Song is Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

Well, I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

[Chorus
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left, you kissed my lips
You told me you would never, ever forget
These images

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

[Chorus
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that
Easy to walk right in and out
Of my life?

[Chorus
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

Meredith groans as she slams her hand down on her buzzing alarm. Another great dream interrupted by her alarm, by her responsibilities as a doctor, her responsibilities as a parent. She groans as she hears the tell-tale giggling of her 18 month old son. This giggle brings a smile to her face as she pushes back the covers and climbs out of her otherwise empty bed. She walks across the hallway and is instantly met by the bright blue eyes of her son.

Meredith: Good Morning, Blaine. Aren't we in a good mood this morning?

Blaine claps his hands happily as Meredith reaches down and lifts him out of the crib. She really needs to pee. She really needs to shower, but her son always comes first. Always.

She walks down the stairs with Blaine on her hip, his hands tangling in her hair.

Blaine: Mamamamamamamama

Meredith giggles as she kisses Blaine on the cheek.

Meredith: Yes, baby, I'm mama.

Meredith sighs as she pushes the door open to the kitchen. She is immediately greeted by the smell of pancakes and a bright and cheery blonde.

Izzie: Good morning.

Meredith looks Izzie up and down.

Meredith: You got some.

Izzie stares at Meredith a moment before shrugging.

Izzie: So what?

Meredith just sighs. Truth be told, Meredith wanted some. Hell, she didn't want some, she wanted a lot. She hasn't had sex since Blaine's conception. She just hasn't been able to. It felt too much like she was cheating on [ihim[/i.

[iHe[/i haunts her dreams, with his dark curly hair and his perfectly blue eyes. She closes her eyes and his husky voice reverberates throughout her soul. She only knew him for a moment, but that one moment altered her entire life.

Okay, it wasn't a moment. It was a weekend. The best weekend of her entire life. One weekend. Two days and two nights before they parted ways forever, only when she left, she wasn't alone. She wasn't alone and she didn't even know. She wasn't alone and she didn't even know his last name. She wasn't alone yet she was left all alone.

She looks at Izzie and sighs, the tiredness aching every joint of her body. Being a neurosurgical resident and a single parent is hell and she is exhausted. Keeping up with Blaine and trying to stay on the top of her game is draining her and she doesn't know how long she can keep it up.

Meredith: Iz?

Izzie turns and looks at her.

Izzie: Yeah?

Meredith: Can you watch Blaine for me so that I can take a shower before work?

Izzie smiles brightly.

Izzie: Sure.

Izzie walks towards Meredith.

Izzie: Hey, Blaine. Wanna help Aunt Izzie make pancakes?

Blaine giggles as Izzie reaches out and takes him from Meredith's arms. He really is a happy baby. Meredith couldn't ask for more. She loves him. She loves him so much. She knows that it is him that keeps her going. It is him that keeps her afloat, she just doesn't know how long it is until this system of support is no longer enough.

Meredith smiles weakly at Izzie.

Meredith: Thanks, Izz.

Izzie: No problem. Go enjoy your shower.

Meredith nods and walks back up to her bathroom. She fully intends on enjoying her shower. It seems like this is her only time to herself. Her time to think. Her time to daydream. Her time to escape. Her time to return to him and to the best two days of her life. Her time.

She inhales deeply before stepping underneath the hot stream of water. Her muscles almost instantly begin to relax and the memories come flooding back in a tidal wave that threatens to bring her to the ground. Strangely enough, it is these tidal waves that almost knock her down that keep her standing. It his the mere memory of what once was that deters her thoughts from her current solitary condition.

So, as Meredith stands underneath the stream of water in the steam-filled shower, she allows herself to travel back to a time where for once in her life she wasn't Meredith Grey, daughter or world-renown surgeon Ellis Grey, but just Meredith. She was just Meredith and he was just Derek and together they were amazingly perfect.

I know some of you are thinking that I am crazy...and well..I am a little...but honestly...Alone and Wish You Were Here are both completed...Tainted Love is written well ahead of where it is here...so Bend It Like Shepherd is the only one that you guys actually get as I write it...up until now...there are a couple of more updates of this one that are finished...but I just started this fic the day before yesterday...I have two more fics as well...and I will be posting them here shortly as well...they are all in various places...so yeah...hope you like it..

-Marci