Title: H is for the most disgusting thing I think I've ever seen…

Summary: Sometimes Sasuke doesn't even want to know.

Rating: T

Classification: General/Humor, Chapter/Drabbles (One for each letter of the Alphabet)

Disclaimer: It's not mine.

Author's notes: Yeah….it's been a while, but the inspiration has returned at last. As usual, if I make you smile, please review! It makes my day to know I made someone laugh.

Saskue sat in the far corner of the room, right next to the window. He was currently on top of a rather sturdy bookshelf, with his back up against the wall and his legs sprawled up in front of him. It wasn't a particularly tall bookshelf, and it stashed toys rather than books, but Sasuke had already decided it was his favorite piece of furniture in the room. It was the only thing tall enough to keep him out of reach of the children running amuck below, screeching about their toys and kicking crayons all over the place.

Sasuke was too tired to deal with it today. He and Naruto had been up all night painting the room till it finally met Gai's satisfaction. And then Gai-sensei decided it had to be furnished too-so they'd been running all over Konoha in the early hours of the morning looking for items to furnish the daycare—Naruto even had a handful of bunshin out helping with the painting and building some shelves and chairs. Sasuke hadn't even known that Naruto knew how to build shelves and chairs. He made some very pretty cornice boards too.

The new Center wasn't as big as the previous one, but it did have an attached kitchenette and two bathrooms. It even had a rather large storage room, which the previous location lacked. Sasuke had already tried to grab a moment's rest in it (He wasn't hiding, damn it), but Naruto found him and started putting up such a fuss that Sasuke ultimately decided it wasn't worth it.

On top of everything, the air conditioning repair guy hadn't been able to fix whatever the problem was with the a.c., and mumbled something about needing some certain wires that were on back-order and some such nonsense. Chh…whatever. The man knew a guy who knew a guy who'd come fix it after his day job was over.

Sasuke didn't care. Really didn't care.

In the meanwhile, he and Naruto looked like death warmed over (having gone without sleep and been on high-Gai-alert for most of the previous night). Sasuke handled it by removing himself from their charge's reach. Naruto just sat despondently in the middle of the room for the majority of the day, somehow able to sleep while sitting even with children swarming all over him.

It didn't help that Sakura showed up mid-day—she knew that they hadn't had a chance to grab food in a while—but instead of bringing something substantive it was this horrible fake-food stuff that she and Ino had been trying lately. Mini carrots and some type of salad sprinkled with some random unappetizing fish. And two bags of celery. Seriously. Unfortunately, Sasuke was hungry enough that he ate it. Naruto just scowled and became unusually snappy, using the mini carrots in a mock kunai-fight with some of the four year olds.

In turn, this made Sakura defensive and lecture-y, prompting a thirty minute rant about eating balanced food groups and such. Which normally wouldn't have been anything new…except that she had to cross the line and start insulting ramen. Again, that wasn't too far from the norm, but when she brought Ichiraku into it, this pushed Naruto's sulk to new heights, leading to a blowup of fantastic proportions…with children crying and Sakura storming it and slamming the door so hard that Sasuke had to go realign the hinges.

The kids were much quicker to bounce back and move on than their teenage counterparts. Ten minutes later they were back to happily wreaking havoc on the jungle gym that Gai built in the middle of the room (Sasuke was outvoted on that one) and Naruto was sulking under the slide. He didn't even protest when some of the little girls took to brushing his hair and tying bows in the little tufts they could cluster together.

So, to sum things up, it was a fairly crappy day with all three members of Team Seven unusually aggravated with one another and Sasuke and Naruto stumbling around tense, sleep deprived, and Naruto stuck in an awkward funk.

Later, Sasuke would look back and remind himself never to let this combination of events ever occur again.

But, at the moment, Sasuke didn't have any warning of the bad life choices that were about to be made. He was quite content to bask in the sunshine of his window and let the children do whatever they want (short of drawing blood) for the remainder of the day.

*tap, tap, tap*

That was an irritating noise.

He would ignore it.

*tap, tap, tap*

Sasuke gave a low grunt, and opened an eye. Naruto was tapping on the glass of an animal tank sitting on top of the bookshelf next to Sasuke's.

He still looked a bit brainwashed, and the curiosity normally present in his gaze was lacking. He tapped his finger gently against the glass three more times.

Sasuke's eye twitched. "Naruto," he murmured in warning.

Naruto just pushed his forehead against the glass.

He stayed that way for a few moments and Sasuke closed his eyes and relaxed once more against the wall.

"Sasuke."

Oh no. He knew better than to answer.

"Sasuke."

If he didn't acknowledge it, it didn't happen.

"Sasuke."

Go away. Go away. Go away.

"Sasuke, I think these have to be the most disgusting things I've ever seen."

Damn you internal mantra for not working.

*tap, tap, tap*

Sasuke's eyes flew open. "Stop tapping, now."

