A/N: Final Fantasy VII, its characters, plot, and overall coolness do not belong to me. They belong to Tetsuya Nomura, and Square Enix. As soon as FFVII is released into the public domain, the rest of you can fight me for it. Until then, I'm just borrowing it.
Summary: There has been a drastic decrease in business at the Seventh Heaven, so out of boredom, Yuffie comes up with a little contest to liven things up a bit and pass the time…
It wasn't a particularly nice day, but it wasn't all that bad either. The sky was clouded over, but hey- it was Midgar. So what else was new? Apparently, the planet had gone from being totally furious at the citizens of the once-mighty city, and had progressed to just feeling pissed off. Thus, it was taking out it's annoyance towards all human life forms by way of the terrible weather, general monotony, and complete lack of patrons in the Seventh Heaven Bar for the third day in a row.
Tifa doubted that this last observation had anything to do with the planet. If anything, the terrible weather and general monotony of life in Edge had driven many people to drink, making her bar quite popular among the dregs of the city.
She rubbed a rag half-heartedly around the inside of an already clean glass, and set it back on the shelf next to a row of its fellows. It was barely lunchtime, and already she'd cleaned the windows, wiped down the tables, and washed dishes, regardless of the fact that none of this was necessary: No patrons equaled no mess. Even the regulars hadn't made appearances lately, beyond poking their heads in the door to say hello before going on their way. It was a good thing Cloud was making money on the side with the delivery service, or she'd be up to her neck in trouble.
A knock at the door caused Tifa to look up expectantly. "It's open!" She called cheerfully. "Come on in!" The pessimistic side of her whispered snidely that it was likely only one of the kids back from playing, or Cloud home early from his route, but her optimistic side promptly slapped the pessimism upside the head and told it to lighten up.
The door burst open, admitting the unstoppable whirlwind of energy otherwise known as Yuffie Kisaragi. Plopping herself down on one of the stools at the counter, the ninja looked around in confusion. "Hey, it's kinda empty in here," She observed. "What's going on?"
"Business is slow." Tifa said shortly. "Would you like anything?" Even Yuffie had to have some purpose for being here, right? Tifa hoped that it involved food, drink, and some Gil changing hands. And hopefully, that Gil would end up in the till, and not in the kleptomaniac ninja's pocket.
Yuffie shrugged absently. "Nah, no thanks. I just came in to see how you were doing." She waited expectantly, and finally Tifa lied and said she was doing fine. Satisfied, Yuffie began fumbling around in her pocket. "I thought you might be a little bored sitting around here, so I was wondering if you could help me out with something."
Tifa sensed impending doom. "Actually, Yuffie, I have to stay here and watch the bar. I'd hate to miss a potential cust-"
"Found it!" Yuffie shrilled triumphantly, cutting Tifa off. She produced a crumpled piece of paper from he pocket and unfolded it on the counter, using a shot glass as a paperweight. It appeared to be a list of some sort. "My Grand Scheme!" She waited expectantly as Tifa read the contents of the paper.
1. Get Cloud to take a day off.
2. Get Vincent to smile.
3. Get Cid to go a whole day without having a cigarette.
4. Get Barret to go a whole day without swearing.
5. Get Cloud to answer his phone.
6. Get Vincent to answer his phone.
"Well?" Yuffie asked as Tifa looked up. "What do you think? Will you help? 'Cause number seven on my list was 'Get Tifa to help out', you know." She had an eager, hopeful grin on her face, and Tifa couldn't bring herself to say no. And besides, it wasn't like she had anything better to do.
Wondering whether she'd eventually regret this, Tifa nodded. "Sure, I'll help you out." She handed the list back to the ecstatic ninja. "One question: Why are you so intent on doing this?"
For a moment, Yuffie's was quiet as she thought about this. "Well," She said finally. "I guess it's 'cause I want to make the world a better place and spread peace, happiness, and free materia to everyone, and completely eliminate poverty, crime, and war for ever and ever."
She sighed blissfully; unaware of the fact that Tifa was staring at her in shock. Finally, she caught on. "Hey, what's with the look? Did you think I was serious? I only wanna see if it'll work, that's all."
Tifa heaved a sigh of relief. "So what do we do first?" She asked. "Some of these are going to be pretty hard." And even that was an understatement, she added in her head.
A devious look formed on the ninja's face. "Don't worry." She said. "I've got a plan."
Ok, so that was a pretty weak ending. If you've got any suggestions for other things that should be on the list, please let me know via reviews. And speaking of reviews, those are nice things to have, you know… hint hint wink wink nudge nudge