Gomen Nasai

Okay, this is a side story to Look at Us. If you choose to read that one are have already done so.

A.N. The song Gomen Nasai is by Tatu and is written twice in this story. I do not own D.N.Angel.

Once again, Krad had said something to make Dark angry, and once again, Dark left, slamming the door behind him, this time taking his keys and the credit card. Krad didn't understand why he continued to say things that he knew would make Dark mad at him but he still seemed to say it.

Krad refused to eat for the three days that Dark was gone, instead wasting himself away sitting under the window. Dark himself wasn't fairing much better but at least he was taking care of himself. Sitting on his bed he wondered why it was always he that ran out in anger. He had just realized that no matter how angry Krad got, that he simply fled to the music room, and Dark still angry as well, never once went in to see that Krad simply sat in the corner with his knees drawn up waiting for the tide to clear.

For the first time Dark realized that Krad was afraid that if he left Dark would refuse him entrance and what shocked Dark, was that, he realized, he would have turned Krad away, but Krad always seemed to be waiting for his return. It shocked him, and scared him. How could he be that cruel. He realized he owed Krad so much more than he had ever realized. He loved Krad, he really did, but his temper always got the best of him. He had to change, he realized, it would be hard, but he had to.

He realized that if Krad ever did leave that he probably would not come back. He would be scared that Dark would not let him come in, that Dark didn't love him anymore, or he would be plain fed up with Dark and would probably fly as far away as possible. He wouldn't go to Satoshi for help, he would refuse to stoop so low as to ask homage of the Niwa's, and Dark would probably never see him again.

Krad realized he had to change. He had to stop saying things that he knew would anger Dark but sometimes his ego got in the way of certain things. He realized that Dark loved him but that he wasn't exactly what Dark had asked for in a lover. With Dark's good looks he could have anyone, male or female, and Krad would fade away into the background unable to say or do anything, if it meant Dark's true happiness. He wouldn't get in the way of that, but for now, he would wait. That's all he could do. Dark would come back when he wanted to and not until then or he could not come back at all and leave Krad there waiting for years, but still when he returned Krad would welcome him with open arms. Such was his love for the thief.

He knew he was possessive but he couldn't really help that. It had never been something he let go of easily. He was slightly controlling but with Dark he had mellowed so much. He knew Dark knew what he was doing, even if Krad did ban him from touching the stove. But that couldn't be helped. Dark was a disaster in the kitchen. It was a wonder Satoshi didn't learn how to cook. At least Daisuke was there in that concern.

Krad drug himself from the window. It was early morning and as such, he still hadn't had any decent rest. Deciding he would try to make it to the bedroom, he stopped when he passed the music room. Something productive. Sleep could wait. It wasn't likely that even if he tried that he would actually sleep. He walked on autopilot to the piano and started to play. It was the same song over and over, never once stopping. He didn't realize this of course and it was only the twentieth or so time he had played it. Finally zoning in he tried to clear his throat and then began singing the haunting words that had been playing over and over in his head. He already had a small trail of tears down his cheek.

What I thought wasn't mine

In the light

Was one of a kind,

A precious pearl

My Dark was beautiful and it was that beauty that scared me, for someone, anyone that caught his eye, could steal him away from me.

When I wanted to cry

I couldn't cause I

Wasn't allowed

Hikari's don't cry but I find myself doing so more and more often.

Gomen nasai for everything

Gomen nasai, I know I let you down

Gomen nasai till the end

I never needed a friend

Like I do now

I'm sorry. I know I let you down. I always do. I can't be perfect, no matter how much I try. I want to be but it just doesn't seem to be possible.

What I thought wasn't all

So innocent

Was a delicate doll

Of porcelain

When I wanted to call you

And ask you for help

I stopped myself

I should be able to take care of myself. I'm a Hikari. But Dark has kidnapped my heart, the thief that he is. But I can't say I'm really complaining, I just want him to come back.

Gomen nasai for everything

Gomen nasai, I know I let you down

Gomen nasai till the end

I never needed a friend

Like I do now

I'm sorry. So sorry. The tears fall freely now.

What I thought was a dream

An mirage

Was as real as it seemed

A privilege

I know he loves me, but do I deserve it. Probably not. I made the first thousands years of his life hell.

