Summary: Jesse and Suze have been married for ten years, ten long years for Suze who is realizing that her life is not what she wants. She's hopeless until the steamy Paul crashes into her life again. Will Suze's infidelity bring her happiness?
Chapter 1: The InitiationTen years—ten years of her youth gone. Suze shook her head to herself at the thought. Today was their tenth anniversary, and she knew Jesse wouldn't forget. She knew he would have something special planned, followed by gentle, predictable sex. It was always the same. She was thirty-one and tired of her husband. The love of her life was predictable, her life was predictable. Her body was tired of it and ready for something more. But how could she tell Jesse what she was feeling?
She loved him more than anything on this plane, but it was boring. He worked, she worked minimally, which was all he would let her do. Jesse cooked, cleaned, he did everything, leaving her with nothing to do except draw up silly designs for clothes and then sew a couple of things up and send them away to the manufacturers. It was pitiful how pampered she was. It might have seemed like the perfect life to her ten years ago. However, now that she was living it, she hated him for it.
And it didn't help that they couldn't get pregnant. Every time they had sex (which was not often anymore) a month later, Jesse would carefully ask her the question. Always the answer would be no. The last time had definitely been the worst out of all the times before.
………
Suze had been in the bathroom unwrapping a tampon, when Jesse had poked his head inside and just looked at her.
"So I guess it didn't happen?" He said his eyes downcast, his voice shadowed by disappointment.
"No, Jesse, it didn't happen this time, alright?" Suze had said, her voice raised with frustration. "It never happens!"
Jesse looked over at her from the doorway. "It will, Susannah; it will happen."
"How can you be so sure, Jesse? Seriously? I'm so sick of this! Something's obviously wrong, why don't we go to the doctor, or just adopt?"
"Susannah, things like this just take time."
"We're not in 1850 anymore! Doctors can tell us what's wrong. There are millions of kids without parents, shelter or food!"
"We just need time," he said while looking away from her, hurt in his eyes.
"Why do you keep on blaming me, Jesse? How do you always blame me for this? For not being able to get pregnant? I'm getting old. I'm thirty-fucking-one, and I can't wait any longer!" Suze had yelled from the toilet; her sweaty hands gripping the plastic applicator of the tampon.
"I don't blame you, Susannah."
"Bullshit. You blame me. I can see it in your eyes. Every time we do this damned dance, I see it in your eyes. The blame—it's overwhelming and unnecessary! Doctor's can help me. You of all people should know that; you went to medical school!"
"We have time, Susannah," Jesse said again while turning away from her.
"No I fucking don't!" Suze cried from the toilet and then with hatred ringing through her, she chucked the tampon towards him. He simply closed the door behind him and the tampon clicked softly against the closed door. "I hate you," Suze whispered while a tear slipped down her soft, pink cheek.
…….
Driving carefully through the traffic, Suze stopped at a stop-light and closed her eyes. Tonight would be difficult to get through. All the romantic stuff would remind her of what it used to be like, and the sex would put so much pressure on her that she wouldn't be able to handle it. She opened her eyes and decided to make a quick stop at the drug-store.
Pulling into the Rite-Aid down a couple blocks from their house, Suze tried to keep herself from crying. She shut off the car and walked into the florescent-lit shop. Embarrassed, she walked through the aisles quickly until she found the Benadryl. This stuff always made her feel like she was high—numb and giggly. This would make tonight a haze, she thought while walking back down the aisles towards the bottled water.
She turned the box over in her hands and rounded the corner of the aisle. Smack! Suze ran right into somebody and sent their stuff flying all over the place. Rubbing her hands, Suze quickly bent down to pick up some of the stuff she had knocked over. Standing up again, she looked at the person who she had knocked into.
His perfect blond curls brushed against his face and his dark suit stood in stark contrast against his tanned skin. Then she gasped.
"Suze, what a pleasure to see you," he said while pulling her into a hug.
She could barely believe who it was, that she couldn't say anything in response.
