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Here I go again- I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today- Savage Garden

SIRIUS

Dawn

Astronomy Tower

A cool hand reached out to cup his cheek. He turned away.

"Don't do this to me." He had meant to sound calm and collected, but his voice rasped with desperation. "Why do you do this to me?"

The smile that had briefly graced her lips faded abruptly as she cast her eyes to the ground. "You know exactly why."

"Can't you stay just a moment longer? Share the time with me. Please?"

Her eyes had begun to well up with tears; she held his gaze, trying to communicate the emotion she felt. "You know I can't."

"What time is it? You haven't been here that long, surely?"

"It's almost dawn." It was true- the sun was peeking over the horizon already. The once dark sky was now tinged with a peach hue.

He had to accept that she was leaving him again. He would see her tomorrow. He could wait. He could wait for years if he had to. He would wait. No matter how hard it was for him to bear.

"And what if something happens to you? I couldn't-" She cut him off, capturing his lips with his. He responded eagerly, arms tightly encircling her waist, but he knew what the kiss meant. They were not to speak of that which they were not sure of. Nobody knew of their relationship as of yet, and hope dictated that nobody would know for a very long time.

Sirius knew she had to leave, but that wouldn't change how hard it was. It would mean death for either of them if someone found out. She had to return to the Tower, as did he. They would be looked for in the morning, and James would suspect that something was amiss.

He broke the kiss, keeping his eyes closed. "Lily- I..." He opened his eyes to find that the Astronomy Tower was empty. He was alone. She had left him once again.

He looked out across the ground, still savouring the kiss that they had shared just moments before. Daybreak had crept up on them once again, and the sun was shining its bright light across the dew-sparkling lawns, speckled with bright wildflowers.

He wiped a sweaty palm over his tired brow. The lack of sleep was all very well, given the presence he shared with his Lilyflower, especially seeing as though when they were together he felt rejuvenated. However, it was starting to take its toll. He could not keep the charade up forever; the sight of them together during the day made him sick with jealousy.

Footsteps sounded below. Some early-rising Ravenclaws were off to breakfast. Sirius had three choices: to join them, to go back to bed, or to remain here for the entirety of the day until she returned to his arms.

Though the latter sounded the most enticing, he knew he must face the world today, as he did every day. As for the first, Sirius Black was not known for waking before classes started. As he did every day, he snuck quietly back to his dormitory to try to attain some sleep.

Upon arriving at the top of the stairs, he hesitated by the doorframe, staring in at the sleeping forms of his three best friends. His eyes lingered for longer than usual on the covered hulk of James, and he allowed colour to rise to his cheeks in anger.

It was because of James that he had little sleep. Because of James that Sirius and Lily had little privacy. Because of James that they had to meet in secret. Because of James that they would be truly together, and that Sirius would forever doubt Lily's love for him.

It was hard to bank on your love's fidelity when you saw them constantly with another man, regardless of whether you knew there was good reason for it.

A loud snore brought Sirius back to the present, and he stepped forward with a jolt, before realising it was simply a result of Peter's various dreams. He padded silently across the floor (he wasn't called Padfoot for nothing) and crept under his covers for another morning of fitful, dreamless sleep.

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I'm alone in this world, and a fucked up world it is too- U2

LILY

Breakfast time

Girl's Dormitories

"Lils! Lils! Wake up! Charms is in fifteen minutes!"

Lily turned in her sleep. Annoying voices were there to be ignored, were they not? And she hated the name Lils. Her name was just four letters; where was the point in further shortening it?

"Lils! James and Sirius will be there..."

With that she sat bolt upright. How did Beck know about Sirius? Had something leaked out? She rolled out of bed, keeping her head low as she traipsed off to the bathroom. How could she possibly be aware of their relationship?

As hot water flooded over her body, Lily began to calm down. Beck had said 'James and Sirius', not just James. Clearly her friend had thought that Lily would be excited to see her boyfriend, and had thrown the name of her own crush in there as well.