When I wanted to tell you

I made a mistake

I walked away

I can't just admit it. It shows how weak I've really become. It's not fair, but then again, life isn't is it.

Gomen nasai, for everything

Gomen nasai, Gomen nasai,

I never needed a friend,

Like I do now

I'm sorry I always say things that upset you. I don't seem to know when to quit. I'll try to hold my tongue, but I don't know if it will be too late for that.

Gomen nasai, I let you down

Gomen nasai, Gomen nasai,

Gomen nasai till the end

I never needed a friend

Like I do now

Please come back. For this occasion, I beg you Dark. Please come back. He zoned out but just kept playing. He felt that if he stopped everything would fall apart. If he stopped, Dark would never come back. If he stopped, he would be alone and everything would be too quiet. He had to keep playing, it was the only thing keeping him sane. He played and played and never heard the door open as he started anew.

What I thought wasn't mine

In the light

Was one of a kind,

A precious pearl

He sounds so sad.

When I wanted to cry

I couldn't cause I

Wasn't allowed

Damn Hikari, he always runs away when he's sad.

Gomen nasai for everything

Gomen nasai, I know I let you down

Gomen nasai till the end

I never needed a friend

Like I do now

How could I have been so cruel. He looks a mess. He can barely sit up straight.

What I thought wasn't all

So innocent

Was a delicate doll

Of porcelain

He looks like porcelain. As if he is about to break, that or he is already broken. I am not sure which is more true. He is breaking or he is already broken.

When I wanted to call you

And ask you for help

I stopped myself

Just ask. It won't kill you. Please, just once let someone help you. You are so stubborn it makes me angry sometimes. I'm here for you, can't you see that. I do care and that's why you make me angry when you say I don't. I do. Truly.

Gomen nasai for everything

Gomen nasai, I know I let you down

Gomen nasai till the end

I never needed a friend

Like I do now

No you didn't. you could never let me down. I love you and you are more than what I want.

What I thought was a dream

An mirage

Was as real as it seemed

A privilege

I wish I could hug you, but I know you would pull away.

When I wanted to tell you

I made a mistake

I walked away

You always do. Why? Can't you just admit it? It is not that hard to say I'm sorry. But I guess that is what you are trying to say, you just don't know how do you?

Gomen nasai, for everything

Gomen nasai, Gomen nasai,

I never needed a friend,

Like I do now

I want to wipe away the tears that you are crying. I can't be mad at you anymore. I get mad at the smallest things. It is not your fault you believed in your way of life. You had no reason not to. I don't want you to leave.

Gomen nasai, I let you down

Gomen nasai, Gomen nasai,

Gomen nasai till the end

I never needed a friend

Like I do now

"I love you Krad Hikari, my beautiful white angel." I startle him, but I can't help it. I must make him understand. I can see in his eyes that he doesn't truly believe it. His hands hit the final keys and he pulls them away from the piano. I gently lay my hand to his face and sigh when he does not flinch or pull away.

I tilt his face to meet mine and he turns.

"Do you?"

I am not startled. I knew he would need a better answer. "Truly." He relaxes and I pull him into a long hot searing kiss. We are both panting when I release him. As suddenly, he collapses, and I hurry to catch him. Once I have him securely I realize he is haggard. He has dark black circles under his eyes and his state of dress is uncoup. Not the way Krad Hikari would ever dress. I take a guess that he has not eaten in that time either. I still find days at a time when he does not eat, even though he cooks to make sure I am fed. He has always been light but just those three days he is a bit lighter than he was a week ago. I carry him to bed, and cover him. As I turn to walk away to see what I can do to get food -the phone was in the living room after all- his hand quickly latches onto my wrist. His eyes try to open and I cannot make out the words he is so desperately trying to say, but I understand. He does not want me to leave.

"I will not leave you my white angel. I promise." And I plan to keep that promise. I climb into the bed and he curls around me. Surprisingly, we sleep for two days, but I can't really say that we didn't both need it. Now things are back to the way they were before and in retrospect it is just a ticking time bomb before we fight again, but hopefully, now that I understand better, I can control my temper.

Now that I see how things appear to him, maybe now, I can let go. I can try to confide. It will not be easy, but I am willing to try as long as my black thief is willing to stay.

A.N. This is subject to change at the beginning. I had it written so much better but lost my notes and if I can say it was so much better but this will have to do and it has its own merits.