Note from KabutoLuvr: I co-wrote this with my friend ("Kaori"), and yes, we are the freaky fan-girls appearing in this fic. This was originally a joke between us two, but hey, it might be funny enough for y'all.

Note from KabutoLuvr's friend: "KabutoLuvr's friend"? That's my title now? Man, do I need an account on this site…Anyway, yeah, as S.I.R(1) said before, this was a joke, so don't take any of this seriously. Almost none of what we wrote reflects what we believe or our awesome writing skillz. PS- Don't all you out there in review land think this is a huge jump from her first fanfic? I mean, it was serious and this is…not…

Crack Warning! It's crack. Pure crack. It makes no sense whatsoever. Enjoy.

Oh, and just ignore the pairings. We don't support most of them.

Disclaimer: We do not own Naruto. If we did, as you can plainly see, it would be even more screwed up than it already is.

-border, yeah...-

Sasuke examined his weapon as Naruto struggled with his unfamiliar gear.

"How the heck are you supposed to wear this thing?" Naruto whined, fumbling with the buckles.

"Dobe," Sasuke muttered.

"Now will everyone please pay attention," the young woman with brown hair and glasses stepped to the front of the room, "and stop messing with your equipment!" She cast a meaningful glare toward Naruto.

"She means you. Yeah you, Narutard!" This was from another woman with long dark hair.

"Now this is a very vital part of the Chunnin exams."

"You get to shoot each other plastic guns!"

"Thank you, Kaori,"

"You're welcome… S.I.R."(1) Kaori started giggling wildly. "S.i.r." blushed and rolled her eyes. After muttering, "Shut up," she recovered, "Anyway, I am Suki, the Chunnin examine… er." Orochimaru muttered, "I'd like to be Sasuke's examiner."

"And I am the Chunnin examiner's beautiful assistant." Naruto busted out laughing, "Beautiful assistant! That's a good one. Ha ha ha!" Kaori's eye twitched. "Hey, you with the fan, let me borrow it." Kaori grabbed the fan without waiting for an answer. Naruto was still on the floor laughing, but he paused when a dark shadow was cast over him. Kaori hit her open palm with the fan menacingly.

"Oh, Naruto," she said in a sing-song voice. WHAM!

-border, yeah...-

Naruto sat up fifteen minutes later, and watched the bowls of ramen and Sasukes in pink tutus dance around his head. After a minute of this, he realized he was all alone.

"Ah! Matte! Wait for me!" He started to run towards an exit.

"Hold up there, monkey-boy."

"Huh?" Naruto looked around and saw the girl with glasses.

"I'm not a monkey, I'm a fox, dattebayo!"

"Whatever. First of all, you were heading for an exit, which would automatically disqualify you." Naruto's jaw dropped.

"Wh-what? I can't be disqualified now! I'm gonna become Hokage! I'm-"

"Sorry to cut your sermon short, but, you only have twenty-five minutes left, and your equipment isn't even on right."

"Huh? What do you mean it's not on right?!"

"I mean, it's not on right. Would you like some help?"

"No! I'm gonna be Hokage, I can figure this out!"

"Whatever," Suki said with a shrug, "It's your time."

Ninety seconds of struggle later…

"Uh, hey, uh, Miss Examiner-er-er Lady?"

-border, yeah...-

Evil and maniacal laughter grew louder and louder, echoing off the walls of the Laser Tag Maze.

-border, yeah...-

Temari looked around wildly, eyes widening.

"Kankuro!" she called, her voice carrying an edge, "Where is he? He's about to kill someone!" Kankuro began to search the area desperately, but then he paused.

"Wait a minute… That's not the way he usually sounds. There's something… different…"

-border, yeah...-

Kabuto looked at Orochimaru nervously.

"For the last time, Kabuto, it's not me!"

"Of course, master…"

"It's not!" The men paused for a moment and listened, Orochimaru's eyes darting around anxiously. He shuddered.

"Something wrong, master?"

"It's just, so… creepy."

Suddenly, they were almost hit by Ino running full-speed around a corner. She stopped, horrified, when she saw the men. She looked Orochimaru up and down, taking in the snow-white skin, snake-like appearance, the mouth she knew to hold a ten-foot tongue, and the face uncannily resembling Michael Jackson. She shuddered and let out a soft, terrified whimper before darting off in another direction. Orochimaru blinked.

