Disclaimer: Inuyasha is not mine otherwise Sesshy wouldn't even be in the show he'd be stuck in my house all the time heh. Also this format does not belong to me, but to Theresa Green. Unfortunately, I didn't receive a reply from the author that created this format (I waited a long time), so this disclaimer will have to do.

Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual to SESSHOMARU

Rejoice! You are the recipient of your very own SESSHOMARU unit! To receive the full benefits of this eerily beautiful youkai with an ego the size of Texas, please read these instructions carefully.

Technical Specifications:

Name: SESSHOMARU

Sex: Male

Age: Really, really old

Height: 6' 7"

Weight: 221 lbs

Manufacturer: Inu Youkai Incorporated

Your SESSHOMARU unit comes with the following accessories:

White kimono with hakama

Black pointy boots

Spiked armor

Yellow and blue sash

Priceless family heirloom pelt (not a tail)

Tenseiga

Tokijin (only available for the limited edition BAD-ASS SESSHOMARU)

Human arm (x1)

Dragon claw (x1)

Super Shiny Conditioner

Note: When you receive your SESSHOMARU unit you may notice that he is lacking his left arm. This is entirely normal. Your SESSHOMARU is not damaged in any way.

Programming

Your SESSHOMARU comes with a variety of functions and modes. These are just some of his many uses.

Bully Deterrent: Your SESSHOMARU unit is an ideal, all-around bodyguard that will make you enemies quake in fear! With an arsenal of acid-spewing claws, inhuman agility, glowing whips and a glare of instant death, you will never have to lose your lunch money again!

Decoration: The SESSHOMARU unit will be a tasteful addition to any part of your home! With his ability to stand really, really still for long periods of time and his scrumptious looks (!!!), your house will be the talk of the town! Warning! Your SESSHOMARU unit may be continually mobbed by rabid fangirls. If this occurs, copious amounts of bloodshed will ensue as your SESSHOMARU will not tolerate any touch except your own.

Ornamental Scarecrow: Your SESSHOMARU will scare away any crows guaranteed! Now, your precious crops will never be eaten again! Warning! Although all crows will stay away from the SESSHOMARU, some other birds may not do so due to their lack of intelligence (i.e.: pigeons). Being as these kinds of birds generally tend to leave their feces on stationary objects, this may result in your SESSHOMARU shifting into homicidal mode.

Dog Show Entry: The SESSHOMARU unit will enable you to win any dog show with ease. Just shift your SESSHOMARU into transform mode (see FAQ) and watch your competition go down in flames (literally!)

Your SESSHOMARU unit comes with the following modes:

Stick-up-the-ass (default): In this mode, your SESSHOMARU is painstakingly arrogant and aloof as a result of his gigantic superiority complex. He will constantly refer to himself as "this SESSHOMARU" and generally be extremely antisocial. Note: In this mode your SESSHOMARU will not get along with most units, especially INUYASHAS.

Homicidal: This mode unleashes your SESSHOMARU into a murderous rage! Everything and everyone will be demolished in minutes (that is if he's feeling lazy, otherwise it's in seconds). The only people that will be spared are RIN units, KAGOME units, AH-UN units, yourself and (if he's feeling particularly generous) JAKEN units. Note: After killing everything the SESSHOMARU will probably not revive anything with the Tenseiga even if you ask him to.

Transformed (locked): In this mode your SESSHOMARU will shift into his full-out doggy form! Although he often drools flesh-melting acid in this mode, the fluffy cuteness will sway even the coldest of dispositions. Ride around in style on your SESSHOMARU'S back to impress your pals (just be careful not to squash them) or perform your own version of Godzilla! Note: This mode should not be unlocked anywhere near cats of any kind.

Alternative (locked): In this mode your SESSHOMARU unit will actually be somewhat cordial and amicable. He will sometimes start conversations on his own and interact with units. Miracles do happen! However, once in the presence of any insane fangirls, the SESSHOMARU will revert back to Stick-up-the-ass mode immediately.

Relations to Other Units

Your SESSHOMARU is in a state of emotional constipation as a result of his ice prince personality and lack of any plushies to play with as a child. Therefore, any relationships with other units will take a really long time to develop unless the Alternative mode is unlocked.

RIN: This unit is the little girl that SESSHOMARU saved from death with the Tenseiga, proving that yes, SESSHOMARU units are capable of good deeds. SESSHOMARUS will usually tolerate the antics of RINS although they do get annoyed occasionally. SESSHOMARUS, however, will never tolerate wearing the flower garlands that RINS are fond of creating. Attempting to force him to wear one is not recommended.

