MORE EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCES

Nightmares and Dreams

L wasn't counting sugar cubes though, or even eating them. L was falling. One second they had been communicating with Watari, then the screens went white, and L…his hand had startled to tremble. The spoon he had been holding fell first and L fell close behind it.

Raito couldn't believe it was finally happening. He had jumped when L's hand first started to tremor, but now the detective was falling, falling from his chair on wheels that crashed to the ground, and L went crashing with it. It was only too easy for Raito to rush forward and catch L, landing hard alongside him.

He held L in his arms and looked at him, searching for signs that this was it, the moment he had been waiting so long for. L stared up at him, eyes wider than usual from the pain, but also from something else. Realization. He was staring at Raito as if he finally understood, and Raito knew right then that L did. L knew now without a doubt who Raito really was. L had always suspected, but now he knew. Raito was Kira. The first, true Kira. And Kira had won.

The last moments of L's life were waning. Raito should feel triumphant, he even prepared to grin cruelly down at his greatest victim and even greater rival. But just as he began to form it he found he couldn't do it. He couldn't smile. He could only stare into L's eyes that no longer looked at him in pain, fear, or accusation. Those eyes looked at him with…regret. With sympathy. Already they forgave him, but how could Raito ever forgive himself.

As L's eyes closed, irreconcilably and forever, Raito began to scream. And it wasn't the false scream of victory hiding within a lie, no, it was real horror. What had Raito done? How could he have killed this man, his…friend? His only friend. How could he have become such a monster?

"Ryuuzaki…" Raito said, shaking the still, cold body in his arms, "Ryuuzaki, please…please snap out of it. You're not dead. You're not. Ryuuzaki. Ryuuzaki…!"

"Ryuuzaki!"

The name rang out loudly from Raito's mouth, splitting the silence into two broken and angry halves. His voice was pure desperation and remorse as he screamed. He couldn't bear it. He couldn't bear to lose L. He couldn't bear to be the one who killed him.

"Ryuuzaki!"

"Raito-kun?"

Raito's eyes snapped open. He was drenched in sweat and his breathing came heavy and labored. He felt as if he had only just stopped running, and he knew what he had been running from. He knew the monster well. He saw it everyday in the mirror.

The first thing Raito noticed besides his own pounding heart was the body hovering over him—L, sitting up and looking down at him in concern.

Raito didn't think. He couldn't think. He could barely move, but he managed it. He leapt up and threw himself into L's arms, holding more tightly than he had ever clung to anyone before. He was sobbing now but he didn't care. He couldn't let L go. He wouldn't. He needed L and he was sorry. He was so sorry.

"I killed you…I…killed you…" Raito chanted, each syllable broken by half-choked sobs. "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry...Oh, God, I'm sorry…"

"Raito…" L was indeed filled with concern that he did not try to hide. His voice betrayed it openly. Difficult as it was for him to give Raito physical comfort in the way he obviously needed, L gave it anyway. Despite the intimacies he had shared with Raito since their arrival in Meifu, L would always find acts of physical contact a bit unsettling at first. He was L, after all. It made him tremble to feel Raito's body shaking like a leaf in his arms.

Raito was so strong. Raito was so sure of himself. How had a simple dream reduced him to this?

"Please, Raito, you must calm down," L said, holding Raito firmly and close as Raito clung, crying and chanting apologies into L's neck, "It was only a dream."

"It wasn't a dream," Raito said, and he whimpered as he caught his breath, "I killed you."

"Yes. You killed me. But we have discussed this. You know I hold no resentment towards you."

"You should," Raito said bitterly, "You should. I killed you…and countless others…and I did it with a song in my heart. Why did you let me live for so long? We didn't you kill me as soon as you became shinigami? Why?" Raito had begun gripping L with his nails, and since L was still naked from their night together, those nails might as well have been shinigami claws.

Wrenching Raito away from him, L realized that force was the only way Raito was going to see reason. Raito didn't even protest when L pulled them out of their frightened hug. He clung tighter at first, making L hiss as one of Raito's nails broke the skin, but then Raito went limp, continuing his hurried chanting.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I…killed you. And the way…the way I looked at you. Oh, God, L, I'm so—"

L slapped Raito so hard across the face a few renegade tears were knocked from his skin to land somewhere hidden within the sheets.

