Work of Fiction
By EmyPink
Disclaimer: Sadly not mine, as you could probably tell since a certain doctor in pink scrubs is still around (unfortunately)!
A/N This is my first attempt at humour/parody so I'm not sure how it turned out. Humour has never been my strong point. Please let me know what you think of it. I've also taken the liberty and given some of the characters their missing first or last name. I apologise if any character seems OOC, but it is humour/parody so they're allowed to be :)
I also apologise to anyone who has used any of the titles or storylines featured in this fic. I mean no disrespect and I'm sure your fics were great. I tried to use titles that I've never have seen or heard before. Please don't take it as criticism. Thanks.
P.S. The quotes are from 'Cover Story' and were taken from TV(dot)com
Rating: T for some adult themes
Summary: It's an innocent day at the office, until Ziva discovers fan fiction based on characters they know all too well.
McGee: Okay, I've told you before, the book is not about you guys.
Tony: No, of course not! It's about Special Agent... Tommy.
Ziva: And, Officer Lisa.
Gibbs: DiNozzo!
Tony: And... L.J. Tibbs!
Gibbs: How many more characters did you base on real people? (McGee doesn't answer) Hey! How many! (the team stares at him)
McGee: ... Just the team. You, Tony, Ziva, everybody. (he turns to Tony) You happy Tony, I finally admitted it. I based both my novels on you guys.
- Cover Story (Season Four)
It was a quiet day at NCIS headquarters. Surprisingly, no new cases had come in and most agents were bored out of their brains, none more so than the agents from Special Agent Gibbs' team. Commanded by Gibbs to complete their paperwork, Tony, Ziva nor McGee felt inclined to follow his orders.
"What's with everyone today?" Tony sighed exasperatedly. He was sitting at his desk, feet on the surface and reclining in his chair.
"What do you mean, Tony?" McGee asked as he looked up from his computer.
"What I mean, Probie, is that there are no psychos out killing or maiming people," Tony replied dramatically, "which makes for such a boring day."
"So you'd rather have some poor person lying on Ducky's autopsy table just to cure you of your boredom?" McGee looked slightly appalled at the suggestion.
"I'm sure I could arrange that," Ziva stated, only half-joking. She herself was bored too and itching to get out of the office.
"Really!" Tony exclaimed, slightly more eager than he should be. "Could you really do that?"
"I have contacts," was Ziva's solemn reply.
McGee sighed. "What is up with you guys?"
"I think it's called Cabin . . ." Ziva looked thoughtful as she tried to think of the right word. ". . . Beaver?"
Tony let out a laugh. "Cabin Fever, Zee-vah, not beaver . . . hey, it rhymes!"
McGee rolled his eyes and turned back to his computer, but was interrupted by Tony.
"Whatcha doing, Probie?" Tony asked, staring over McGee's shoulder. He had vacated his chair and was now standing behind McGee.
"Nothing, Tony," McGee replied, trying to stop Tony from reading the screen.
"Why won't you let me see it then?" Tony whined. "Is it porn, because if it is . . ."
"It's NOT PORN, Tony!" McGee shouted a little too loudly and the agents in the neighbouring offices glanced curiously in his direction. McGee reddened and Ziva chuckled.
"What are you doing, McGee?" Ziva was curious now and wandered over to the two male agents.
"It's none of your business, guys," McGee replied helplessly, knowing that he would not be able to stop the combined force of Tony and Ziva.
"I'm sure it's something geeky anyway." Tony looked at Ziva. "I have an idea! Let's Google our all time favourite author. I'm sure there must be at least one fansite dedicated to Mr. Thom E. Gemcity."
"Ooh, good idea, Tony." Ziva looked thoroughly pleased with this suggestion.
"Shove over, Probie." Tony grabbed his own chair and pushed McGee aside. McGee put his head in his hands and sighed.
"Let's see what kind of fans our illustrious Thom E. Gemcity has," Tony began with a grin.