"How have you been, Suze?" He asked her while shuffling the stuff around in his arms.
All she could do was stare at him.
"Suze?" He asked with concern gracing his features.
"Yeah…sorry. I'm just so surprised to see you, Paul." Suze said while offering him a small smile.
"Me too. I figured you'd still live in Carmel, but I've only been here for a couple of days—just got in from the east coast."
"Did you move here or are you just visiting?" Suze asked while turning the box of Benadryl over in her hands.
"I've just moved back over here, the firm I'm with decided I was better over here. Something of an appearance thing apparently." Paul shook his head, and the curls bounced around his jovial face.
"Wow. How does it feel to be back in Carmel?"
"I've been lonely, but now it feels great!" Paul said, showing Suze that he still had his devilish charms. "How have you been?"
"Fine. Keeping busy with my designs. Jesse's been busy at the hospital in Big Sur."
"Everything going alright with you and Jesse?" Paul asked seeming innocent.
"Yes," Suze said in a voice which didn't even convince herself, but she was hoping Paul wouldn't read too much into it.
"That's wonderful," he said while smiling down at her. His teeth gleaming in the florescent lights. His eyes wondered down to her hands, and he looked back up at her.
"Got a summer cold?"
"What?"
"Benadryl?" He asked.
"Oh, um," Suze stalled, trying to figure out what to say. Embarrassment flooded her and all she could think about was the depressing truth. "Kind of."
"Sorry to hear that," Paul said while placing a hand lightly on her shoulder. "Well now that we've seen each other, why don't I take you and Jesse out to dinner to catch up?"
Suze looked up at him in disbelief. This was the man who had done everything he could to try and ruin any chances Jesse and Suze had when their relationship was just beginning. This was the jealous and eager man who was vicious and unforgiving. But oh was he still handsome and charming.
"I don't know about—" Suze began to say.
"Aw, come on, Suze, I know what I did to you guys when we were younger is inexcusable, but I really would like to try and make amends. Please? Just dinner, you, me, and Jesse. No dangers from my end, promise." Paul said while taking his hand off of her shoulder and looking down at her sincerely.
"Alright. I'll say something to Jesse." Suze told him, but knew that she wouldn't dare breathe a word about Paul's new residence in Carmel to him. "Why don't you give me your cell number and I'll call you sometime next week?" Suze offered.
"Wonderful," Paul said while Suze took out her cell and quickly typed in the number Paul recited to her. "I can't wait until we get to catch up. I better not keep you any longer." He smiled down at her and then began to walk away.
"I'll call you," Suze said, wondering why she felt the need to reassure him.
"Good," Paul said while looking over his shoulder at her, sending shivers down her spine. She walked up to the front quickly, forgetting about the bottled water, and paid for her escape drug.
……..
Jesse had pulled out all the stops for tonight. Reservations at her favorite restaurant, a moonlit walk on the uninhabited beach, and a beautiful new diamond necklace. Getting back to the house, Jesse opened Suze's car door for her and walked her into the house. He kissed her there on the doorstep, while pulling out his keys from his pocket. Suze looked up at him when he was done, not even realizing that he had left her lips. The Benadryl sure was working. Excellent.
After closing the door, Jesse held Suze tight around her waist, and kissed her more passionately. "I'm so happy that you're my wife," he said, while leading her up the stairs to their bedroom. His words seemed genuine, but Suze found herself wishing that they were empty.
Once inside their bedroom, Jesse began undressing himself and Suze did the same, mentally preparing herself for the disappointing sex about to come. Jesse came at Suze, gently, his lips caressing her neck, shoulders, and arms. Twenty minutes of kissing, all clean—lips, appendages, nothing dirty. Then his underwear came off and so did hers and the next two minutes would be quiet and motionless on her part. Jesse would ride her, staring into her eyes, while she wished that she was some place else. Then, when he was done, he would roll off of her and hold her gently while whispering how much he loved her. Suze remained quiet and then excused herself and slipped into the shower, where she could cry without being heard.