No, this is not a new chapter; it's an announcement. Sorry if I got anyone's hopes up.

Originally posted at my LJ.

So, I've been sitting on Dichotomy for the last few weeks, feeling nothing but guilt about not working on it but being unable to muster the enthusiasm to do so.

Which got me thinking about my writing, fanfic, and fandom in general.

Anyone who has been following me for any length of time has probably noticed by now that I have big dreams for writing. I want to write books. I want to see those books in print someday. That same person might also have noticed that I never seem to actually get anywhere with this original fiction I keep talking about.

They'd be absolutely right about that. I don't.

I have to my name an endless supply of trite, done-to-death ideas (and a few gems), enough false starts and third chapter flops to be thoroughly embarrassing, and exactly one(1) complete rough draft that is so much the definition of the word that if it ever makes it through the far side of revisions it will have maybe five words in common with the original. And the only reason I have that much is because of NaNoWriMo, which seems to be the only time of year I manage to set everything else aside and just write. A pretty sorry collection for someone who has wanted to 'be a writer' since she was fifteen. That's twelve years, and I have very little to show for the time.

Now, there's a lot of reasons for that, not the least of which is my ability to procrastinate like a champ. One of the larger culprits though, is fanfic.

Don't get me wrong. I love fanfic. That's actually, uh, part of the problem. I've been writing fanfic since before I knew what fanfic was. (Heralds of Valdemar stuff, if anyone's wondering. And no self-inserts for me! It was slash from the word go. *grin*) Fanfic is comfortable, and safe, and worlds easier than original stuff. With fanfic the world is ready-made and populated by amazing characters that everyone already loves. The hard part is done for you. After that, it's like instant fiction! Just add plot. ;)

That's not true for everyone, of course. Some folks find it to be the exact opposite, that working within the constraints of a pre-existing universe is actually harder than building everything from scratch. And man, do I envy them!

Fanfic is kind of like the training wheels I'm too afraid to take off. I know, looking at myself from a (mostly) objective perspective, that I have potential. I've got a bit of talent, and a bit of skill, and if I'm willing to do the hard, heavy lifting of writing book after book, I could be good. Good enough to sell, good enough to make a modest living doing something I love.

I've learned a lot from writing fanfic. There is absolutely no denying that I've grown as a writer because of it. If I wouldn't be COMPLETELY MORTIFIED, I'd link my old FFN account just to prove the point. But even ten years isn't enough to make me want to admit to writing that crap. XD

What it boils down to, is that it's time for me to stop. In a perfect world, I'd be able to write original stuff and fanfic at the same time, no sweat. As much as I would love to be this organized, super-productive person who can juggle both- I'm just not. I'm messy and disorganized and prone to doing things at the absolute last second. I vacillate between periods of intense focus and times where I have the attention span of a gnat. Those periods of focus are like gold, and if I keep spending them on fanfic, I'll never get anywhere.

I really, really wanted to hold off on this until I'd finished my WIPs, because I have this sense of obligation to all the amazing readers and the people I've met through my fic. Starting a chaptered fic is something like a promise, and one I'm loath to break.

Unfortunately, my active interest in FMA has waned. I don't participate in comms, I don't read fic anymore. That ship has sailed, and it's only that sense of obligation that's been keeping me working. I really, really wanted to finish those fics, because I feel like I owe it to you guys.

There's two problems with that, though. The first is that I've lost interest. Every word is like pulling teeth, and I can almost guarantee that without enthusiasm, the quality will tank. Second, there's this feeling that I MUST finish before I'm allowed to work on anything else. So when I'm stalled on those fics, I'm stalled on everything, especially my original stuff.

So I'm calling it quits. Best I Ever Had and Dichotomy are on indefinite hiatus. They may be completed sometime in the future if I get a second wind, but there are no guarantees, and it honestly isn't likely. I'd like to thank everyone who read and enjoyed my work, and offer my heartfelt apologies for not making it to the finish line. Especially the folks who offered (and in one case, started) to beta my most recent push to beat Dichotomy into submission. You're all made of sixteen kinds of awesome, and I'm sorry I wasted your time.

As for fic in general: You'll probably see one-shots crop up from time to time if the mood strikes. Nothing will be posted before it's complete, and that includes any longer endeavors I might tackle in the future, although at this point longfic is pretty unlikely.

Anyone interested in following my renewed attack on original fiction should friend my writing journal (fiction-foxtrot at livejournal) linked from my profile. It hasn't been updated in a while, but that's going to change here shortly.

It's been fun guys, and I've met some amazing people through my fic that I would never have had the pleasure to know, otherwise. I wish I could have finished these for you, but it is high time I stepped up and took responsibility for what I want, and for now at least, that means putting fanfic away to make space for what I really want to pursue.