Once again, this is rated PG-13 for mild language and a topic dealing
with a mature situation. And may I say
that I had to reload this story, so apologies to anyone who received errors the
last time.
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Circumstances Of One's Birth
"I
wish you had never been born."
I can't believe I said that...
She always went too far. She
just couldn't let him have the last word, could she? And to think, that was one of the faults she was constantly
throwing at him—stubbornness. Well, he
had learned from the best. Her.
It's
not as if they hadn't fought before.
And it had gotten bad. Both of
them had yelled that they wished they had never met each other. Both of them had refused to speak to each
other for days. But somehow or another,
without either of them acknowledging an apology, before too long they just
seemed to mend their differences and were friends again.
She
wasn't sure if it was possible to mend this, though...
She
had seen it in his eyes the minute she'd spoken. She'd always thought that 'the
atmosphere in the room dropped' was a figure of speech, but it was as if
there were some psychic energy that chilled them all the moment she hurled that
last insult at him. She felt like she'd
blasphemed. He had taken a step back,
his anger dying instantly, to be replaced by a look of hurt so deep that she
knew there was nothing she could do or say to make penance. He hadn't even answered. In one horrified moment, she realized there
were tears in his eyes as he turned around and fled up the stairs to his room.
"That
was wrong."
Brock's
tone had never been so biting. Misty
looked at him wide-eyed, not believing she could have hurt her best friend so
badly.
"I
didn't mean to..." she said frantically, trying not to cry herself. "My God, I never meant..."
"What's
wrong with you?" Brock asked coldly,
and Misty couldn't hold back her tears
at this accusation. "You know, I
had always assumed your fights were just show before. But if you're playing around, Misty, you've gone too far, and if
you're not..."
"Brock,
I didn't mean it! I really didn't! I just got so mad, I didn't think about what
I was saying..."
"And
your thoughtlessness has just hurt one of the best friends you'll ever have."
"Don't
you think I know that?!"
"Do
you?" Brock asked quietly, and Misty
stared at him in shock. He didn't
really think she felt that way...did he?
"I
think you need to go apologize right now," he said, turning his back on her.
"I..." She stopped and swallowed her words. If she wanted to win any of her friend's
respect back at all, for once she wouldn't argue and would simply do as she was
told. "I will. I am." She turned and retraced Ash's steps. Her legs were shaking. She shouldn't be this nervous...
But I shouldn't have been so cruel,
either.
She reached the top of the stairs all too soon. Funny how your legs could bring you to the
guillotine so quickly...she hated apologizing.
But her desire not to lose a friend was stronger.
She
knocked on the door. "Ash?" she said
hesitantly. There was no answer. She tested the door. It wasn't locked.
"Ash?"
she said again as she carefully opened the door and slowly walked in. There was a lump on his bed. A shock of black hair stuck out from under
the covers. She walked over to his bunk
and started to climb the ladder.
"Leave
me alone," he said, startling her as he buried himself under the blanket so
that none of his body was visible at all now.
His voice was muffled. Evidently
Ash wouldn't even let his pokémon comfort him—Pikachu was sitting on top of the
blanket, staring forlornly at the lump underneath. He gave Misty a sorrowful look that plainly said, How could you do this?
"I
can't," she said to Ash. "Not until I
can tell you how sorry I am."
"Yeah,
right."
Misty's
heart turned. She deserved this. She gave Pikachu a pleading look. "Can I talk to him?" she asked softly. "I promise I won't hurt him again, and I
won't leave until he's alright."
Pikachu hesitated. What do you
do when one of the two humans you trust the most is hurt by the other one? In the end loyalty won out, and he shook his
head.
"Please. I promise...I just need to talk to
him...alone." She swallowed. Pikachu still looked torn. A tear slid down her cheek, and he knew that
she was truly repentant. He walked
around his trainer, nudged Misty's leg in sympathy, and made his way out of the
room.
"Ash..."
she said. "God, I don't even know what
to say."
"You
didn't have any problem with that earlier," he said bitterly. His voice was weak. He had been crying. Why had he taken her words to heart so
much? Misty swallowed another lump in
her throat and reached out to touch him on the shoulder. She could feel him flinch even underneath
the blanket, but he didn't pull away when she started to massage his back
gently.
"Ash,
I was an idiot. I didn't even think
about what I was saying. I didn't mean
it. Ash...believe it or not, you're one
of the nicest people I know. I was just
mad...I can't believe I tried to hurt you like that." She closed her eyes. She
wouldn't cry, she wouldn't...
