Are you mature enough for marriage?"

"With all do respect, Kuchiki Taicho." Ichigo said evenly "I have been taking care of your sister since I was 15; surely I could do better twelve years later? Besides," Ichigo added, "I am now being considered for a junior position in Tokyo University's Institute of Medical Science, and my salary as a professor is more that enough."

"I thought you would go into…what was that word? Medical Practice? Isn't that what all doctors do?"

Nice try, thought Ichigo. "Going into medical practice would leave me with little time with my shinigami duties. Even if she is with Inoue, Ishida, or Chad, I would not let Rukia venture off alone without me." Sorry, Rukia… he thought hastily, imagining the outraged look on her face after issuing such a derogatory statement. It didn't help matters that Ichigo was aware that the said female shinigami was listening in the conversation outside the shoji doors. "Besides, going into research is more profitable, Kuchiki Taicho. I have enough savings to purchase Rukia our own home."

Oh yes, Kurosaki Ichigo, the youngest members of an elite research team in Tokyo University's Institute of Medical Science was a popular personality within the campus. His former professors were proud of his abilities, his superiors continued to raise his salary to prevent him from leaving Todai, his co-workers were enthusiastic to work with the brilliant researcher, and freshmen students swooned over their dashing professor whenever he appeared in his class.

"Hn." Was all that Byakuya said. "Are you sure about your feelings for Rukia?"

"With complete certainty."

"Marrying Rukia is nothing trivial, Kurosaki." Byakuya said quietly, though there was a definite edge to his voice. "This is nothing like common marriages. You are not only bound to her for the rest of your natural life, but –

"I know that, Kuchiki Taicho." Ichigo interrupted "I wouldn't have it any other way."

"If I see you take another woman –

"You have the permission to castrate me." Ichigo said solemnly, but there was a certain twinkle of humor in his amber eyes.

Ah yes, despite having matured considerably, there were still some – unfortunate – traces of the foolish and cocky adolescent ryoka that Byakuya once had the misfortune of ever meeting in the man in front of him. The captain wondered why was it that his sister fell completely for this disappointing individual when there were a lot of eligible bachelors from noble families who trooped to the Kuchiki manor regularly just to send their proposals of marriage.

Byakuya sighed inwardly. If only everything went according to what he envisioned, Rukia would have been married to a man who had influence and riches; lived in a sprawling mansion in Sereitei; and had several well-bred and polite children who knew how to properly address their elders and conduct themselves accordingly in social gatherings.

If Kurosaki felt uncomfortable about this meeting, he was able to hide it well.

"Kurosaki."

Ichigo looked straight at the Kuchiki head "Yes, Kuchiki Taicho?"

Byakuya Kuchiki stood up gracefully to Ichigo's chagrin and he turned around. "Consider the manor in Hongo as my wedding gift for Rukia."

Without a backward glance, Kukchiki Byakuya moved to leave before he said anything unsatisfactory.

It was too sudden for Ichigo to comprehend. He blinked several times. "Did he just…"

His train of thoughts was interrupted as a small blur that he realized was the eavesdropping Rukia hurled herself onto him, sending them sprawling across the room in a tumble of entwined limbs.

Byakuya's reiatsu flared noticeably.

(Page Break)

A servant ran out of the gates of the Kuchiki manor into the small crowd that stood waiting.

"Well?" Renji asked impatiently, tapping his feet in annoyance, "What did the Taicho say?"

"Let him take a breath, Renji." Matsumoto said to the red-haired Division 6 vice captain before turning to the gasping servant and shaking the poor boy thoroughly. "Spill it out now!"

"He…" The servant stuttered "Kuchiki-sama… he gave… a wedding gift… already…"

"So that means Icchi is going to marry midget, right?" Yachiru asked the vice president of the Shinigami Women's Association.

Nanao nodded. "That would definitely be it."

"Yahoo!" Ikaku said, jumping up. "Ichigo's in a good mood, that means I can ask for a spar!"

The other people who also waited a respectable distance off perked at the news. Immediately the crowd dispersed to pass the latest tidbit.

In less than an hour, the whole of Soul Society knew that Kurosaki Ichigo would be marrying Kuchiki Rukia.

