"Debienne, what should we do? Attendance has gone down 57 percent in the last week! What should we do?" Poligny shook his business partner violently by the shoulders and stared wild-eyed at him.
Debienne lifted Poligny's hands off his shoulders and dropped them none too gently. "I know attendance has gone down, you imbecile! Do you think I haven't been just as concerned as you are?"
"Well, I…"
"It is of no importance now; I have a plan."
Poligny gaped. "Really? This is new. When did you start coming up with plans?"
"That doesn't matter. Anyway, my plan…oh yes! I have a plan. We need to get ourselves some publicity."
"But how? We're both terrible businessmen!"
"Which may be why we're losing attendance, but that is against the point. Anyway, we need to attract people. What would make people want to come see one of our operas?"
Poligny's eyes strayed to the ceiling as he considered this. "Hmm, perhaps some better stage direction, a new lead tenor, and maybe we should sack that fourth violinist. He keeps playing off tune."
"No, not that! Something to attract them to the theatre, not the actual productions. Really, who actually goes to the Opera to watch operas?"
"Good point. Maybe we could repaint the grand foyer. We could advertise it in the Epoque."
Debienne didn't make a face at this suggestion, but instead began thinking himself. "Perhaps we could start some rumours. Rumours attract people's curiosity. What are some good rumours?"
"We could say Carlotta is engaged to one of the stagehands or something. People love hearing about other people's love lives."
"Only nosy old women," Debienne retorted. He began pacing around the managers' office. "Any other ideas?"
"Maybe we could claim the Opera House is haunted. People love a good ghost story."
"Oh! Good idea! That would attract a range of ages. We could even hire someone to be a ghost."
Poligny looked doubtful. "A ghost in the Opera? I suppose it could work. It would sure make the stories more believable."
"Exactly! An Opera Ghost! We could run an advertisement in the Epoque."
"Great idea! I will see to that advertisement. You figure out what sort of person we want to haunt our theatre."
Debienne pulled out some paper and a pen and began scribbling some ideas down. "Right. Let's try to have that advertisement up in a couple days."
"Agreed."
NOW HIRING: One Opera Ghost to haunt Paris Opera House
Special skills required. Aura of mystery a bonus. Lodgings available. Salary of your choosing (not to exceed 100,000 francs a month). Open interviews Monday the tenth. Ask for MM. Debienne and Poligny.
It was the day of the interviews. Which makes sense because I just put in a nifty page break, which is often used to indicate changes in time and/or perspective. Anyway, it was the day of the interviews and Debienne and Poligny were ready. Or so they thought.
They sat behind their desks, neat and composed, occasionally shuffling papers to make themselves look more important or occupy time. Poligny checked his pocket watch. "Bring in the first applicant!" he called to the stagehand in the hall. This particular stagehand had been temporarily chosen to control the flow of job applicants into the office.
"Which one?" he called back. "There are lots of people out 'ere!"
Debienne rolled his eyes. "We don't care, just send someone in!"
"All right then!" he turned to a young woman standing near the door. "You can go in now."
"Why thank you ever so much!" she replied, and kissed his cheek before skipping away. The stagehand vaguely wondered why he suddenly wanted to vomit. He shook off the feeling and returned to watching the group of people in the hall before him.
The door to the managers' office opened to admit a young brunette woman in a simple blue and white dress. She was smiling widely and clutching a book tightly to her chest.
"Oh my, it's so beautiful in here!" she exclaimed.
Debienne and Poligny looked around in confusion, trying to see what she found beautiful. "Er, yes, I suppose it is…" Poligny mumbled, trying to think of something to say to her.
Debienne saved him the trouble. "What is your name, mademoiselle?"
She smiled at them again. "I'm Belle! It means beautiful, in case you didn't know."
"Um, we know," Debienne replied nervously; her constant happiness was beginning to disturb him. "Er, why do you think you're qualified to be our new Opera Ghost?"
"Oh, I don't know!" she giggled. "I just thought it would be fun! Of course, I am smart. I read a lot, even though it makes people think I'm strange."
"I can see where they get the impression," Poligny muttered to Debienne under his breath. They both barely concealed their grins. "I'm sorry, uh, what was your name again?"
"Belle!"
"Right, Belle, I'm sorry but we were looking for someone a bit more…intimidating."
Belle didn't react at all. "Oh, I can be intimidating. When I get really angry, I yell." She looked around as if she didn't want anyone to hear. "Shhh, don't tell anyone," she whispered. "It's my one of my darkest secrets."
Debienne scooted a bit closer to the wall. "Um, well, Belle, I don't think that's quite what we're looking for. You may leave now."