He
didn't answer. "Please, Ash," she
begged. "I need you to forgive me. I don't want you to hurt like this, and I
especially don't want to be the cause of it.
I feel so horribly guilty right now..."
Damn
it, the tears came anyway. She
sniffled. He relaxed just the slightest
bit underneath her touch. "How do I
know you're telling the truth?" he asked.
"Because
you're my friend. And because...I care
about my friends. Even when I'm too
stupid to let it show." She tried to
laugh it off. "Think about it,
Ash. You know how dumb I am when I'm
angry. Remember how I once told you
that you were as ugly as a tentacruel?
And you know that was a lie. How
could I have ever said that such a beautiful creature was ugly?"
It
worked. He tried not to laugh, but she
could feel him relax even more, and he unsheathed his head. He still didn't say anything.
"Ash...I'm
sorry," she said softly. "Please
forgive me."
"I
can't." He suddenly tensed again, and
Misty pulled away from him at this refusal, biting her lip to keep the tears
away.
"But..."
"I
can't—because you're right."
It
was him who had tears running down his cheeks as he spoke. He buried his head in his pillow—he hated to
cry in front of her. Misty replaced her
hand on his back and began to rub it.
"What
are you talking about?" she asked, shocked at the anguish in his voice. "You can't be serious."
"It
would have been better if I had never been born," he said, and Misty could feel
him trembling uncontrollably. "I was an
accident. No, worse than an accident—a
sin. I was a sin."
"Ash..."
Misty tried to comfort him. "How can
you say that? There's nothing you could have done to ever make you believe
that..."
"You
don't understand, Misty. You don't
understand..." he said. He was about
ready to break out into full-fledged sobs, the pain overwhelming him. In desperation Misty did something she had
never done before. She pulled him up,
ignoring his surprise, and gripped him to her in a fierce hug. After a moment of resistance he stopped
fighting and just let her hold him.
"Then
help me understand," she said, stroking the back of his hair. "It's alright, Ash. You can tell me."
"I
should have never been born..." Ash whispered.
~~~
"Mommy...what's a bastard child?" The little boy's voice was timid, as if he
knew he was about to get punished for what he had said.
Delia nearly dropped the plate she
was drying. "Ash Ketchum, where on
earth did you hear that word?"
Ash hung his head. "Gary Oak said I was a bastard child."
Delia sighed and set down her
towel. She sat down and motioned for
her child to come over. He did,
reluctantly. She took him in her arms
in a hug and relief washed over him when he realized she wasn't mad.
"Honey, Gary's going through a hard
time right now," she said. "You know
his parents are getting divorced, and they're both fighting over him so
viciously that he had to come live with his grandfather until they could work
things out. He's hurt and he's
confused, and he's just trying to take his anger out on you. He didn't mean it."
"But why did he say it? What does it mean?"
Delia looked at her son at arm's
length. "You're only nine...you're so
young..." she sighed, her face pained at the truth she had to tell him. "But you're not too young. Ash, you know I love you with all my heart
and soul. You're the best thing that
has ever happened in my life." She
kissed him on the forehead.
"I know. I love you too." He
gripped his mom as hard as she was in a hug.
"What does that have to do with what Gary said?"
"I just don't want you to ever doubt
it." She blinked tears away. "I've told you before, when you asked about
your daddy, that I didn't love him. But just because I didn't love him, it
doesn't mean I don't love you. I don't
know what I would have ever done without you...you've made my life worth
living, sweetheart..."
"I love you, Momma," he felt
obligated to say again.
"I love you too, baby..." she
whispered. She cleared her throat. "Ash, your daddy was a bad man. He hurt me..."
"Why would he hurt you?" Ash
asked. He had tears in his own eyes at
seeing his mother so upset. "How could anyone hurt
you?"
"I wish I could tell you, Ash, but
the truth is, no one knows why one person would willing choose to hurt another
person. Especially as bad as he hurt
me..." she said softly. "That's why
people say what they did. Because he
did something...evil. But Ash, listen. I want you to learn something from
this. Sometimes good can come from
evil." She smiled through her tears.
"And I know this, because you were
the good....for it was because of what your daddy did to me that you were
born..."
~~~
Misty was absolutely still.
The room was silent for a moment.
She started to shift so that she could see him better when he burst out
angrily.
"Do you understand now? I
was conceived by rape, Misty, by rape.
I didn't completely understand it when I was a kid, but I do now...I
should have never been born..."
