Fading

Author's note: Hey! This is a new chapter to my story so read and review that if you haven't done so already. I would also like to thank snsw25kr14 for giving me the idea. Review or else I'll be pretty upset!

Summary: Everyday I look down on them and I see them still struggling, wanting me to come back home. I would if I could, but at some point in our lives, we have to face reality; I'll never come home. Dean's POV.

Running around
Trying to figure out, now
Where you put your smile down
You can't let them see you like this
Thinking what mask you're gonna front
You grab the nearest one
You take your place

It's almost been a year since I've died. You would think that dying as maliciously as I did, I would become a vengeful spirit, like the ones I and my younger brother Sam used to hunt. But I never did. I didn't have a reason to become a hateful and angry spirit. I'm nothing like those spirits. Besides, I'm glad I died because now I can be with my dad and get to know my mother who I never really knew. I'm glad I guess, but I'm heartbroken to see how Sam and Jo are dealing with my death.

Amongst these faceless others
underneath the surface
everything's so backwards
it's all a lie

Everyday I look down on my brother and I'm crushed at what I see. Sam, my pain in the ass Sammy is depressed and is in therapy. It scares me that Sam is in therapy. He was normally the one to talk about his troubles with someone he knew rather than a stranger. He always got me talking to him. I thought he would be able to handle himself. He used to be in that therapy for almost three months. But it must not be helping. Sam has been in the suicide ward for nearly two months now. Since my death, Sam has tried to kill himself by either trying a drug overdose, shooting himself or cutting himself. He's almost losing his mind and it scares me.

Run away
Save yourself, let it go
It's too late
I'm losing you
you're fading

In some ways, I don't blame Sam for becoming suicidal and for becoming depressed. If I was still alive and Sam died the way I had, I would be like that all the time. I would try and kill myself. I would be depressed. I would make myself go through hell. But, Sam I guess wants to be dead more than anything now; he has no one now. First we lost mom, then he lost his girlfriend, then we lost dad and to top it all off, Sam lost me. He's alone now. He's stuck in a suicide ward with no one there to protect him or let him know he isn't alone.

Don't move
Sit there in a trance
do not make a sound
Fool, what were you thinking?
Fallen no one's gonna call
No hands were up at all
you're on your own again

Even though Sam is my brother and I should look out on him all the time, he isn't the only one I have been watching over. I've been looking over Jo, the woman I loved and then woman who I breathed my last breath into as we kissed. I watch over her all the time. I watch over her and I remember the times we had together. I watch over her and I remember looking into her beautiful eyes as I was slowly dying. As I watch over her I still remember kissing her before I died. As I watch over her…I remember how much I have left unspoken between the two of us.

Walls are closing in
you can't feel anything
Becoming one of them
Come back to me

Jo is just as broken as Sammy is. Jo has been to at least five different therapists since I died, she has been on anti-depressants and she has gone so far over the edge. She may actually be worse than Sam. Jo has been so depressed that she began a drug and heroin addiction and she has been arrested for more DUIS than anyone I've ever known. She became so crestfallen that she chopped off all her long beautiful golden hair. I don't know why she did something illogical but it just shows how grief-stricken she is. Also, she has begun doing self-mutilation on herself. It sickens me to actually see someone so beautiful do that to themselves. I don't know how Jo could do that to herself, but when you're depressed and you feel nothing, self-mutilation makes you feel something.

Run away
Save yourself, let it go
It's too late
I'm losing you
you're fading

Jo spends at least half the night just crying and screaming my name. I know that she can't see me, but she can feel my spirit come into bed with her and wrap my arm around her. She feels me within each breath she takes. She feels me within each tear she sheds. She feels me within each and every one of her thoughts. She feels me every time she does something to hurt herself. Little does she know; it hurts me more.

Fading, fading, fading
Fading, fading, fading

I compare Jo and Sam after my death all the time. They're both so different yet so alike. They're both dealing with it differently, but there is one thing that they have in common. They both want to die. They both want to die so they could rejoin with me. They are both surrounded by many people who still love and care for them, but they refuse to think that and they choose to believe that they're alone.

Run away
Save yourself, let it go
It's too late
I'm losing you
you're fading away

Even though they're doing many things that just may kill them, they aren't going to die now. I know their prophecy. Sam is going to die at the age of eighty-nine from a stroke. He's going to get married when he turns thirty and have three children. Oddly enough, the eldest boy will be named Dean. Somehow, Sam is going to get out of this depression and end up being happy in the end. The same thing will go for Jo. Only for her, she's going to die at the age of ninety-nine because of old age. She's going to get married in when she's twenty-nine and have two daughters with him. It may take her a while to move on though, but she'll be in high spirits.

Save yourself, let it go
It's too late
I'm losing you
you're fading

They'll be happy in the future, but for the now, they're not going to be the happiest people in the world. Even though I'm already dead and the worst is behind me, it kills me to see how the two people I love and care about are suffering. Sam is in and out of the suicide ward and in therapy and Jo is slicing herself like a thanksgiving turkey and is using more drugs than a pharmacy even owns. Sometimes I feel as if it's my fault that they're like this. Because I died, their worlds turned upside down. I don't know what else I can do.

Fading, fading...

Everyday I look down on them and I see them still struggling, wanting me to come back home. I would if I could, but at some point in our lives, we have to face reality; I'll never come home.