"You were saying, master?"

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Itachi looked at Kisame and raised an eyebrow.

"Do you think Orochimaru's here?"

"I dunno…" Kisame listened for a moment, "It doesn't really sound like him, I mean, it sounds almost… feminine."

"So do you think Orochimaru's here?"

-border, yeah...-

Suki repressed a few giggles as she made her way to her "station," having helped Narutard into the laser gear. As she climbed into the little mesh "sweet spot" that allowed someone to shoot people outside of it at will without becoming targets themselves, she called out, "Having fun, Kaori?" Kaori paused for breath, being a little winded from all the evil and maniacal laughter.

"Yes, much."

-border, yeah...-

Orochimaru and Kabuto, after finding themselves very relieved at the cease of the evil and maniacal laughter, searched for a good place to "set up camp."

"This is the perfect set-up, Kabuto," Orochimaru said with sinister delight, "An every-man-for-him-self challenge, both Uchihas present, and all this total darkness, with these perfect circumstances Sasuke's body will surely be mine, and soon!" Kabuto sighed dejectedly.

"Is that the only reason we're here? Just another chapter of the quest for Sasuke's body? Y'know what, Orochimaru, you're supposed to go Laser Tagging just for the pure, uncorrupted joy of shooting people! If all you wanted was Sasuke, then why the hell did you bring me along? Why do you always do this to me?!" Orochimaru looked at his right-hand man in surprise.

"Gee, Kabuto, if it bothered you that much you could have just said something-"

"'Could have just said something'?! 'Could have just said something'?! Y'know what?! I offered you my body! To some people, that is definitely 'something'!" Seeming to appear out of nowhere at that moment, Suki said, "No, no, no, Kabuto. You can't give Orochimaru your body, you just can't."

"Why is this any of your business?" Kabuto asked.

"Well it's just that I, I…" She blushed and found herself unable to speak. Kabuto stared into her eyes. He whispered, "Do you…?"

"I…" They stood close together, both breathless and blushing. Caught up in the moment, they were simply overcome by all the exhilaration of being so near each other, (KL: keep reading, it gets better) so close to letting their true emotions finally show, with such a beautiful and romantic sunset in the background…

"Gai?! What the hell?!" Suki and Kabuto gawked at the weird sensei while Orochimaru sulked in the background, unnoticed.

"I was passing by here, and could not help but overhear the beginning of your youthful profession of love, and I thought you may appreciate the perfect and sometimes-but-not-always romantic atmosphere that I could provide."

"Huh?"

"Go away," Kabuto said, shooting him with a scowl.

"Gah! How unsporting and dishonorable, to shoot someone while they have let their guard down to help you! What a terrible way to show gratitude! You owe me a free shot! To compensate for the points I just lost!" Kabuto shot him again.

"GAH! I SHALL RETURN LATER TO DEFEAT YOU!" Gai ran away.

"Good riddance," Kabuto muttered.

"You were saying? Orochimaru said. Suki and Kabuto stared at each other, then stared at him.

Suki coughed.

"Oh yeah, I've been asked to inform you that anyone caught stealing or attempting to steal a body for any and every reason, will be immediately removed from the Laser Tag Maze. This is your first and only warning." Since she obviously had to be a ninja if she was involved in the Chunnin exams, she disappeared in a puff of smoke.

-border, yeah...-

Will Naruto ever figure out what the heck he's supposed to be doing?

Will Kaori run out of breath from all the evil and maniacal laughter?

Will Orochimaru take Kabuto up on his offer to have his body…

Or will Suki and Kabuto get together, since they belong-

Kaori: That's not in the script, Suki.

Suki: It doesn't matter, Orochimaru shouldn't have him!

Kaori: Fine! –clears throat- Anyways, within the next few chapters, we will have our first crack-pairing!...LEE/HAKU! And we're the first ones to do them! EVER!

Suki: (is only saying this line because Kaori made her) But isn't Haku dead…. And a boy?

Kaori:-P Haku isn't dead! I refuse to believe it…He's to pretty to be a corpse! But as for him and Lee…yeah…Uh…I blame you.

-border, yeah...-

(1)Inside joke. Don't get it? Too bad.

-border, yeah...-

Note: So anyway, I'll try to get the next few chapters up ASAP, but this was originally in a completely different format, so sorry if it takes a little while. Even so, lemme know what you think, please!