Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or any other character in this story.

A/N: I wrote this on PnP while blowing off some steam (before book 7 came out) and touched it up a bit since. At least 97 percent of it is still the same, though. I always found gossip at Hogwarts interesting, so this is what I came up with along those lines. I also thought it strange that the word "reckon" has been used in cannon but never in fan fiction. I am trying to remedy that.

Gossip
By: Cleric of Nayru

Ginny and Lavender sat across from each other in the great hall, eating silently. Ginny opened her mouth a few times to say something, only to shut it abruptly and take a bite of her eggs. After three more false starts Ginny finally spoke. "You don't think the rumors about Harry and Susan are…?"

"No," Lavender replied quickly. "Harry and Susan can't be dating. Susan isn't Harry's type, is she? There's no way that's possible."

"Right," Ginny said. "Harry likes girls who are slender and athletic, and Susan is too… curvy for that."

Lavender crossed her legs and ate a piece of bacon before leaning forward and replying. "I mean, she may have as flat a stomach as I do, but her hips are too wide and her thighs are too large. Plus, she's way too top heavy and Harry told you that he prefers a more manageable size on girls." Lavender looked around furtively. "You know, she's rather large in that area for someone so skinny in others. Do you reckon she stuffs, or uses a glamour charm?"

Ginny shook her head. "Those udders of hers have been steadily growing in since before the DA started two years ago. We'd know if they weren't real by now. Merlin, we would've known the day after she started."

"Ginny, just because Susan has D-cups does not give you the right to call them udders."

"Hermione!" Ginny squeaked and spun around to find Hermione standing behind her. The bushy-haired girl's arms were grossed in front of her, closing her robe, and a small scowl marred her otherwise pretty features.

Lavender's eyes narrowed slightly, and her lips thinned, as she looked over to the bookworm who stole away her ex. How did she miss her when looking around? "Hello Hermione, how are you?"

"I'm fine," Hermione answered as she sat down and prepared her breakfast. Hermione noted Ron's ex-girlfriend continued to glare at her as she filled her plate. "I'm a bit curious about why the two of you were bad-mouthing Susan."

"We weren't 'bad-mouthing' her," Ginny said. "We were just talking about whether the rumors about Harry and Susan were true."

"Would you like to contribute to the conversation?" Lavender arched her eyebrow. "You always do seem to fit yourself into everyone else's business, so you should know."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "If there was, or is, anything between Harry and Susan it is their business, and not the business of his twice ex-girlfriend and his best mate's ex."

Lavender decided to ignore Hermione's jibe in lieu of Hermione's new piece of gossip. "Twice ex-girlfriend? You and Harry got back together during the summer?"

"Briefly," Ginny stated.

Hermione scoffed. "You were back together for only two weeks before messing up, and even then you only saw him for one."

Lavender leaned forward, her ears burning with curiosity. "So what happened? Did you two have a big row, or a nasty fight? Did you cheat on him?"

"No!" Ginny snapped and jumped to her feet, red with anger and embarrassment. She noticed a few faces turn with curiosity, and quickly sat down and took a few breaths to calm herself. "Well, if I have to tell the story then I'd might as well start from the beginning. Did you read the Quibbler's article on how Harry destroyed Voldemort?"

"Yeah," Lavender said. "You-Know-Who split his soul into pieces, and Harry destroyed them before the final battle where Harry finished him off."

"That's the official story," Ginny explained. "The unofficial one was that two of them were already destroyed before this summer by Regulus Black, a spy amongst the Death Eater's during Voldemort's first reign of Terror, and two more were destroyed before Dumbledore faked his death. Harry even helped Dumbledore destroy one of them. Harry only had to destroy two more this summer: A locket we found in Black Manor, and Voldemort's pet snake Nagini. When Harry came to the Burrow to pick up Ron and Hermione to go soul searching, I pulled him aside and eloquently convinced him to take me back."

Hermione giggled and shook her head. "You snogged him for five minutes, then started crying and yelling that the breakup was 'unjust.' That was hardly eloquent."

Lavender laughed at Ginny for a minute before finally calming down. "I can't believe that worked on Harry. So, what happened next?"

Hermione continued the story. "Harry, Ron, and I went to Black Manor and found out everything about Voldemort's soul from Regulus Black's diary. Then, he found and destroyed the locket, which took us about a week. With only Voldemort's snake and the Dark Lord himself left, we spent the next week at the Burrow. Harry left the burrow at the end of the week, after Bill and Fleur's wedding, because Ginny did something stupid: she slapped Harry."

"Why?" Lavender gasped.

"Because she got drunk, thought I was hitting on Fleur's mum, and called me a pig for trying to shag such an old woman so soon after her Husband's death." The three girls quickly turned to see a disheveled Harry walking up to them in oversized slacks and a green Weasley jumper. His hair was messier than usual and his eyes were bloodshot. "I'm disappointed in you three. It was so easy to walk up and eavesdrop on your conversation. I think I'll need to talk to the old DA group to see how rusty you've all gotten."

"Harry," Hermione cried as she took in Harry's current state. "What happened to you? It looks like you were trampled by a flock of Hippogriffs."