Oh well, Lily thought as she got out and wrapped a towel around her body. At least my secret's still safe.

It hurt her to know that she was keeping something so enormous from the best friend to whom she told everything. Then again, it was all to keep up the charade. After all, James was Beck's cousin, and surely one of the first she would tell if she guessed that something was amiss. Added to that was the fact that Beck was a stickler for gossip, and that once she knew something juicy, the whole school would know, regardless of whether it was supposed to be a close-kept secret or not.

She slipped on her robes, tying her hair up into a simple messy bun. As much as she would have loved to look good for Sirius, she had to keep on pretending. Besides, this was the way James liked it best, and he was the one she was believed to be pleasing.

She went out to meet Beck. "How do I look?"

"Ravishing. James will love ya, hun."

"That's what I'm afraid of," Lily mumbled.

"What was that?" Sometimes Beck was too cheerful for Lily's taste. Lately, every moment seemed to be one of those times.

"Nothing," she replied, putting on a bright, not entirely fake smile. After all, she had kept this false identity up for a year and a half and it was still not wearing thin- why not keep going?

Together they went down to meet the boys. Unsurprisingly, Sirius was there too, wearing an equally bright smile, his eyes sparkling at her. She grinned at him- she could never grow tired of his heart-melting smile, and he was looking very good today. As always.

She was expected to greet James in a more than friendly manner. Steeling herself, she turned to him, planting a soft kiss on his cheek and whispering seductively in his ear. "I missed you."

He smiled and turned to kiss her on the corner of her mouth. She fought back a grimace. Just pretend he's Sirius, she thought. Pretend he's Sirius and it will all be fine.

Lily took his hand in hers and led him out of the portrait hole, Beck and a slightly soured Sirius following behind them.

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The way you fooled the moon- Unjust

BECK

Lunchtime

Great Hall

She glanced at him from across the table. He was laughing at something Lily had said, his eyes shining with the sheen they always seemed to produce around her. It was clear that he loved her.

She sighed. His love, too, seemed to be unrequited. If only he could turn his thoughts to her, then both couples would be happily paired with those that loved them.

The jealousy of Lily that seemed to swamp her whenever she saw him looking at her like that smothered her. It wasn't fair that Lily should be so in love with James, and he with her, when she had another man loving her as well.

Sirius was too good for Lily. Sirius was too good for anybody. He was so handsome, so charming, so funny. He was perfect in every way. Too perfect for Lily, or his friends. Too perfect even for Rebecca herself.

She asked him to pass her the salad, blushing furiously when his hand brushed hers, and raising her eyes to meet his gaze invitingly. But he had already turned his attention back to Lily, oblivious of Beck's attempts at gaining his attention.

Why could he not see that he was made for her, and she for him. Both felt like third wheels in the presence of the forever snuggling Lily and James, though for different reasons. Both were excellent at flying, and the top of their game on the Quidditch team. For that matter, both were Beaters. Both hated Bertie Bott's jellybeans, because both had a slight fear of taking dangerous risks for such a small prize as a delicious tasting lolly.

Of course, he didn't –nor would he ever- know of her knowledge of these things. If he knew, he might consider her his stalker, or worse. With good reason.

She stared back up at him, but once again he was enraptured by something that Lily was saying. How could James not see the obvious? It was clear that his best friend was head over heels for his girl, and yet he ignored it. Oh well, she thought wisely. Love can make anyone blind.

Unable to take his affections for the other girl, she pushed away her plate and her chair, standing up abruptly. Lily's questioning gaze followed her all the way out the Great Hall, but it was his eyes that were on her mind all the way up to Gryffindor Tower. When she collapsed into tears on her bed, it was his smiling lips that she was thinking of, and as she cried herself to sleep- a nap that would cause her to skip potions, much to an angry Slughorn's disapproval- it was his face that haunted her dreams.

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Until next time, luvs, review...

Bree