Disclaimer: As everyone knows, I do not own the characters from Hana Yori Dango/Boys Over Flowers. They just hang around my place a lot. They're kinda like cats that way. I wish they would let me sleep.

Thank you, Kamio-sensei!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

AN: This is a branching from the events in Vol. 9. Big, big spoiler for Vol. 10! Do not read if you don't want to know! Again, many thanks to SarahNThatcher and LokiGirl, and to everyone else who's been reading my scratch! Love you!

A Reason To Stay

A Hana Yori Dango FanFic

by Janice Rips

Chapter 6: What I Want

Tsukushi sits back down on the bed. She pulls her feet up, and rests her chin on her knees, lost in thought. She cocks her head to the side and looks at Tsukasa, a slight frown creasing her brow. "I don't think anyone has asked me that since I was a child. The last person to ask me that, and really care about the answer, was my Papa, when I was about eight years old. I haven't thought about what I want in a very long time."

"So, what did you want, back when you were eight?" he asks with a smile.

"Never mind. A rich guy like you would just think it was silly."

"So? We're all pretty silly at that age. Tell me anyway."

"It's stupid, but, okay. I wanted to be a princess. I wanted to live in a big house, and own a dozen pretty dresses. My Mom would always tell me, 'Not on your Father's salary.'"

"That's not so bad. You could still have that, if you really wanted it," he says softly.

"Nah, that's my Mom's dream. That's how I ended up at Eitoku in the first place. But being a princess would be boring. Sitting around looking like a knick-knack and acting oh-so-proper, even just in public, isn't my idea of fun. So, what about you? What does the eight-year-old boy who has everything want?"

"A poor girl like you will laugh."

"Trust me, it can't be any dumber than what I said."

"Actually, it could. I wanted two things. First, I wanted my parents around more often."

"That's not dumb at all. That's just sad."

"Hey, don't get all teary-eyed about it. Can't change the past by crying about it. Anyway, the second thing was really silly. I wanted to eat an okonomiyaki."

"You WHAT?" she bursts out giggling.

"See, I told you you'd laugh. There were these middle-class boys we would pass on the way home, and they would always stop and buy okonomiyaki from a cart. It looked interesting and smelled good, and I developed an intense desire to try one, but the guys said it would make me sick."

"They are good. So, did you ever get to try one?"

"Yeah, actually, I did. One night I refused to eat my filet mignon--"

"Oh, you poor thing! You're such a spoiled brat!" she mocks.

"--Quiet, you! As I was saying, there I was, a fine cut of Kobe beef in front of me, and I wouldn't eat it because I wanted something you could buy from a vendor's cart. Tsubaki learned how to make them just for me. She has her good moments." He blushes and says, with an embarrassed laugh, "It's still one of my favorites."

Tsukasa climbs up on the bed behind Tsukushi, cradling her in the circle of his long arms and legs. Setting his chin on her shoulder, he asks her, "And now? What do you want for yourself now?"

"Hmm... I don't know. There are things I want for the future, but nothing I feel intensely passionate about. I want to finish high school, maybe go to university. I want to live on my own and not have to support my family so much. I want to fall in love and get married someday, and have a couple of kids, and be able to raise them without all of the hardships I've had to go through. I want to travel; I really want to go to Hawaii for my honeymoon... I guess that's about it. It's pretty simple. I just want to be happy."

"Mmm, sounds nice," he purrs in her ear. "Of course, a month is a long time to spend in Hawaii. Maybe we'll go to Tahiti as well."

"Wait, what are you talking about, a month? Who says I'm going to Hawaii with you? I told you, I'm saving that for my honeymoon."

"Don't most couples honeymoon together?" he asks, nuzzling her neck.

"Most couples get married first," she replies, flustered.

"Okay," he answers, running his fingers up and down along her ribcage.

"What?!?" she turns and stares at him.

"Marry me," he says simply.

"I'm not ready to marry anyone! I'm still in high school!" she gasps.

"Well, think about it, at least, okay?" he murmurs into her hair.

"Doumyouji Tsukasa, I am not--"

Tsukasa kisses her deeply, cutting off her tirade. He smiles to himself as she melts into his embrace.

He pulls back, and she gazes up at him, dazed. Her eyes are heavy-lidded, and her face slack. Then she becomes aware of herself again, and her gaze sharpens. She glares at him and pouts, "No fair."

"I told you, when I want something, I go for it," he smirks.

She starts to fume, when she suddenly notices his bare chest, mere inches from her face. A deliciously naughty idea forms in her mind. --Two can play at this game.--

He's so absorbed in his own smug good humor, he doesn't notice the mischievous gleam in her eye as she turns toward him. When her small, pink tongue darts out to flick the flat, brown disk of his nipple, he almost falls off the bed in shock. "Tsukushi!!!" he gasps.

