Shimi-chan: Another HinaSasu oneshot…I'm trying to expand my pairings but well…I can't. All the ideas so far have only fit this pairing…I will make more soon, I swear…This isn't my first oneshot…just the only one good enough to post. -.-'
Summary: In truth, she wasn't much of a liar. But she was a great actress. When did she fall into her own act? ((Oneshot, HinaSasu))
Warning: Some mild adult content and language.
Rating: T- for mild mentions of sex and some adult situations, but nothing graphic.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. I'd kill it…-.-'
:::: Façade ::::
She remembered, as a child, smiling was her first nature. Nothing in the world would ever take away her happiness. Or so she thought, until her mother passed.
And that was where it started to spiral downward.
No one could guess how long the Hyuga's would actually grieve their loss, but it was much longer than necessary. People changed at Lady Hyuga's death, and nothing could ever bring them back. Hearts hardened, smiles vanished, and, in Hinata's case, the meaning of true weakness emerged and overcame what she was. She was weak; it was true, in more ways than one. Because though she cried when her mother died, and for many days afterward, it wasn't enough. She wasn't strong enough to understand and move on. It seemed like no one was; no one ever really recovered, no one returned to their selves before her parting. But Hinata's change was somehow more noticeable.
Physically, she was never really that strong, but her emotional capabilities had made that ok. But when even that shattered, she was overall weak, and that was not acceptable in the eyes of a Hyuga, not for an heiress. Mourn and move on, she had to do it fast or else lose more respect in the elders' eyes. That, and what few friends she had were becoming worried over her. Ever the martyr, she had set it up then; her act.
Her façade.
It started with a fake smile here, a posed laugh there, and soon it erupted into a completely false personality. All for the sake of everyone else's happiness and their expectations in her, she pretended to be happy. One look at her and people always assumed she was a horrible liar, they assumed that she could never fool them. And, in truth, she wasn't much of a liar at all. But she was a hell of an actress. So good, that no one ever questioned her. No one could see just how broken she was inside. As a result, no one tried to comfort or fix her heart. She remained broken, and she felt that she was doomed to do so until the day of her own death.
It was only in the privacy of her room, late at night where not even the Byakyugan eyes could see, that she would allow herself to emerge and suffer alone. Sometimes she cried tears meant to be cried earlier; sometimes she fought with all her might, hitting anything and everything until she pounded the blood out of her knuckles. Whatever she did, she made sure she finished completely and the next day she'd emerge from her room with another masqueraded smile.
But though she could fake her emotional strength, she couldn't improve her physical. Not while all her attention was focused on faking her happiness. It wasn't long before Hanabi surpassed her and her father found her unworthy of the title as heir. So he did what he had to in order to insure the well-being of the clan. He married his eldest off so that his superior could take the throne.
Needless to say, the action struck Hinata deep. For a small while when she heard of her engagement to the sole Uchiha, her façade fell and she showed her sorrow, only to realize that no one cared. But for some reason, she thought her friends would; in reality, they were too wrapped up in their own lives. But they'd care; it was the lie that was keeping her alive. If one day she allowed her sorrow to show, they'd notice. They had to. She didn't want her few friends to worry; she didn't want her father to think her weak; and, truthfully, she didn't want her husband to think her weak either. So she raised her barrier again, smiling on cue as was her duty.
When she moved into his house, Sasuke's house, it was tense and uncomfortable. They'd never even spoken before, and Hinata was a bit afraid of him. After all, he'd managed to escape Konoha, kill Orochimaru, and eventually kill Itachi as well. How he managed to convince them to let him stay, that's what she found truly amazing. Even so, she didn't want to make prompt judgments. After all, Sasuke was friends with Naruto, and if she trusted anything, it was his judgment.
Then again, Naruto was friends with Gaara…
But he'd proven himself human too. Besides, even if she decided that she didn't like Sasuke, she was still married to him. She may as well make the best of it.
The first month she barely tried, and he didn't either. They avoided each other if given the option, and if not then they simply ignored the other's presence. This was easier for Sasuke to do than for Hinata, but she learned quickly. Still, she kept her act on, smiling shyly whenever their eyes met. She took on the role of 'wife' and made him breakfast every morning before he trained, cleaned the house while he did so, had lunch ready to eat when he came back and dinner ready for later. Then she went out to herself, to attend to her duties as a nurse in the Konoha hospital.
In between all of this, she saw her friends very little, save for at the hospital, and they began to worry for her well-being. The pretense was as strong as ever, she managed to smile at all of them and tell them she was fine. Her acting had not diminished with time, and they believed her just like they always had. And, probably, always would.
So, when did it happen? She wasn't sure. When, exactly, did she fall for her own façade? She'd known she was good at fooling others, cursed herself for it, but she didn't think that she'd go as far as lie to herself. And succeed. But, somewhere along the line, she told herself she was really as happy as she seemed, and stuck with it. Maybe it was that day, so long ago, when she'd first seen him step out of his own bounds…when she'd heard his laugh, seen his smile, and felt the first shock of lust electrify her body…
'Today's different,' she mused silently as she prepared dinner for herself and Sasuke. Her thought held neither joy nor sadness, just a matter-of-fact tone that she'd never use on others. It was only in the safety of her mind that she allowed herself to show her true colors The act had become harder to keep up with, since her usual late night releases were ultimately cut due to the fact that she was no longer home. In the beginning, she'd simply snuck out of the Uchiha manor, but somehow Sasuke found out, she could see it in his eyes. And the last thing she wanted was for him to think she was having an affair, so she'd stopped. Problem being that now she had no way to let out her frustrations and she had to bottle them all up.