He
started crying into her shoulder. Misty
had barely been able to breathe during the story. She let her tears fall freely now, because they weren't for
herself. They were for him and his
heartache.
"Oh
Ash..." she said softly. "I didn't
know...I'm so sorry..."
"She
didn't even know him...I asked, once, before I knew what had happened, what his
name was. She said that she didn't
know. I was too young to know that most
little boys' mommies knew who their father was...I found out later what
happened. She was just walking home one
day...and he stopped her, pretending to ask her for directions...and he
kidnapped her...and he..." Ash choked. Misty opened her mouth to speak, to console
him, but Ash cut her off again.
"Do
you know how many times I've wished I had never been born?" he cried. "How many times I've wished that my mom had
never had to go through all that pain?
If it hadn't been for me..."
"She
would have been hurt a lot worse than she had been," Misty said, gripping him
by the shoulders and forcing him to look at her. Both of their faces were damp.
"You heard her say that you were the best thing that ever happened to
her. She loves you—it doesn't matter to
her how or why you were
born. What happened to your mom isn't
your fault. You're just as innocent as
she is."
"She
didn't ask for me to be born..."
"Neither
did you," Misty said, her voice breaking.
She shook him gently, trying to make him understand. "Ash...I don't have any idea of what your
mom felt. She had to endure something
that no one should ever have to endure.
But you can't think that just because she didn't plan to have you, that
it means she didn't want you."
"How
could she not?" he cried. The look on
his face was miserable and Misty wondered how long this burden had been upon
him. "I'm just a reminder of what he
did. How can...how can she even love
me?"
"Ash..." She stopped as he started crying the hardest
he had cried since their fight. She
just held him. "It's okay, Ash...let it
out...just let it out..."
She
didn't know how long they stayed like that.
It seemed that Ash was releasing tears that he had held inside of him
for two long years. He hid it
well—always trying to do his best, always trying to make his mother proud—always
trying to make sure his mother never regretted the decision to keep her
son. But the time had come that he
couldn't avoid the hurt any longer.
Finally the crying slowed to a stop, until the only evidence of his
outburst was a slight shudder that went through his body ever so often.
"Ash..."
she carefully tried again. "Ash, don't
you love your mother?"
He
took it harder than she had intended, as he immediately started jerking away
from her. "Of course I do!" he said
angrily. "Of course I do! That's why I know she never deserved to
become pregnant with me!"
Misty
held firm. "Ash, if you love your
mother, why do you think that she would lie to you?" He gasped and stopped struggling.
"What?"
"Ash,
she wasn't lying when she said she loved you..." she said softly. "Like I said...I can't even imagine what
she's gone through. But Ash, your
mom...she's special. She finds her
purpose in life by loving others. When
she said you made her life worth living, she really meant that. You know what I think? I think you were what saved her. She doesn't think of him because of you, she
forgets about him by loving you."
He had leaned against her and
was shedding silent tears into her shirt again. "But...it's just so hard.
How could she deal with it...being an unwed mother...all the talk, all
the responsibility. She had to work two
jobs when I was a baby...my grandparents baby-sat me. They would have supported her, but she didn't want to be
dependent on them for all her life, and she didn't think anyone would want to
marry a single mother who had a child by..." He shook at this point, then
continued. "My grandparents died in an
accident when I was barely old enough to remember them. That was less than two years after she had
been...attacked. She was barely able to
cope with it. It was only because of
that tragedy...another tragedy...that
we're living where we are today...they left her an inheritance. That's the only way she would ever take any
of their money. We're not rich, but
Professor Oak helped her to invest it...it will support her for as long as she
needs..."
"I'm
not saying it wasn't hard," Misty said compassionately. "Life is hard, and some people have it
harder than others. But I think it
would have been harder if you hadn't been there. What has your mom told you about when you were a baby?"
"I
don't know..." he said uncertainly.
"You've
talked about it before. What did she
say?" She gave him an encouraging smile.
His
voice was a little timid, but as he spoke, the memories soothed him. He smiled a watery smile and said, "She
said...that I was the most contented baby she had ever seen. I was energetic, and I was always getting
into things, but whenever she'd catch me I'd just laugh and give her a slobbery
baby kiss and she couldn't get mad at me.
She said I hardly ever woke her up during the night more than I needed
to, and she swears up and down that this was because I somehow knew that she
needed sleep because of her jobs. And
she said...that she thought I knew when she was feeling down, because whenever
she needed a hug, that was always the time that I wanted her to hold me...when
she just wanted someone to love her..."