Harry groaned and sat down next to lavender. "Fred and George sent Ron a few bottles of Firewhiskey because you 'made him a man' and we were in the Room of Requirement drinking all night with a few other Gryffindors." Hermione's face turned red and Ginny spit out the pumpkin juice she was drinking. "Ron wouldn't let me leave until we were both plastered. Luckily, I ran into Dobby who gave me a couple bottles of water and some remedy he knows to sober up and lessen the hangover."

Ginny and Lavender turned to glare at Hermione, who was as red as a tomato. "We didn't do anything like that, I swear! I'm still a virgin!"

Harry chuckled, "Not according to Ron, you're not. Hermione, you and Ron are my two best mates, which is why I'm not lying to you right now. Last night Ron claimed that the two of you went all the way. So… is it true that you squeak when you're about to… you know?"

"I'm going to kill that, that, that disgusting pig!" Hermione stood and made to storm off when Harry grabbed the end of her robe to stop her.

"Hermione, calm down before you do anything. If you go up now you'll just be adding validity to his claim. Besides, your plans are better when you're calm and I reckon that you'll want to thoroughly embarrass him."

Hermione grumbled and began eating her breakfast more vigorously. As Harry prepared his own plate, he occasionally picked up Hermione muttering things like "pig," "disgusting," and "transfigure."

As Hermione was busy imagining various torture situations, Lavender was mentally debating which topic to pursue first. "So you broke up with Ginny because she didn't trust you?"

"No," Harry replied. "I broke up with her because I won't accept violence as the first course of action in any sort of relationship."

"But it was an accident!" Ginny wailed.

"That's what Dudley used to say when he was little." Harry retorted. "Even if it was an accident, it seemed instinctual. I won't risk getting into a relationship where I'll be continually hit. I've already had one of those and didn't like it."

Lavender didn't want an argument to start about that particular subject and quickly spoke up. "That must've made the rest of your stay at the Burrow awkward, then."

Ginny shook her head. "He didn't stay at the Burrow in order to avoid a large fuss, so he stayed at Hermione's for the rest of the summer."

"No he didn't."

Ginny and Lavender quickly turned toward Hermione, who snapped out of her thoughts when she heard Ginny's statement. "What do you mean?" Ginny asked. "Harry told me on the train that he spent the rest of the summer at your house."

"No," Hermione explained. "Harry only stayed at my house for a week while we destroyed the locket. After the Final Battle with Voldemort and Nagini, Harry stayed at my house overnight before the Healers proclaimed him healthy enough to be magically transported."

"Where did they take him?" Lavender asked, all thoughts of finishing her breakfast gone.

Hermione turned to Harry, who was holding his head tightly. "You didn't tell anyone, did you?"

Harry groaned. "I was hoping to avoid awkward questions and improper assumptions."

"Tell us what?" Ginny demanded to know. "What didn't Harry tell us?"

Hermione smiled and Harry blurted, "Please, not now. Can you at least wait until after I've eaten?"

"No!" Lavender and Ginny shouted. "Where did he go?"

Hermione smiled and turned to Harry. "Sorry Harry, but this is what you get for celebrating something so perverse with Ron."

"It's not like I had a choice," Harry mumbled as he began eating some hash.

Hermione acted like she didn't hear him. "Harry spent the rest of the summer at the Delacour Mansion."

The entire Gryffindor table, as well as most of Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw turned to look at Ginny and Lavender as they yelled. "HARRY WENT WHERE?!"

"I went to Madame Puddifoots to see if it looked like a fan girl's bedroom all of the time, and not just on Valentines Day!"

Ginny and Lavender were confused about what Harry was talking about, which Harry took advantage of by Grabbing the pair and pulling them back into their seats. He waited until the enough people stopped paying attention to them to continue talking and hissed at them. "I'd rather keep that little fact private to avoid crazy rumors like what you two are thinking, so try not to yell like that again! You almost let the whole school know just now."

"But, but…" Ginny stammered. "Fleur and Bill were on their Honeymoon during that time, and Gabrielle was staying at the Burrow while she and Molly made some final adjustments to 'the Newlyweds' new house. Therefore, you were alone with Apolline Delacour in France for three weeks! What are we supposed to think?"

Harry frowned. "That Apolline is an honest woman, and that I would not take advantage of a recent widow."

"But Harry," Ginny argued. "It was already over a month since Mr. Delacour died, and we all know about what mature Veela are like when they no longer have a companion."

"Aren't you being a little judgmental?" Harry asked. "Thinking that all Veela are eager to jump in the sack with anyone is pretty narrow-minded."

"Actually," Hermione said as she finished her juice. "Ginny has some valid points. When a full-blooded Veela loses her companion, she starts seeking new candidates as soon as she's done grieving. Mrs. Delacour had already accepted her husband's death before the wedding, and she did admit to Molly that she was interested in meeting you, since you've survived so many battles against Voldemort."

Lavender's eyebrows rose. "Oh, so you think she wanted to decide whether Harry was compatible with her because he's such a good fighter?"