(Page Break)

The engagement party was held in Hongo. Due to the insistence of the couple, there had been no bridal shower for Rukia and there would be no stag party for Ichigo. They decided to dispense of this tradition and just host a large, 'good kind' of party for their friends.

All of Ichigo's friends, even those who were from Soul Society headed to the large function room of the institute where Ichigo worked; for the celebration of the much-anticipated engagement of the year. Friends, students, superiors, and co-workers of the popular professor/researcher came along dressed in their best.

Though Yuzu brought some food with her, the research institute shouldered the expenses for the food and entertainment after the rumors spread about Kurosaki-sensei's fiancée looking into the idea of moving back to Karakura after their wedding reached their ears. As a result, the couple was surprised with such a lavish yet relaxed party that was from the Institute's financers. Due to the fact that they had many distinguished guests, Ichigo limited the number of people he invited from soul society to taichos and fukutaichos only, and he required them to wear a gigai.

They were introduced as the heads of a certain security agency where his fiancée works as an assistant to one of its supervising officers.

(Page Break)

"Honestly, it took them THIS long to skirt around the issue." Hisagi said as he took a sip of his sake.

"I think Ichigo was too much of an idiot." Scoffed Renji.

Both were busy checking out the female students and researchers who were mingling around to continue their conversation.

(Page Break)

Near the buffet table, the pink-haired fukutaicho of the 11th division was having the time of her life. "Yeah, cake!" Yachiru cried as she jumped up and down before gobbling up half of the chocolate cake. "Yummy, cake!" She said happily as she moved on to Yuzu's prized lemon silk pie. "Oh…" She drooled as she grabbed a large chunk off the vanilla and walnut cake. Suddenly, her eyes rounded as she spied some of the moist brownies.

A college student suddenly stepped behind her and tried to get a slice of a cake.

Yachiru immediately hissed "Lay off the cake, missy; they're MINE!" She then held up a bread knife and pointed it at the shocked girl's neck.

(Page Break)

On the other side, Kurosaki Karin was eating a mean submarine sandwich while conversing with the 10th Division taicho "So, you come to a party and bring paperwork? That's really ADMIRABLE of you."

Hitsugaya glared at the Kurosaki girl "It would be more ADMIRABLE if I had a fukutaicho who'd DO her share of work, instead of leaving it to me." He looked at Matsumoto who joined her regular drinking buddies and was chugging sake like water and laughing bawdily at some joke that Hisagi said. "I wish my fukutaicho was someone like Ise-san." He sighed enviously.

"Ahem."

Hitsugaya spun around. "Ise-san."

The fukutaicho of the 8th division was standing behind him, looking flushed and sweaty, as if she had run a great deal. She was even looking around her nervously as if afraid of being spotted.

"Hitsugaya Taicho; I couldn't help but overhear." Said the 8th division fukutaicho. "And I have to say," she said in a rush, "I would appreciate being transferred to YOUR department!"

Hitsugaya gaped at the sudden blessing "You mean it?" He asked eagerly like a kid told that Christmas would come twice a year. At the somber nod of Ise Nanao, he almost gave out a whoop of delight, before he caught Karin snickering.

He cleared his throat instead. "Shall I prepare the transfer papers then?"

"I'm afraid that's not possible, Hitsugaya Taicho." It was the cool drawl of Kyoraku Taicho, Ise Nanao's superior officer as he was suddenly beside Nanao, with an arm slung over her shoulder. "You see, I will never allow a transfer to take place."

"But…You can have Matsumoto!"

"Sorry kid." Kyoraku said, "I like my fukutaichos prickly and coldly aloof. You deserve Matsumoto." He added with a suggestive wink.

Hitsugaya turned red then purple with anger. "Did you just call me a kid?" he demanded.

Karin laughed. "Eh, Toushiro is acting all adult and stuff."

(Page Break)

"Bah. All of your facilities are trash."

"With all due respect, sir; Tokyo University's Institute of Medical Science has the best equipment in all of Japan and Asia."

"Oh?" the man sneered. "It doesn't take a genius to figure out that your department is WAY behind the advancements that MY department has. Tell him, Nemu, you worthless bitch."

