Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Just this lovely exchange between Ron and Hermione.

"Ron? Ron, your mum said that you were up here and ─ mmm…"

"Liked that, did you?"

"You should greet me with a kiss like that every time you see me."

"Well, I try, but whenever I see you, my mum's always around. If you haven't noticed, I'm a little uncomfortable snogging my girlfriend in front of my mum!"

"She's not here now, is she?"

"My, my, Miss Granger, you are correct…mmm…oh, no."

"What's wrong?"

"It happened again."

"Ronald, honestly, can't you ─"

"Don't talk to me like that! It only makes it worse."

"What? You get turned on when I reprimand you?"

"Er…yes…for a while now."

"Really?"

"Yes! Stop laughing!"

"I'm not laughing! It's actually…kind of flattering…knowing I have that effect on you."

"Of course you do! I love you."

"I love you, too, Ron."

"You can't keep kissing me like that…it just keeps getting more…y'know."

"So, what do you propose we do, then?"

"Well, I have an idea…"

"Ron, you know perfectly well that I'm not going to have sex with you until we're married."

"Fine! Hermione Jean Granger, will you m─"

"Ron! Get up off the floor."

"What?"

"We've only been dating for two weeks!"

"So what? We've been in love for four years, at least! That's got to count for something!"

"Maybe…"

"Maybe? Hermione, I've been waiting for you to be my girlfriend ever since I saw you going to the ball with that git Krum ─"

"Ron ─"

"I know, I know, 'He's not a git, he's very nice!' I've heard that speech a million times. Spare me, won't you?"

"Ron!"

"WHAT?"

"Calm down! That's not what I was going to say!"

"Well then, what were you going to say?"

"I was going to say…er…that just because…uh…Ron, when I leave this room, you're most likely going to take care of your…situation…yourself?"

"Hermione…"

"Just answer the question."

"Yes."

"What was that?"

"YES! Alright? You know full well that I can't leave it like that. I've got to take care of it myself since you won't!"

"So, what would you say if, this time, I did?"

"You mean ─"

"Down, boy, I don't mean sex. I mean a…a hand job."

"Oh! Well, I guess…I mean, sure, I'm not complaining…but…only if you want to."

"I do."

"Wow. I never thought I'd be having this conversation with you."

"Neither did I. Well?"

"Well what?"

"Shouldn't you lie down on the bed?"

"Oh! Right…right…"

"Comfy?"

"Mm-hmm."

"So…"

"Yeah, the pants…"

"And the boxers?"

"Right."

"Wow."

"What?"

"It's just…it's so ─"

"I'll take your utter surprise as a compliment, then."

"So, tell me what to do."

"Umm, you could grip it, right ─ ahhhhh…"

"Does that feel good?"

"Better than you could imagine. And now, just kind of slide your hand─"

"Like this?"

"Merlin, Hermione, are you sure you haven't done this before?"

"I've been reading up on it."

"Just like you to ─ mmm…keep going."

"Does this feel good?"

"Ahh…!"

"I'll take that as a 'yes.' Faster?"

"Please!"

"This is quite arousing, if I do say so myself."

"Faster! I'm about to come…Hermione!"

"Scourgify."

"Bloody hell, Hermione…that was amazing."

"Language, Ron."

"I'd like to see you experience what I just did and not swear."

"Maybe tomorrow, Ron."