SHE IS: Mother

One of Four.

Whoah, nature.

It's a trip.

See, I've spent most of my life living underground. In a sewer. I mean, it's home and all. But I'm a turtle.

And turtles were born to roam free, baby!

So here I am, doing just that through a thick clutch of woods, miles from New York City and without an open pipe or junkyard in sight. It's about as different to the big smoke as you can get.

It's beautiful. I mean, really beautiful. I can't stop walking, even though I keep getting bawled out by the others for straying too far. What am I supposed to do? Sit inside that crumbling old wreck on my tail for hours on end without a TV, DVD or even a freakin' game console to keep me entertained? Well, no one's been stopping me from leaving, even if they chew my ear when I get back, so I guess they see the wisdom in just letting the Mikester do his thing.

The grass is thick and green and springy under my feet, soft and warm between the gaps in the trees, cool where they grow up high over my head. There's some major monsters out here – so wide I couldn't get my hands to meet around them, not even close, and tall so as I can barely see their tops. It's all so lush and bright and – and – green – and, well if Don were here he'd have a few choice words to describe it, but he's not so you'll just have to make do with me saying it's alive, pure, unadulterated life blooming up all around me and driving me a little crazy with the smell of it. I've got the urge to run, jump, dance and sing. Hell, tell you the truth, I've done all four more than once!

And the sun – man, the sun! It's gorgeous. A big shining bright ball in the crazy blue of the sky, spilling all over everything like warm honey, and the way it feels on my neck and shoulders, it's like I could go a little faster, a little harder, be a little stronger fuelled only by those golden kisses.

Nature. It brings out the poet in me.

And quiet too – dude, I've never heard such quiet before. In NYC, it's never quiet. Even the darkness has a buzz. There's always someone awake to be making some sorta noise. Out here it's so quiet I hear the wind talking to the trees and the trees – they're talking back. I swear it.

And me, I can't keep the grin from my face as I move through it all.

The only thing that sucks is the reason we're all out here. But I'm trying not to think about that – why waste a beautiful day like this with thoughts that gloomy? Dude, you know I won't. No sense moping about the past when the moment is now.

I cartwheel lazily through the grass, balance on one hand for a moment, then flip onto my feet and move towards the sound of running water nearby. Through the trees I see it sparkling, lit up by the sun like a big, broad pit of gold, a treasure for me to find.

"Ahoy, me old chum-scrubbers and avast!" I murmur to myself, already feeling the lick of water cool and fresh swelling up over me.

The silence is broken by a muffled chocking sound nearby and I freeze. Uh-oh. Spaghetti-o!

Someone nearby and me, I've been so caught up in nature, I've kinda been forgetting my stealth mode back at the farmhouse.

But after a moment there's nothing further except that strange sniffling sound and I edge forward, cautiously (oh there's stealth mode, I just had it tucked in my belt the whole time!), concealed by the trees.

The woods open up to reveal the lake, shimmering blue and silvery-gold, surrounded by a broad embankment of green grass and flat, sunny stones. The land slopes up and down and where I am, still partly within the trees, is raised up high, a low gentle hill that sweeps down towards where the maker of that snuffly noise is sitting.

It's April.

She's alone, knees drawn up to her chest, hands clasped and staring out across the lake.

She's crying.

The sight stuns me a bit and I just stand there, watching. Of course, there'd been a few tears back in NYC, as we stood watching her home burn to ash. But since then she'd been – well – so, so composed. So calm. So – strong. I mean, I hadn't forgotten what had happened but she seemed to be dealing okay. In fact, she seemed far more worried about all of us than about loosing all her stuff like that. She'd been feeding us stupid and fixing up the farmhouse like crazy to make sure we were all comfortable, hunting until she found extra blankets and dusting them out though years of accumulated gunk made her cough and choke. Plus she kept checking up on our injuries, dressing and re-bandaging them. It was driving Raphie a bit around the bend but, tell you the truth, I was enjoying it.

So this throws me for a bit of a curve ball, I gotta tell ya. Seeing her there, all curled into a little ball and crying so openly, with that broken, sorrowful look on her pretty face.

When we first met April, I gotta be honest, I could not keep away from her. It got so that Raph started calling out 'woof woof!' to me every time she came over. But I'm not ashamed of it! I followed her everywhere and if she called, I came. I was her puppy dog and I loved it.