Raito looked up slowly, hardly believing L had done that. His mind felt no clearer, but he understood why L had felt the need to do it. Raito was hysterical. He couldn't help it. He felt hysterical. How else was he supposed to feel? The dream had been as real as life, only this time he had felt the regret as it happened. If only, if only he had felt that way sooner. If only he had never touched the Death Note, or at least never touched it a second time to get his memories back. What he wouldn't give to be free of the burden of living with what he had done, even as shinigami in Meifu instead of on Earth.

"I'm sorry," Raito said, only this time the words were calm and steady. He meant it for everything, for L's premature death as much as for Raito's own outburst now. He was sorry. So very sorry. "If I could take it all back…" he tried.

"I wouldn't want you to." L's voice was also steady but it held a unique amount of steel that made Raito pay extra attention. L usually sounded bored at best, not serious and severe. "Why now, Raito? You have been having these dreams for weeks. What makes their power so much stronger tonight?"

Raito looked away.

His face was throbbing from L's slap and he focused on the pain. It almost felt…good. It felt real. It felt righteous. L should have slapped him the second they saw each other again in the shinigami world.

"It was never you before," Raito said.

L understood and the realization ached in his chest. "It was me tonight because…because we were together," he said, his dark eyes lowering to the sheets that barely covered their still naked bodies. He pulled the sheets up around him as if intent on covering himself after a sudden rush of shame.

"No," Raito said quickly, grabbing L's hand that had hold of the sheets, "It wasn't that. I don't…I don't think it was. Maybe…I don't know. Maybe it was. But it doesn't mean…I didn't want to," Raito said this tenderly and reached his free hand up to L's face. He reached farther and dug his fingers into the hairline at the back of L's neck.

L pushed his head into Raito's hand like a nuzzling cat. He may shy from touch, but when Raito touched him with such devotion he yearned for it.

Something glittered in Raito's eyes and L was startled by how much it reminded him of the look Raito gave L as he died. It had the same intensity, the same great desires and passion. And again it was directed entirely at L.

Raito's lips were on L's in an instant, devouring him with eagerness. But this was not a kiss L wanted. It was filled with fury, not the gentle affection L had been granted earlier that night. Now, Raito wanted to claim, to possess, to prove that L was here. That L was his. How Raito could see such an act as retribution L would never understand. If Raito thought he needed to make things up to L, passion was a fine way to start, but only if it was genuine and with pure intention. Sex for the sake of sex is fine on occasion. Not everything has to be a great spiritual moment of connection and growth as people. But sex for the wrong reasons can only ever be wrong.

For a second time tonight L pushed Raito away from him. He was almost delirious from the kiss and how quickly Raito had pulled him close, heated skin and all, but he didn't like that kind of heat. He was certain of it.

There were fresh tears in Raito's eyes when L looked at him. Raito's skin was flush, his eyes wild. What had gotten into him?

"Raito, what is wrong with you?" L asked, meaning the question only on the most sincere and concerned levels.

The intensity in Raito's eyes flashed. "Me? What about you? You push me away and ask me what's wrong. What? Am I acting too strange for the freak to handle?"

The venom in Raito's tone had the desired effect; those words stung. L almost didn't have the heart to remain in bed. His instincts told him to get up and grab a late night snack. A big one. Preferably with as many calories as possible.

Freak. L had heard the term used to address him on many occasions, but to hear it from Raito breached his usually thick exterior.

"You…think I am a freak?"

The entirety of Raito's demeanor changed, just as it had changed from hysterical, to calm, to furiously passionate. Suddenly, Raito was filled with nothing but remorse again. Not only had he killed his only friend while on Earth, but here in the shinigami world he was taking the most sacred of things about their renewed friendship and equating it to nothing. He was using L's insecurities against him. He was using L to get the reaction he needed at the time to make himself feel better. That wasn't something Yagami Raito did.

It was something Kira did.

"L…"

That midnight snack sounded only too appetizing now. L got out of bed and moved quickly for the door.

Raito couldn't help but notice the extra hunch to L's posture, as if the past few weeks had changed nothing. "L, wait!" Raito called, throwing back the covers in pursuit, "Wait!" he called again, because L made no move to stop or slow down. Raito called for L several times, but when nothing worked, and his partner was at the door finally and pulling it open, Raito tried the only other thing he could. "Lawliet!"

L stopped. He seemed to realize then, with the door open in front of him and the light from outside striking his body, that he was naked. He felt exposed, and the way he hunched and curled up more within himself made it only too easy for Raito to realize what was wrong.

