Disclaimer: One day, all the world shall be mine. The world includes Squeenix. At that time, Kingdom Hearts will belong to me! (insert maniacal laughter here)

Warnings: language, AkuRoku, vague references to other pairings if you squint, almost lemon. That I may or may not decide to write in later. That all depends on you guys. You tell me if I should add it or not.

Numerals indicate PoV change.

VIII

I groaned at a knock on the door. "Whozit?" I slurred sleepily.

The Superior gave a loud cough from the other side of the door, causing me to roll my eyes. "Be there in a sec…" I threw on his cloak and opened the door. Outside was Ma-I mean, Xemnas, along with a small blond kid I had never seen before. The kid looked up, and beautiful, pure cerulean eyes met mine. And, as cliché as it's going to sound, I started falling for him right that second.

"Axel, this is Number XIII, Roxas, the Key of Destiny. Since you have not yet done so, you are charged with making sure he finds his way through the castle, as well as introducing him to the other members. You must also train him in using his weapons, which we will need quite soon."

Hm, Roxas was his name. And whaddya know, the kid is mine to command. Fucking awesome. We can pull pranks together, laugh at ridiculous anagrams of the Superior's name behind his back, beat each other up in sparring, and have hot, kinky – Stop right there, says Axel's brain. And, since I'm a wonderfully eloquent individual with a wide range of vocabulary, I respond to Mansex's obviously rehearsed speech with, "Huh…'kay…"

Xemnas cocked an eyebrow. No doubt he was wondering why I wasn't burning something. "I will leave you two to your business then."

The second he was gone, I started walking back into my room. "So," I said, over my shoulder, "you coming in or what?"

And the sexy little blond responded with an almost equally eloquent, "Whatever."

He came in.

Walking through the halls of the Castle that Never Was, I asked, "It's Roxas, right?"

He nodded. "Yeah, what about you?"

I smirked. "The name's Axel. A-X-E-L. Number VIII, the Flurry of Dancing Flames. Got it memorized?" employing my catchphrase of awesomeness.

Roxas rolled his eyes, but I saw the barely concealed smile. "Yeah, I got it."

After going through the traumatizing experience of taking a tour of the castle (I told him that looking in Saix's room wasn't a good idea, but sexy little blonds have to be curious, don't they?), Roxas quickly fit in with the group, that being me, Demyx, and Zexion. That was, of course, after initial reactions.

Demyx had taken one look at the two of us and squealed, "Axel's got a boyfriend!" to which Roxas had blushed indignantly and I had smirked.

At this, Zexion looked up from that huge book of his (and it's always the same one…), intrigued. He gave Roxas a quick look and said simply, "Too fragile. Don't injure him."

To which XIII had indignantly replied, "I am not fragile!"

Demyx had laughed, and Zexion had quietly smiled. "Sure, you're not."

And he wasn't. I remember when we had first trained together, me with my flaming chakrams, him using twin Keyblades. To make a long story short, over the course of half an hour, I had repeatedly gotten my ass kicked. He stood in the middle of the room, with a light sweat across his face, while I leaned against the wall, lungs heaving, drenched in perspiration.

"God damn…" I wheezed, "you're good…"

I never beat him.

A few weeks of the same routine. Wake up, wake Roxas (This differed slightly every morning.), get a mission, do said mission, buy some local sweets from whatever world we were in, give sweets to Demyx so he won't be loud and obnoxious, set fire to a few things, laugh at Marluxia while he wasn't looking, pull some pranks, tease Xemnas and Saix, and, when the day was over, raid the sea-salt ice cream stock and get to the clock tower in Twilight Town to watch the sunset. Then there was Castle Oblivion. I couldn't explain to Roxas what had happened, but he wasn't stupid. He noticed when Marluxia, Larxene, Vexen, Lexaeus, and Zexion never came back, but never asked. We went on with life for a week or two afterward, but I could never get the guilt out of my head. Roxas eventually caught on, I guess. He knew something had happened on those couple of days that I went out. He knew there was some reason that Demyx suddenly wouldn't need sweets to keep quiet, why he would look sad every time he saw me. He knew more than I gave him credit for.
"Number VIII."

I instinctively shuddered. He never used my number unless he was mad. And when Roxas is mad, you'd better get out of the fucking room as fast as the time/space continuum will allow.

"What is it, Rox?"

"Tell me what the fuck happened to nearly half the Organization." Oh, god, he was cursing. I really should leave now…

"Told you, I can't. I would, but I can't. Secret mission and all that." I hoped I sounded casual.

