AN: Next chapter out. And the poem in here is NOT mine. All I did was change about four words so it applied to her. I saw it on the internet somewhere and thought it went good with the story.
Thanks to all my reviewers. and to Star02: No, actually I've never studied human Psychology. but i am really interested in it. that's one of the reasons I decided to write this story. But it's cool that you study it. Maybe you could give me some ideas for future chapters.
Ok. hope you all enjoy this.
Everything was quiet. The early morning sun just barely pierced through the windows, illuminating the wide hallway. Deep green eyes lingered on the white door that was firmly shut just a few feet ahead.
Sakura had been standing here, in front of the hospital wing, for the last half hour. She had woken up that morning and after pulling the glass that she had left embedded in her feet, come here.
She wanted to see Tomoyo, but she also didn't. What if she remembered how she had laughed at her? What if she remembered how she had smiled at her pain? What if she knew how twisted of a person Sakura really was?
Nodding her head in determination, she went to pull the door open, only to find it locked. Sighing in defeat she went to turn away when a voice stopped her.
"You going in or what?" Meilin gave her a curious look. Sakura looked at the ground, not wanting to meet her eyes.
"I can't. It's locked." She sounded defeated. Meilin simply walked past her and took out a key.
"Where'd you get that?" She asked. Meilin walked into the room and turned down the right side hallway. Jumping over the nurses' desk she looked through some files to find Tomoyo's room.
"I, uh, borrowed it. From one of the doctors yesterday." Sakura didn't quite believe that but decided it was better not to argue. Finding the room Meilin led them down a hallway and stopped at a room near the end.
Both walked inside, careful not to make any noise. Tomoyo's sleeping form lay listlessly on the bed. Her long silken hair clashed harshly with her sickly pale face. Her body already looked frail and skinny, even though she had only been in here for one night.
"Hey, Moyo. It's Mei and Saku. We're just here to see how you're doing." Meilin moved forward, standing near the end of the bed. She took out a flower from her bag and put it in the empty vase.
The amber eyed girl continued to talk as Sakura stood in the doorway. Her sight traveled from the thin IV in her friend's arm, to her ghostly appearance, and the irregular rising and falling of her chest.
Sakura had never seen someone else sick before. She had been hospitalized and hurt plenty of times, but that's completely different. The most hurt she's ever seen anyone was when her brother broke his leg in a soccer game. Seeing Tomoyo like this, it was kind of scary.
But she still couldn't stop the sickening pleasure that ran through her. It was like a disease. It always came back at the worse times.
"Sakura, I'm heading off to class. You should probably leave soon too." She only nodded as Meilin brushed by her. Taking the now vacant seat she gazed over at the sleeping girl.
"Hey, Tomoyo, I cleaned up the room for you. Well, not really. It's just all shoved in one corner. And look, I'm even wearing pink. You said I looked good in pink remember? You said it made me look more like a girl." There was no reply, but then again, she hadn't been expecting one. Averting her eyes she choked a little on the words in her mouth. "I'm really sorry, Moyo. I'm so sorry."
And with that she left. Her face void of emotion and her stride steady. She didn't want to cry. She hated it when she cried. It was always just such a pain to deal with.
She entered the class just before the teacher did, taking her seat beside her smiling friend. The classes passed by without her notice. Rika and Naoko had tried asked her where she was for breakfast, but she didn't hear them. Finally, Eriol managed to catch her attention.
"Sakura. Are you ok? You've been out of it all day." He asked. His words were filled with concern, but only the words. His voice and face betrayed the meaning of the words completely.
"Of course I'm ok. Why wouldn't I be?" She responded, trying to focus on the teacher up front.
"Well, I've been trying to talk to you all day and you just completely ignored me." He pointed out.
"Oh, sorry Eriol. Guess I was just distracted." She gave him a weak smile as the teacher rose from his seat and walked to the front of the class. She hadn't noticed earlier but it was their last class, English, and there was only about ten minutes left.
"Ok, class. Did everyone do the homework?" The balding man asked. No one answered him and chose to instead stare purposefully away. "Come on, anyone? No one? Seriously?" He didn't sound very surprised as he gave off a sigh. "No one did the homework?"
Blinking, Sakura raised her hand. "Yes, miss Kinomoto. What is it?" He asked exasperatedly.
"I did the homework." He blinked in surprise as she pulled the paper out of her bag.
"Really? That's great. Why don't you come up and read it to the class?" His cheerfulness didn't affect the weirdly stoic girl as she walked to the front. Holding the paper she looked out at her classmates.
Her eyes caught for a moment on a pair of amber eyes looking intently up at her. Rather uncaringly, she flicked back to her paper and read the lines in a clear and emotionless voice.
My name is Sakura
I am but three,
Me eyes are swollen
I cannot see,
I must be stupid
I must be bad,
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me
I can't speak at all
I can't do a wrong
Or else I'm locked up
All day long
When I awake I'm all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren't home.