Getting out of the bed fully now, Raito went to the far closet they never really used and grabbed both of their robes. They didn't use their robes all that much, either, since they had been working so late and usually the second they walked in the door they could only think of going straight to bed.

Raito threw his own robe on and went over to L who was shivering by the door. Raito was careful as he pulled the other robe around his friend. L didn't move, didn't even take his hand from the doorknob, making it difficult for the robe to stay in place. Only when Raito stepped back did L pull the robe tight around himself.

The robes had been a welcome gift from the department. Identical silk robes, red for Raito and blue for L, which seemed to be their signature colors. Raito had to admit he enjoyed seeing a little color on L, since he first new the detective only in monochrome.

"L…"

"I know that I am not normal," L admitted, hugging himself around the shoulders and keeping his black eyes on the floor where he didn't have to risk meeting Raito's stare.

"And I am?" Raito said.

L tried to resist, but really, he couldn't keep himself from looking at Raito for long. He could feel the slight smile on his friend's face and couldn't help wanting to see the reality of it. It eased him. It made him think that maybe there was no need to worry or overreact even though he still felt hurt by Raito's words.

"I'm sorry," Raito said, his personal mantra for tonight. As he had before on the bed, Raito reached a hand to L's face and dug his fingers into that soft hairline.

And again L pressed his head into the touch. He was pleased to see Raito looking at him with a calm, caring Raito expression instead of the terrifying look of Kira.

Gently, Raito coaxed L closer to him until he could capture the detective in his arms. This hug was far tenderer than Raito's previous lunge. There was still regret and remorse, but it was accompanied by a far more agreeable emotion.

"I'm so sorry," Raito said again, "I have this horrible dream, and it makes me so worried for you and so angry at myself, and what do I do? I hurt you more. I don't think you're a freak. I could never think that. You're wonderfully weird and I love that about you. If anyone's a freak it's me. I'm the one who tried to rule the world, who thought killing people could bring peace, as long as an intelligent God reigned over it. How demented is that?"

L snorted. "Pretty damn demented," he said.

This time Raito did laugh. Hearing L speak out of character always made him a little giddy, but he knew full well that it was the consistency of L's weirdness that he loved.

Loved. Oh, God, had Raito said that out loud?

"Raito…"

Raito tensed. He wasn't ready. He couldn't bear to hear it yet.

"I love…your weirdness too," L said, oblivious to Raito's sigh of relief—semantics be damned, "If you weren't demented, how would we have met? Personally, I think my life would have been terribly boring. It was pretty boring before you."

"Before Kira, you mean."

"Before you," L stressed. He pulled away, looking into Raito's caramel-colored eyes.

That frightening intensity had completely vanished.

L lifted his thumb to his lips, pressing it against his teeth with only the smallest bit of his tongue visible to taste salty skin. He blinked at Raito coyly. "Raito-kun?" he said.

Raito knew without asking that L was up to something, or at least wanted something. That adorable look, the thumb, the barely visible bit of pink tongue, it was all far more erotic than one of those girls who nibbles on lollipops all day. "What?"

"I think I would still like a snack. That is, if you would stay up with me."

"We had an extra piece of cake in the fridge."

"I'll share it with you."

"You don't have to."

L smiled around his thumb. "You see, Raito-kun, you can be very selfless when you want to be. And there's nothing of Kira in that." With a moment of simply staring at Raito, his head tilted to the side in watchful curiosity, L turned and left the room for the kitchen.

There's nothing of Kira in that.

But is there still something of Kira in Raito? It scared Raito too much to think about it. In the first moments of his dream, events had happened exactly as they did in life, including the way Raito felt about L, the world, and his plan for domination. When L fell, Raito wanted the detective to die, felt thrilled at the very possibility. But as he held L, watching the life drain out of L's already pale face, his large dark eyes, Raito was Raito again and Kira had vanished.

Raito could only pray that Kira remained gone. Forever.

-----

Sitting across from L as the former detective licked his fork clean of the remaining traces of chocolate frosting, Raito started to feel a little bit better. The cake had been devoured with L's usual fervor, leaving bits of chocolate at the corners of L's mouth. L licked his lips often, but never seemed capable of getting it all. Watchful of the entire scene, Raito found himself licking his lips too.

What was it about L that was so damn alluring? He was weird. Raito openly said so and he knew L would never deny the claim. But he was also attractive, unconventionally maybe, but handsome, with large eyes and beautiful hair when he actually combed it. Raito had discovered that no matter what he did to that hair, it would always be a bit…big. It just didn't know how to lay flat against a head. And really, Raito kind of liked that.

