More than Guilt

Disclaimer: Not mine.

A/N: I've kinda decided to sort my drabbles by character from now on, so this is another Vincent-centric drabble. He needs some complexity.

It's a commonly known cliché – guilt is heavy. A burden one cannot escape from, eventually dragging down even the most buoyant of the souls in its grip.

But if guilt is heavy, then a rage one cannot express is heavier. An emotion which must remain hidden is a secret which brings guilt with it. It becomes a twofold burden, the combined weight of both emotions far stronger than one alone.

The world thought Vincent Valentine hid out of guilt. His brooding silences and general gloom caused by his 'failure'.

It was what he preferred them to believe.

Chivalry would allow no less.

It wasn't noble for a knight to hold a grudge against his lady, to be angry at her fickleness. It wasn't noble for him to be enraged at her having another lord. Knights loved their ladies from afar, never actually possessing her but doing her will regardless. Such were the laws of chivalry.

It made Vincent Valentine angry.

He wasn't some automaton, some plaything that slavishly complied with any whim. He had his own hopes, dreams, and wants. Everyone did.

But it wasn't chivalrous to have such wants, it wasn't allowed. Not as Vincent saw it. So he buried his anger, his resentment. But it never went away.

Things must come out, will find a way to. It takes a huge amount of energy to keep such things hidden.

But Vincent needed those emotions to disappear, his code didn't allow for them. They didn't fit in his world. He didn't want them.

So he showed his guilt, tried to portray it in the noblest light possible. He was to blame, he had failed her. Had allowed emotion to get the better of him.

The world would never know he suffered from rage as much as guilt. Would never see his anger at Lucrecia Cresent, who - in his blackest moments he thought - deserved her fate.

But he was still bound by his code, would still love her from afar.

Even if that love was tainted. Even if his rage was stronger than his love at times.

But then, he would be the only one to know that, wouldn't he? That made it alright.

Didn't it?

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