When my mommy does come
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll get just
One beating tonight
Don't make a sound!
I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Charlie's Bar.
I hear his curse
My name he calls
I press myself
Against the wall.
I try and hide
From his evil eyes
I'm so afraid now
I'm desperate not to cry.
He finds me weeping
He shouts ugly words,
He says it's my fault
That he suffers at work.
He slaps me and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And I run for the door.
He's already locked it
And I begin to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall.
I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken.
"I'm sorry!" I scream
But it's now much too late
His face has been twisted
Into unimaginable hate.
The hurt and the pain
Again and again
Oh please God, have mercy!
Oh please, let it end!
And finally he stops
And heads for the door,
While I lay there motionless
Sprawled on the floor.
My name is Sakura
And I am but three,
Tonight my daddy,
Murdered me
The whole class sat silent as she finished. The words were spoken evenly, with no extra emotion. She acted so calm, and spoke with a smile. The bell rang as she handed the paper to her teacher.
Walking over to her desk she began to put her things away. Two girls walked in front of her, both slightly nervous.
"Umm…Saku?" Naoko looked up at her, a little unsure. "Are you ok?"
"You seem…how can I say it…" Rika trailed off, uncertain how to finish.
"Different?" Her sister offered. Rika only nodded.
"I'm fine guys. You go ahead to lunch." She gave them a smile that rivaled even Eriols. Smiling back they said goodbye and ran out the door.
"Sakura, why are you smiling like that? It's obvious that you're not happy." Eriol walked beside her, handing her, her copy of peter pan.
"That's ironic coming from you." She quipped taking it from him.
"What do you mean?" She looked up at him with a questioning expression. She was about to answer when another person cut her off.
"She's talking about that stupid grin of yours." Sakura looked behind her to find the boy who had been identified as Shaoran. His messy hair fell into his face as he leaned casually against her desk. His eyes moved down to Sakura and lingered for a moment before returning to Eriol.
"What stupid grin?" Eriol asked. He was however, still smiling.
"Whatever man, I'm hungry. Let's go to lunch. Hey new girl, wanna join us?" He gave her a cocky smirk that most girls would die for. Sakura looked to Eriol who nodded his approval and shrugged.
"I'd like that, and my name's Sakura." She informed. Pulling her bag over he shoulder she looked the chocolate haired boy in the eyes, making sure he remembered it.
"Right. And I'm Shaoran Li. It is a pleasure to meet you." He gave her a theatrical bow before standing back up. "Now let's go." Eriol walked to the door and Sakura followed only to be pulled back by Li.
"Hey, new girl, try not to mention the fact that he smiles ok? He kind of doesn't know." Shaoran whispered in her ear as they kept a short distance from Eriol.
"What do you mean he doesn't know?" She whispered back. The boys amber eyes flicked to the dark haired boy before landing back on her.
"I mean he's unaware of it." He stated, talking in a more normal voice. Sighing, Sakura gave up. He was obviously dodging the question but if he didn't want to tell she certainly wasn't going to force him to. "So…new girl. That poem was interesting. Let me guess. You are here because you're an abuse victim."
"Yes and no." She answered, walking faster to catch up to her friend.
"Ok, I'll take that as a yes. Beat by your boyfriend?" He inquired, quickening his pace to keep up with her.
"No." She was only a step away from Eriol.
"Got a boyfriend?" She paused for a second and looked at him before continuing her walk.
"No…" She had finally caught up to Eriol and stood at his side. Shaoran came up on her other side and leaned down to her ear.
"Good." His hand reached out and pushed open a door revealing a large garden area. She followed them to a tree where two other boys were already standing. "Hey guys, what's up."
One with short black hair looked up, his black eyes closing as he smiled. He was holding a lighter in his hand and a slightly smoking twig in another. The other boy, who had been staring intently down at the lighter also looked at their approaching friends. His dark red hair was spiked up and his orange eyes danced with energy.
"Hey Shaoran. Didn't know you were back." Said the black haired boy. Shaoran rolled his eyes before plopping down in the shade.
"Liar. You saw me yesterday." The other nodded in recognition. Eriol lead Sakura over to the group and pulled her in front of the boys.
"This is Sakura." He informed, placing his hands on her shoulders. They focused on her, sizing her up. "This is Yamazaki Takashi," He motioned to the black haired boy. "And Amorai Ryo."
Ryo walked up to her and leaned over, inspecting her face. He suddenly broke into a smile and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "I like her. She can stay."
"Yeah, like it needed your approval." Muttered Shaoran. Ryo sent him a dirty look before dragging her to the tree and sitting her next to him.
"So, Sakura. How do you know Eriol and Shaoran over there?" He asked.