He broke eye contact. Good, that meant he was backing off –

The next second, I was slammed against the wall.

"Don't give me that shit! I don't care about what the fucking mission was about! I care about what happened to five fucking members of the Organization! Four of which I could care less about, but one of which was one of my best friends! One of our best friends! I care about why Demyx isn't the annoying bubblehead he usually is whenever you and he are in the same room! I care about why he looks at you like he's accusing you of something every time Castle Oblivion is vaguely referenced! I care about why you've been fucking avoiding me since you got back! I want to know why you haven't been talking to me unless I talk first! Tell me what the fuck happened, Axel!" He glared death at me, tears in his eyes.

I don't know why, but just then, the box I'd been shoving all my guilt into just exploded. Everything I did, killing Vexen, manipulating Namine, resulting in the death of Larxene and Marluxia, and Zexion, getting that stupid clone to kill Zexion, all of it just spilled out in words and tears. All the shit I did, just to save a fucking Keyblade brat, just to try and get his stupid friend killed. I couldn't even explain my own reasoning anymore. I just sobbed and told him everything, withholding only the kids' names and the Keyblades, and when I was done, I clung to Roxas like a lifeline, sobbing my apologies into his shoulder, while he stood there and held me.

That was when I knew for certain that I was in love. And it scared me to death.

XIII

After that, we continued with life as if that had never happened. Nothing was different than before.

Imagine this, and smile, because there was no that could ever happen.

As he cried, I had known that the Superior's rant about not being able to feel was complete bullshit, because I had felt something then. I could love. And he could too. He didn't know I knew, but I did. He thought that I didn't notice him staring when he thought I wasn't looking, that whenever I got a bit too close, his body would tense and his breathing would speed up. But I did see. And, cruel as it may sound, I enjoyed it to no end. I'd "trip" and let him catch me, I'd back up into him when we were surrounded by Heartless, wall-pins became much more frequent during sparring on both ends, and I would later retreat to the quiet of my room and laugh. But he never really caught on. And he thought I was naïve.

One day, I'd just had enough. It was time to take action.

"Axel?" I asked. "You okay? You look kinda down."

He smiled and shook his head. "I'm fine. Just thinking about stuff."

I grumbled. "You seem to be 'thinking about stuff' an awful lot lately."

He shook his head and waved it off. "Like I said, it's nothing."

I frowned. "Are you sure you aren't sick or something? Do you have a fever?"

He laughed, the sound of it obviously forced. "Trust me, I control fire. I always have a fever."

I decided to play the part of naïve best friend, touching a hand to his forehead. His breath sped up erratically. I frowned. "Are you sure you're okay? I could take you to see – MMPH!"

His self-control had finally snapped.

VIII

I knew that I should stop, but I couldn't. If I was going to get rejected after this, I would get as much as I could out of it first. I would face consequences afterward.

Then I felt him smirk.

Then he started to kiss back.

XIII

I could have giggled. But I didn't.

When we pulled apart, I almost cackled when I saw his expression, a mixture of shock and confusion, yet with a lustful undertone. I drew closer until I could whisper directly in his ear.

"Took you long enough."

Even as I attacked his neck with teeth, I could feel his shock. And then he gave a breathy moan, all confusion forgotten, his fingers grasping for the zipper of my cloak. I pulled away, smiling evilly, pulled him into my room, and shoved him to the bed.

It was rather funny, actually. After a month, we were best friends, after two more, we were lovers. And eight months after that…I started dreaming.

They were always about the same boy. Someone that looked like me yet wasn't me. He lived on an island. I saw his friends. I could feel what he felt for them. Kairi, who he considered a sister, and Riku, who he had mixed feelings for. I could feel his longing for adventure. I could feel his excitement when they started to build a raft. And I felt his confusion when he awoke from a 'dream' of battling Heartless. I saw everything through his eyes. But what really concerned me was that the boy had a Keyblade.

I asked everyone. Who is he? Why does he have the Keyblade? Why do I have the Keyblade? The most I got out of anyone was, "The Keyblade chooses its master, and it chose you. Stop asking stupid questions."

I begged Axel to tell me. I knew he knew, but he was always elusive. I tried everything from violence to seduction (which was sometimes the same thing). He would always change the subject, usually resulting in him seducing me. Or he would simply kiss me and tell me not to worry.

But I did worry. I had to know. I'd go insane if I didn't find out what it was all about. No one in the Organization would tell me, so I knew I only had one choice left. I knew it would hurt, but, even more so, I knew I had to do it.