"It's possible," Hermione admitted. "Veela are, by nature, attracted to men and Veela who are powerful, dominant, charming, or skilled at fighting. It's more than possible that she was eager to meet Harry because he filled at least one of those requirements in her mind."

Ginny scowled. "Well, she sure seemed to think Harry was more than adequate when they were flirting at the party."

"We weren't flirting," Harry defended. "We were just talking. We talked about Fleur, Gabrielle, and what it's like to be judged by the public. She and I had a few things in common and you suddenly showed up and called me all sorts of indecent names."

"But you haven't answered whether or not you've slept with Mrs. Delacour." Ginny exclaimed.

Harry growled "Why should I have to tell you who I've been with?"

"And what about Susan Bones?" Lavender blurted before she could stop herself. "Does she know about your time at Mrs. Delacour's house this summer?"

Harry blinked. "What does Susan have to do with this conversation?"

Ginny was about to answer when Hermione suddenly cried out. "Ronald Weasley, you rat bastard!"

The entire great hall turned to see a disheveled and sickly-looking Ron Weasley standing at the entrance into the great hall, frozen from shock with one foot still in the air. "Wha-"

"How dare you spread lies about me to your brothers?" Hermione screeched as she stood and stomped towards her possibly ex-boyfriend. "I have never let your hands so much as wander and suddenly you're spouting about me as if I were a conquest?"

"Hermione," Harry called as he caught up to her. "Now is not the best time-"

"No, Harry, It is the best time!" Hermione snapped. "Ron, I started dating you because I thought you had finally grown up, and now you're spreading rumors about how far our relationship has progressed?"

"Her-Hermione," Ron stammered. "I-It's not like that."

Hermione stomped and imposed herself in front of Ron with her hands on her hips. "Then how is it? Harry told me about what happened last night, so don't try lying about why you were 'celebrating' last night."

Harry thanked Merlin that none of the teachers were at breakfast yet, or he would've hated having to explain what Hermione was talking about. "Hermione, this isn't the place to discuss this."

Hermione turned to face Harry. "And why not?!"

Harry stuck pointed behind him at the dining tables and replied. "Because now the entire school is listening in to try and find out what Ron has been saying about you, and why he was celebrating last night."

Hermione's eyes widened as she looked behind Harry. Indeed, every student attending breakfast was tuned into the Golden Trio's conversation, and a few students even stood up and walked forward to hear well. Hermione blushed profusely and spoke. "Well, I'm still going to get my answers. I'll see you later Harry."

Hermione turned around and grabbed Ron's ear, dragging the hung over Gryffindor in order to get some answers out of him. Harry smiled weakly at the gawking crowd and quickly returned to his seat. The room was silent as Harry slowly ate his food with everyone staring at him. Realizing that no official explanation was forthcoming, the crowd eventually lost interest and began life steadily returned to the dining hall. Lavender waited five minutes before finally asking what she has wanted to the whole morning. "So, Harry?"

Harry finished his juice. "So what?"

"So, what is going on between you and Susan? I hear the two of you have been spending a lot of time together."

Harry seemed reluctant to answer, and was temporarily saved from answer when a feminine voice called out from further down the Gryffindor table. "Harry, do you have a moment?"

Harry turned and watched as Susan Bones walked towards him while flanked by Hannah Abbot and Ernie MacMillan. Ernie and Hannah were wearing their school robes, but Susan was not since they weren't required on the weekend. Instead, she wore a tight pair of denim jeans that greatly accentuated her wide hips and powerful thighs, and a yellow jumper that covered her completely but managed to nicely conform around her considerable bust. Harry smiled as Susan stopped next to him. "I'm just finishing up breakfast, so I'm free now."

"Great," Susan said. "I tried starting on my defense essay, but there's a few things about wandless counter-curses that I don't understand. Can you help me out? I'd rather not have to work on this tomorrow."

Harry nodded. "Sure, I'll help you out."

Susan jumped happily and quickly hugged Harry before kissing his cheek. "Thanks Harry! Can we go now, or should we meet in the library in half an hour."

Harry stood up. "We can go now. I'll see you later Ginny, Lavender."

Susan smiled brightly as she dragged Harry away from the group. Lavender noticed the other two Hufflepuffs didn't leave with Susan, but rather began moving in the direction of some open seats at the Hufflepuff table. "Hey," Lavender called. "Aren't you two going with them to the library?"

"And ruin Susan's plan?" Ernie scoffed. "No way, I'd never hear the end of it."

"Plan?" Lavender inquired. "What plan?"

Ernie and Hannah smiled mysteriously before answering. "You'll find out soon enough."

Needless to say, Lavender didn't appreciate being left out of the loop.

The End

A/N: Yeah, I was pretty bored when I came up with this. I hope everyone enjoyed this, and please review.

EDIT 10/14/2007: This is not a one-shot, and I've just done some small editing on this chapter. I hope it looks a bit better now.

EDIT 5/22/18: I made some changes to cover plot holes, and some basic spellin/grammar fixes. Please remember this is ignoring the stupidity that was Snape's attempted redemption arc in book 6 and most of book 7.