"Yes, Mayuri-sama. We have the best facilities that anyone could ever see."

"My, my." A lazy drawl was heard. "It seems that the second-rate Mayuri-poo is still trying to gain respect in the field of science."

At the sight of the now-irate Mayuri-san, Ichigo's direct supervisor turned to the new comer. "A pleasant evening sir, and who may you be?"

A fan was opened and used vigorously. "Kawamura-sensei, Kurosaki-kun's mentor; it's a pleasure to meet you at last. Call me Urahara, good sir. And I'm just a simple perverted businessman."

"Bastard. What are you doing here?" The Taicho for the 12th division spat out in anger.

"What?" Urahara said, miffed, "Can't I see the man whose trying to surpass me and my former achievements?"

"AND WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?"

(Page Break)

"And I think it would have been for the best if we held a separate party for your co-workers and um... mine." Rukia said dryly as she inspected the bubbling chaos.

Somewhere across the room, Keigo was persuading – or harassing – female college students into going out on a date with him. As he was trying one pathetic pick-up line after the other ("So, did it hurt when you fell out of the sky?," "Is your dad a terrorist, because you're the BOMB!," and "You're like asthma, you know? Because you simply take my breath away.") he was met with amusing reactions that ranged from the cold shoulder to a downright resounding slap.

Mizuiro on the other hand was already charming Ichigo's older female co-workers. He retold stories about his stay in Todai with a flair and style that made even the snootiest woman warm up to him.

Ichigo sighed as he felt another headache building. "I'm just grateful we don't need to modify anyone's memory yet." He muttered as they spotted Inoue offering to 'spice up' the plate of a co-worker, unaware of the greenish tint to the said person's face as Inoue described what she'd add.

They also spotted Ukitake Taicho, the person Rukia was serving as the fukutaicho being caught in the middle of a tug of war between Unohana Taicho and a well-known doctor who Ichigo knew to be the University's leading authority on respiratory diseases. Both physicians were insisting, albeit politely, on whom should Ukitake accept medicine from. The poor taicho of the 13th division was doubled over in coughing while trying to excuse himself.

Suddenly there was a crash as Zaraki Taicho arrived. Flinging people and tables aside, he strode up purposely towards Ichigo and Rukia.

"Oh god, what now." Ichigo pleaded to the heavens.

(Page Break)

Several minutes later, Isshin found his son slumped against one of the tables as his fiancé held an ice pack to his swelling face. Trust Zaraki to get into a fight anytime, even during his engagement party. Despite being in a gigai, the bastard taicho was strong as an ox and he hit like one too. Ichigo felt like his head was mashed by a mallet repeatedly. It took the combined efforts of Renji, Hisagi, and himself to pry the bloodthirsty giant off Ichigo. A few well-placed words from a slightly slurring Kyoraku Taicho and a still-pale Ukiatke Taicho made Zaraki leave the younger man alone.

"Remind me to take Zaraki off the guest list." Ichigo told Rukia darkly. "That man can destroy any party in a heartbeat."

"Ohoho, Rukia-chan's co-workers are all so weird." Isshin said, siding near the couple.

At the sound of his father's voice, Ichigo stiffened even more. If Zaraki was the bane of all parties, then his father was the Armageddon of all festivities. "What are you doing here?"

"Kurosaki-dono –

"Rukia-chan, you're marrying my ungrateful spawn in two weeks, call me dad now. So you can practice."

"UM, sure… dad."

"Leave me alone, old man." Ichigo stressed out, not even sparing his father a glance.

Rukia, seeing as Ichigo was in dire pain (who wouldn't, after Zaraki Taicho beat you, anyway?) decided to get him something to relieve the pain. "I'll go get you some pain killers, okay? I'll be back soon. Do you want me to call OR –

"Just the pain killers." Ichigo immediately interrupted, preventing Rukia from accidentally exposing the abilities of Inoue. True, his father and Yuzu were now aware of his shinigami duties, but he didn't want anyone else finding out about him, Chad, Inoue, and Isshida. "I don't need a DOCTOR."

Nodding to reassure him, Rukia pressed her hand on Ichigo's cheek gently "Please watch over him… dad." She said awkwardly, as she left to get the medicine.