It was the closest any of us had ever been to a human female and, to boot, this one was actually coming to us, not running away! And she kept returning! It was totally unreal and completely cool and I was making the most of it while it lasted!

I mean, April is beautiful. She's not like a model or an actress, you understand, but she's even better because she's real. She's not a photograph or an image on the TV. She's a real, live, breathing girl and I can reach right out and touch her creamy white hand anytime I like. Well, anytime we're hanging out.

Which, as it turns out, is a lot.

It started off a little slow at first (waaaaay too slow for my liking!) but soon enough we were seeing her all the time. I credit this largely to myself being so charming and irresistible. Well, she never lost her temper with me or told me to stop asking questions – and I can ask a lot of questions! Just ask my bros – they get shirty with me all the time! But April never did. Even when she did, it wasn't like she was. Not really. I could always see a little amusement dancing in those big green eyes.

Not like now. There's nothing there now but a big, aching sadness and I can feel something happening inside. Something burbling in my tummy, dragging my heart downwards. April's not supposed to cry – nothing's supposed to hurt her. The big smile I've been wearing is pulled down into a frown. Weren't we supposed to protect her? A floating white cloud passes over the sun plunging the lake into momentary shade. April keeps on crying and I keep on watching, a rising ache consuming me so hard I'm breathless. It's not supposed to be like this!

Suddenly I get an idea! A brilliant idea!

"April, yo April!" I call and she starts, looking around her wildly. "Up here!" I wave my arms back and forth and her gaze flits up to where I'm standing. Once her eyes lock on me I make believe I've lost my balance and let my eyes bulge. "Whoooaaaaaahhh!!!!" I scream, falling backwards, and rolling harmlessly down the soft hill, out of her sight, chuckling to myself. A little slapstick always wins the day!

"Mikey!" I hear her shriek, but she doesn't sound amused. I finish rolling, inches from where the lake begins and turn to see her come over the slope, face panic-stricken. Whoops.

I leap up and run to meet her where she's stumbling down towards me.

"Are you okay?" She gasps, clutching hold of my arms and I'm seriously disconcerted.

"Take it easy, babe, it's cool." I soothe her. "It was just a joke. Thought you'd laugh."

She stands there, staring at me for a moment, cheeks all flushed pink and tear-stained. Then she pulls me into her arms, hugging me fiercely. Her hair smells like strawberries.

"Don't do that again!" she gasps. "I thought you'd hurt yourself."

"It's cool, April, don't stress." I'm beginning to feel really guilty and also really angry. I don't usually feel angry and it always scares me when I do. But right now I'm so angry I could pull a Raph and break something. Or lots of somethings. Lots of somethings wearing Foot dogis. Especially one big something with a metal helmet and cheese grater armour. I don't care what it takes – somehow I'm going to get even with Shredder and his army of scumbags for doing this to her. For destroying her home and burning all her things – all her father's things – and making her cry. I'm gonna destroy them.

I wrap an arm around April's shoulders and sit down with her on the grass. The sun's come out again, blazing cheerily on as though the woes of one human woman and a giant turtle don't amount to much in this crazy world. Which I guess it doesn't. She seems happy to sit in silence. But I'm not. Call it a flaw.

"What's long, brown and sticky?" I ask her and she shrugs.

"A stick."

Nothing.

"What do John the Baptist and Winnie the Pooh have in common?"

"What?"

"Their middle name."

Still nothing.

"What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?" She shakes her head.

"Robin, get in the car."

Not even a twitch. Time to bring out the big guns.

"What's the difference between grapes and elephants? Grapes are purple."

She looks a bit puzzled, but I plunge forward. She'll get it in a moment.
"What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming? Here come the elephants."

No smile, but that's not really the punchline.

"What did Boy say when he saw the elephants coming? Here come the elephants."

That's not really it either.

"What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming? Here come the grapes. She was colour blind." Pow! There it is.

Oh April, you're killing me! She makes a little noise, like a snort, and turns her head to look back over the lake. I'm beginning to get just a little desperate.

"What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants wearing sunglasses coming?"

"What, Mikey?"

