Ai suru hito no tame ni -Requiem-, a guilty gear fanfic

TITLE: Ai suru hito no tame ni -Requiem-
AUTHOR: Athena Asamiya <[email protected]>
SERIES: Guilty Gear
TYPE: Part 1/1, short Ky POV fic. Also Sol deathfic. (*sob!*)
RATING: PG-13
WARNING: Solky shounen ai implications. Angsty. And it's pretty damn depressing. T_T
SETTING: Two or three months after the end of the first game's tournament. (I guess it could kind of be seen as an alternate ending to Freeze My Love, but not completely ^_~)
THEME: "Epilogue (The Missing Link)" from the Guilty Gear OST.
COMMENTS: Ah, yes...my old friend, the deathfic. ^^;; Consider me morbid, but I really do think death is one of the most effective ways of portraying raw emotion through characters, and so deathfics - either with murder, accidental killing, sacrifice or suicide - are some of my favorites to write. ^^;;;;; (Put that way, I really DO sound morbid...) This one was actually directly inspired by two Japanese fanworks -- a quick scan from a doujinshi at la lune se bat avec les etoiles that showed Justice's stage crumbling around Sol and Ky, and Ky sacrificing himself so Sol can escape (though I kinda switched it around ^^;;); and a beautiful fanfic from Demonish Machine's ura section entitled Garasu no Hako, Namida no Ame (Box of Glass, Rain of Tears) that had Ky meeting Sol three months after the end of the first game, and saying "I'm glad you're alive, and that I could see you again...I...never really thought you were dead." Maybe in a way, I sculpted this fic to come prior to that one, since it IS one of my favorite fanfics. ^_~ (The title translated is "For the one I love -Requiem-", a requiem being a mourning song in honour of the dead) Watch out, this fic tries to rip your heart out and stomp on it. ^_~ But perhaps Ky isn't wrong in what he believes... Enjoy. ^_^

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I do not believe him to be dead.

Even now, as I feel the cool wind on my face and hear the cry of the gulls from the oceanside below the cliff, I refuse to believe it. Even as I stare at the marble grave, dark stone carved plainly with only his name, I will not let myself think for one moment that his lifeless body lies beneath me. Because I know the truth, even when no one else will believe it, when no one else will hold on to the same faith that I will have with me forever.

His body was never found.

I do not believe him to be dead.

I closed my eyes and turned my face to the sun, feeling its warmth on my face and taking in a deep breath of the ocean air. The day was beautiful, as it had been the past several times I had come here. I would think that God had a hand in it, though I know he would most certainly not believe the same. But there was just something so otherworldly in feel about these days...there was no doubt in my mind that He was smiling on us, despite everything.

I opened my eyes, and they came to rest on the gravemarker at my feet, the midday sun casting a shadow across the neat grass. SOL BADGUY.

I had turned down the idea of putting his original name - his real name - on the gravestone. He had obviously left that name behind with his past, and thus he would not have wanted to be remembered in that way. He was no longer the scientist of so long ago who had brought about the birth of the Gears by sacrificing himself and his own humanity.

He had always hated himself for that, I think. But I have no way of telling now -- he is not here with me, anymore.

Possibly never again.

No, I will not let myself think that. I even shook my head to myself to accompany the denial. He was still out there.

Then why I was I visiting his grave like I truly believed he was dead?

I looked out over the expanse of sparkling water in the distance, knowing in my heart what I did not say aloud. It did not matter if I thought he was dead or not. This was the only way I could feel close to him, once again.

He would be able to hear me, wherever he was. I believed in this with everything I had.

And so I spoke, as if he were here with me. In a way, I felt he was.

"...I apologize for not having come here in the last few weeks. Business has been hectic for the past while, what with I having to catch up on the work I missed when I was on injury leave and all, and I expect it to not get better anytime soon...but I promise I will come here as much as possible. I owe you that much, after all, for what you did for me."