I had to leave.

I never found out how he knew, but the night before I left, Axel pinned me to the bed and started to kiss me pleadingly, thrusting desperately, his hands forming manacles around my wrists. After it was over, he clung to me, his face buried in my shoulder, and whispered frantically, "Please don't leave me. Please tell me you won't go." The pain was tangible in his voice, and I fought the urge to sob.

I didn't say a word.

He was waiting for me when I left the city, leaning against the wall, calm, collected. "You're mind's made up then?" His voice betrayed no emotion. I choked back a sob. I could feel tears coming to my eyes, and I fought them with all my might.

"Why did the Keyblade choose me? I need to know," I said, keeping my voice calm.

"You can't turn on the Organization! You get on their bad side and they'll destroy you!" He seemed genuinely angry. Angry at me or for me? I couldn't tell. I knew the real meaning for his words. The previous night came back to me. 'Please don't leave me.' The tears came harder and I fought all the more to keep my voice cold.

"No one would miss me." If only I could believe my own words. I started to walk away again, fighting tears the whole way.

"That's not true!" I heard him call out. Then, softer, as if surrendering, "I would..."

The tears fell.

I'm sorry, Axel...

VIII

I lost control.

Flames exploded outward, incinerating everything in its path. I watched buildings crumble, a harsh laugh escaping me. A truck swerved to avoid me and crashed, blocking the alley. I couldn't bring myself to care. I destroyed for the sake of destroying. Nothing displayed on my face. The heart that I thought had been forming was slashed into bits, the remains scattering into nothingness.

I calmed myself, surveying the destruction with a cold stare. I was, once again, the fiery, yet frozen person that I had been before Roxas's arrival, the definition of an unfeeling Nobody.

I found my way into DiZ's computerized world, sending in some Dusks. I didn't expect them to return. They didn't. I smirked mirthlessly. He was still good.

I applauded, stray emotions shoved away into some remote corner. "Roxas, alright! Fight, fight, fight." I walked over to him, but he gave me a cautious stare. I tried not to let the disappointment slip into my voice. "You really don't remember? It's me. You know, Axel." I threw off my hood, hoping for some kind of recognition.

He looked confused. "Axel?" he said, as if trying it out.

I tried my best to stay casual. I rolled my eyes saying, "Talk about blank with a capital 'B'. Man, oh man. Even the Dusks aren't going to crack this one." I spun out my flaming chakrams. He seemed frightened and angered at this.

"Wait a sec! Tell me what's going on!"

I kept up my usual mask of sardonicism. "This town is his creation, right? Which means we don't have time for a Q and A. You're coming with me, conscious or not. Then you'll hear the story." I got ready for a fight. I didn't want to hurt Roxas, but I'd do whatever was needed to get him back.

He backed away, frightened. Then the air started to swirl and thicken. Our surroundings were distorted. DiZ had probably found out. "Uh-oh..."

Roxas looked around at his still frozen audience. He growled slightly, and then looked at his Keyblade. "What's going ON?!" he demanded in a rage, flinging his Keyblade down at my feet.

As it normally did, the Keyblade simply reappeared in his hand in a flash of light. "Number XIII. Roxas. The Keyblade's chosen one." I spun my chakrams, ready for an attack.

Roxas glanced down at the Keyblade one more time before saying in the defiant tone he always used before fights, "Okay, fine! You asked for it!" He attacked. We fought. We were interrupted when DiZ appeared.

I growled, "So it was you." I set my chakrams in flames and tossed both of them at him in rage. This was his fault. His fault Roxas didn't remember me. His fault Roxas left. My weapons were deflected on some invisible barrier, and the man turned to Roxas.

"Roxas, this man speaks nonsense!"

I called out, fighting panic and desperation, "Roxas, don't let him deceive you!"

He called, "Roxas!"

I was on the verge of snapping. I could hear desperation as I cried out, "Roxas!"

The air once again began to swirl, and some unknown source played our voices on a loop. I knew I couldn't stay. I left, but not before hearing Roxas call out, "Hayner! Pence! Olette!"

He should have called for me

I left. I broke.

The next time, I appeared along with a few Dusks. "Look at what it's come to," I said, my cold mask shrouding me again. "I've been given these icky orders to destroy you…if you refuse to come back with me."

Roxas, as if pleading, said, "We're...best friends, right?"

I didn't register his words at first. "Sure...but I'm not getting turned into a Dusk for..." The words sunk in. "Wait a sec. You remember now?" I hoped with everything I had that he did.

"Y-yeah..."