"Nothing. He didn't recognise them."

Nothing from her either. That's it. I've used up all the A-list material and she hasn't even cracked a smile. In fact I think I can see tears brimming in those pretty eyes again. I've only got one option left and then I'm done. Finished. Kaput.

I take a deep breath and begin.

"So, this dude, Dave is driving down a rural highway late at night, right? He's been driving for a long, LONG time, and he's starting to get REALLY tired, but he is SO far out in the country that there are no hotels or inns ANYWHERE.

So finally he decides that he is tired enough to just pull over at the next house and ask to spend the night. He pulls up at a pink house with pink trim, pink shutters, pink windows, and a pink door. He gets out of his car, walks up the pink sidewalk, up the pink driveway, climbs the pink steps, and rings the pink doorbell.

A pink lady comes to answer the pink door. Dave explains to her, "Ma'am, I know it's late, but I'm really tired, and if I could just spend the night, I'd really appreciate it." "

It was a few weeks in that Raph told me not to get too attached. "She's curious now," he'd scowled, surly as always. "But she'll get bored soon enough. And I don't wanna hear any of your whinging when she does." Oh he sounds harsh, but he was just being protective, in his own uniquely Raphael way.

I'd never even thought of it that way. Leave it to Raphie to conceive the gloomiest scenario and spoil my high with it. It hadn't even occurred to me that the feelings might not be mutual – that April might not be as enamoured of us as we were of her. I mean, when you think about it – she's got a life. Her own friends, her own work, her own stuff to do – above ground. Out in the world. Surrounded by people and no need to hide. Why would she want to come kill her free time in a smelly old sewer surrounded by four giant turtles and an over-sized rat? Maybe it was just pity.

"So the pink lady says, "Sure, no problem! Come on inside! Go up the pink stairs, down the pink hallway, and behind the first pink door on your right you'll find a pink bedroom. Inside the pink closet are some pink sheets, pink blankets, and pink pillowcases that you can put on the pink bed and the pink pillows. Sleep well!"

So Dave steps inside the pink door, walks up the pink steps, down the pink hallway, and opens the first pink door on the right. He walks into the pink bedroom, goes to the pink closet, and takes out the pink blanket, the pink sheets, and the pink pillowcases. He puts the pink sheets and pink blanket on the bed, and the pink pillowcases on the pink pillows. He climbs under the pink covers, turns out the pink light, and falls immediately asleep."

A few months ago, maybe two months after we met April, Kevin Laird came to town.

What you mean, you don't know who Kevin Laird is? Are you kidding me?

Only the writer and penciller of the greatest comic book series of all time – Silver Sentry!

Yeah, now you know!

They were advertising it all over the place, little flyers stuck into every new issue of the comic.

They were going to have him in the store for a few hours to talk about the comic, answer questions and then do signed illustrations and autograph comics.

I just about leapt through the roof when I saw.

"KevinLairdKevinLaidKevinLairdKevinLaird!" I shrieked, bouncing around the den, leaping from the sofa to the wall to Don's lab to Raph's punching bag and everywhere in between. They all just groaned and rolled their eyes and went back to whatever boring stuff they were doing. April was over, laughing to see me.

"Who's that, Mikey?" she asked and I was glad to educate her.

I dug out a pile of my comics and she demonstrated her inutterable awesomeness by sitting with me and listening as I talked about each, divulging the thrilling contents within and pointing out the best details in the art.

"Time passes! Then, a second guy, Bob – his real name, I swear - is driving down the same highway. He, too, has been driving for quite some time and needs sleep, like in a totally major way. But there are no hotels or inns anywhere to be found, so Bob decides to pull over at the next house that comes up. He parks in front of the pink house with pink trim, pink shutters, pink windows, and a pink door. He gets out of his car, walks up the pink sidewalk, up the pink driveway, climbs the pink steps, and rings the pink doorbell. The pink lady comes to answer the pink door. Bob explains to her, "Ma'am, I'm really sorry for ringing your doorbell so late at night, but I've been driving for hours and hours, and all I need is to please spend the night?" "

"The only one I'm missing," I informed her, sliding the pile apart to the space where the absent comic should go (I always kept them in proper order), "is Silver Sentry #10 – it's super rare and hard to get. It tells the Sentry's origin story and is praised by fans as being one of the best constructed single issue stories in comic book history! I've never even read it, worse luck – but one day, babe, mark my words – one day it shall be mine!" I wasn't sure how – it wasn't only rare, but expensive – but I knew I'd find a way. I always did!

