Title: A is for Anteater
Summary: Naruto gets Sasuke in trouble. What else is new? An anteater. Sasuke knew he should have stayed in bed.
Rating: T
Classification: General/Humor, Chapter/Drabbles (One for each letter of the Alphabet)
Disclaimer: I do not own it. I just play in it.
"A is for anteater." Sasuke paused for a moment, contemplating the phrase that left his mouth. He did not believe that particular phrase had ever been uttered from his lips. He was quite sure he had never had an occasion on which to say the word "anteater" before.
Before today that is.
When Naruto—the idiot—just could not keep his damn mouth shut for once in his short little existence (it would be even shorter if Sasuke had any say in it—and he did) and had to go nag the Hokage about that recent gambling trip.
Sasuke really should have known today was going to be a bad day when he rolled out of bed and stepped on that shuriken. He should have shrugged, sat back down, gone to sleep and given up on the day. Right at that moment. At least then he would not have been in the vicinity when Naruto—the idiot—shot off his mouth ("Things get a bit too dicey last weekend for you little Granny?") and Sasuke would not have been included in Tsundae's hang-over induced temper tantrum.
It would have been fine if the orange clad wonder just took to being punched through two walls in good humor. Sadly, this was not the case. Naruto-the idiot- had to come back for seconds, he was always the one that had to have the last word ("Or are you just pissed that this time the casino actually bought the 'I'm so old I'm senile and don't know what I'm doing' line?"). Idiot was going to get them both killed one day.
"Oi, Sasuke duck!"
Maybe that day was today.
Highly toned ninja reflexes (resulting from daily reactions to life or death incidents) usually came in handy with unidentifiable flying objects. Unfortunately, Sasuke had not expected the offending flying object to be finger paint. Sasuke grimaced at blue gooey gunk covering his right hand and sheltered the book in his other arm.
"Eh-heh, eh…Sorry?" Naruto gave him a strained smile from his position by the easels across the room and rubbed one hand on the back of his head nervously, forgetting that it was covered in paint and adding red and blue streaks through his hair.
Sasuke grimaced in a "what I want to say to you can't be said here so I'll just skewer you later with my kunai collection" sort-of fashion and returned his attention to his current predicament. The one with the anteater.
Two Hours Earlier…
"Actually, boys, I think I have the perfect mission for you." Tsunade sat back in her chair, practically purring as she cradled a cracked teacup. Sasuke could not help but think that her next words were going to lead to an untold amount of misery and pain.
"Eh—you do, Granny?" Naruto—the idiot, stopped his inflammatory remarks concerning Tsunade's favorite past time and squinted, bewildered.
"Oh yes." Tsunade took a sip of tea and examined her figernails. "In fact, this is a most urgent mission received just this morning. It is so very important that I would trust only one or two of my most talented and experienced ninja to—"
"We'll take it!" Naruto slammed his hand down on Tsunade's desk, a few of the papers which had survived their earlier verbal spat fluttered to the floor.
Sasuke did not have a good feeling about the smirk on Tsunade's face.
"Are you sure, little boy? This mission requires absolute dedication, patience, attention and focus, and I won't tolerate—"
"I said we'd do it old lady! Bastard here, and me too, we can take any mission you throw at us! We are the two best ninja here and this future hokage can handle any—"
"Wonderful!" Tsunade set her teacup down and reached for a scroll perched innocently on the side of her desk.
Sasuke actually had a very bad feeling about all of this. He shifted his weight once, nervously, and pondered whether perhaps jumping out the nearest window in hasty retreat would be too big a blow to his dignity.
"Now, this is long term mission, one which will last approximately twenty-six days. I'll need you to report for duty immediately upon leaving this building. You will not need much equipment, rations will be provided, and the rank of the mission is pending mission completion, as no never knows what to expect from these sorts of things, but hopefully if all goes—"
"Neh, Granny, what is this, some type of fancy escort mission?"
Tsunade tilted her head and smirked slightly, the scroll dangling from one hand as the other reclaimed her teacup. "You could say that. But you won't really be doing any hard traveling." Tsunade's voice suddenly turned serious. "However, there is a chance that your charges may be attacked, and as they are perhaps Konoha's most precious treasures, I will expect you to protect and defend them—"
"Yeah-yeah, what are we taking care of, really ancient scrolls? Cool weapons? Oh-I really hope it's not any of that moo-sehm stuff Sakura-chan talks about sometimes…"
"It's "museum" Uzumaki, and I wouldn't let you near one even if you were the hokage!"
Naruto grinned "Wanna bet?"
Tsunade's teacup crashed down on the desk not only shattering, but also leaving a decent dent in its wake. "Don't even start with me, Uzuma—"
Sasuke felt that now was an appropriate time to intervene. "Excuse me, Tsunade-sama, but where exactly, and what exactly are we doing again?"
Tsunade turned toward Sasuke, and he watched the tension leave her shoulders as she relaxed once more in her chair. She retrieved the scroll and wound it up, holding it toward Sasuke, who hesitantly took hold of it. Tsunade grinned and folded her hands together. Her voice was concerned and as sweet as the sake he knew she slipped into that teapot on her desk.
"Why Uchiha, as Naruto-kun has so kindly pledged that both of you will fulfill this mission to the best of your abilities, for the remainder of the month you'll be the substitute care-takers at the Little Ninja Sitter Center."
He should have chosen the window.
Present Time…
Children. Children and Anteaters and Finger Paint. Running around and screaming and throwing stuffed animals and pulling hair and picking their noses and toppling the easels and really, did Tsunade honestly think this was an appropriate mission for either of them? Naruto—the idiot—couldn't even keep his plants alive and—"
His thoughts were interrupted by a crash.
"Hey, hey now, don't do that!" Naruto (so thoroughly covered in finger paint he resembled modern abstract art) had one child, around five, trapped under his left arm, a seven year old pinned under his foot, and was attempting to console a sobbing little girl of about four that her painting was not ruined, it was just reflecting "a new outlook on bunny rabbits! Yeah, like, I've always thought bunny rabbits should have green spots and, uh, who says the sky has to be blue anyways?"
Sasuke snorted and returned to his book. He had captured the attention of eight children (literally, captured, they sat, bound in ropes, at his feet) with this delightful tale and would soon be entertaining more if that one kid in the corner carried through with his plan to put peanut butter in that little girl's hair. Although, the little girl in question was obviously related to the Inuzuka's and could most likely take care of herself…nevertheless, Sasuke took a deep breath, repositioned his storybook and continued.
"A is for anteater and B is for..."
"Bastard! You low life son of a-" The little girl (Sasuke was now positive of her relation to the Inizuka clan, no other children that young used curse words that proficiently) had found the peanut butter in her hair and now seemed intent on smothering her attacker in a crayon bucket.
Sasuke closed his eyes and reminded himself that he only had to live through twenty-six days of this, and then the regular care-taker, babysitter, whatever, would be back from her maternity leave.
Crap. He was doomed.