"TISA!?! You've gotta be kidding me!" Tony exclaimed, unsure whether to be flattered or furious. "They've actually named us?"
"Tisa?" Ziva questioned, looking at Tony strangely. "What is a Tisa."
"Our ship name," Tony replied incredulously. "Is that the best they can come up with? Tisa!"
"Ship?" By now Ziva was even more confused. "We don't own a ship. Maybe you've gotten us confused with Gibbs? He has a ship . . . or a boat at least." McGee tried to hide his laughter, but failed.
"Ziva, Ziva, Ziva," Tony scolded lightly. "Where have you been?"
"I have better things to do with my time than look up frivolous sites on the internet," Ziva answered.
"Ship, Ziva . . ." McGee couldn't help himself. "Is the shortened version of relationship, meaning two people being intimate with each other . . ."
"I do know what a relationship is, McGee."
"It is commonly used in various fandoms to describe the paring to two characters, whether canon or not," McGee continued.
"What the hell is canon?" Ziva looked at McGee as if he was crazy. "I'm so confused."
McGee opened his mouth to explain, but Tony cut him off. "I don't think Ziva needs a history lesson in internet fandom, Probie."
However, Ziva wasn't listening and had turned her attention away from the two males and was looking at other sites related to their 'Thom E. Gemcity' Google search. "What is fan fiction?"
Ziva clicked on the link that took her to a page entitled 'The Continuing Adventures of L.J Tibbs Fanfiction Archive'.
"You serious?" Tony asked, disbelievingly. "People actually write fan fiction about us."
"Not about you, Tony," McGee replied instantly, "about the characters in my books."
"Which are based on us, so technically it's written about us."
"What . . . is . . . it?" Ziva was getting desperate for an answer.
"It's when people take the characters of an existing book, movie, comic or TV show and write their own plot lines involving those characters," McGee explained.
"Why?" Ziva questioned bluntly. "Why on earth would people want to write about other people's stories?"
"Entertainment, Zee-vah, entertainment." Tony took the mouse out of Ziva's hand and clicked on the first title 'Here Today, Gone Tomorrow'. "Hey! It's about us . . . Lisa."
"What?" Ziva looked horrified. "Let me see." Ziva nudged Tony to the side and concentrated on the words on the screen.
"WE'RE MARRIED!" Ziva cried two minutes later. "You've gotta be kidding me."
"We're what?" Tony lent over, trying to read the offending material for himself. "We are!"
Ziva buried her face in her hands. "McGee, I am going to kill you!"
"Hey, I didn't write it." McGee backed away, hands in the air.
"But you set it up for others to write it," Tony growled. "I think, dear wife, that Thom E. Gemcity needs to learn what happens when he makes Mr. and Mrs. DeClaire angry."
"I'm up for that, Mr. DeClaire," Ziva agreed in a menacing voice.
"After you, Mrs. DeClaire."
"Okay, guys . . ." McGee looked worried and inched further away from the "married" couple. "Calm down, okay. It's just a story . . . a story. No need to get worked up."
McGee was saved by the Abby when she entered the bullpen. "Hey, guys. What's going on?"
"What's going on? McGee is what's going on," Tony fumed.
"They discovered some . . . err . . . fan fiction based on my novels," McGee explained, half hiding behind Abby.
"Ooh, have you read the super-cool romance one about Gibbs and Tony," Abby said excitedly, before realising her mistake. "Tibbs and Tommy, I mean."
Tony looked like he was ready to explode and Ziva burst into laughter.
"You and Gibbs," she managed to choke out through her laughter. "Err . . . Tommy and Tibbs, my mistake."
"Oops," Abby apologised, looking downcast. "It was well written though, if that's any consolation?"
"No, Abs, it is not," Tony hissed angrily. "McGee, I am seriously going to kill you."
"Hey, look at this one," Ziva commented a few minutes later. She opened up the new story and Abby, McGee and Tony gathered around her. Tony was still fuming, but was no longer trying to kill McGee with his bare hands.
