A/N I can't believe I wrote this! I'm not suicidal…neither is Stella…

I can't sleep, So tired but I can't sleep, I can't take this anymore have a pill, still awake, still awake, have another pill and another to make sure I get to sleep, and another to really make sure, and another and the tube is empty, I should sleep now and nice deep sleep, like a baby no make that a log, drifting off …Blackness

Beep, Beep, Beep

Screw that bloody phone, I hate it, It will be someone from work (Mac probably telling me to get over to some alley to where some poor drug addicted kid was found shot. Well I'm not getting up, I just want to sleep, so stuff off.

Beep, Beep, Beep,

Some eejit has turned the light on, even though my eyes are closed the light is shining through my eyelids, Just Piss off and leave me alone, I just want five minutes.

Beep, Beep, Beep

That does it, Some dickhead is going to pay,

"Oh my gosh! Guys she's awake!" A voice yells, Opening my eyes I see Lindsay Munroe standing over me next to a man I didn't know standing next to her,

"Ms Bonasera?" He asked,

"What?" I asked dazed, everything seemed to be white and there were tubes everywhere, "Where am I?"

"Stell, your in hospital, This is Dr Charles Sinclair," Lindsay said quietly indicating the man next to her, Oh god there were tears in her eyes, "You had your stomach pumped."

"What the hell?" I was confused, Everyone who had their stomach pumped was a suicidal drug addict, which I certainly was not but Lindsay had interrupted my thoughts,

"Stella, you didn't answer your cell phone and Mac got very worried so he went round to your apartment and you still didn't answer, he banged the door down and saw all these beer bottles strewn across your lounge room floor and he found you asleep in the bathroom and you wouldn't wake up, he shook you, shouted at you, tried everything. That's when he saw the empty tube of sleeping pills lying on the floor and piece of paper, I don't know what it said, Mac won't tell me or anyone but you. Anyway he called an ambulance and well here you are," Lindsay said pursing her lips.

I sunk it my pillows, tears streaming down my face, This couldn't be happening not now, not never. I wasn't depressed, Hell anything but, I have, or is it had now, a excellent job, great friends, I had nearly everything going for me! I wanted to disappear right now, Pray that this merely a dream, "Where is Mac now?" I felt myself asking.

"He is on the way here, Poor man hasn't slept for two days, I've never seen him this worked up before. We had to literally lock him in his room so that he would sleep," Lindsay said taking a seat next to my bed.

She tried to pat my arm but I shied away from her touch. I didn't want any one to touch me, I rolled over and stared at the white wall. I felt like a absolute prick, I closed my eyes willing the earth to open up

and swallow me for ever, It didn't happen, why am I not surprised? Once again Lindsay interrupted my chain of thoughts,

"Well Stell, Mac will be here soon and I best be off, See you tomorrow," And with that Lindsay hurried out of the ward.

I rolled out and watched one of the nurses talking to the woman next to me. I turned over my arm and stared at the faint scars going across my wrist, When I was 15 I had tried to commit suicide which obviously failed, if I had only known the phrase,

"Down the road, not across the street,"

I stared intensely at the scars, Memories of being caught watching the blood flow freely out of my wrist, pocket knife in hand flooded back to me. I pushed them out of my mind when I saw Mac walking over to my bed, flowers in hand. He was a mess, unshaven, with huge bags under his eyes. I hadn't seen like this since after Clare died. I choked back a sob,

Oh God what had I done?

A/N-RUGBY WORLD CUP KICKS OFF SOON! I'm going to write a one-shot about it and the early morning kick off's! Well I support the AB's!

Review now or die!