L was thin, muscled despite his still prominent ribs, and he was smart, maybe smarter than Raito. Was it L's wits that turned Raito on? Considering L wasn't doing any kind of thinking at the moment as he licked his lips, still missing the chocolate residue on his mouth, Raito doubted he liked L only for his brain.

"You know, I think I've changed my mind."

L looked up, his large eyes wide as always, and licked his lips again. "Oh? About what, Raito-kun?"

"About whether or not I want to share some of that cake."

L didn't have much time to consider Raito's words before the other man was leaning over the table. Raito kissed him and ran his tongue liberally over L's sweetened lips. L practically yelped. He hated to admit how much he enjoyed the attention, so he decided the best course of action would be to return the gesture.

Not having much in the way of expertise, L chose to do things slowly, not realizing that he couldn't have picked a more erotic method. With the precision of someone licking up the last bits of batter from the bottom of a bowl, L traced Raito's lips with his tongue, passing on more of the chocolate taste.

Raito swallowed. He pulled back and caught blazing dark eyes in a steady gaze. Intangible lust buzzed in the air around them. Raito would have pounced in an instant had L not beat him to it. Suddenly pinned back against the table, Raito found himself lifted and spun, with L atop him and the rest of the kitchen turned vertigo. Here was that animal Raito had found. He was happy to see him again so soon and so invigorated.

L had Raito pressed down on the table. He looked wild. He looked…hungry.

Raito was suddenly very thankful not to be made of chocolate. He doubted he would survive.

"Raito…" L breathed, and as always because he left off the honorific Raito paid extra attention. But L didn't have anymore to say. He stared down at Raito, as is if making sure Raito was still Raito before he went any further. Breaths heavy and tongue licking at his lips in a very different way than he had licked at the chocolate cake, L really did look like an animal, an animal on the hunt, on the prowl, and about to go in for the kill. When he finally made his move, he went straight for Raito's lips and kissed him hard.

Raito felt crushed. L was light, lighter than Raito, but he was pressing down so hard, with every once of his strength, he seemed like he weighed twice what he actually did. It made it difficult for Raito to breathe. But he didn't care. He wanted this so badly. L dominating him. He didn't know why but he needed it. He needed it now.

And then L pulled away.

"Wh-what is it?" Raito stuttered, out of breath and shaking in his need.

Above him L looked just as intense but distracted and unnerved. "I…I am not…used to feeling this way," L said. He was starting to shake more than Raito. His cheeks were flush and his lips trembled as he spoke.

Raito grinned. "You didn't seem so shy a few hours ago," he said.

L's blush deepened. "That…was different. You led me. You were in control. I…I don't know how…to…to…"

"Be aggressive? Because that's not the sense I've been getting."

"Raito, please."

No honorific. Raito stopped smiling immediately and listened.

"There are things I want to do to you…" L tried to explain.

"Yeah, I can tell," Raito said, serious despite trying to be a little lighter of mood, "And you know what the good thing is? I want you to do those things."

The animal's eyes glittered, but L shook his head to regain some of his sense. "Raito-kun," he said, "Are you sure about that?"

The fact that L even thought he had to ask made the whole thing more enthralling.

Since L had himself lifted up it was easy for Raito to reach between them and untie the sash of his robe. He parted the fabric, exposing himself beneath L and stretching back to express just how much he wanted it.

"I'm sure."

The animal's eyes glittered again. L grabbed Raito's shoulders and lifted him up just enough to better slam him down again onto the hard table. He straddled Raito and forced even more of his weight down than he had before. "Are you really sure?" the animal asked, because it certainly wasn't L. The voice was a definite growl.

Raito understood. L didn't just want to dominate. He wanted it rough. He wanted to let the animal free. L was usually so composed, so asexual in everything, it didn't surprise Raito in the least that the animal underneath the surface frightened L a bit. After all, when Raito had kissed L only half an hour ago with the fierceness of Kira, L pushed him away. L didn't want the beast in him to be that kind of frightening.

Raito didn't find it frightening from L though. He found it liberating, for L and for himself. This was going to be fun.

"Come on," Raito taunted, arching his body up to meet L's that was still covered by thin silk, "Ravage me."

L's eyes were impossibly large, his face otherwise blank and unreadable. He was hungry all right, and when set upon by cravings L was never one to take his time. He lunged down at Raito with teeth bared, digging into the tender skin beneath Raito's left ear as if biting into a piece of mochi.