Belle's large brown eyes filled tears. "I don't get the job?"
"No."
She began sobbing. "I g-g-guess I'll j-j-just g-go home and t-tell m-my husband. He can comfort me, even though he used to be a wild animal. I'll just g-go then." She ran out the door, still sobbing, leaving Debienne and Poligny to sigh with relief.
"I sincerely hope none of the other applicants are that…unusual," Poligny announced after thoroughly wiping off his sweaty face with his handkerchief.
"I agree. Hey, stagehand, send in someone else!"
"My name's Daniel!" the stagehand shouted back.
"No one cares!"
"I do!"
"Well we don't! Now send someone else in before your job suffers!"
"Fine!"
Several minutes later a beautiful black-haired girl walked in. She seemed to be somewhere in her teens and was dressed in gypsy shawls.
Poligny looked her over. "Aren't you a bit young to be an Opera Ghost?"
The girl stared back at him with unnervingly purple eyes. "I'm nineteen. My name is Angelique and I can see the future. I see that your new Opera Ghost will be my soul mate. You don't need to hire me as long as I can stay here long enough to seduce him and have mind-bogglingly incredible sex."
Both managers' faces showed identical expressions of disgust and fear. They pushed their chairs all the way back to the wall.
"I understand. I'm scaring you with my gift. All my life I've scared people and they've treated me like a freak. That's part of why I am your future Opera Ghost's soul mate. But then again, I don't need your blessing to hang around. After all, I am a strong, capable woman. I can do whatever I want. Goodbye."
She rose and walked out the door. The two managers pulled their chairs back up to the desk and shared looks of confusion.
"Um, send in the next applicant! A male, preferably!" Debienne called out. "All the females are scaring me," he added quietly. Poligny nodded.
The door opened once again and a man in a brown tricorn hat staggered in. He looked around in confusion, squinting in the bright sunlight streaming in from the window. He stroked his braided beard thoughtfully then dropped into a chair. He gazed at the mangers.
"Have either of you seen my rum? I can't find it anywhere. I bet Elizabeth took it again. What does she have against rum anyway?" His rambling soon changed to drunken mumbling and eventually stopped altogether as he looked from Debienne to Poligny.
"Um, monsieur…" Debienne began, but the other man collapsed onto the desk before he could get any further.
"Well that solves that problem," Poligny announced. The managers picked up the man and dragged him into the hallway. "Next!"
A young man in blue pants that grew larger at the ends and an obscenely bright and colourful shirt walked in. He was wearing a necklace with a circle divided into thirds. "Peace," he announced as he sat down. "We need peace."
Debienne and Poligny exchanged glances. "Er, okay. Let's start the interview. So, what's your name?"
"I'm Rob, man."
"Please call me Monsieur Poligny. On my right is Monsieur Debienne."
"Right, dude." Rob looked around. "Groovy pad."
"Uh, thanks," Debienne replied as he shuffled his papers. "So, Rob, why do you want this job?"
"I think Opera today is too violent. We need more peace, man. I want to use this opportunity to improve some existing operas and make them more peaceful."
"Right then." Poligny looked down at his notes with highly raised eyebrows. "Why do you think you should be given this position when there are plenty of other suitable candidates?"
"'Cause I care about our environment and want equality in Opera."
"You may leave now, thank you," Debienne said before Poligny could get onto another question. "Next!"
A young girl with shoulder length brown hair walked in. She was wearing a yellow and purple polka-dotted shirt with a black skirt.
"What's your name?" Debienne asked without looking up.
"Emma."
"Um, how old are you?" Poligny asked doubtfully, examining her.
"Eleven."
"Aren't you a bit young to be an Opera Ghost?"
"No," she replied. "Opera Ghosts should be young because then they have more creative ideas on how to kill people."
Debienne's eyebrows shot up. "Do you like to kill people?"
"No, but Opera Ghosts do."
"What gave you that idea?" Poligny asked.
"It's the truth and anyone who doesn't believe it is wrong."
"Moving on, why do you want this job?"
"Because I want money," she replied.
"And why do you think you deserve this job?" Debienne added.
"Because I am smart and I have worked hard to let my servants let me go. Also because an Opera Ghost is a very valuable job. You should treasure it well and if you treasure it well you will hire me."
"Um, we'll get back to you. Next!"
A strange slimy green creature with what looked to be tentacles on his face entered the room. Debienne and Poligny didn't contain their surprise and disgust as the creature sat down opposite them.
"Er, if you don't mind my asking, what exactly are you?" Debienne asked bluntly.