JAKEN: This unit is the unsavory lackey of SESSHOMARU that is disgustingly subservient to SESSHOMARU. Your SESSHOMARU unit usually ignores JAKENS unless they begin to suck-up too much. Then, the SESSHOMARU may kill the JAKEN and refuse to revive him no matter how many times you ask him to. If, by some chance, the SESSHOMARU doesn't kill the JAKEN, he will pound him with a fist or rocks instead.

AH-UN: This unit is the scaly mount of SESSHOMARU, RIN and JAKEN. He possesses 2 heads and enjoys eating the chocolate that KAGOME provides. Your SESSHOMARU will mostly let him guard the group from potential threats.

KAGOME: This unit met SESSHOMARU when he attempted to steal Tessaiga and encounters him often. KAGOMES are capable of unlocking the Alternative modes of SESSHOMARUS with a lot of effort. Once unlocked, the Alternative mode allows SESSHOMARUS to court KAGOMES (who will leave INUYASHAS) and be mates. ()

INUYASHA: This unit is the half-brother of your SESSHOMARU. When placed together they will fight furiously, to the exasperation of other units. SESSHOMARUS will always beat INUYASHAS easily unless a KAGOME steps in to help or if the INUYASHA discovers the kaze no kizu. Their mutual hatred stems from a childhood incident regarding a favorite toy, drooling, and an enraged child cat youkai. (Don't ask…)

NARAKU: SESSHOMARUS loath NARAKUS because of their tendency to kidnap RINS, attempts to absorb him and unhealthy obsessions with baboon cloaks. Any interaction between the two will be bloody, but entertaining.

Cleaning

Your SESSHOMARU is fully capable of performing cleaning functions by himself. Do not attempt to help him with these matters unless you have no self-preservation. Grooming his hair, however, is perfectly alright for your health. (.)

Feeding and Rest

SESSHOMARU units are entirely able to feed themselves. They enjoy oden, Thai dishes and have a strange affinity for cookies & cream ice cream. Note: It is not recommended that SESSHOMARUS are fed huge amounts of cookies & cream ice cream because doing so will result in a sugar-high which will result in a mass-destruction of the human race. You don't want that on your conscience do you?

SESSHOMARUS will only rest for about 3 hours daily due to an ingrained sense of paranoia.

Disposal

Sadly, you may become weary of your SESSHOMARU'S constant frigid attitude and bloodlust. However, no SESSHOMARUS have ever been successfully disposed of due to their annoying invulnerability. It is not recommended that you attempt to do if you place value on your life.

FAQ

Question: My SESSHOMARU keeps on finding all of my cookies & cream ice cream and eating it all! How do I stop him?

Answer: Try purchasing a NARAKU and have him spread his miasma around your house so your SESSHOMARU cannot find the scent of the ice cream. Warning: Breathing in large amounts of miasma, while not detrimental to your SESSHOMARU, can kill you.

Question: How do I unlock my SESSHOMARU'S Transformed mode?

Answer: Purchase an INUYASHA and have them fight over the Tessaiga in their father's grave. Your SESSHOMARU should transform during the fight in a blind rage.

Question: How do I unlock the Alternative mode?

Answer: Purchase a KAGOME and RIN. Then have them partake in a bonding session (preferably a picnic). Overcome, with a fuzzy feeling of contentment, your SESSHOMARU will realize that he wishes to protect them at all costs and unlock his Alternative mode.

Question: My SESSHOMARU was mobbed by my friends because of his hotness and shifted into Homicidal mode. How can I snap him out of it?

Answer: You can't. Our advice is to start looking for good hospitals.

Question: Why does my SESSHOMARU look so much prettier than me when I'm a girl?

Answer: Because life isn't fair.

Trouble Shooting

Problem: Why does my SESSHOMARU keep on calling me "his woman?"

Solution: You may have purchased a KOUGA by mistake. Call the manufacturer to do an exchange.

Problem: My SESSHOMARU went into Homicidal mode because I wouldn't give him ice cream and now he's after me!

Solution: Run as fast as you can and don't look back. Good luck, you'll need it.

Problem: I purchased a SESSHOMARU and RIN, but they won't get together even when I unlocked his Alternative mode.

Solution: You are a sick, sick person. Does the word "cradle-robber" mean anything to you? Try a KAGOME instead.

With proper guidance and care your SESSHOMARU will become an egotistical, magenta-striped inu youkai bent on getting his brother's sword. His warranty is good for 5 years but will be voided if he commits mass genocide of all ningens. Please contact our mailing address for further information.