Naruto didn't move his forehead from the glass, just continued to gaze mindlessly into the terrarium's depths.

"But its just so, so…I don't even have the words."

Sasuke huffed impatiently. "Then do what I do and stop talking about it." He scrunched his eyes shut and tried to block out the other boy.

"But don't you hear that? Can't you hear that? They're hissing, Sasuke!"

Sasuke internally groaned as he recognized the spark of life coming back into Naruto's voice. He cracked one eye slightly and watched his idiot team mate peering into the tank that housed the new class pets.

"Do you think they bite?"

Sasuke snorted. "Do I look like I care?"

Naruto stood slowly, leaning over the tank so he could peer straight down into it. It didn't have a top, so his vision of the creatures was now completely unobstructed. "Could I…should I hold one?"

Sasuke grimaced. "Leave them alone." Who knew what type of diseases those things were carrying.

"But Sasuke," Naruto's voice was a bit louder now. "They're just so disgusting."

Sasuke straightened up from his slouch. "First, we've established this already. Second, yes, I agree, and now you want to touch them?"

In Sasuke's opinion, they should have thrown the things out when they were brought in that morning. That brat's mother was right when she wouldn't let them in her house. Who cares if the kid's older brother brought them back from a mission—it was probably just as a joke anyway. Sasuke wouldn't want those things in his house either.

*tap, tap, tap*

Sasuke clenched his teeth and dug his nails into his palm. "Naruto, If you don't stop tapping that tank, I swear—"

"Oh, Sasuke!" Naruto jumped up, but still kept his hands on the tank.

Sasuke knew that tone of voice, that was a bad tone of voice. He could make it to the storage room in five seconds, but it didn't lock from the inside…he could make it to the front door in fifteen, but he risked stepping on children—the window! Was it locked? What if—

"I've just had the best thought I think I've ever had."

Sasuke winced as Naruto's face was suddenly inches from his own.

"No."

"Oh, yes." Naruto began to nod gravely. "Definitely yes. Now, I'm going to need your help—"

"No." Sasuke shook his head and pressed his back against the wall. "No, no, no."

Naruto leaned forward with a whine, "Come on, not for much, but—"

"No." Sasuke tried to imbue his voice with iron. He pressed down the defensive instinct to use the sharingan.

Naruto thrust his lower lip out in a pout and pulled on Sasuke's sleeve. "Seriously Sasuke, you'll barely have to lift a finger—"

Sasuke frowned and pushed at Naruto until he took a few steps back. "Then you don't need me."

Naruto began a low howl. "Yes, I do, I do…it just won't be as fun on my own." He sat down on the floor and continued his tantrum.

"Too bad."

Naruto was acting even more childish than normal; Sasuke assumed he was just tired. It'd been a long day after all.

"Pfft." Naruto laid on his back on the floor and pushed a couple of blocks around with his feet. "You are such a mood killer."

They sat in silence (well, silence for them, the kids were still pretty loud—if they were silent it'd mean they'd finally managed to kill somebody—Sasuke really didn't want to have to yell at them for that today) for a few moments, and Sasuke began to calm down a bit. Maybe Naruto was finally old enough to know when to let certain things go. He would be fine if all Naruto was going to do was be surly and kick at toys the rest of the afternoon. They were in the perfect place for that, he'd even have friends to join him in his tantrum.

Naruto stared up at the ceiling and chewed on his lip as Sasuke began to let his guard down, slowly unclenching his fists.

"No."

The fists were back.

"I can't step down on this one, it's just too good, we're going to have to do it."

Sasuke groaned. "No, we really don't."

Naruto stood, brushing the imaginary dust off his pants and planting his hands on his hips.

Boldly, he faced his reluctant soon-to-be partner in crime. "Oh, but we really do. This just may be my best plan ever."

Sasuke hid a flinch. That was the exact statement he was most afraid to hear.

"The last time you said this we blew up the daycare…and got fined a ridiculous amount for unapproved use of classified jutsu in public."

Sasuke's bitter voice was meant to jolt Naruto into reality, but the boy was already too far gone with plans of glory.

"Yes, but this time is different." Naruto hummed as he strode over to the tank and patted it possessively.

This was not going to end well.

"This won't end well—and I refuse to cooperate."

Sasuke was going to take a nap and ignore the world until Naruto either came to his senses or was carted off to Tsunade to face the consequences for whatever ill-fated scheme he was concocting in his head.

"Sasuke."

….No. No. No. Don't look. Don't twitch.

"Sasuke!" The sing-song voice came closer as Sasuke tried to lock himself in his head.

"Sasuke…"

Naruto was so close now that Sasuke could feel the intake of breath used to murmur his name. But he wasn't going to react. Not going to happen.

A low whisper next to his ear—"I'm going to call in a favor."

Sasuke couldn't help the involuntary snappy response, "You don't have any favors."

Game's up, Sasuke opened his eyes and scowled at moron grinning gleefully at him.

"Remember that time you almost killed me?"