"I am Davy Jones, captain of the Flying Dutchman," the slimy thing replied with a Scottish accent.
"Then why have you got tentacles on your face?" Poligny decided to be equally blunt.
"I was cursed and now I am here for a job."
"Right then, well, why would a sea captain such as yourself want a job in an Opera House? Are you even musical?"
"I play the organ. With my beard." Debienne and Poligny glanced in confusion at each other. "Anyway, I'd hardly be here. I can only go on land once every ten years."
"Well that makes you rather useless," Poligny blurted out. Debienne shot him a warning glare.
"Don't be calling me useless," he warned in a dangerous voice, raising his lobster claw threateningly.
"Okay," Poligny whimpered.
"I think you can leave now," Debienne replied calmly.
"Fine." Davy Jones stomped out, leaving Poligny clutching Debienne nervously.
"Get off me," Debienne said as he pushed Poligny back to his own chair.
"But he scared me," Poligny whined.
"Stop acting like a child. Next!" Debienne called out to Daniel.
A young girl in a disturbingly short skirt and shirt came in. She was practically vibrating with excitement. "Hi!1!1 Im lyke, Amy!1!one!11"
Debienne and Poligny shared a glance. Debienne spoke up first. "So, Mademoiselle Amy, why do you want to be our new Opera Ghost?"
"Cuz I tly want 2 meeet eric!!" She smiled at them. "I tyme-travelled hear 2 meat him adn then hee wud fal in LUV wit me and we wood ahve 20 kidrens!!1!onehundredeleven !!!1!"
Poligny was trembling again. "I can't understand a word she says," he whispered. "Debienne, I can't understand French anymore! Help me!"
Debienne rolled his eyes. "She's not speaking French! Now calm down so we can call in the next candidate. He turned to Amy, who was still vibrating. "You may leave now, Mademoiselle," he announced, pointing to the door.
Her face crumpled into a pout. "i h8 u!1!!11!!!" she called as she stormed away.
"Next," Debienne called out, "And no more women!"
The door opened to admit a very thin man in a black mask and dress clothes. He walked over and took a seat across from the managers without speaking. They discreetly grinned at each other. Poligny quickly put on a straight face and began the interview. "What is your name, monsieur?"
"My name is Erik," he replied in a voice that nearly put the managers in a trance with its beauty.
Debienne blinked quickly to clear his mind. "What is your family name?"
"I have none."
"Oh, all right then. Um, why do you want to be our Opera Ghost?"
"Let's just say I've been planning something like this for a while," he replied mysteriously.
Poligny looked confused and Debienne nudged him in the ribs. "He has an aura of mystery," Debienne whispered. Poligny nodded, catching on.
"So," Poligny asked, "What are some of your special skills?"
"I have many skills, including musical talent, stealth, and experience with murder."
"Murder?" Debienne asked nervously. "I'm not sure if we were planning to go that far with the haunting…"
"But we're open to ideas," Poligny replied brightly. "If we hire you, you will have some freedom as long as you attract publicity."
"But not necessarily that much freedom," Debienne commented, looking pointedly at Poligny. "Now, why do you think you deserve to be our Opera Ghost when there are so many other suitable candidates?"
"Have your other candidates really been suitable?" Erik asked. Poligny began to shake his head but was stopped by Debienne.
"We have had some candidates we are currently considering."
"We have?" Poligny asked in doubt.
Debienne stepped on his foot beneath the desk. "Of course we have. Monsieur, the question?"
"Fine. I know I am far more suitable than most of the candidates you have seen today. Furthermore, I would not require lodgings or a salary over 100,000 francs. I believe 20,000 would suffice."
"We can afford that if attendance comes up," Poligny muttered. "But no lodgings?"
"I already know of somewhere that will suffice."
"Oh, good then. Monsieur, would you please step over to the other side of the room while we confer?" Debienne asked.
Erik nodded and moved while the managers leaned their heads together.
"I rather like him," Poligny began.
"I agree, I think we should hire him and be done with it. But what about the murdering? Do you think he would do something like that here? That could be a bit detrimental to attendance. People won't want to come to the Opera if they think they might be murdered."
"Well, I doubt it. I don't think he'd do anything unless the person deserved it. So let's just hire him now, before we get any more disturbing interviewees," Poligny added with a shudder. "That fish thing…and the girls…"
"So it's settled then. We hire this guy. All right, I'll let him know." Debienne turned away from Poligny and announced, "You're hired. You can start haunting as soon as you've settled in."
Erik merely nodded and left the office silently.
"I hope this works," Poligny muttered. Debienne nodded.
They had no idea.
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