"I don't want this anymore Remus," Sirius said suddenly and Remus froze mid-sentence. They'd been engaged in a fight for the better part of a half hour, or rather Remus had been yelling at Sirius and Sirius just stood there, looking at the ground guiltily. "I don't want this," he repeated and Remus' heart sank, his stomach feeling as if it just tied itself in a knot. "It's not supposed to be like this." He'd finally pushed Sirius too far.

"What's not supposed to be like this?" Remus croaked, hating himself for sounding so weak.

"This! This … this …" Sirius began pacing, gesturing helplessly with his hands as if the word he was searching for was a solid object and he'd be able to grasp it any moment. "This fighting," his voice was lower now, a hint of sadness clinging to his words. Remus sighed a breath of relief; he wasn't ending their relationship … Not yet anyway, came the nagging voice in the back of his head. Remus chose to ignore it.

"I want things to go back to how they were before Moony," Sirius began again, his grey eyes locking with Remus' amber ones. He hadn't called him Moony in ages …. "I don't want to be Sirius and Remus anymore. I don't want these fights. I don't want these stupid bloody missions that are tearing us farther and farther apart. I don't want to know that one of these days, either of us could die. I want to be young again. No war, no responsibility …. Just … just us. Moony and Padfoot."

"I know … Things have been rather difficult lately …" Remus sighed. Sirius ran a hand through his long, black locks and nodded.

"Let's just start over, okay Moony?" Sirius asked, or rather pleaded. Remus smiled weakly and nodded.

"I'm sorry I yelled … I just … things have been hard lately. I worry about you … about us … about James and Lily and Harry …."

"Me too. And it's these bloody missions that make us act the way we do. The fact that we can't tell the other what we do … I hate keeping things from you."

"I know, but I understand … and I'll try to be better about it," Remus smiled again and this time Sirius returned it.

Things were more relaxed between the two after that. They were able to talk more, smile more, laugh more … just be themselves. No worries, just like when they were kids back at Hogwarts. Had that really just been a few years ago? It seemed like ages now ….

Then one night while they were sitting comfortably just enjoying each others' presence, Sirius received an owl from Dumbledore and the smile he'd been wearing for the past week faded.

"I've got to go on another mission," he said softly. Remus nodded slowly. "I don't know when I'll be back.

"Well … be safe, yeah?" Sirius nodded. "I love you," Remus added and a small smile formed on Sirius' lips.

"I love you too. I'll be home soon," he smiled, kissing Remus softly. Remus nodded and returned the smile, watching Sirius walk out the door.

But the next morning when Remus woke up and read the Daily Prophet, he knew Sirius wouldn't be coming home.