"Great!" I sincerely thought we could go back to the castle and live like the months before he left. I wanted that, more than anything. "But, you know, gotta make sure and all so, uh...What's our boss's name?" It was an easy question. We had joked about it many times together. I was sure he would remember.

A moment of hesitation, then he shook his head, and my nonexistent heart broke into a million pieces all over again. My voice didn't even hold half of my disappointment. "Can't believe this..."

He fought and won. I was about to face him when a force suddenly made me freeze. I heard a voice call, "Roxas, to the mansion! The time has come."

He called out again. Their not your friends, Roxas! Come back to me! Then, he left and the force freezing me left. I spoke aloud. "The Roxas that I know is long gone...Fine, I see how it is..." I kept the pain out of my voice. I shoved it all into a dark corner of my soul and concentrated on what I had to do. Roxas wouldn't come back. I'd have to destroy him.

Once again, he fought the Nobodies and won. Not like I expected any less. I entered, not bothering to hide my anger. "Simply amazing, Roxas."

"Axel." Just say my name, would you? That'll make everything better, huh?

"You really do remember me this time," I said sardonically. "I'm SO FLATTERED!" The surrounding area burst into flames, trapping us both in a ring of fire. "But you're too late!!" I raged, the burning anger fueled by the pain.

Roxas pulled out his twin Keyblades and spun them, just like he always did. "Two!?" Like I cared at this point. I summoned my flaming chakrams and smirked. "Come here, I'll make it all stop!" I taunted. He lunged. We fought. I lost.

As the flames died around us, I said to him, "Let's meet again, in the next life."

I couldn't read his expression. "Yeah. I'll be waiting."

I chuckled darkly, summoning a dark passage, knowing that this was the last time I'd ever see him. "Silly...just because you have a next life..."

I didn't have the heart to finish.

I tried. I really did. But I didn't have much hope in succeeding.

I kidnapped Kairi to try and turn Sora into a Heartless. You are allowed to call me a selfish bastard. I honestly couldn't find it in myself to care. Then Saix caught her and, from there, everything fell apart.

I waited, leaning against a rock face, for Sora to come by. The sense of déjà vu and irony was amazing.

"Way to fall right into their trap."

They spun around and prepared for a fight. I stood up straight and walked toward them. The kid looked so much like Roxas, the defiant face, the spiky hair (even if styled differently), and especially the beautiful cerulean pools that had pulled me in from the very start. I had to fight the urge to jump on him and cry. "C'mon, it's a set-up by Organization XIII. Xemnas is using you to destroy the Heartless. That's his big master plan."

The idiot duck asked, "Xemnas?"

I almost rolled my eyes in exasperation. "The guy you just saw. He's their leader. Got it memorized? X-E-M-N-A-S."

The dog-thing was just as stupid, if not more. "Organization XIII wants to get rid of the Heartless?"

I sighed and explained to them the Keyblade and the hearts. I figured it'd be good if they got the rest of the Organization off my back. Even if I was seriously pissed off after watching them kill Demyx.

Sora then caught on. "You. You're the one who kidnapped Kairi!"

"Bingo." I smirked. "The name's Axel. Got it memorized?"

"Where is Kairi? Please, just tell me!"

I sighed, looking away. "Look, about Kairi," I looked back at him, "I'm sorry."

"Axel!" a voice called, and Saix appeared.

"Uh-oh!" I fled.

I wandered around Betwixt and Between for a while, pondering what to do. It had been our second favorite place to talk and think, the first being the clock tower. God, I missed him so much.

It must've been at least a day or so later when I saw Sora and his friends fighting off scores of Nobodies. Another mirthless smirk. They'd die. Suddenly, I figured, if Sora dies, then Roxas will die with him. There's no way I could ever let that happen, no matter how much I hated Sora at the moment.

"Don't stop moving, or the darkness will overtake you!" I jumped in, chopping up a few Dusks along the way. "Get goin'!"

The idiot was so clueless. Roxas wouldn't have hesitated, but this kid asked, "Why?"

"Don't ask, just do it!" Some Dusks pounced on me while my guard was down. I should've learned after the first million times.

He ran toward me and killed the Dusks. "You okay?"

'No, I am definitely not. The guy I love left me and my nonexistent heart got ripped into a billion pieces. Now he's inside you, and I can't talk to him or hold him or even see him anymore, and you look so much like him, it makes me go insane, and I just want to talk to him one last time and tell him I love him so I can just end my sad and miserable excuse for a life.' Like I could've said that. Instead, I explained, "I kidnapped Kairi, but she got away from me. After that, Saix caught her. He's a member of Organization XIII, Saix. Got it memorized? Now go save her!"