I pause for a moment, thinking of what I could say. "Since I just finished my recovery, I have returned to my regular occupation as a police officer in Paris. Truly...even after what Justice said about my ideals and beliefs, I want to continue to protect mankind." I turned my head, allowing a brief ironic grin to slip. "You would find me stupid to say so, I know...stupid to think that after everything I have gone through already, I would still keep faith in what I have always known and believed in. And really, I...well...it sounds so dramatic to say that I have nothing else, so I shall just say that I am happy with things the way they are. Which is true. I am happy."

I changed my tone of voice, trying to make things sound brighter. "Things are getting better here. I know as well as anyone that we have a long way to go before being able to fully put the past behind us, but now that the Gear threat is completely gone, everyone is looking forward to a much brighter future." I chuckled a bit at the words I said next. "I am sure you would be delighted to know that the United Nations is seething over the loss of their precious Fuenken. They have already grilled me for information on its whereabouts, but I know as much as they do, which is little at best. None of us could find it within the wreckage of the castle. I think that the only possible explanation is that you have it, wherever you are, and I know you are putting it to good use. It was always meant for you, anyway, being of your Outrage design and all." I smiled, thinking of my sword Furaiken, safely stored away in hopes that I would never have to use it again. How somewhat ironic that it was due to HIM - and his designs that gave birth to the Outrage weapons - that I was able to succeed so greatly in the Crusades.

I shifted my weight slightly, feeling a little uncomfortable. "I...ah...I am certain you would find me foolish to be visiting here so often...you might just laugh at me, tell me that you do not think you are worth it, that you had no idea I cared so much..." My voice raised slightly, as if he was truly here and I was trying desperately to convince him of my true feelings. "But...I did care, and that is what I never told you. That is what I regret not telling you...more than anything, I regret that you thought I hated you until the very end..."

Or maybe, if he was here, he would tell me no, he knew I did not hate him. Maybe he knew I could never hate him. Maybe he knew that all along.

"...I still think of you, you know. I have not forgotten you. And no matter what they try to tell me, I...I will not believe what they say, that you are truly dead. Because I...feel that you are alive, somewhere. I refuse to think that there is a filled coffin below me. We could not bury a body that was not found. So I think...you did not really die. No, I know you did not die." My hands, one of them clutching a single perfect white rose, trembled so violently that I had to clasp them to my chest in hopes that they would still. I shook my head, seeing my vision blur with unbidden tears. "It is not hopeless. If there is one thing you taught me, it is that nothing is ever hopeless."

Hopeless...I could hear the ghost of his voice echo that word...hopeless...

"...It's hopeless, dammit! Go and save yourself!" Still bruised and bleeding from his battle with Justice, he was barely able to avoid the tumbling debris from the crumbling castle-like fortress. He tried to move away, long hair flowing free from its restraint, but I followed, clutching his wrist. He winced sharply in pain. The sounds of destruction crashed around us. "Sol, I am not leaving you! We can get out together!"

The twisted symbol on his forehead, now exposed, seemed to glow in tune with his anger towards me as he ripped his arm away. "Leave me alone, you fool! This whole place is gonna go down in seconds, and you have to get out before you die!"

"No! I am staying with you, and we are both going to leave this place alive, do you hear me?!

"It's useless, I said! I'm too hurt to get out of here in time, and I'll just end up taking you with me, if you try to save me!" He snarled at me, snatching MY wrist and yanking it towards him, pulling my face towards his. "I'm not going to see you die here!!"

"But I will not let you die either!! I-I...Sol, I cannot-"

"Don't be such a goddamn IDIOT!" Grabbing my shoulders, shaking me sharply, eyes wild with panic. "Get out of here now, while you still can!" Shoving me away and watching me stumble backwards on unsteady ground. Watching me get to my feet, only to jump back when the floor between us collapsed. We were separated, surrounded by the chaos, and I called his name, over and over...but he only stood his ground within the falling ruin, and smiled that sad, lonely smile at me. The one that told me more about his life that he himself ever did. His voice was now pleading, pleading with me.

"Ky...just leave. Please." And those eyes...oh God, those eyes...

He said something I could no longer hear, but I could read his lips. Three words, three short, simple words. He smiled.

I screamed his name one final time, voice choking, tears spilling over my cheeks, and everything vanished in a flash of fire.

