Harry Potter and the Fountain of Youth
By NiennaC

Author's Note: Yes, I realize this premise is a bit silly, but I've been really stressed with work lately and I decided I wanted to write something for the pure fun of it, that's it, just for fun. I got the idea when I was thinking about Elizabeth - for a POTC fanfic - and realized that she and Hermione share similar tempers - yes, that was the extent of my thought process. Hehe. Anyway, it'll be a good ride, I think, and should be enjoyable. As always, I welcome critique - but not flames.

Also, this chapter raises several questions (like how Will isn't back on the Flying Dutchman, etc.) don't worry, I have answers to those questions, I'm not an irresponsible writer who just pulled Will from his fate without so much as a reasonable explanation about how that could have happened.

Okay, anyway, enjoy!

Timeline: After the third movie for POTC, and during the fifth book for HP.

Chapter One
Queen of the Court

Wind tore the curtains, pulling them from the house. They hung from the second-story windows, soaking in the evening rain. He stood, watching, letting that same rain matt his bushy black hair. The main door opened and he stepped aside, behind a tree, as the house's occupants left in a large black car – there were three of them: two he knew, one he knew of.

He waited until the vehicle's headlights faded down the road. When he couldn't see them any longer, he crept quietly to the front door. Picking the lock was fairly easy – he wasn't sure whether he was disappointed or elated by this; because, while it did mean he could enter and get out of the rain, it also meant that his friends were getting soft – or senile. They were old, after all. Quite old, he mused. What was it now? Around two-hundred-and-thirty-six-years for Elizabeth…that would make Will – well, goodness, he really didn't know.

Captain Jack Sparrow of the Black Pearl (which was currently not in his possession, but that didn't make it any less his – so there, Barbossa) hummed to himself as he sauntered into the home of Dr. and Dr. Granger. He smiled at the family photographs displayed in the foyer – oh yes, they hadn't changed a bit. How on earth did they manage to explain that to the neighbors? Shaking his head, Jack lifted his nose. Something smelled good. Like…cherry…no raspberry – or was it blueberry? Sniffing, he let his nose lead him down the narrow main hall, through a side door into a living room, and through that to the kitchen.

It was quaint. He couldn't describe it any other way: a small table with three chairs sat at the back, in front of a counter with a vase of flowers. Below the vase, Jack spotted what he'd been looking for: a pie was cooling on a shelf. Licking his lips, he snatched the treat and stuck his finger in.

Yes, definitely blueberry, he decided, after he'd eaten half of it; which, was about when the Grangers returned home to find him in their kitchen, his dirty brown boots propped up on their meal table.

Will looked amused.

Elizabeth looked livid. She rushed over and smacked his feet down, then snatched the half-empty pie tin away, saying, "You're pig, you know that."

"It was very good Elizabeth, top notch. Best I've had in ages." Jack tried.

"What are you doing here?" Will asked, leaning over.

Jack ignored him. "Why is it I've got this inkling the pair of you've never tended teeth in your life?" Jack said, sucking blueberry off of his thumb. He pointed to a photograph on the counter, adding, "Dr. Granger." Before either one of them could answer, he continued, "And whatever happened to Turner? I rather liked that, much more dashing."

"As it happens, I am a dentist." Elizabeth spat. "I went to school for it and everything. So did Will."

Well that didn't make any sense.

"But…why?" Jack said, trying his best not to look completely bewildered.

"I thought it sounded interesting. And besides, it's quite lucrative." Elizabeth replied, dishing out the remaining bit of pie onto a chipped ceramic plate and covering it with plastic wrap. She shoved the pie into the fridge, then rounded on Jack. "I think I developed an attraction to it because I spent so much time with people whose teeth were rotting out of their heads."

Jack touched one of his gold caps, grinning. He opened his mouth to speak, but Elizabeth cut him off, "The answer is no."

"I haven't even asked anything yet." Jack said, pouting.

"Whatever it is that brought you out of your slimy hole, the answer is no." Elizabeth repeated. "And you smell like rotten turnips." She brought her hand to her nose. "Honestly Jack, when was the last time you bathed?"

"Nineteen-ninety…err…one?" Jack brought his arm up, so he could smell his armpit. It wreaked. Coughing, he looked back at Elizabeth. "It's an acquired taste. Not so bad once you get used to it."

"I'd rather not."

"Jack." Will prompted. "Why are you here?"

"I believe you asked that already." Jack said, adjusting the pink and white sash tied around his waist. "I came here as a messenger. It's not for me that I've…butted into your…whatever you call being a dentist – because it's not really a life is it? But that's beside the point." He paused – for dramatic effect – then, "The song has been sung! And, darling Elizabeth, as Queen of the Brethren Court, you must summon the Pirate Lords." He stood from his chair and went over to her, clamping his hands on her shoulders. "Such is the duty of our leader lady."

"No."

"Wha – Elizabeth!" Jack said, following after her – she'd walked out of the kitchen, into the living room.

Will trotted after them.

The living room was lavishly decorated. A fire burned brightly in its place, beneath a mantle filled with pictures. There were two drawing desks, next to heavily curtained windows; a pair of old chairs with worn spots; and, a long, cream-colored couch with patches on its arms. Elizabeth walked over to the couch and sat down, running her hands through her long, light brown hair.

"You don't miss the action?" Jack sat down on the coffee table opposite the couch. He twisted his leather hat in his hands, wincing at the dirt that had come off of his boots and stuck to the peach carpet.

"Elizabeth?" Will asked, kneeling in front of her. He took her hands in his, rubbing them gently.

"You want to!" She exclaimed, staring at him.

Will had an odd look on his face – it seemed to be a combination of elation and dread. When she accused him, he backed up, his brows furrowed. Then, slowly, he nodded. "Well…a little bit."

"It's settled then." Jack said.

"I haven't agreed." Elizabeth protested, grabbing Will's hands tighter. "All I've ever wanted was a life with Will. Every time I get close you show up and ruin everything. Is this some sort of game to you?"

She rose her head; such a simple gesture, but with Elizabeth, it held importance and regality. Jack caught his breath as she chewed her lower lip. Oh, he knew what she was thinking – there were only so many ways to kill an immortal man, she was probably categorizing them by efficiency.

"Elizabeth." He said. "Before you do anything…rash, let me tell you what I know. See, this Voldemort fellow that's been cropping up lately – his deeds have made it to certain muggle pirates who're concerned for their welfare. Means that our duty now is to decide how much of a threat he is, and if he is a threat, to eliminate it. I've also heard some things about this daughter of yours, Hermione. She's been getting into a lot of trouble lately, in school, with that scar-head kid…what's-his-face." Jack paused. "Elizabeth. I'm not asking you to fight alongside just the Brethren Court – I'm asking you to help your daughter. You know you miss the adventure, you know you love your kid. I think it's an easy decision!"

Clapping his hands together, he looked expectantly at her. She couldn't say no now – not when she knew that the Court's enemy was the same one that'd been putting her daughter in so much danger recently.

Sure enough:

"Fine." Elizabeth said. "Yes."

"Good. We'll need a ship to get to the Court, or a boat, a little speedboat. Either of you have one?" Jack said.

"Aren't you captain of one?"

Will grinned. "Does Barbossa still have it?"

"No thanks to the two of you, yes he does. I'm telling you though, I'm getting it back, he's got to come to the Court like everyone else."