"I saw something I wanted, so I went for it," she grins.

"Oh, is that so?" he replies, raising an eyebrow. On his face is a look of speculation combined with admiration that he gets whenever she does something pleasantly unexpected. Suddenly he pounces, knocking her onto her back, and starts nuzzling her bare belly.

Tsukushi shrieks with laughter, digging her hands into his hair and trying to pull him off her. This playful Tsukasa is new to her, seen only in boyish glimpses before, and her heart flutters in a way it never has before, not even for Hanazawa Rui. She tousles his curls and pulls him to her, her face angled upwards for a kiss.

He obliges, pausing with his lips mere millimeters from her own. "Do you know what I think is 'no fair'?" he murmurs against her mouth.

"No, what?" she breathes.

"It's not fair," he answers, "that you can do that to me, and I can't do anything back to you, because this--" he tugs gently on one of her bra straps, "--is in the way."

"Well," she flushes pink, "you could take it off," she says softly.

"Uh, I already tried," he confesses, blushing too, "but I couldn't find the clasp."

"Oh... it's in the front," she blushes more deeply.

"Ah. That's why." Tsukasa plants a gentle kiss on the tip of her nose. Then he looks down at her in consternation. "How do I--?"

"Um, here. You just kind of click it open... like so," she demonstrates, sitting up.

The bra falls away, and he stares at her, mesmerized. The silence stretches out, and Tsukushi becomes more uncomfortable with every passing moment. Finally, she can no longer stand it. She bows her head, the dark fall of her hair covering her modestly, and says, "I'm sorry."

He shakes his head, as if awakening from a trance. "What? What for?"

"I'm sorry," she repeats. "I'm sorry if I don't meet your expectations."

"Tsukushi, don't be stupid."

"But you were so quiet, and you just stared at me. I thought you were disappointed," she says, looking hurt.

"Idiot. That's not it at all."

"Then why..?"

"I was thinking."

"You were? Of what?" she looks at him, startled.

"I was thinking that you're like Spring," he muses.

"Spring?"

"Don't repeat everything I say," he snaps.

"But..."

"Spring. Cherry blossoms, pink and white. Oh, so beautiful. Fresh and new and bursting with life. You know, Spring," he reiterates, his face pink.

She stares at him, wide-eyed. A tear rolls down her cheek.

Seeing this, Tsukasa turns away, disgusted with himself. "Ah, damn it, I messed up again and made you cry," he mutters.

Tsukushi places her hand on his cheek, turning him to face her. "No. I'm just touched," she smiles at him, "you've never said anything so... so... sweet to me before."

He reaches for her, but she scoots to the edge of the bed and gets to her feet. "Where are you going?" he asks.

"Nowhere. I'm just getting rid of these," she answers, stepping out of her skirt and panties.

Tsukasa is struck speechless again. Tsukushi clambers onto the bed. She leans over, kisses his cheek, and whispers in his ear, "Come here."

Instead of joining her, Tsukasa reaches into the pocket of his slacks. Then he stands and pats down his pants pockets. She watches, puzzled, as, with a look of dawning horror, he rummages through the nightstand drawer, then runs off into the adjoining bath, where she can hear him tearing things apart, opening cabinets, and cursing softly to himself.

Finally, he comes back out and sits on the end of the bed with a resigned sigh. "Makino, put your clothes back on," he says, not looking at her.

"Tsukasa?" she asks uncertainly.

"Please. Get dressed. We can't do this after all."

"But, why? I thought this was what you wanted? What we both wanted."

"Sometimes we don't get what we want, do we?" he mutters.

"What happened to seeing what you want and going for it?" she asks, baffled.

"My own stupidity!!!" he roars, frustrated. "I want you, but I don't think either of us is ready to be a parent yet, and, fool that I am, I don't have any... protection!"

Tsukasa can only gape, flabbergasted, as Tsukushi starts to laugh. Finally, he gets angry. "Stop that!! I don't find this funny at all!!!"

She takes a couple of breaths to regain her composure, then throws her arms around him, still grinning. He freezes up, trying not to touch her. "Makino! Don't!"

"Doumyouji, calm down; listen to me," she says, sitting back on her heels. "Do you remember a couple of months ago, when a certain person in this room thought he was within his rights to attack a certain other person in this room in the hallway after school?"

"Um, yeah... I'm... sorry about that..."

"Oh ho, so he finally apologizes! Well, this other person has a mother who was, shall we say, distressed at the state of her daughter's clothing."

"Get to the point, already," he fumes.

"Well, this mother, being a pragmatic sort of person, realized that preserving her daughter's virtue might prove... difficult. As a result, this certain other person has been on birth control pills ever since that incident," she smiles.

He takes a moment to process all this, then, "...You mean...?"

"I mean, if you still want me, I'm yours."