He whirled around and sliced up a Dusk, just as it was about to hit. Then the kid shouts, "Leave us alone!"

We fought, together this time. The duck and the dog-thing were nowhere that I could see. We fought and killed Dusk after Dusk, Assassin after Assassin, but they kept coming. After a while, we jumped together again and I said sarcastically, "I think I liked it better when they were on my side."

The kid looks at me and smirks. "Feeling a little...regret?" he challenged.

I smiled like it was nothing and said, "Nah...I can handle these punks. Watch this!"

I jumped into the fray. I guess I'd known that it was coming to this because I wasn't afraid. I couldn't be with Roxas anymore, and any heart I might've possessed had been shattered and broken beyond repair. I reached into the corner of my soul where I had hidden away all of my pain and rage, gave one last cry, and poured it all into one huge explosion.

I was burning.

It wasn't like my usual burning, flames licking around me harmlessly. This time, they attacked, scorching my insides, searing my skin, streams of black smoke and bits of who-knows-what flowing off me. So this what it was like to die.

The kid just then cleared his eyes. It hurt too much to turn my head to look, but he ran over to me, kneeling beside me.

"You're...fading away..." Well, thanks, Captain Obvious. All the same, I turned in his direction.

"Well, that's what happens when you put your whole being into an attack, y'know what I mean? Not that Nobodies actually have beings, right?" I forced out a laugh, hoping he doesn't notice me wincing in pain. "Anyway, I digress. Go, find Kairi." I struggle to keep breathing evenly. "Oh, almost forgot. Sorry for what I did to her." I could barely believe that I was apologizing to this kid, but, somehow, I meant it.

"When we find her, you can tell her that yourself." He was grasping the lost hope that I wasn't going to die, desperation and firmness mingling in his voice. It was amazing that he even cared.

I looked away, smiling. No matter how much I initially despised him, the truth of the matter was clear. He was a nice kid, entirely like and unlike Roxas. He showed it, helping everyone, willing to lend a hand to any stranger, whilst Roxas concealed it, giving help to those close to him. "Think I'll pass. My heart just wouldn't be in it, you know? Haven't got one." I chuckle darkly, amazed I could still joke while pain coursed through my veins like blood.

"Axel, what were you trying to do?" Looks like he's done denying my imminent doom. But did I really want to tell him?

"I wanted to see Roxas." I saw his eyes widen and his head tilt in confusion. Guess he didn't know. "He made me feel...like I had a heart..." If anything I had ever said was true, that definitely was. "It's kinda...funny..." I looked back at him, meeting those blue orbs, the color of the sky for which he was aptly named. "You make me feel...the same..." My sentence trailed off. My tone turned demanding. I had to get them out of here. Somehow, I managed to choke out my last words. "Kairi's in the castle dungeon. Now go..." I used the last strength I had to lift my arm, a dark corridor coalescing. My hand collasped. Our eyes met one last time.

As I faded slowly into nothingness, I could swear I saw him, face streaked with tears. I saw him crying out, and though Sora simply said my name, one last time, I heard something entirely different from Roxas.

"Please, don't leave me! Don't die!"

I smirked, for real this time. Why not play with him a bit? He did it to me plenty of times before.

"Why not? No one would miss me."

I saw his face contort in pain at having to hear his own words, and I almost regretted it. But then…

"That's not true. I would." His face was straight, but his eyes said everything. "I love you, Axel…"

I closed my eyes, a genuine smile gracing my features. Looks like after all the shit they put me through, whatever deities there are out there have decided to give me my last wish.

"Yeah, I know, Rox...love you, too..."

A/N: Finally done! YES! This took FOREVER. I killed my dad's laptop sometime around 1 in the morning. And I still had to work more on it later. I'm just way too nice to you people.

I really don't know why I decided to redo this. There was just some stuff that seemed really off. And I really wanted to put in that one part after Castle Oblivion. No clue why. I'm weird like that. Funny. When I showed this to my friend on 8/13 and I read it with her, it seemed like crap. When I read it half a year later, it doesn't seem as bad. Anyway, I hope it seems better this time around! Consider it a late Valentine's Day gift to everyone.

You know what. Forget my earlier threat. I'll just take Axel to the next Anime Convention and tie him up with a sign around his neck saying "Glomp Me". That's just as bad as a hell filled with fangirls and Mary Sues. Please save Axel from the fangirls. REVIEW.