Raito gasped; he hadn't been expecting that. But as much as it stung, Raito felt himself shiver in pleasure. The sensitivity of that spot, even the pain, it mingled and made pleasure shoot all the way down to his toes. Raito loved it. And L thought he was the freak.

Sucking hard on Raito's neck, L struggled with the ties of his own robe and finally managed to open it. He pressed down harder then, rubbing in what some might call an obscene way against Raito's hips.

It was a pleasant surprise to feel how hard L was already. Maybe sweets fed more than just the recluse's normal appetite. Raito wouldn't be shocked at all to discover that was true.

L was inelegant, inexperienced, but certainly not lacking enthusiasm. He pulled back, having left some rather impressive marks on Raito's neck, and began in one long lick to trace Raito's throat, taking particular care to pass over his Adam's apple. This caused an involuntary buck from Raito's hips that L was only too happy to return. It was as if L wanted to lick and nibble his way over every part of Raito he could fine, and he was not gentle. Raito had seen L eat, seen how ravenously and constant he could manage. He honestly didn't know if he should be happy or disturbed to be so likened to one of L's treats.

Throughout all of L's attentions—a few bites and licks to Raito's nipples, a swirl of the tongue in Raito's navel, a lunge back up to suck on the so far un-bruised side of Raito's neck—L continued to thrust his hips against whatever part of Raito he was in contact with.

All of L's sexual frustration finally had an outlet. Their earlier escapade had been one thing, a chance for L to find release and be safely led through a sexual experience. But now L was free to take what he wanted but had been denied for so long. Raito doubted anyone had ever flirted with L, or touched him in any way but passing before now. It made Raito that much more willing to be at L's mercy. The detective deserved it. He deserved everything Raito could give him. Everything.

"Do it…" Raito gasped, while L lapped at his ear and breathed hotly on the cartilage, "God, just do it…please."

L lifted up, his lips wet, his face filled with color and heat, and nodded.

Raito grunted as L flipped him, sending both of their robes tumbling to the floor. The table creaked in protest but neither was paying much attention to that. Raito was too busy gripping the table's edge and trying to relax himself for something he had never experienced before but wanted desperately now. L straddled Raito from behind, up on his knees, and ran a hand along Raito's back and down the crevice of Raito's rear.

Raito whimpered. "Don't tease me," he wanted to say, but he couldn't speak. He knew L wasn't like him. L wasn't a sadist, much as recent events might indicate otherwise. This was simply how L needed things to be done.

Now that he knew Raito was as ready as he was, L grabbed Raito by the hips and thrust.

Raito nearly screamed. L hadn't thought to prepare him, maybe didn't realize the importance of it, and the sudden entrance stung. It didn't take long to pass, however, because thankfully L hadn't forgotten everything. L was wet, a little from his own devices and a little from some well-placed saliva. Raito made himself relax. L wanted it rough but not brutal, and that could only be a good thing.

The second thrust brought another cringe, but by the fifth there was nothing but numb intensity. And then it happened. A small adjustment to the left and L found the spot inside of Raito that made everything in the world go blinding white. Raito gave a sharp cry, arched up without warning…and crashed.

The table, that is.

Raito's sudden movement unbalanced the table's already precarious allowance of their activities. It flipped, just as easily as L had flipped Raito, sending L backwards and Raito roughly to the side where he landed hard and struck one of the cabinets.

A moment later, Raito tried to focus, blinking hard to clear his head. He saw that L had at least fared a little better than he did. L had fallen back but managed to roll. Of course, since there was a wall so close to him, he came to a stop about halfway through that roll, upside down and with his feet in the air. His erection was still prominent but his expression was that of the bemused and analytical L who was thinking over how on Earth they ended up in these positions.

"It would seem, Raito-kun," L said with far more control in his voice than should be possible, "That we did not adequately calculate our angle with that of the table's stability. Or in other words…ow." L pushed away from the wall to right himself and reached back to rub at his sore tailbone.

It was too perfect. In the middle of the most sexual experience of either of their lives, they had ceased to use their brains just long enough to get thrown off balance. Of course their little table wouldn't be able to hold them. But they hadn't been thinking about that. They hadn't been thinking at all.

As far as Raito was concerned it was the funniest thing he could imagine. He started to laugh, not chuckle but all out howl. His shoulders hurt from the impact of the floor and cabinet, and his ass hurt for a decidedly different reason. He had to laugh. He couldn't help it.