"The pink lady – she's really nice – says, "Sure! Come on in! Go up the pink stairs, down the pink hallway, and behind the second pink door on your right you'll find a pink bedroom. In the pink closet are some pink sheets, pink blankets, and pink pillowcases that you can put on the pink bed and the pink pillows. Sleep well!"

So Bob steps inside the pink door, walks up the pink steps, down the pink hallway, and opens the second pink door on the right. He walks into the pink bedroom, goes to the pink closet, and takes out the pink blanket, the pink sheets, and the pink pillowcases. He puts the pink sheets and pink blanket on the bed, and the pink pillowcases on the pink pillows. He climbs under the pink covers, turns out the pink light, and falls immediately asleep. Out like a light!"

"You're a real guru!" She'd praised me when I was done, slumping back on the sofa cushions exhausted. "It must suck for you not being able to go."

I'd sat up with a strangled gasp, clutching at my plastron.

Oh, that.

In all the excitement I'd forgotten that really crucial detail.

Giant mutant turtles generally can't walk about the streets unnoticed. Our whole lives had been spent avoiding the surface world and its inhabitants, staying stealth and keeping underground. There was no way I could go.

"A little bit more time passes, and then this guy, Fred, is driving down the SAME highway. Like Dave and Bob, Fred has been driving for a LONG time, only Fred has been driving LONGER than either Dave or Bob! He can barely keep his eyes open! He's heading for a major accident if he doesn't stop soon! Because there are no hotels or inns, Fred decides to pull over at the next house. He parks in front of the pink house with pink trim, pink shutters, pink windows, and a pink door. He gets out of his car, walks up the pink sidewalk, up the pink driveway, climbs the pink steps, and rings the pink doorbell. The pink lady comes to answer the pink door. Fred, so tired he can barely speak, manages to stammer out, "Ma'am, I hate to bother you so late at night, but I really need some sleep. Could I stay at your house?"

I'd deflated utterly, like a sad, limp balloon. I practically heard the little whine as the air rushed out of me and I'd sagged over, floppy and dejected. April had been distressed.

"Oh Mikey, I'm so sorry for saying that." She'd apologised and I'd waved it away.

"It's cool, babe. You're right. It's in the middle of the day. It's not dress-up. It's right out in public. It's pretty much impossible." I was driving the cold hard facts home with every word I said and it was like hammering a big nail hard into my plastron. Yeouch. I didn't like being sad. Being sad generally sucks. But I didn't have much of a choice then.

"The pink lady once again says, "Sure! Come right on inside! Go up the pink stairs, down the pink hallway, and behind the third pink door on your right you'll find a pink bedroom. In the pink closet are some pink sheets, pink blankets, and pink pillowcases that you can put on the pink bed and the pink pillows. Sleep well!"

So Fred staggers through the pink door, walks up the pink stairs, down the pink hallway, and into the third pink door on the right. He walks into the pink bedroom, goes to the pink closet, and takes out the pink blanket, the pink sheets, and the pink pillowcases. He puts the pink sheets and pink blanket on the bed, and the pink pillowcases on the pink pillows. He climbs under the pink covers, turns out the pink light, and falls immediately into a very deep and peaceful sleep."

"It's just not fair." I hadn't meant to start complaining but it burst from me suddenly, as though all the disappointment had welled up and there was nowhere else for it to go but out of my big mouth. "Other kids get to go to this stuff - get to meet their idols and their heroes. Get to hang out with each other, go to the movies, at clubs and arcades. Go to school and be in the drama club." I always thought I'd be great on the stage. "You know. Be normal. And what do we get? A great big lump of nothing and a side order of garbage – old junk nobody wants." She'd put an arm around me and unconsciously I'd leaned my head against her shoulder, hands balled into fists in my lap. "Like us. We're just – just – garbage! Unnoticed and unwanted." Okay, okay, I was being melodramatic – but I was really disappointed.

She'd given me a squeeze. "Come on, this isn't the Mikey I know. You guys know I want you!"

