A/N I know I should be writing Time Before Dawn, but this idea popped into my head while I was on holiday and I ended up drawing loads of art about it etc, so I decided I must write it down.

This is a ShizNat AU, for those who didn't get that already.

You reap what you sow.

That was one of Death's many scythe-related idioms. I've visited Death many times over my years, principally because he has this type of tea made from the distilled essence of damned souls that really picks you up. Death's really quite sociable once you get to know him, a charming man by the name of Reito Kanzaki; though I wouldn't say he's my type.

The official court of heaven. Only the most highly ranked angels win a place on the presiding jury here. Am I a highly ranked angel? You should have asked me that a month ago, then I could have honestly smiled my sweet smile and said yes.

You see, we had a new archangel. The last one had passed away under mysterious circumstances.

Juliet Nao Zhang; the most powerful angel in heaven.

And she had big conversion plans or the lot of us. At first I wasn't sure of what was happening; she had called the most beautiful and powerful angels to her quarters over her first few weeks, and they had returned singing the new leader's praises as though the sun shined out of her nostrils.

In reality, I don't think that Mai Tokiha, the angel of the sun, would allow the sun to be placed inside anyone's nasal cavity. But then again, she was one of the few of us left that wasn't called to Juliet's office.

I was quite astonished that the new archangel had appeared out of thin air. I mean, I had been seeded to succeed Fumi, the previous one.

I was called to her quarters nearly exactly one week ago. Which isn't very long, considering time had no dominance outside of the material plane. But I've learned from humans that a lot can happen in a short space of time. You see, I like to pay attention to the 'lesser beings', even though most of the inhabitants of heaven are completely oblivious to the world below.

When I entered the golden pavilion, I found the aforementioned archangel splayed in a somewhat alluring position on top of the extremely vast bed, wearing very little in the way of garments. Her wings were curled around her, censoring the worst of it, but not leaving much to the imagination.

She wanted me to sleep with her.

The revelation struck me like Tate, Heaven's shield bearer and the head of the cloud guard's war hammer. An archangel's orders are absolute. If she says jump off the precipice of the way of judgment and into the fires of hell, you jump without a second thought.

It's programmed into us. I remember when I was very small, less than a few centuries old, entering the academy for the first time. The memory is slightly distorted, but even now I can feel the small, spherical bump at the nape of my neck, on my back. Angels are perfect, the symbol of heaven and the vision of divinity. They are all the same.

Which is the way they wanted it to remain. They control us. It's been that way for several ages and that is the way I will remain.

In retrospect, that was a very naïve thought.

There I stood in the Official court of heaven, chains binding every part of my body that could possibly help me escape. There was no room even to stretch my wings.

I was charged of felony. More specifically, directly disobeying the orders of the archangel. She sat there, looking overwhelmingly smug, with a dressing over her eye where I clipped her with my divine weapon, which is currently in the shape of Naginata. I have a certain fondness for the weapons.

She wanted me to sleep with her. Any other angel would have stripped there and jumped into bed without question; but I am not any other angel.

I am Shizuru Voila.

It's Monday: - A fine day to die.

I was happy that day; so happy I even bothered to go to school. My first attendance in two months. Not that anyone particularly cares. Who would hold anything other than hate towards some broke orphan, abandoned by every gang she joined?

I knew what I was going to use. I knew where. I knew how.

And I had the guts to do it. Suicide, I mean. Heck, killing myself was probably easier than maths homework.

I think I'm sixteen. Then again, since when have I been counting? I think I tore apart the ruddy calendar I used to tack up on the walls just after I learned the months of the year.

I once had a foster family, I think. They had good intentions, and raised me properly until about the age of… 7? 8? It all seems the same for me now.

Good intentions aside, I don't like playing by the rules.

My life is anything but constant. I make a living by stealing, scavenging and picking up odd jobs whenever I can. The humanity of these jobs is definitely questionable. But hey, if it keeps me going, I take it.

I enjoy stewing in my own misery. Friends can go to hell for all I care. In fact, I might meet some of said friends tonight at twilight. Ha, that rhymed.

I sat at my school desk, happily spewing out answers to maths problems like there's no tomorrow.

Ah, the irony. There really is no tomorrow. For me, anyway. No tomorrow, no Wednesday, no seventeenth birthday, no adulthood, no growing old and having grandchildren and retiring to somewhere by the sea.

For me, there's no starter, no main course, no pudding. No weekends out at some park with your parents and your little brother. No nights spent reading manga by torchlight. No graduation ceremony. No diploma. No gap year. No first kiss. No wedding.

Aw, I'm being so pessimistic. Look on the bright side! No school, no exams, no disease, no mid-life crisis, no old age, no seeing people dear to you pass away. No-

I was about to say death. But that's the only little tick in my checklist at the moment.

I'm rambling again. Oh well. I'm probably breaking the fourth or third or fifth wall, too- I can never remember which is which.

Gym class was fun. I ran my heart out, winning a medal. I wore it around my neck proudly, determined to have fun on my last day. I bought everybody drinks at lunch, using up the last of my wallet. I flirted with any object, human, inanimate or otherwise in site. I glanced up to the sky, think that if I have a guardian angel, they're probably sitting back and laughing their heads off at my antics.

I don't believe in angels. 'Coz I know that none are coming to save me. The gun under my shirt reminds me that I'm not a kid any more. I can make my own decisions. My heart beats at the thought of what I'm going to do.

It's five o'clock. I'm walking to the place where I'll take my life. My Ducati motorbike was lifted by some punks a few weeks ago.

Superstitious people call it Heaven's stairway, because it's like a giant set of crumbling stone steps with arches at the top. I figure I could strike up a bit of a ruckus by dying there. Maybe I could even get to heaven quicker, if it existed.

It's five thirty, and the sun is setting in the west. I have no regrets.

Then again, I don't have much of anything. I have no Family, no home, no friends, no money.

Do I even have any common sense? I believe that that is the only thing I have an acceptable amount of. Most people would disagree; they'd tell me that killing myself was not the right thing to do. They'd say that I was blinded by grief and loneliness and would regret killing myself.

My lips curled into a grimace at that. How could I regret something that was a no win no lose situation?

I wonder what awaits after death? It's one f the questions humans will never truthfully be ably to answer, just because no body will ever truly rise from the dead.

In retrospect, that was a very naïve thought.

I have a gun. It's loaded with a single bullet, made of pure gold. Don't ask me how I got hold of enough gold to make it. It's better if you don't know. I'm breaking another of those damn walls again. Oh well.

My Name is Natsuki Kuga.

So? What do you think? I apologise for swapping between past and present tense, but I think it makes it more realistic. It's pretty easy to see where this is heading. I hope you will enjoy this as much as TBD, and that I have enough time to write it when I'm at school. I find this story much easier to write than the past few chaps of TBD. I'm stuck for inspiration on TBD. PM me if you can help…

No omake… there isn't enough humor here to make one. ANGST!!

Have fun

Emiri