Isshin brightened up like a halogen lamp. "Rukia-chan called me dad! After a long time, my third daughter finally called me dad on her own."

"Shut it, or we'd be in deep shit when someone hears you." Admonished Ichigo, "Just let me be, will you."

Ignoring his son, Isshin took a seat and faced his first-born. The older man had a wide, shit-eating grin on his face that disturbed Ichigo.

"So… she just touched you on the cheek, is Rukia-chan shy of showing any sign of affection?"

"Shut it."

"Don't tell me, she's cold towards you!" Isshin said in a scandalous tone. "Boy, you better do anything to get her to forgive whatever it is you've done; I want grandkids and you very well can't produce any if you and Rukia don't have sex –

"Can it, bastard." Growled Ichigo. What was it with these jerks by the way? Everyone seemed keen on asking embarrassing questions about displaying affections and other mushy stuff. Just because he and Rukia weren't making out in public doesn't mean that their relationship was deteriorating or anything. Honestly, can't people just respect their privacy or something?

Isshin glared at his son for a while. "Do I detect frustration in your tone Ichigo? Is my dear third daughter withholding sexual favors? Is there trouble in paradise? No libido from being too stressed out at work? Can't get it up?"

It didn't escape Ichigo's notice that Isshin fairly asked the last question in a snickering tone. Oh god, why him? Why did he get such a pervert for a father?

"Do you mind not making me puke my dinner?"

"But…" stammered Isshin, "I thought you… and Rukia-chan…. did you and her… I mean, last month, when you two got back from Soul Society… deliriously happy… and quite late too… didn't the two of you…?"

What was his father expecting, that he tore off Rukia's clothing and made wild, loud, and passionate love to her in Soul Society? Where her brother – who is by the way, scary as hell – is? Ichigo was NOT stupid.

All they did was make-out for HOURS, of course.

At that dirty line of thinking, Ichigo buried his face in his arms to hide the red in his face.

"You HAVEN'T yet?" Isshin whispered in disbelief. My god, what kind of son did he raise? Isshin furrowed his brow in disapproval. Okay, maybe that stiff as a board brother of Rukia-chan was scary enough to curb one's libido, but Byakuya wasn't ALWAYS within his sister's sight, wasn't he? Naturally, the man had taicho duties to faithfully follow; there was no way he kept tabs on Rukia-chan 24-7, right?

Unless Kuchiki Byakuya was one of those people who can sense fluctuations in the reiatsu of people he considered important when they were within certain proximity. Of course, if that was the case, well Ichigo really COULDN'T since Byakuya would find out if his sister's reiatsu flares during such…um, exuberant moments.

And here was Isshin thinking that it was only him and Ichigo who had that kind of ability.

"My poor son…"

"I said, leave me alone, damn it!"

No wonder Ichigo looked so stressed.

As Rukia returned with a glass of water and some medicine, Isshin stood up dazed. He walked aimlessly as he was in such an upset state that he failed to hear Rukia call out to him. His poor son was in trouble. That Byakuya really was too much of a meanie. "I can't believe this." He moaned as he went off in search of his partner-in-crime, Urahara. Considering how he and his family have seen the relationship of those two clueless people, it only made sense that it took them a while to admit any feelings that they have for each other. If it wasn't for him and Urahara, it might have taken them YEARS to just go out on a date. "I have to do something to help him, the future of my grand kids are at stake." Squaring his shoulders, Isshin nodded to himself. "Yes, I have to help educate Ichigo and Rukia. What will those two do on their honeymoon anyway, play chess or catch hollows? Honestly, doesn't their school teach them Sex Ed?" With a snort, Isshin walked off quickly.

Had Isshin Kurosaki waited for a few seconds before he left, he would have heard a nearby large potted plant gasp in surprise at the revelation. Inoue Orihime had been behind the said plant, watering it with the champagne she couldn't finish. Out of politeness to the hosts, she decided to throw the drink away as it didn't go well with her palate.