"Yeah," I'd muttered, still pouting. "At least until the novelty wears off." I was channelling Raph that day I guess. But she didn't take it on. Just rubbed my head.

"Come on," she said soothingly, "How about I shout you dinner? Anything you like. And you can have pick of the DVDs tonight. Chin up, funny guy. Who knows what the future will bring?"

I was so lost in my own self-pity I couldn't see what could ever change, but at the mention of dinner my tummy rumbled and I let it go.

"It's the next day. The sun rises. Dave wakes up. He climbs out of the pink bed, strips the pink blankets and pink sheets off the pink bed, and takes the pink pillowcases off the pink pillows. He puts the pink blankets, pink sheets, and pink pillowcases into the pink closet, and leaves the pink bedroom. He walks down the pink hallway, down the pink stairs, takes a left, and walks into a pink kitchen with pink cabinets, a pink floor, pink shelves, pink fixtures, and the pink lady, going through the motions of making breakfast.

The pink lady says, "Good morning! What would you like for breakfast? We have Rice Krispies or Cheerios." Dave says, "Cheerios, please."

So the pink lady goes to the pink cupboard and takes out a pink bowl. She goes to the pink silverware drawer and takes out a pink spoon. She pours some Cheerios out of a pink box into the pink bowl, goes to the refrigerator and takes out a pink milk carton, pours the milk into the pink bowl and sets the pink bowl and pink spoon in front of Dave. Dave sits down on the pink chair at the pink table and eats his Cheerios. He finishes, thanks the pink lady, goes out of the pink kitchen, out the pink door, down the pink steps, down the pink driveway, down the pink sidewalk, gets into his car and drives away."

I was in a bit of a funk for a week or so. Mostly back to normal, but not totally, you know? Even my bros noticed. They heckled me, then cajoled me, then implored me and finally just ignored me, figuring I would come out of it eventually. The day of Kevin Laird's illustrious visit came and went and I holed up in my room and read each one of my comics cover to cover. Getting all caught up in those incredible storylines distracted me enough that I didn't really notice the passing hours, which was fully my intention, keeping the munchies at bay with chips and candy until finally it had to be nightfall and my tummy was growling loudly for some real food.

"A little while later, Bob wakes up too. He also climbs out of the pink bed, strips the pink blankets and pink sheets off the pink bed, and takes the pink pillowcases off the pink pillows. He puts the pink blankets, pink sheets, and pink pillowcases into the pink closet, and leaves the pink bedroom. He walks down the pink hallway, down the pink stairs, takes a left, and walks into a pink kitchen with pink cabinets, a pink floor, pink shelves, pink fixtures, and the pink lady, going through the motions of making breakfast.

The pink lady, looking particularly pink, says, "Good morning! What would YOU like for breakfast? We have Rice Krispies or Cheerios." Bob says, "Cheerios, please."

The pink lady goes to the pink cupboard and takes out a pink bowl. She goes to the pink silverware drawer and takes out a pink spoon. She pours some Cheerios out of a pink box into the pink bowl, goes to the refrigerator and takes out a pink milk carton, pours the milk into the pink bowl and sets the pink bowl and pink spoon in front of Bob. Bob sits down on the pink chair at the pink table and eats his Cheerios. He finishes, thanks the pink lady, goes out of the pink kitchen, out the pink door, down the pink steps, down the pink driveway, down the pink sidewalk, gets into his car and drives away."

I'd emerged from my room, blinking in the brighter light of the lair, just as April arrived, a big sunny smile on her face and a paperbag of groceries clutched in her arms.

"Hey guys!" she called out cheerfully and one by one the others emerged to crowd around her, as we all did whenever April appeared. Hey, she was still pretty new to us too and the others were as mad about her as I was.

"Hey," I'd mumbled, not quite able to summon my usual incomparably bright greeting, guaranteed to make even the strangest of strangers feel welcome, and she'd flashed me a look of sympathetic understanding as she'd unloaded the groceries, assisted by Leo.

I'd flopped onto the sofa and began half-heartedly playing a game of Street Fighter as the others chatted and went about the task of pulling dinner together. Hey, it wasn't always up to me! Such Chun-Li kicked and leapt her way over the screen as my thumbs expertly manoeuvred the controls and I didn't look up as April came and sat beside me.