"I met Eriol my first day here and I don't know Shaoran." She answered in a sweet tone. Ryo laughed a little while Shaoran just scowled. Turning her head she looked up at Takashi. "Hey, Yamazaki-san, do you know Chiharu?"
"Oh, you mean his girlfriend." Taunted Ryo, leaning back against the tree.
"Really? His girlfriend?" Asked Sakura. Ryo nodded with a grin on his face.
"Ryo, did you know that thousands of years ago, men searched for years for the perfect girl? It was said that if you found your soul mate for your first girlfriend, you'd be granted any wish you wanted by the goddess of love." Takashi told his story as he sat beside Sakura. Her eyes widened as she contemplated what he said.
"Dude, shut up. Your stories are just too weird." Shaoran scoffed. Ryo chuckled beside her.
"Well I like that idea. Too bad my first wasn't the right one." The red head sighed a little as he shifted.
"How many have you had, Amorai-san?" She asked politely. Looking at her out of the corner of his eye, he scrunched his face in thought.
"Don't know. All that really matters is who my next is." He leaned in and whispered the last part in her ear. A light blush painted her cheeks as she turned away to hide it. He cupped her chin in his hand and turned her back to face him. "And call me Ryo. After all, we are friends."
She nodded dumbly, looking down. The rest of lunched passed by as they talked and ate. Ryo wouldn't let Sakura be apart from him for more than ten seconds and Takashi continued to tell them all useless facts. Eriol sat quietly and watched the scene just smiling while Shaoran lay on the grass occasionally adding to the conversation.
After a while Sakura saw the time and announced that she had to leave. After a prolonged goodbye from Ryo and a wave from the others she left.
Ryos golden eyes turned to the brunette on the grass. "Hey, Shaoran. Not that I'm complaining, but why'd you bring her with you? You're not normally one for new people."
"She interests me." He answered, standing up.
"Really? Shaoran Li, interested in a girl?" Ryo asked, laughing to himself. "And just when I was beginning to think you were gay." Shaoran shot him a glare but said nothing.
"I think Sakura is cute." Eriol added in, smiling up at his friends.
"Hear that? Sounds like you've got competition Li." Ryo smirked. "I happen to think she's cute too."
"I too want to be in this competition." Takashi said, raising his hand.
"No you don't." Answered both Ryo and Shaoran. He only gave a small chuckle and nodded his head in agreement.
Sakura walked down the hall and into the same room she had been in that morning. Tomoyo was still asleep in her bed, but some color had come back to her. Taking the seat next to the bed she opened her bag and took out Peter Pan.
"Hey Tomoyo. Since you're in here and the room is kinda lonely without you, I thought I'd come and read to you. How does that sound?" She was met with silence but took it as an ok.
Nodding her head she opened the book and began to read. Her voice was soothing and she spoke softly like she was reading a bedtime story. She read until her eyes became heavy and the nurses had all left. Marking the page she closed the book.
"Goodnight, Tomoyo. I'll be back tomorrow." She whispered as she left the small hospital room.
Letting her bag drop to the ground she looked around her dark room. It felt weird not to have a bubbly face greet her. Shifting through a drawer in her desk she pulled out a pair of scissors and sat on the floor.
Flipping them open she ran the edge across her skin and watched as the blood pooled inside the cut. Closing the scissors she stuck the point inside the wound and twisted them down until they hit bone.
She didn't wince at the pain or shed a tear. She gladly accepted it with a smile. But this time it wasn't because she enjoyed the pain or because she liked the blood that dripped down her arm. She smiled because she knew that she deserved it. She smiled because things were starting to feel more normal. She was the one who was supposed to be in pain. And everyone else, they were supposed to force their pain and problems onto her.
But she had caused someone else pain. And that person would never hurt her in return. So she inflict the pain on herself that her friend never would, just to make things right. Just to make things normal.
Placing the scissors on the floor she got up and lay on her bed. She didn't bother to put a bandage over the cut and instead chose to let it stain the sheets. Her emerald eyes fluttered closed and she drifted off to sleep.
I try to take back the pain I cause others. I try to put it all on myself. It's hard, but I do it. I do it because it's the only thing I can do. I've never really been good at anything. I can't sing or draw. I suck at math and my writing skills are nonexistent. I'm clumsy and ill mannered. I never know what to do when people cry. So to make up for everything that I've done, to be of some use in this world, I try and take your pain away. I throw myself in the way and take every hit before you even see it. I'd take every harsh word that's said and bleed openly to show that I'm weak. I've hurt others with things that I've done. And now I'm paying for it. I'll take your pain and take it with a smile. I'm telling you that it's ok to hurt me. I'm saying that I understand. I'm here to take you pain away. Born in this pathetic existence, what else can I possibly do?
AN: Ok. make sure and review because I'm not updating until I get at least five for this chapter. I don't know why but this story is wierdly unpopular...