"So...even
though that was one of the hardest times in her life...the only things she
remembers about you are good memories...?" Misty asked softly.
"Yes...."
he said, faltering.
"Does
that sound like somebody who didn't want you?" It was less of a question than
it was a tender statement of truth. Ash
didn't answer at first, he just gripped her tightly and sobbed once. Misty stroked his hair but he recovered
quickly this time and pulled away, wiping his eyes.
"Thanks,
Mist," he said, his voice hoarse from his crying but gratitude written all over
the hesitant look he gave.
"What
are friends for?" she said, taking his hand affectionately. He smiled and looked down.
"I
guess...it's just always been hard for me to imagine being loved. For nine years I knew my dad didn't love
me...then I found out that not only did he not know I existed, but my mom hadn't...asked...for
me either. And I guess I knew deep down
that she loved me, but I couldn't understand why..." He trailed off. Misty
patted his hand.
"I
don't think it's so hard to understand," Misty said, honestly, though her eyes
began twinkling the moment she said it.
Ash looked up awkwardly and blushed at the smile on her face.
"What...what
does that mean?"
"Just
that I think you're perfectly capable of being loved," she said, still being
perfectly truthful, and still entirely enjoying his bashful reaction.
"Oh..."
His face turned even pinker when she winked at him. She giggled.
"...and
you know what they say. You're loved by
more people than you know..."
And
now she had to stop or else she was going to burst out laughing at the
expression on his face, and she had worked too hard to get him to this point to
risk doing anything that might possibly upset him again. She still had to giggle again as she moved
away and climbed down the ladder. "I'm
going to leave you alone now..."
She had a feeling Ash would want some time alone to regain his
composure. Unless she missed her guess, she was the only one who would ever
know he had cried—he was funny about that.
"Pikachu's probably anxious to come back in, anyway." She was at the doorway when she heard his
voice call out to her.
"You
mean...by someone like you?"
She
stopped short, and wondered how much courage it had taken him to say it. She looked back and his face was hot with
embarrassment, but his face was so pitifully hopeful that she didn't think she
could have said no even if she meant
it.
"Maybe,"
she said teasingly. That wasn't a no.
She may care for him, but she also happened to like their playful
relationship, and she knew he did, too.
"Maybe."
Ash's
face was a permanent shade of pink by now, but he looked down with a smile and
said. "Maybe....me too."
Warmth
washed over her. She grinned as she
said, "What, you might love yourself too?"
"I...umm...no...that's
not what I meant..." the poor boy stuttered, but she cut him off.
"Because
you should," she said seriously, her teasing ended, and her look was so caring
that he had to look away in embarrassment.
"You're worth it, Ash—you're worth it.
Don't you let anybody ever tell you differently and don't you ever
believe anything else. The most
important thing is that you love yourself, you hear?"
You'd better...because I do.
He nodded self consciously and she started to walk away. "Misty?" he called to her cautiously.
"What?"
she asked.
"I
forgive you."
She
stopped in her tracks and looked back at him.
Both of their glances were grateful.
"And
yourself too?" she asked softly. He
looked a little surprised at the question, but after a moment, nodded his head
in answer to that too.
She
smiled at him. "Good."
The End
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This is for Latonya Wright, because (a) I haven't
written a fic "for" you before and I wanted to, and (b) I probably
won't be able to write you back until Sunday or Monday and hope this makes up
for it—the library of death strikes again.
Incidentally I'm still singing "MotownPallet." ^^
You may have noticed the story is slightly
alternate reality. Though delete a few
lines from the series and it works surprisingly well. Yes, the title is a (hopefully valid) reference to the first
movie. The AAML at the end wasn't
really necessary, but hey, I like it, I wanted it, I'm the author, 'nuff
said. Besides, it was a good
segue. ^_~
I apologize if this is similar in any way to any
other fic. Trust me, I'm relatively new
to ff.net, and with the number of fics I've read (about, oh, 1.5 % of those
stored here) it would be practically impossible for me to have done it
intentionally.
Thank you to Sharon, for beta-ing this for
me. Though I must admit to being
surprised at you objecting to a line with a beheading apparatus in it. ^^
Thank you to everyone else for all your reviews—you've been amazing with
your generosity, and it really helps me out to know what I'm doing right! Wow!
Disclaimer:
I don't own pokémon. However, if
I did, the WB would have definitely refused to air this episode, so
we're even.
