Author's Note

This is my first Ouran High fic (I'm a regular at Cardcaptor Sakura), so please be gentle with me! If you've watched every episode of Ouran High (which I assume you have, or you wouldn't be here), you'll know how endlessly ridiculous the Host Club's antics can be! I'll try to make this as real as you can imagine. Well, don't let me get in your way of reading the fanfic. Enjoy :DD

Disclaimer

I wish I could say I own Ouran High School Host Club and all of its accolades (especially the Takashi Morinozuka part), but sadly, I don't. This fic was merely whipped out from my humbly twisted fantasies. So before you go on, please take the liberty of cuddling up with milk and cookies. P:

Chapter 1: One Ticket to Hell and Back, Please

"I can't believe it!" Hitachiin Kaoru moaned, throwing his hands up in the air for a dramatic effect.

Mitsukuni Haninozuka, or better known as Huni, popped another cream puff into his mouth. Takashi Morinozuka (Takashi, Mori, or The Wild in some circles) handed out yet another plate of cake like a pre-programmed robot, to which Huni took utmost delight.

"Arigatou, Takashi!" the latter grinned as that, too, disappeared into the gaping hole in his face.

"I said, I can't BELIEVE it!" Kaoru moaned again, louder this time, thrusting his arms further towards the ceiling (if biologically possible).

His twin brother, Hitachiin Hikaru, offered him a sympathetic look that said, 'well, what can you do, it's part of life', and returned to the other person on his cellphone.

"Fine, I'll say it again. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!"

This time, he finally received due response from the crowd. Ootori Kyouya, who had been typing away at his notebook, looked up from the glaring screen. "And what is it you can't believe, Kaoru?"

"What I CAN'T believe, is that we have to spend our holiday hosting! Like we can't take a break from all the girl talk and giggles just for a week!" Kaoru exclaimed, steaming at the ears. "And what I can't further believe is the fact that you were the one who suggested this fabulous idea to the Student Council Board! Host Club to accompany and provide hosting services to another society on their trip to a foreign country, for one whole week!"

"Well, I'm sure that's pretty much your problem," Kyouya stated indiscreetly, returning to his notebook, light from the occasionally blinking screen reflecting off his glasses. "You'll sort it out eventually."

"Kaoru, looks like we must learn to accept the truth." Suoh Tamaki appeared from out of nowhere, pushing aside the trembling finger that was pointing accusingly at Kyouya. "Mommy is, after all, a student councillor himself, so he'll do anything for the council's benefits."

Kyouya did nothing but shrug nonchalantly.

"But - but - You can't!"

"I already did."

"But I thought we were together! So the council's more important then?"

"I never did say that, but since you insist..."

Kaoru whimpered. "And to think... I had so much planned for the holiday..." Tears began to cascade from his waterlogged eyes. Big, fat goblets of tears that he wiped away with the back of his palms, but in vain, for he was sprouting like a fountain.

"Sun-tanning at Manza Beach in Okinawa... Attending my uncle's sister's husband's festival and party..." He stole a look at Haruhi, and sobbed even harder. "I was even planning on asking Haruhi to take me to the local commoner annual flea markets! Oh, this is HORRIBLE!"

"They're not flea markets, Kaoru, they're shopping fairs." Haruhi sweatdropped at the sight of Kaoru, who had, as a grand finale of his parody, proceeded to sprawl himself across Huni's tea table.

Huni looked at him quizzically. "Cookie, Kaoru?" he offered. Kaoru continued to wail, but he extended an arm to grab a biscuit anyway.

"... And maybe you could take this in a different perspective, you know," Haruhi continued. "I mean, at least we get to travel..."

When he heard this, Kaoru only bawled even more.

"He doesn't like travelling," Hikaru whispered into Haruhi's ear.

"Oh." Haruhi sighed like air escaping from a deflated balloon. "Kyouya-senpai hasn't told him yet, then?"

"Told me what?" Kaoru looked up, munching wistfully on a chocolate-and-macadamia cookie.

"That going to Kyoto doesn't really count as..."

