Three's A Crowd

Chapter One – The Black Ultimatum

It was barely dawn on an overcast Tuesday morning in September when a shrill scream was heard all over number 12 Grimmauld Place waking not only it's occupants but the ones that had lived their previously.

This shrill scream which was more like a harpy's shriek (an opinion established much later when the full extent of its reason was revealed) practically shook the foundations of the most Noble and Ancient House of Black and it defiantly left its sole heir quacking in his boots, if he had been wearing them at the time.

As it were the man in question was merely draped in a black silk sheet that barely covered his vitals, not that it mattered since he would soon be loosing said appendage if the infuriated woman in his room had her way. Sirius Black decided to take the route most beneficial to his future health and wisely backed away from the now two women who looked like they were going to tear him to pieces.

Hermione Granger didn't know who she wanted to kill first, the silk clad Black or the naked Ginny Weasley. The former not even trying to cover herself as she too turned her wrath on the man who was soon to become a eunuch. Sirius's brain registered that he had made a very big mistake in messing with the two witches but his other brain, the one that lay a little further south and tended to do most of the thinking was of a different opinion and it couldn't help but respond to the raw fury now directed at him.

Despite being scared witless for his safety and that of his most favourite body part he was still very much turned on. After all he had a naked red-head and an almost naked (hell he could see right through the little number she was wearing) bookworm in his room. Any other time he would consider himself a very lucky man, but he didn't think they would appreciate that outlook very much right now.

"Ladies …" he drawled giving them his most charming smile which caused them both to scowl.

"Don't you try those cheap tricks Sirius Black. A cheesy grin and a few silky words aren't going to get you out of this mess" Hermione growled between clench teeth, her fists bunching at her sides one of them gripping her wand so hard he saw her knuckles turn white. He could almost imagine the pain of that vice like grip if it got a hold of something else – that something else being the thing that had gotten him into trouble in the first place.

"You have got some explaining to do Black" Ginny agreed finding a green g-string among the remaining bed clothes and slipping into them, not that she was any more decent infact the look only served to turn him on more as memories of the night before and exactly what she had done with that little piece of fabric made his little problem into a big problem. The two women began to advance on him each had their wands drawn ready to hex him to the other side of Christmas.

"Come now – let's be reasonable about this" his voice quivering slightly as the danger to his person increased. He continued to back away until his back hit the door frame; he never took his eyes off the two who were now sporting almost identical expressions, the blood lust evident in their glinting eyes. He was suddenly taken off guard when he tripped on the bed sheet and fell through the doorway onto his backside.

What happened next could be described as a symphony of sound as hexes were thrown; insults were swapped and details that should never be revealed in public were announced all with Mrs Black's portrait providing back up vocals to the tune of archaic pureblood slogans from the corridor by the front entrance.

Sirius copped the brunt of it as the witches unleashed their fury for a good quarter of an hour and the rest of the multi-story house's occupants were treated to a rare show as the ex-convict was given the talking to of his lifetime, not being able to deny a single one of their accusations.

It was sometime later when they were all dressed and sitting around the large kitchen table that had served them for years as the Order of the Phoenix's conference room that the full extent of the situation was revealed.

"So let me get this straight, you have been seeing Ginny behind Hermione's back and vice versa? And this has been going on for almost a year; I'm surprised it took you that long to be discovered" his godson commented looking like he was trying not to laugh and really only holding it in for the sake of the two still very angry witches sitting on opposite ends of the table who looked close to wiping out the entire male population.

"Honestly Black, couldn't you keep it in your pants?" Draco Malfoy asked sitting down beside Harry and handing him a coffee with a brief kiss on the cheek.

"Can you?" Sirius retorted watching the exchange still unable to understand what his godson saw in the insufferable albino pureblood. Draco was about to respond with another snide remark when Remus interrupted the pointless exchange.

"The point is its out now and there is nothing that is going to change the fact that you messed up – again" Sirius hated it when the werewolf gave him that disappointed look, it made him feel like he was back at school and he had just been caught doing something he shouldn't do; which had been practically everyday if he recalled correctly. The Animagus gave a heavy sigh and turned to look at Hermione who had her arms folded over her chest and her head turned away; refusing to look him in the eye.

"Listen 'Mione baby I'm sorry …" he began

"Yeah sorry you got caught" she muttered darkly. He turned to the petite red head at the other end of the table and she struck a similar pose.

"Gin sweetheart … I didn't mean to hurt you" he pleaded. She huffed delicately and turned to look at Hermione as if he had said nothing at all.

"You know none of this was our fault … infact I think he may have kept up his two-timing ways if you hadn't walked in this morning. Thanks Hermione" she told the brunette sincerely.

"That's ok, infact I'm glad I walked in on you two because I have to agree with you he would have kept this up for along time if I hadn't. We should make him pay for screwing us over" replied the bookworm. The men all shuddered as a slow grin formed on each of their lips and they turned back to the disgraced man.

"Sirius darling …" began Ginny in a sickly sweet voice.

"You have two choices …" Hermione joined in, her grin turning into a patronising smile which was mirrored by Ginny.

"You can have me …" Ginny continued fluttering her eyelashes slightly.

"Or you can have me. Its one or the other" Hermione finished for her standing up and moving around the table to stand by the other woman in a show of unity. He stared at them both for a moment trying to decide who he wanted more but his mind went blank as they linked arms before turning to leave the stunned kitchen, whispering for a few seconds before Hermione turned to him again and pierced him with a truly wicked grin.

"You have a week to decide. If you can't then you get neither of us" and with that said they left the kitchen the best of friends. Their laughter could be heard as they made their way back upstairs.

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" Draco quipped with a chuckle taking a sip from his mug.

"Oh yes it does … its two witches scorned" Muttered Sirius banging his head on the table as the rest of the room laughed at him. With a sigh he got up and glared at them.

"This isn't funny" he growled slamming his hands on the table with enough force to spill the remaining contents of the mugs on it creating a mess that would have sent Molly Weasley into a fit had she been there. But she wasn't instead he had to deal with her daughter and the other woman she may as well have given birth to. This bought another realisation to mind – What was going to happen to him when the Weasley's found out? This more than anything spurred him to leave the kitchen in search of his lovers.

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