With a smile like a child on Christmas morning, Tsukasa stands and strips out of his slacks and silk boxers. He approaches the bed with leonine grace, but hesitates, noting Tsukushi's wide, dark eyes. "Hey," he says softly, "are you scared, Tsukushi?"

"N-no, not really. But my heart is pounding," she answers.

He sits next to her and takes her hand, placing it on his chest. "Mine too."

"Are you sure?--" "--Are you sure?" they both start to say, then laugh together.

He kisses her softly and says, "I've never been more sure of anything."

She bravely meets his eye. "I love you, Tsukasa."

"I love you, too," he answers. He pulls her into his arms, clinging to her like a lifeline. She lays her head against his chest. The pounding of his heart mirrors her own. She rubs her cheek against him, marveling at the feel of skin on skin. His eyes darken with desire, and when he eases her back among the pillows, she doesn't resist.

He rains kisses down upon her neck as his long fingers roam her body, stroking here, caressing there, seeking the more sensitive places in his quest to please her. And seeking, he finds, one spot just above her hip, another behind her knee, each touch eliciting a shiver, a sigh.

She tries to return his caresses, but he kisses her fingertips, whispering, "Shh, later. Just relax and feel. This is for you," so she contents herself with touching his back, his shoulders, anywhere she can reach.

At first, she is drowning in a sea of sensation, fighting the waves crashing over her. As she relaxes, she finds she can ride the pleasure coursing through her, experiencing and enjoying without dissolving into panic.

Her soft sighs and incoherent murmurs of pleasure drive him to greater ardor, and when his lips wander down her breasts and he suckles one rosebud nipple, lightning flashes through her and his name flies from her lips like a prayer. He shifts position, and she can feel the length of him, warm and heavy against her thigh. He dips his hand to the molten warmth of her core, testing, teasing, until her breath hitches in her throat and his fingers are coated in slickness. He brings them to his lips, tasting her essence. Once more he asks gently, "Tsukushi, are you certain you want me?"

"Yes, Tsukasa," she moans softly, "please."

He knells between her thighs, positioning his member at her moist folds, and begins to enter her. Caught up in the sensations of warmth and wetness surrounding him, he only vaguely registers the resistance meeting him, and instinctively, he thrusts harder. Her barrier gives way, and he finds himself buried deep within her.

Shock washes over him like ice water as he hears her sharp hiss and realizes what has happened. "Ts-Tsukushi??" he stutters, staring down at her. Her eyes are wide, her lower lip caught firmly between her teeth. "I don't understand," he says, "I thought you and that guy Thomas--?" She grimaces and shakes her head vehemently. "But surely you and Rui--?" Her gaze softens, and again she shakes her head in denial. Wonder and guilt war within him. He brushes a stray strand of hair from her cheeks and quietly asks, "Did I hurt you?"

"It- it stings a little," she stammers.

"I'm sorry. Do you want to stop?" he offers.

"No. I want... you." She gives him a shaky smile. "Only you."

He sets up a gentle rocking rhythm, trying to allow her body to become accustomed to his. When her hips start to rise to meet him, he thrusts a bit harder, and is rewarded by her soft sigh of pleasure. He increases the pace, stroking one thumb back and forth across her nipple.

As the pressure builds, her senses tumble like a milkweed seed in a windstorm. She cries his name as climax rips through her. Her nails score his back as she shudders violently beneath him, and he falls with her, his hoarse shout echoing her own. His seed spilling deep within her, he collapses, trembling, atop her. He rolls to the side, drawing her along with him so that she now rests atop him, and they cling to each other, spent and shaken.

Gradually, their senses return. Tsukushi props herself up and smiles down at him, one hand toying with his sweat-sodden curls. "Tsukasa?"

"Hmm?" he murmurs.

"What now?" she asks.

"Well... we could do it again," he answers, a devilish gleam in his eye.

"No," she laughs softly, "I really don't think we can."

"Hmm... perhaps you're right. Maybe later?" he asks hopefully.

"Definitely," she replies. "Want to sleep?"

"Only if you'll be here when I wake up," he whispers.

"I promise," she assures him. "You do likewise."

"I will," he promises. "Oh! And remind me to cancel my flight in the morning."

"Absolutely," she replies, hugging him.

"You know, my sister's going to freak when she finds out," he says, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, but it'll be happy freaking," she laughs.

"You're right," he laughs too. "Tsukushi."

"Yes?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too, Tsukasa."

"And thanks."

"Thanks? What for?"

"For giving me a reason to stay."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

AN: I loved the "okonomiyaki story" that Tsubaki tells Tsukushi in Volume 10, when she's explaining the Miss Teen Japan contest. Since it's also one of Tsukasa's memories, and this is an AU, I felt justified in letting him tell it his way here. Obviously, I don't own that idea, either--thanks again, Kamio-sensei!