Blinded by the Light

(Silmarillion is Mr. Tolkien´s property, not mine.)

Conceived in the Twilight. Raised in Darkness. Blindfolded to the World´s temptations. Shielded by my father's strong will.

Passion knows no boundaries. I knew that, for my father had my mother in his bed against her will, or so they say. And she took pleasure in it. Lust is a powerful thing.

Some women have no will of their own. They bow to a higher force.

The more independent a woman is, the more restless her heart. My mother, the White Lady of Gondolin, was headstrong. Ice cold. Immune to the ways of love. Until she found someone. Someone stronger. Someone free from the barriers of courtesy.

And she fell for it.

Is that love?

No love is that, for it is doom. Lethal. And they fell…for it. Overwhelming. Gloomy. Evil.

I am the son of Lust. The son of Interdiction.

When I first got to Gondolin, I became lonely. No father. No mother. A forlornly Prince.

Young ladies came to me. They feared me, and yet, yearned for me. The young, lonely, mysterious Lomion.

But they were hollow. Primary creatures, bodies with no soul inside.

Relief from pain.

By then, I was already caught.

Prisoner on my own will, like my mother once was .

Enslaved by your golden hair.

Driven mad by your luscious lips, your eyes, your skin.

Raging for the touch of your hand.

I could feel the might in my bones, dragging us, Idril. The hunger in your eyes when we first met. Yearning. Starving.

But you refrained your desire.

You held back.

Kin. Bloodline.

Meaningless.

You had no right to suffocate yourself. You had NO RIGHT to kill me.

I would get my prize. I had to have your heart. Your blood. Your body. Statuesque. My light…my Idril…my love. Ice Princess.

So I stood silent in my pride. Waiting. Waiting for the right moment.

And then I saw you crying…all alone, by the Winter moonlight.

You knew. You knew you desired me too. That it was inevitable.

Fatal.

I held you. You didn´t fight back. Same blood. The same restlessness.

Kissed you. Devoured you.

A forge burning inside me. Reaching for you.

Secret rendez vous. Silent.

Sin, you said. Incest.

Curse.

We are cursed now.

Never again, Maeglin, you whispered

For our sake. For the sake of Gondolin.

Poor, frail fool, my love, my Idril.

You could not see. Noldor, despicable dirty little law.

Dirty. Dirty. I know no such rubbish. We are the heart and soul of Gondolin. Stronger than its very rocks. Forever.

You kept your goddess- like Light. But you felt tainted. How could I have ruined you?

UNCLEAN. Filthy. I made you feel polluted. You find me disgusting now, for I remember you of your flaw. Love ain´t dirty, Idril.

Cowarness, two-facedness, that´s sinful.

And one day HE came. That scoundrel. Touching you. Conquering my love, my lady, With his vile touch, fair hair, sweet smile, infamous words. Poisonous charm.

A MAN. You liar, Idril. Traitor, unfaithful woman.

Did you tell him, my dear? The truth, the whole, raw, painful facts?

How you moaned , curved and raved in my hands?

How I ravished you and you shattered my heart?

Oh, no. Poor Tuor. You told him I am exasperating, that I repulse you. It´s easy to fake. Easy to be cruel.

YOUR SECRET´S SAFE WITH ME.

No one, nor the court, nor Turgon will dream of it. Not even HIM.

I have no heart now. I´m blind and deaf and dumb.

I know now only passion.

Your Light, your beauty, have blinded me eternally.

And before this consumes me…before I´m dead…

You will know what I am made of. You will come back, and you´ll come back crawling. For I know you, and I SEE him. He cannot suppress your inner flames.

I know better what´s right for you.

Light can only find rest in the dark.