Staring at him blankly at first, L didn't know what to make of his laughing companion. But after watching Raito for awhile and then looking at himself, the table, and how their adventure had ended up, L started to laugh too.

L's laugh was always unexpected and off sounding. He didn't do it very much. He rarely smiled. But his low voice rose to the pitches more associated with moments of surprise and disbelief, and echoed over the kitchen walls along with Raito's.

The pair laughed like that for a long time.

When they finally started to still, Raito just stared at L, musing to himself about how normal L looked right now. Really normal. It was late, but he was well-rested these days. His hair was tousled, but it was supposed to be after what they had been up to. He was smiling, widely and at ease. And the way he sat, with his back against the wall and one leg pulled in and bent, leaving the other stretched out and relaxed, one could barely believe this was the same allusive detective Raito had known in life.

"We're acting our age again," Raito said, "Could be dangerous."

Molding his face into his usual contemplative mask, L considered this. "Mmm, you may be right, Raito-kun. We should be acting a bit more…adult then, wouldn't you say?"

Raito gave a short laugh. "Did you just speak innuendo to me?"

"It wouldn't be the first time."

Raito opened his mouth to comment on that, but stopped, wondering if L meant there had been times on Earth when his words were innuendo and Raito hadn't noticed. No. Couldn't be. L didn't feel this way about him back then. Did he? How could he have? Raito was the enemy. Raito tried to kill him. Raito did kill him.

Raito killed him…

"Raito-kun?" There was concern in L's voice and Raito knew his thoughts had managed to morph his expression into a troubled one.

"Sorry," Raito said, "Just thinking."

"About what?"

L had to be so damn persistent. Raito decided he would much rather take care of their mutual problems between their legs right now than answer honestly. He mustered a grin. "About how much time we're wasting sitting on the kitchen floor," he said.

The way L shifted in place proved how easy it would be for him to switch gears again. He licked his lips, staring openly at Raito's naked body.

Damn that tongue, Raito thought. It was always teasing him.

"Raito-kun," L said, his voice low and suggestive again.

"Yeah?"

"Would you be so kind as to stand up and face the sink?" So matter of fact, but Raito knew better than to trust that tone of voice. He had already met the beast. Intimately.

Still grinning, Raito complied right away. He was sore, but he could ignore that for now. He stood, turned towards the sink, and gripped the edge, looking back over his shoulder as if to say, "Come and get it." He almost did say it, but he didn't want to seem any more like a slut than he was. He really hoped L never questioned him on the details of his experience. He would hate to have to tell the other man just how many girls he made fall in love with him and sleep with him, only to be left with broken hearts.

Raito felt L get up and walk over to him rather than heard it. He felt the presence of L moving slowly, watching him. Only when L was just behind him did Raito actually hear L as he spit into his hand. How considerate, Raito thought. But he didn't have time to think that way for long.

L never wasted time, and he certainly didn't want to start now. He gripped Raito's hips as he had before and pressed forward. It was easier this time since Raito had already been somewhat stretched, but a low grunt left the younger man nonetheless. L didn't try to be gentler. The table, it was decided, had been an unfortunate fluke. The sink would make up for that nicely. And it did.

Raito was bent far over the sink, practically in it as L pounded from behind. There was desperation in the act, both of them could feel that, and even though L was the one in control he was trembling. His breaths were very audible, as if he were mumbling to himself. Raito was almost certain L was saying something, but he couldn't pick up more than the occasional "Raito."

The moment L bent forward and began placing wet kisses to the back of Raito's neck, Raito knew he was done for. Shifting his hips the slightest bit, he aided L in finding that favored spot again. It was just as blinding this time. And the next. And the next. Raito felt the pressure building already. He tried to will it away but these sensations were too new, too overwhelming. A few thrusts more and he came against the cabinets.

Raito's body wanted so much to slump forward, but L wouldn't let him. He was still going strong, and Raito coming had only fueled him more. Every part of Raito felt over-sensitive as L moved behind him. It almost hurt to feel L's fingers digging into his hips. Raito wanted L to come and he pushed back into every thrust.

One of L's hands maintained its grip on slender hips, but the other began to move. It trailed up Raito's chest, his neck, to his face where its fingers ran softly over parted lips. Raito doubted L really understood what he was doing and assumed the detective was moving entirely on instinct. So, he decided to give as much as was being given.

