Icha Icha Missing
Chapter One: Genma And Raidou
By: Rai-Child
Fandom: Naruto
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto OR My Name Is Earl or any of the characters.
Summary: When Kakashi's smut goes missing, no one is safe...
Author's Note: I was watching TV the other day, and came across a particular episode of the TV show My Name Is Earl. I've blatantly drawn inspiration from this; it was some sort of 'mystery' episode regarding some spoons, or something like that. Knives and forks and stuff...
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You know the kinda guys who always end up lumbered with the worst jobs that no one else will take? The sort of guys who accept their Jounin duties without a word but gripe about it when no one else is listening? You know, one who's ripped his tongue to shreds more than once 'cause of the weird need for a senbon in his mouth, and one who just wants a quiet life...?
That's us.
My name is Genma. He's Raidou.
...Yeah, what he said.
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This whole mess started about two days ago when Hokage-sama called us into her office. You just know that something's up when she's got the sake out, no bowls for it either. Drinking the stuff right out of the bottle, slumped over her desk. Gen had to poke her twice to get her to even look at us.
Tsunade is a very sleepy drunk. It's funny, how people can differ. Raidou here, he's an angry dru-
Moving swiftly on- anyway, so she's sitting up straight at this point, right? Okay, so... Well done, you've interrupted my train of thought...
Right, anyway, I noticed one Hatake Kakashi standing over in the far corner. Hadn't seen him up until this point- it's scary how quiet the guy is when he wants to be. I could tell straight away that something was up. When Kakashi, he-who-weilds-Sharingan-like-a-sixth-sense-Kakashi, is angry, if you have any grasp of the term 'common sense' you'll run like hell.
I asked him what was up, but he said nothing. Didn't even move. It was kinda creepy.
Okay, back to the old lady. Despite the whole, swaying-on-the-spot thing, Tsunade managed to explain everything in fairly elaborate detail, considering the situation. I gotta say, I was impressed. Hardly slurred at all.
Basically, a certain hentai novel had gone walk-about. And the thistle-headed nin sulking in the corner refused to take up any missions until it was recovered.
If that were us, it'd be more simple. Life isn't fair, and Hatake Kakashi is indispensable. Irreplaceable.
Irritable?
That too, particularly without his daily porn fix. You shoulda seen him, obviously imagining bloody murder for whoever had the damned book. It's like a drug or something- without Jiraiya no one would be safe. It'd be a case of 'hidden camera technology'. Imagine getting outta the shower to find some webcam's been watching you the whole time?
You seem to know a lot about this...
For our personal use only, babe. Promise.
You've been spying on me?
My point is- he'd have to get his smut some other way, and no one would be spared. The book had to be recovered.
We will be discussing this later.
Aww, but Rai-
You're sleeping on the couch.
Right, so that brings us neatly back to the present day. This is for the record- Genma and I will be interviewing each suspect and witness in turn, and hopefully everything will go according to plan and I'll be home in time to have a bath and get some sleep. It's a hard life, being a slave of Konoha.
...Now, how do you turn this thing off? Oh-
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Yup, so that's it. This was meant to be an introductory chapter, more to come soon, if all goes well. Feel free to make up your own minds regarding 'whodunit'. X3
Ally