Inoue's face was frowning in concentration as she heard Kurosaki-kun's father walk off. Her friends, Kurosaki-kun (she blushed slightly) and Kuchiki-san were having sexual problems that might hinder their wedding night. Oh dear, she didn't know that a doctor like Kurosaki-kun would have problems with sex; neither did she think that the much-older (though not looking like it) Kuchiki-san also had the same dilemma. Maybe, Kuchiki-san was scared… and maybe Kurosaki-kun didn't know how to explain it to her because he wasn't aware HOW to start things off too…

As their friend and a bridesmaid, it was her duty to help the couple. Yes, Inoue Orihime, at the still young, but not-so-tender age of 27 used her feminine intuition again to deduce the problems of her two friends. Fortunately, she had a lot of support from their network of friends. She HAD to tell Tatsuki about it, so they could formulate a plan. Of course, Kurosaki-kun and Kuchiki-san should not know about this pleasant surprise.

Inoue nodded to herself. She was such a good friend.

(Page Break)

"They WHAT?"

Tatsuki's reaction was not what Inoue expected. The smart aleck karate instructor and economist stood there with her jaw gaping open and her champagne flowing freely from her tilted champagne flute. The sparkly liquid soaked the carpet in a few seconds.

"Tatsuki?"

Finally, the brunette found her voice. "Are you 100 percent sure about this, Orihime? This is not a joke or something like that casserole you tried to include in the restaurant's new menu?"

"Tatsuki-chan, why do you think that I'm joking! We're dealing about the future children of Kurosaki-kun and Kuchiki-san here, this is no laughing matter!" Though her face was flushed and red, Inoue continued on. "Kurosaki-san is so worried about his son; I'm sure that Kurosaki-kun's sisters are also wishing for a young nephew or niece to spoil and pamper! This is a tragedy, if the eggs and the sperm –

"Ok, I got the point, Orihime." Tatsuki said, massaging the bridge of her nose at the new 'revelation' and wondering what to do with such information. How can this be? Ichigo and Kuchiki-san have been spending YEARS together already. Okay, so the two made it a point to always be seen in public and neither are they fans of PDA, but surely, in the privacy of SOMEWHERE – soul society perhaps – the two were intimate with each other.

"I think that Kuchiki-san's brother is to blame." Whispered Inoue. At her best friend's dubious look, Inoue nodded and continued on "I mean, its no secret that Kuchiki Taicho doesn't LIKE Kurosaki-kun –

"That's an understatement." Tatsuki said dryly.

"And Kuchiki Taicho does everything to make sure the two don't get to spend time alone. Remember back in Todai? Kurosaki-kun had to sleep in the guest room downstairs while Kuchiki-san had a suite on the second floor."

Tatsuki nodded. "Yeah, I mean if you ask me, the one he should have been worried about was Keigo. That pervert is any parent or older brother's worst nightmare."

"We should help them, Tatsuki-chan. We could surprise Kuchiki-san with a bridal shower – except that we'd tell her that it's NOT a bridal shower. Maybe, we can ask the boys to do the same too…"

"You would do that, Orihime?" It was an unspoken thing for them, not to mention Inoue's one-sided love for Ichigo. Though Tatsuki wanted nothing but the happiness of Orihime, she couldn't even think of Ichigo without Rukia. The two were too much wrapped in each other's presence that it physically hurt Tatsuki to even CONTEMPLATE breaking up the two for Orihime.

"Yes, Tatsuki-chan." Came her best friend's morose yet resolute tone.

You'd better be happy with Kuchiki Rukia, Ichigo. Thought Tatsuki.

Inuoe brightened. "Then we can help prepare Kuchiki-san about the painful, uncomfortable, horrifying, and scaring thing that is her wedding night!"

"Um, Orihime… I think we should ask the others – like Matsumoto for instance, on how we can help."

(Page Break)

"Hey, what is up with you, Arisawa?" Renji asked in annoyance as the woman blocked his view of a particularly lovely student who was standing near them.

"Conference call." Tatsuki said dryly as she grabbed Renji's arm with one hand and Hisagi's with the other. "Please follow us, Matsumoto-san." She said over her shoulder as she walked to a deserted alcove.

"What's this about?" Hisagi demanded.

"Start talking and I'll break your arm." Tatsuki warned.