Pulling one of L's fingers into his mouth, Raito started to suck. He felt the tremor that ran through L's body, but still the dark-haired detective managed not to come. Raito sucked harder, pulled in a second finger and sucked on that too. L's mumbles grew louder and Raito began to pick up on the syllables more clearly.

"Yes…Raito…so…nnggg…yes…please…please…Raito…"

Nothing had ever sounded so sexy.

Raito almost laughed at himself for thinking that, and for the position he was in. If he could go back in time and tell his past self that he would one day be living with L as partners, sleeping in the same bed, and having hard, fast sex against the kitchen cabinets, he imagined his past self would either faint or throw up. The very thought of L being sexual would have unnerved him back then, let alone for the detective to be sexual with him. What had changed? L hadn't changed. He was still awkward, which Raito felt in how L was approaching their sexual escapade. But it didn't bother Raito at all; it made him want to give L everything so as time passed L would feel more and more comfortable. So that one day L wouldn't be awkward around him at all.

It wasn't that he wanted to change L. He wanted to teach L about the things he had been denied or purposely denied himself. He wanted to give L things L hadn't even imagined for himself. If that changed things about L for the better, than they would simply be even. Was it wrong for Raito to want that?

"Fuck, yes," Raito said, brimming with confidence now. After all, he was the one making L say all those incoherent words. He was the one teaching L just how good normal, deviant human behavior could be. "I always knew…you couldn't get enough of me." Raito looked back over his shoulder and smirked. It was devious, very devious, but not cruel as Kira would have made it.

L twitched but he still didn't come. He leaned forward and captured Raito's lips instead, putting a welcome strain on Raito's neck. When they pulled apart, Raito gave one last effort to undo L right then and there.

"You're so damn sexy when you're fucking me," Raito said in a breathy whisper.

L came so suddenly inside of Raito, his whole body convulsed.

Really, Raito had to feel smug. "Knew that'd getcha," Raito said through a tired smiled. His body was shaking too; he didn't know how he was managing to stay on his feet.

"Evil…" L breathed against Raito's neck, not yet ready to pull away.

Raito peered back at him and gave his friend a rather somber smile. "Only sometimes," he said.

L's blissful exhaustion gave way to a look of startled shame. "I didn't mean…"

"I know. It's true though."

"The evil or the sometimes?"

"Both?"

L smiled. "Both. We all have to be evil sometimes." He leaned into Raito for a kiss, but a wet squishy sound and wet squishy feeling between their bodies broke the lip lock prematurely. L crinkled his nose as he pulled away.

"Yeah, we're a mess," Raito agreed, shrugging as if to say that this is just the way it has to be where sex is concerned. Then he glanced around the room and had to crinkle his nose too. "And so is the kitchen," he said, "We need to better contain ourselves."

Large black eyes followed after Raito's around the room. "I wouldn't go that far. But we should probably clean up." As if it were the most normal thing in the world, L strode over to the roll of paper towels, took a few, and walked back to Raito where he proceeded to wipe him off. It was a little more than intimate the way L cleaned Raito so thoroughly. It was kind of embarrassing.

"L…" Raito tried, red in the face as L slid the paper towel down his rear, "I can do that myself."

L merely blinked at him. "Why? It's my mess."

Logic. It was hardly something L was going to grow out of, so Raito allowed him to take responsibility and tried not to squirm.

L continued to clean up his mess, finishing Raito and then wiping down the stained cabinets and righting the overturned table. When he was satisfied he looked over at Raito and tilted his head. He straightened again in realization. "Ah. A bit sore? If you need help getting back to bed…" L walked over to Raito and made as if to sweep the younger man into his arms.

Startled, not having realized he was just standing there while L cleaned, Raito quickly came back to his senses and held up his hands in dissention. "I can walk. I was just thinking. Not that I'm not sore, thank you. But I can make it."

Unless Raito was mistaken, and he doubted he was, L actually looked disappointed. Weird. There really was no denying that L was the weirdest person Raito would ever have the pleasure to meet.

As they headed back to the bedroom, gathering their discarded robes from the floor but not seeing much point in putting them back on, Raito found himself watching L very closely. He sensed something was off with his friend but he wasn't entirely sure what it was. When L caught him staring and turned away quickly with a fierce blush, Raito figured it out. He closed the bedroom door behind them and turned L towards him before the detective could slip into bed.

"You have nothing to be embarrassed about," Raito said firmly.

"I'm…not embarrassed."

Raito gave a skeptical look.