A search party led by Master Kliff would later find me unconscious by the disintegrated remains of the bizarre fortress, dirty and bloodied but still alive. I did not awaken until the next day, in a Paris hospital, close to my own home. But for days and weeks after, I could see his face every time I closed my eyes, could see the look in his eyes as he bid me his final farewell...

No. I would not think of it as him bidding me a final goodbye. I knew deep inside that he had survived the destruction, as I had, thanks to him. But even so...as would be considered proper, I had a search team from my police department scout the ruined area, to see if they could find his body beneath the wreckage. But as I expected from the beginning, they found nothing. No body. No sword. No sign that Sol was alive or dead.

I thanked God.

I had not wanted them to find anything. I think it was at that moment, when I made that realization, remembering how I had watched his smile disappear into the flames...I began to cling to the belief that he was alive somewhere. It was as if some unseen bond existed between us, an invisible chain that could link us together through everything. And it was because of this that I knew he had not died that day.

Nevertheless, I ordered a proper gravesite to be marked with his name, but not for his death.

For remembering him, always, even if he never came back.

And that grave was where I stood now, under the sun and sky that surely could have been destroyed if it had not been for him. A sudden strong wind tossed my cloak and the golden cross I wore around my neck, and as I watched my treasured crucifix catch the light, I knew what more I should say.

"You see, even if you have left this world, I know for certain you did not end up in Hell, where you always thought you belonged. And as I thought as well, for a time. I know you would reject Heaven with all your heart, feeling you do not belong there either...so you see, I cannot help but think that you are out there, somewhere. You would not accept a place in the sky or beneath the earth. You are here still, if not in body, but in spirit." I lowered my head, closing my eyes. "God has told me this. And whether or not you believe in Him yourself - though I know for certain you do not, as you assured me numerous times - He will protect you in my stead. He will watch over you, as He watches over all His children. And you are one of them. He told me that as well."

I turned my head to the side, biting my lower lip in hesitation for what I was about to say. Surely, he would not TRULY be able to hear my words, but...well, it made no difference now. I had no reason to keep denying my feelings. "It would be...selfish...of me to ask you to come back. Because I believe that if you truly wished to return to me, you would be here by now. But obviously, you are somewhere far away, perhaps living that solitary, unbound life you always loved." I blinked back the blurriness in my eyes, and I tried to smile instead, but it came out as something unsteady and sad. "Perhaps living in that loneliness you always hated. The loneliness that you said only I...was able to take away."

I ran a hand across my face, rubbing my eyes, willing myself not to break down here. Not again. But I could not help but remember his face, his eyes, his silent words. "I know what you said to me, before you disappeared. I know...and I want you to know that I feel the same; that I always felt the same. It does not matter that you were one of THEM -- you were always human, to me. Your faults and your flaws, your words and your feelings...I..." I found myself losing my voice to the growing lump in my throat, and I swallowed hard, hoping it would dissolve. It did not do so, and I instead felt a teardrop run down my face, my voice becoming nothing but a whisper.

"...I loved you for all of that."

No longer feeling like my legs could support me, I slowly knelt in front of the gravestone, lowering my head against the cool stone and closing my eyes. I dropped my voice to something like a whisper, as if I was sharing a secret with him and him alone -- and I was.

"None but I know that you are the true saviour of the human race. I know you would not want others to think of you like that -- it would damage your infamous reputation or whatnot, and you'd no longer be considered the 'badass' you always claimed to be. People would know what I know -- that deep down inside, you are truly as kind and sensitive as any human being." I stood up again, my eyes never leaving his name. "Whether you yourself believe it or not, Sol, you are a hero. I know this." My lips turned upwards in a tiny smile. "I know. And I believe in you. I will always keep that hope alive."

I do not believe him to be dead. I will never believe him to be dead.

But until the day when I find him again, this is all I can do.

I lay the rose on his grave, and smile through the tears.

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Use in whole or in part of this fanfiction without permission is prohibited. If you wish to use this fanfiction for any purpose, please obtain permission prior to doing so.

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tragic/scientist+manmade/demon+holy/saviour+disturbed/darkness =
twisted/shattered/star-crossed lovers =
sol x ky
~ heaven.coming.down ~