"It's about Tibbs and Director Penny," Ziva announced.
"I haven't read this one," Abby exclaimed happily. "What happens?"
"Well, in a buttshell," Ziva started, but was cut off by Tony.
"It's nutshell, Zee-vah, nutshell."
"Same difference," Ziva muttered, "anyways, apparently Tibbs and Penny are working undercover in France . . ."
"Nice," Abby approved.
"They are working undercover in France." Ziva continued to read from the screen. "And . . . whoa . . . okay, didn't need to read that."
"What," Tony asked eagerly and leaned in for a closer look. "Oh, my, g . . . bad, bad mental picture."
"Oh, eww." Abby covered her eyes. "Ziva!"
"Okay, okay, next one." Ziva hurriedly shut down that story and clicked on another one.
"What's this one about," Tony asked warily, trying the see the screen.
"It's another about Director Penny," Ziva commented, "only this time she's after someone called The Toad."
"The Toad?" Tony looked thoughtful. "So Director Penny is after an amphibian? They could have at least made it a lion or something. Who writes this stuff anyway?"
McGee looked at the pen name. "Someone called PinkScrubsLover."
"Typical," Ziva snorted through her laughter.
"And apparently The Toad has a daughter called Joan who is dating Tommy," Abby added, "but she doesn't know that Tommy is actually part of an operation run by Director Penny. Unfortunately, Tommy is falling in love with Joan for real, and doesn't want to hurt her, but Penny insists he keeps going and goes undercover as a badly dressed singer."
"I'm confused." Ziva tried to read the story for herself.
"Aren't we all," Tony pointed out, "and I thought Tommy was married to Lisa. I mean I see Tisa, but I don't see Toan or Jommy anywhere."
"It's fan fiction, Tony, anything goes," McGee answered.
"I don't like this Joan character," Ziva muttered to herself.
"Anything else good, Probie?" Tony asked McGee, as he had taken control of the mouse.
"Here's one called 'Getting It On In Autopsy' and involves the sexual encounters between Pimmy Jalmer and Agent Michaela Kee," McGee replied as he clicked on the new link.
"Ooh, kinky," was Abby's response.
"No, more like icky," Tony retorted. "Anything on Ducky . . . err . . . Birdie?"
"There is one about him going on and on and on about some event that happened like two centuries ago," McGee replied. "And one about his mother, Mrs. Hollard, and Tibbs being the best of friends."
"I swear these get crazier by the minute," Ziva observed. "What is wrong with the world?"
"Easy, Zee-vah, easy," Tony replied confidently, "Thom E. Gemcity." Tony felt a sudden impact on the back of his head and knew immediately that Tibbs . . . err . . . Gibbs had come back.
"Tibbs . . . Gibbs," Tony said flustered, 'we were just . . ." McGee immediately hit the minimise button and the story vanished from the screen.
"What's going on?" Gibbs asked, looking at his agents.
"Nothing," they chorused.
"We're just doing our paperwork," Tony said brightly and picked up the nearest file and showed it to Gibbs.
"Hmmm, I didn't know you could do paperwork upside down," Gibbs commented.
Tony looked at the file and it was indeed upside down. "New technique, boss."
Gibbs raised an eyebrow. "Gear up, we have a new case. Ziva, gas the truck."
"On it, boss," Tony, McGee and Ziva replied simultaneously. Abby followed them to the elevator, intending to go back to her lab and continue reading about Penny and La Toad.
"Aren't you coming, boss?" Tony shouted as the elevator doors closed.
Looking around and finding that all other agents were engrossed in their paperwork, Gibbs sat down at McGee's computer and pulled up the minimised screen.
He chuckled and clicked the button up in the top right hand corner that said 'Log In'. Typing in 'Tisa4Eva', Gibbs brought up his account homepage and clicked on story status.
"Let's see how many reviews I go today . . ."
Finis