And all you want to be
Is in a dream
Konan hurried through the streets, running from whatever she was running from.
Her team? Her parents? Her emotions?
Her life?
Perhaps.
She tripped over her shoes, and crashed onto the pavement. She rubbed the sore spot on the side of her cheek, and got up. She felt weak. A strong kunoichi couldn't even manage her own life.
Pathetic.
She walked slowly along the pavement, and aimlessly looked up to the moon. Her parents would find out she wasn't home soon. That would be fun.
She trudged on, more slowly, eventually just coming to a complete halt.
Who the hell had she become?
She was an exceptional ninja. Then what was she doing on the street like a filthy rat? She didn't know who she was becoming.
As she fell to her knees, her long hair enveloping her face, she couldn't help but wonder.
Why? Why? Was the question. But she didn't have the answer.
Why was she running away?
Was she afraid?
That was the obvious answer. But there was something deeper. Something more. She wasn't just scared. She was…sad. Angered. Emotional. She was a wreck, and emotional plane wreck.
She'd spent her life living in a small house, being the outcast of her village because of her power, forcing her parents to try and make her accepted by making her nicer, more powerful, thinner, prettier, better.
And that was her life.
Getting back up, she kept walking, reaching the edges of her village. She knew this wasn't a good place to be walking around alone. At midnight. But she didn't care.
Konan ignored all of the drunken men, stepping over each of their incapacitated bodies. It wasn't right that she was running away from her future…or possibly lack thereof.
She just wanted to avoid the inevitable truth.
She would be little more than baggage to her parents. Baggage they could train to be better.
Konan reached the outskirts of her village. She looked over her shoulder to what she could've had.
And left.
-----------------------------------------------
She felt a strange feeling when she met him.
Possibly trust.
It was odd, running into a person just like her. Someone different, special, perfect…
And yet not so perfect.
He had such an odd persona; he gave off a vibe that made her scared and safe at the same time.
Mostly scared.
He told her to come with him; he had an abnormal idea, although it wasn't abnormal in the least.
Just very, very different. Even though possibly everyone wanted it.
Domination. Over the pitiful world.
No matter how many times she would tell him that he was doing the impossible, no matter how many times she would say he was wrong, he would just tell her
No.
He could do it, and he will do it. He'll do the impossible.
It wasn't difficult for her to just sigh, and shake her head, thinking:
He was a strange person indeed.
Sometimes.
Sometimes her mind wandered back to that village. The village that—according to his words—held her back from greatness. Held her back from being who she is.
Held her back from being his.
Sometimes she wondered what it would be like if she stayed there.
But sometimes…
She didn't care.
She didn't care that she could've been something more than an outcast, something more.
That rang in her head.
She wanted to be something more.
Is that why she had joined? To be something more? She didn't know anymore. Sometimes, she just wanted to go back, and tell them she was a person now. Tell them her abilities made her great.
Tell them she was somebody.
She felt some remorse.
It had been her first assassination. She wasn't used to killing people, just humiliating them. Shoving dirt in their eyes, mocking them by throwing easy kunai hits at them, but not killing someone.
He had told her it was just her releasing her strength, her emotions, her soul.
Was she supposed to feel happy when she killed?
Or was she supposed to feel sad?
He said it was neither happiness or remorse.
It was freedom.
She had to disagree, but after all, deep down.
She knew he was right.
That was the day she had felt free.
She had snipped off the indigo locks, looking at her new appearance in the dirty mirror. He had told her she looked dignified, classy, pretty with that short hair of hers.
But she didn't care.
She just wanted those dreaded memories to disappear.
But were they dreaded?
They weren't happy, that's for sure. Those memories of her team ignoring her, thinking she was invisible, her sensei not even recognizing her greatness…and the village giving her glares when she walked by just because they were jealous of her.
When she had thrown those locks out in the garbage, she felt nothing. Nothing but freedom.
And it felt good.
When she had returned to her room, she felt as if she needed something. An accessory, maybe? Folding and cutting paper, she made a flower to put in her hair.
He said it made her look elegant and refined.
She thought it was just a flower.
She wondered about the place she was in.
Not her place in life. But the actual place. It was full of misfits, outcasts, strangers, and brilliant people.
Like her.
She wasn't totally sure to call them just like her, for example, Tobi. He was the weirdest one there.
Well, maybe not, after thinking about Hidan. And Deidara was pretty eccentric too, especially when she thought they had another girl in the Akatsuki. And she wasn't even going to mention Orochimaru.
When she thought about it, she was just living in a freak fest. And she was one of the only normal ones.
But they were her freaks.
And that's why she loved them all.
When she had tried killing that family, she could not do it. He had to.
However, he had spared the child. To taunt it, or torture it. She wasn't exactly sure.
The child was crying, looking at its still parents, trying valiantly not to thrash out at its killers, knowing they could just as easily do what they did to them to him. Her cold azure eyes stared at the family in vain.
They weren't going to be here longer.
Hopefully.
She felt her hands shake at the thought of killing them. Why couldn't she do it?
She'd done it plenty of times before.
It wasn't like she couldn't. She just…wouldn't.
He had sighed, telling her that she should do better next time. Saying that she would have to make it up tonight. He told her they were all waiting for the mission success, waiting for orders to take, waiting for them.
When she nodded, and turned around, the little boy asked her that dreaded question. The question bringing back all those locked memories.
"Why?" She halted, making him turn around.
Why…?
It was so easy.
Yet so hard at the same time.
Why had she done it all?
Why did she join this group?
Why had she thrown her life away?
Why?
Why?
A simple answer for the boy, yet a one to ponder for days to come for her.
Without turning around or looking over her shoulder, she answered.
"When you're older, you might understand."
And she left.
Going back to what she was.
An outcast.