A/N Hi everyone, this is my first Scrubs fic. So please review, but don't kill me. I just felt like writing this because "My perspective" really bothered me. I felt that there was something wrong with JD, for accepting his friends' behavior. I thought that it should have affected him differently. But then, I figured that maybe taking it to the other extreme might show JD's misery more effectively.
PS I don't own Scrubs or its characters
The past couple of weeks or even months had been extremely hard for me. I had lost my baby because of my girlfriend's miscarriage, then I lost my girlfriend, lost my home and then found out that I had a medical condition that made me pass out while pooping. Things had become so depressing that I had started to rely entirely on my friends for moral support. It turns out thats not always a good idea. It was brought to my attention that I had in fact become a burden on my friends, apparently I was doing that for the past six years without realizing it. The time had come for a change. I was going to set things right, for my friends at least, if not for myself. Instead of being the guy who needed support, I planned on being the guy to provide the support. I felt really bad for dumping myself on everyone, its not like they didn't have lives of their own to deal with. Turk and Carla were trying to find a balance in their lives with full time jobs and Izzie. Elliot was trying to stabilize her new relationship with Keith and Dr Cox was just…Dr Cox, who knew what his problem was. All I knew was that the only one who could help me was me, and if I could just find a way to get past my own troubles, I might finally find a way to be a friend to my friends.
The truth of the matter was that my life was so distraught, that I just wanted an excuse to not think about it. Thinking about myself had become too much of a chore, so I was going to think about others instead. It was all part of the plan of helping myself...in the grand scheme of things.
My first order of business was keeping up pretenses that my own problems were either not important or non-existent. That was easier to do once I finally found an apartment for myself. I mean, its hard to believe that the guy living in a tent on a porch was doing okay, when its minus five degrees outside. After that though, most of my friends seemed to worry about me less. Which stung as much as it was a relief. I was glad on one hand that I didn't seem that big of a looser anymore, but I also missed them worrying over me. I couldn't stop myself from needing other people to care, even if I was trying to get them not to.
The next step to my plan was to stop discussing my problems with my friends. It came somewhat as a surprise to me while I was taped to the ceiling of the cafeteria, that my friends didn't actually want to listen to me go on about my pathetic life all the time. So I decided that they would never again have to zone out while I bitched and moaned about how lonely I was. Hey, If I didn't want to think about it, I couldn't blame them for not wanting to hear about it. Besides, the only person who is allowed to zone out of a conversation, is me. Still, this was actually hard for me to do, because I was so used to pouring out my feelings to people, that keeping everything inside actually hurt my tummy. I couldn't help but notice though, that no one else seemed to miss my "one-on-one JD talk time". But that was ok, I guess, it was all part of the plan.
The next step was to find ways in which I could help ease out the stress from the people around me. Turk was the easiest, all I had to do was be my goofy self, play the happy-go lucky-friend and he was happy. He needed his inner child to come out sometimes, and for that, I was his go-to guy. Of course, there was also baby-sitting Izzie so that Turk and Carla could have some alone time, which was also fine because I loved that little girl to bits.
For Carla, I had to be the guy who helped her deal with Turk and his strange ways. Whenever she needed someone to listen or give advise on Turk, I was her man. I mean who knew him better than me? She was a close second, but I did know him longer. Which I never fail to point out of course.
Elliot, the beautiful and neurotic person that she was, required a little bit more commitment on my part. For her I decided to switch shifts with Keith, and sometimes take his patients so that he and Elliot could spend more time together. This was not a very big sacrifice when it came to my own personal life, since I had none, but it was emotionally taxing because I still did not consider Keith to be a friend. But to see her happy, I was willing to pay the price. After all, I was the one who broke her heart, it was the least I could do.
Now we come to the slightly hard part, Dr Cox. Dr Cox, doesn't have one consistent problem, his problems are infinite in nature. So to help him, I had to be more elusive. The one thing that I did figure out after six years is that, there was a big chance that he didn't care about me, and that if he did. he wasn't ready to show it. So, I had to stop being the needie kid, and let him have his space when he needed it. After all, I was pushing all my other needs aside, why not this one? So, I stopped bothering him with all my "be my mentor" talk. Even though it was still true that I wish he considered me as a son, but never again would I let him see that. I also realized that Dr Cox, didn't rant because he was mad, but because he really enjoyed it, so I decided to give him as much opportunity to do so. My self esteem had already reached a point of no return, there was no harm in letting him play with it anymore. Also, I realized that there were times, few and far between, when Dr. Cox, let on what was really bothering him. Its at these times, when my window of opportunity appeared, to give him some sort of advice. Strangely, at these rare occasions, he actually tends to accept whatever I say. So I made it my endeavor, to look for those opportunities, which mostly occurred after a few drinks at the bar. So, sometimes, when I didn't have a shift and timings coincided, I would joun Dr Cox "accidentally" at the bar and listen to him talk. This was tricky because I had to stop myself for spilling all my problems to him, all the while pretending to be there for reasons other than trying to fix his life. Dr. Cox wasn't big on accepting help or showing that he needed any. So anything I did, had to be a round about way of help.
Imagines himself running circles around Dr Cox yelling "peanut butter and jelly!" Peanut butter and jelly. by the way you should try to control you temper" "peanut butter and Jelly." Before Dr. Cox wacks him with a baceball bat
I always liked that song...Anyway. I even felt that I could help out the Janitor. He seemed to take immense pleasure in ruining my life, and I realized that this made him feel like he had a real purpose in life. So, instead of resisting it, I just let him do what he wanted.
The only other people I had anything of myself left to give to, were my parents, and to them I gave every waking moment of my time, that I could possible give. For them, I kept a smile on my lips, a comforting touch and anything else they would ask of me.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not a saint, I'm not completely selfless and I'm not trying to be a martyr. The truth is, that I have just given up on my life so completely, that the only way to stay alive, is to live for other people. I've pushed myself into this rut that I can't get out of, and instead of trying, I'm ignoring it so that other people can get something out of my miserable existence. I want to forget that I'm alone, and to do that, I have to surround myself with the people I love, even if having them around only causes me more pain. So yes, thats been my plan for the past few weeks, and its working. I'm still lonely inside, but on the outside, at least I'm not isolated.
A/N I hope you liked it. I want to write more, about how the others become so dependent on JD but don't realize how deep his own problems are. But if no one like this one, I won't go on. Do let me know.