"I'm not," L affirmed, "I…I've been intimate with you twice now," L said. His eyes averted as he struggled for the rest of his words, "And…I…"

"And you're thinking too much about it," Raito said, "If you think about it, yeah, after the first few times being naked and sweaty and close with someone…it's going to feel strange. You've never done this before. Give yourself a break."

L nodded, but didn't seem to be listening. He sat on the edge of the bed, hunching like he used to. He tried to pull his feet up to sit as he preferred, but felt too awkward being naked and put his feet back on the floor. "I…worry."

"Worry?" Raito pressed, sitting next to L on the bed.

"I worry…about what you think of me," L said. He wouldn't look at Raito. "I must seem like such a child."

This conversation concerned Raito. He never thought L felt this way. L was so intelligent, world-renowned even, and always seemed so confident. Sure he ate sweets like no one else, acted a little strangely, seemed to have an oral fixation Raito was sure they would find good use for, and L hadn't yet experienced things other people his age would have a long time ago. But Raito never once thought of L like a child.

He told him so. Then said, "I like you the way you are, L. I mean, I guess sometimes I wonder why…" Raito trailed off. He wasn't sure if it was right for him to finish that sentence.

"Why what?" L asked.

It was something Raito always wanted to ask, but there was no way he could word the question in a way that wasn't at least a little offensive. He decided since they were being so open anyway, he really had nothing to lose. "Why…you are the way you are." he said.

L didn't look away as Raito expected. He looked right into Raito's eyes, expressionless, and said, "The real answer…more than likely…is a psychological condition I was born with that explains my intelligence, behavior, and tendencies. But…I have never looked into it. I grew up in an orphanage for…special children. We were all a little different, but some of us…I…was more different than most. I didn't want to know the name for why I… felt so…"

"Outcast?"

The black depths of L's eyes shimmered. "Yes," he said.

Raito tried to offer a comforting smile. "You're not big on touch, are you? Tonight not withstanding," Raito said.

L nodded.

"Then you've been coming a long way. Forget the sex. You touch me all the time. I mean," Raito went a little red himself this time, which made L give a welcome snort. "I mean," Raito said again, "You touch me in normal everyday ways all the time. At least you have been lately. Not that I'm expecting or looking for anything. I don't want you to think I'm trying to fix you."

"I know," L said, looking as if he was already feeling quite a bit better about things, "I don't think fixing me is possible anyway. Just…helping. Teaching. Nourishing. And not simply with food."

"And liking," Raito added, "I like you. I care about you. You're probably the only person I've ever been able to really talk to. Who knows how close or far I was from being…just like you."

Something in this phrasing really lifted L's spirits. He actually glowed for a moment, then with a tilt of his head it vanished and he said, "Hmm, and then really, think how close or far I might have been…from being just like you."

Raito didn't like that thought. He didn't like thinking of himself being…himself, let alone L. "Let's just be glad we're both who we are and we're here now," Raito said, "What more could we be thankful for? Now let's get some sleep. We're going to be feeling this in the morning."

"Both of us," L agreed. He grinned with a deviousness that proved just how easily L could have turned out to be Kira instead.

Raito got the reference. "Yeah, both of us. Now come here," he said, hooking L by the neck and knocking him back onto the bed. They pushed and hit each other, even wrestled a bit while trying with obvious difficulty to get under the covers.

Acting their age. Maybe even a few years younger than they were since they had both grown up so fast. It felt good.

Eventually they were settled, L tucked in against Raito's side, and both feeling the exhaustion of their acts. Maybe they would call it an earlier night tomorrow. Maybe not.

As they drifted into slumber, all was not entirely well. Raito couldn't help returning to the dream he had had, not fully thankfully, but the memory of it haunted him. The memory of Kira. It frightened him to think that all of that was still a part of him, and always would be. He feared one day Kira would return to claim him again. To claim L again.

Raito had said Kira was not a split personality, but sometimes he wondered if he was wrong.

THE END…of THIS one shot

A/N: This is the first of the one shots I would like to do for this. There is no plan, simply a desire to not see this story arc die. After watching the anime of Death Note and renewing my love of it that I first felt after reading the manga, my anger at Raito was also renewed. I needed to torture him. The sex was entirely their own doing. I only planned on the nightmare. Whether or not Kira is something to fear, only time will tell. Again, if anyone else ever wants to write a one shot of Raito and L working in Meifu, all are welcome. Thanks for all those still reading!

Crim