"KYOTO!" Kaoru shot up, snapping out of his depression as he waved a rum-soaked raisin cookie in the air. "You never told me we were going there! Oh, the world seems so much brighter now! Kyoto, land of sun-tanning beaches, grand festivals and parties, and street after street of commoner flea markets!"

"Shopping fairs," Haruhi muttered.

"Well, now that's all sorted out, I suppose it's safe to tell you just who we're going to be hosting," Kyouya spoke up.

"I hope it's the ballerinas," Hikaru said, flipping closed his cellphone. "Oh, those ladies are so graceful, and elegant, and..."

"No, it's not them."

"Well, then perhaps it's the largely female population of the Drama and Poetry Society!" gushed Kaoru, as he broke off a chunk from an almond biscuit. "Their poems are so enchanting..."

"No."

"Then it must be the ladies from the High Tea Society – "

"Nope."

"Or the Literature – "

"No."

"Mou," Huni moaned dreadfully from the corner. "It's not the Chefs' Recreational Club, is it? They'll make me eat their sugar-free cupcakes for one whole week!"

"Don't worry, it's not them."

He sighed in relief, then proceeded to erase the thought of sugar-free pastries by eating more sugar-filled pastries.

"Then who?" Tamaki insisted. "Who could possibly be so lucky as to spend one whole week with the Host Club?"

Kyouya pushed his glasses further up the bridge of his nose and stated, as-a-matter-of-factly, "The Newspaper Club."

An unabated silence ensued, and the unmusical clang of a fork against a plate sounded from across the room.

"The... Newspaper... Club...?"

Kyouya nodded indifferently, and for a while there was nothing but silence, besides the feverish tapping of keys on the keyboard.

"Who could possibly be so unlucky as to spend one whole week with the Newspaper Club?" Tamaki whispered, a certain light lost in his eyes.

"Hooray for us." Hikaru shook his head, a sigh of defeat escaping his lips. He patted the back and coaxed a once-again wailing Kaoru.

"Why?" a watery-eyed Huni ran over to Kyouya and tugged on his sleeve. "Why, Kyou-kun?"

He looked up from the monitor screen, and down at the eyes of a confused Huni. "It'll bring us more benefit than you think."

"What are you doing, Mommy?" Tamaki stepped towards him. "You still remember how they nearly defamed us in Episode 19, right? And - and - they'll tear us apart! Just thinking of it causes my heart to shatter into a million tiny pieces! Oh, my daughter, Haruhi, please come here and give me a big hug, our very last, and call me Daddy, so that your sweet, melodious voice can resound in my ears even after we are split apart!"

Haruhi looked up from her novel, Pride and Prejudice, and said, rather blatantly, "No."

That sent Tamaki spiralling into a dark corner of the room, taking an immense depressed interest in engaging his index fingers in a headbutting feud.

"Is that Pride and Prejudice you're reading, Haruhi?" Kyouya noticed. "It's rather... Outdated, don't you think?"

"Good literature does not fade with time," Haruhi replied. "And I still don't understand, Kyouya-senpai. How can we possibly gain from working with the Newspaper Club?"

"Haru-chan is so clever!" Huni noted to himself, and as a reward for being equally observant, he shoved into his mouth a forkful of cheesecake.

"You won't believe me if I told you now, so when the time comes, you will see, and then the possibilities will be endless."

"Alright, since we have all established how intelligent and brilliant this plan is, can you just tell us just how we can benefit right now, so we can stop worrying about this whole thing?" Hikaru said with irritation, and he motioned to Kaoru, who was shedding sympathy-seeking crocodile tears onto his brother's sleeve. "Besides that, I also prefer my uniform dry."

"You will see," Kyouya repeated, and pushed his glasses up again. "You will see."

Well, you may not understand exactly what they're doing and how they're doing it, but the next chapter will reveal all! Well not exactly all of it, I mean there's still the surprise! What surprise? Oh, you will see! ;D Reviews please, so I'll know if I'm cut out for Ouran High fics! Love!