"Which one?"

Sasuke's snide response only caused the grin to stretch wider—Sasuke shuddered as he noticed just how notoriously fox-ish Naruto was looking at the moment.

"Doesn't matter, I'm calling in the favor."

Damn it.

Several hours later, Sasuke and Naruto were crammed uncomfortably into a tall tree, one of many growing around a modest looking apartment complex.

"I can't believe you're calling that favor for this." Sasuke's whispered snarl was soft in the dim light of a crescent moon. His sharingan whirled slowly as he kept a look out and maintained an almost completely undetectable low-level genjutsu designed to keep people from looking to closely at their chosen perch.

Naruto just hmmed happily next to him, as he focused his binoculars on the room a dozen or so yards directly out from their line of sight.

"This is going to be so awesome, Sasuke." Naruto's voice, while quiet, was dense with the excitement stirred by their recent plot.

Sasuke, on the other hand, was tired, grouchy and wanted to go home and bury himself in bed so he could pretend that this month never happened. "We're stuck in a tree."

Naruto nodded in acknowledgment. "Isn't it awesome? It's simple, but fantastic, no, epic. This is going to be epic."

Sasuke highly doubted that. He shivered slightly in the night air. "People are going to think we're stalkers. Peepers. You learned this from Jiraiya, didn't you?"

"Now, now, don't be bitter because my creepy-old-pervert sensei taught me more practical lessons than yours."

Sasuke glowered. "We're going to get killed."

Naruto didn't look away from the room they'd staked out and kept the binoculars firmly in place. "She'll only mostly kill us."

Sasuke wasn't going to dignify that with a response.

"Fair is fair and all you know—that's why I'm calling in that favor for this. I'm not completely ignorant of what the consequences will be." Naruto cackled softly and leaned forward a bit, steadying himself by placing a hand on Sasuke's shoulder.

"You. Are. A. Moron. A moron, a moron…." Sasuke hissed the words through clenched teeth and mentally braced his legs in preparation for a fast leap from the tree as the lights finally lit up in the window they were watching.

Naruto also tensed with anticipation and chuckled deep in his throat. "But you like me that way, now shssh, it's time for the good part."

Sakura was exhausted. A deep, bone aching exhaustion she felt from her heels to the tips of her fingers. She'd been on emergency room duty for the past twelve hours, only taking a break to try and have lunch with her unappreciative teammates. Seriously, they'd eaten ramen three times in the past week alone. Would it kill them to try something more healthy? Maybe if they tried new foods every once in a while they'd surprise themselves by finding something that they'd like.

She rubbed her forehead as she went into her bathroom and changed to a sleeping gown.

All she wanted to do was climb into her nice, soft, wonderful bed and be dead to the world for a day or two. Maybe when she woke up she wouldn't want to strangle so many people.

She hit the lights off in the bathroom and yawned before crossing the bedroom to hit those lights off too—

….was that a hiss? She paused with her land on the light switch and looked around the room, puzzled. Nothing seemed out of place. She waited for a minute, but didn't hear the noise again. She shrugged and hit the switch. Maybe it was a pipe or the wind or something.

She closed her eyes as she slipped into bed, giving a soft sigh of contentment.

Ten minutes later, something tickled her leg. She ignored it and rolled over, she was probably dreaming.

So weird, it felt like scratchy, like…Her eyes snapped open and she threw off the covers and scrambled back to the headboard. It took a few seconds for her eyes to adjust to the darkness and see—

"Wa…waa-aa," she stared at her unwelcome bedmate and began to hyperventilate for a couple of seconds before she sucked in a good, deep breath and wailed—

"AHHHHHHHHAHHHHHAHHHHHHH! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF IT OFF OFF OFF OFF OFF! YYEEEEEEEEKKKKK! KILL IT! KILL IT DEAD! I WANT IT DDDDEEEEEEEAAAADDDDDDDD!WAAHAAHAHAAH!"

Outside Sakura's apartment, Naruto was stuffing his fist in his mouth to keep from laughing as Sasuke's life began to flash before his eyes faster and faster in correlation to the increasingly high pitches of Sakura's screams.

Suddenly, Sakura's window was thrown open so fast that the shutter bounced against the wall and shut again, much to Sakura's frustration if her howl of indignation was anything to go by.

Naruto and Sasuke flickered from the tree and sped down the street to a fading cry—"Naruto! I know you're out there! When I catch you, I'm going to castrate you with a SPOON!"

Sasuke huffed in between pants as ran down the street with Naruto. He glared furiously at his idiot teammate and swore. "This was not worth that favor."

Naruto laughed, but didn't slow down. "I didn't think she'd actually sleep with it!"

Sasuke just glared in disbelief. "What else did you think would happen when you put hissing cockroaches in her bed?"

Naruto shrugged nonchalantly, "I thought she'd find them first!"

They both shivered as they heard another scream in the distance. Naruto pumped more chakra into his legs, "Run faster!"