(Page Break)

"Oh my god!" Gasped Matsumoto as she leaned against the wall to stay upright. She was trying to stifle the laughter that was erupting from her humongous chest after hearing the pitiful story from Tatsuki Arisawa.

After minutes of convincing them that she was serious, Tatsuki headed off immediately to look for other people to confide into. But it was not before she told them to attend the stag party and the bridal shower that she and Orihime wanted the two to have, preferably a few days before the wedding.

Apparently, they were supposed to bring something to 'educate' the clueless couple.

"This is probably the juiciest piece of gossip I have ever heard; ever since that bath house incident involving Nanao and Kyoraku Taicho." Matsumoto said as she shook with barely controlled laughter. "Can you imagine, one of the most popular and sought-after bachelors both in Soul Society and here, is a VIRGIN?"

Hisagi chuckled. "Well, apparently they haven't gotten past that stage."

"Oh this is RICH!" The well-endowed woman said. "I can't wait to tell Taicho!"

Renji shook his head as a smile was seen on his face. "Hmm… there's one good thing happening to Ichigo when this news spreads."

Matsumoto and Hisagi looked at him. "What?" They asked.

"Kuchiki Taicho won't kill him."

(Page Break)

"Nani?" Keigo almost cried out.

"Are you not jesting, Inoue-san?" Ishida asked.

Inoue frowned "Why do you doubt me?"

Beside them, Mizuiro and Chad just lapsed into silence.

"Ichigo needs our help!" Keigo said, raising his fist in the air.

Ishida shook his head. "Heaven help Kurosaki." Muttered Ishida as they all just looked at Keigo.

(Page Break)

Before the evening ended, everyone from Karakura and Soul Society has found out just how LESS about the facts of life Kurosaki Ichigo knew.

As the couple thanked the guests for coming, both could hardly keep still from noticing the various glances that they got from the guests.

"Well, don't worry much about it. It takes practice." Kyoraku Taicho said off-handedly, giving the two small and friendly smiles.

"Ne, see you two in two weeks then." Ukitake Taicho told them. "Hold on, till then, Ichigo-kun." He said to the perplexed substitute shinigami.

"Do not fret." Unohana Taicho whispered to Rukia, "Things are not as bad as they seem."

The others sent them looks that were either full of disbelief or pity.

"Fight on, Kurosaki-kun!" Inoue said cheerfully as Tatsuki dragged her away, looking down on the floor.

Keigo just nodded and placed a hand on Ichigo's shoulder. "Don't worry, my friend, things will turn out right with my help."

Ichigo looked at his fiancée, "Funny, you'd think that they attended an execution than an engagement party."

Suddenly, Kuchiki Byakuya stepped in front of them. He looked at Ichigo straight on. "Welcome to the Kuchiki clan." He said before he left in a swirl of expensive cloth and a fretful fukutaicho following him while giving Ichigo a certain glance full of pity.

Rukia looked at Ichigo. "It must be the champagne."

The two shrugged the incident off. But little do they know, that night was the herald of an impending disaster.

Oh, they should have known. Beware of well-meaning friends.

(Page Break)

A/N: Okay, so I got good feedback in the epilogue of My Third Daughter's First Date, which is why I decided to upload this chapter IMMEDIATELY. I hope to hear from those lovely people about this story, as this is mainly a very perverse, naughty, adult-content material, which is what WE all want.

Ok, I'm sorry about this, but I encountered computer problems just recently, and it may take a while for me to upload (say next week or so). I've always said that I was proud about My Third Daughter's First date because I finished it; I was not exaggerating people. The thing is, I think I may be jinxed. Because I'm NEVER able to finish and show a fic before. Something wrong often happens. If you read my profile, the first fic I finished (which was a Harry Potter one) went missing because it was written in a paper. The others get lost in the middle of writing. Yes, i am definitely afraid that my chapters 2 and 3 are casualties of my jinx. If anyone has another conspiracy theory about why I get this bad luck, hit me with them. Until then, I'm getting someone to fix my PC so I can update. Don't worry though, with luck, I was able to send chapter 2 to my beta. I just have to check my outbox.

So, more reviews, ne? And... this fic is NOT a serious How-To regarding sex, ok? I don't wanna get e-mails from people asking on where the tips are found (LOL)!