"Got you something." She said quietly and I'd felt a little flare of excitement despite myself. Presents were always welcome, especially when they came from topside. I paused the game as she slipped a brown-paper wrapped package onto my lap. It was flat and rectangular and I'd glanced at her curiously as I picked it up. She'd given me an encouraging smile and I tore at the wrapping.

I heard a strangled gasp and vaguely realised it was me making the sound as the wrapping yielded and revealed the bright colours and graphic art of a comic. No, not just any comic – the­ comic. Silver Sentry #10 – right there, wrapped in clear plastic against a cardboard backing, the magnificent Sentry rising up from vivid flames with one fist punching the sky. And emblazoned over the top of it, in bold gold marker, the inscription:

"To Michelangelo, one of my most devoted fans, my thanks and best wishes, Kevin Laird."

A high, sharp squeal had risen in my throat until finally I'd turned to April, who was sitting there with her chin in her hand and watching me with a gentle grin, and leapt on her, crushing her tight against me, even as I couldn't stop wiggling about in my seat.

"AprilAprilApril!" I squeaked and she laughed and hugged me back.

"Finally, Fred wakes up after a long sleep. He climbs out of the pink bed, strips the pink blankets and pink sheets off the pink bed, and takes the pink pillowcases off the pink pillows. He puts the pink blankets, pink sheets, and pink pillowcases into the pink closet, and leaves the pink bedroom. He walks down the pink hallway, down the pink stairs, takes a left, and walks into a pink kitchen with pink cabinets, a pink floor, pink shelves, pink fixtures, and the pink lady, going through the motions of making breakfast.

The pink lady says, "Good morning! What would you like for breakfast? We have Rice Krispies or Cheerios." Fred says, "Rice Krispies, please."

The pink lady goes to the pink cupboard and takes out a pink bowl. She goes to the pink silverware drawer and takes out a pink spoon. She pours some Rice Krispies out of a pink box into the pink bowl, goes to the refrigerator and takes out a pink milk carton, pours the milk into the pink bowl and sets the pink bowl and pink spoon in front of Fred. Fred sits down on the pink chair at the pink table and eats his Rice Krispies. He finishes, thanks the pink lady, goes out of the pink kitchen, out the pink door, down the pink steps, down the pink driveway, down the pink sidewalk, gets into his car and drives away, well rested after a good night's sleep in that pink house."

I couldn't get the grin off my face, fingertips reverently stroking the smooth cover beneath the protective plastic. Whoah, how could I ever even open this? This was like – my most precious possession – ever! There was no way the seal could ever be broken. I would simply have to find another way to read this issue. It had slipped sideways then, revealing beneath it another comic – in fact, another edition of #10. I could do nothing now but sit there, gaping and stunned.

"They recommended I get two," April said then, quietly. "So you could keep one in mint condition. It's better that way, isn't it?"

A lump had unexpectedly risen in my throat then and I disguised it by burying my face in her neck for another hug.

"Now, April, can you tell me what the moral of this story is?" I drew to a close, sitting up tall, chest swelling with excited anticipation of the punchline.

She's looking a bit dazed; this joke tends to do that to people. At least her mind is elsewhere now. She creases her forehead, and shakes her head with a little motion.

"I give up, Mikey. You tell me."

"It's simple, babe: Two out of three people prefer Cheerios to Rice Krispies."

April's eyes widened and she just stared at me for a moment before her mouth twitched. Suddenly, she snorted, an unexpectedly loud and unlady-like sound and then it happened. She was laughing. Great, hysterical peals of it bubbling out of her wide open pink lips, stretched enough so I could see she still had her tonsils back there. She clutched her sides and howled, breaking the silence of the surrounding woods so that a flock of birds took frantically to the air from a tree top. I joined in. How could I not? Let's face it, that was a damn good joke and watching her laugh felt incredible. She was luminous like that, lit up and perfect in her joy. We rolled around on the grass together, laughing and giggling and it no longer upset me to see tears streaming down her cheeks.

Oh, April. I'll get the Foot back for what they did to you.

But right now I'm doing all I can.

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Do I get the award for most unoriginal tribute "original" name? I hope so…