But somehow she managed. She couldn't let her mask slip, especially now that there was someone around to notice.
Slowly, a bitter smile formed on her lips. Just how much did she think Sasuke actually noticed her, anyway?
He hadn't gone training this morning. When she finished making breakfast, she had to eat alone because he still hadn't come down from bed. Not that she was complaining; the privacy was much appreciated. It was after she'd finished making dinner and he still didn't come down that she'd allowed herself to worry. She always had cared too much and, worse, worried too much. Maybe he was just sick of her; maybe he just needed a break from seeing her. It wasn't exactly impossible. Maybe…he was sick.
The thought disturbed her in a way she wasn't sure she should be. It was Sasuke, after all. How bothered would he be if one day she got sick, she wondered. If at all. But, even so, she decided it was worth skipping work for. She didn't want him to be alone if he should need her…she could only hope that he wouldn't need her.
Finally, she heard the familiar thuds of his steps as he climbed down the stairs and into the kitchen. She'd just finished her meal and set it out, grateful that she'd set one out for Sasuke too, just in case. He sat wordlessly, still in baggy pants and, much to Hinata's dismay, shirtless. His hair was messier than usual, and his eyes were still squinting at the kitchen light, giving her the impression that he'd just awoken.
Led by curiosity, she finally spoke, "D-did you just w-wake up?"
He didn't even look up from his plate, "Yeah."
She wasn't sure if she should pursue the subject further or just pretend she'd never said anything. So she wisely stayed silent, going back to her own meal while mentally scolding herself for speaking.
"I was tired from yesterday's mission."
His voice unexpectedly broke the silence, causing her to jump slightly. Then his words registered and she looked up to see him looking at her, obviously waiting for her reply.
Her face flamed up at his attention. "O-oh…." It was the only thing she could think to say.
And the conversation ended that way; they both promptly turned back to their plates and went back to ignoring the other.
Soon, Hinata was done and she gathered her dishes and took them to the sink. She was almost done washing them when she felt him behind her, but it was normal. They always washed their own dishes. What did come unexpected was when he spoke again.
"Didn't you go to work today?"
Again, she jumped, surprised at the fact that he was suddenly feeling talkative. She blushed a dark scarlet, glad for the fact that he couldn't see her. "I…u-uhh, I th-thought you m-might be sick, s-so I…s-stayed…"
She heard him grunt in reply, and somehow it embarrassed her further.
Hinata finished quickly and turned around to walk away. Now, she'd known that he was behind her; but usually he gave her some space, usually he wasn't so…Her hand shot forward in surprise, throwing the sponge as a small yelp escaped her pale lips and somehow her hand landed on the side of his stomach. Suddenly, he jumped back as if she'd stung him, turning his back to her so she couldn't see him. He couldn't hide, however, his head hunched forward and the tremors shaking his body. Thinking she might have accidentally jolted him with chakra or some such thing, worry instantly gripped her heart. She was too scared to touch him again, but it wouldn't stop her from trying to help.
"S-Sasuke…?"
He snorted in reply.
But it wasn't a usual snort. His snorts were usually annoyed, telling the receiver to shut up or an equally rude thing. The snort he'd sounded just now…it was followed by many, many more and he couldn't seem to stop. Curiously, she walked over to him, but he turned away, still making those noises.
"S-S-Sasuke…? Are you…?"
She tried to walk around him so she could see him, but he kept turning away, not allowing her to see him. Miffed, she poked his side to get his attention…only to have him snort out again, louder than before, and that's when she realized.
He was laughing.
At…her…?
No, no, that wasn't it…He…Sasuke Uchiha was…ticklish
His hand shot out when she tried to poke him again to verify her findings, squeezing it tightly, while making sure he wasn't hurting her.
"Stop touching me," he seethed, trying to look and sound as menacing as possible. But it was hard to do while trying to fight off laughter and the smile he was trying to bite back was still ever-present on his face. His amusement, albeit completely unexpected and downright shocking, was contagious to her. She'll never know where she got the courage, but somehow she scrounged some up and poked him again, delighting in how he laughed again, still trying to be intimidating, but to no avail. It wasn't long before they were both cracking up, Hinata still playfully nudging his sides.
In her enjoyment, she seemed to have forgotten that she herself was ticklish too…she relearned this when Sasuke retaliated, poking her in the same way she was doing, and she started backing up while still trying to tickle him. Hinata was so enraptured in their play fight, she didn't notice that she was about to step on the sponge. Ever the clumsy girl, she managed to trip over it, amusement suddenly replaced by horror at the thought of her back colliding with the hard, wooden floors. In her fright, she gripped Sasuke's shirt, accidentally bringing him down with her. But he was more prepared, and he quickly grabbed her around the waist with one arm while the other shot out to catch the floor so she wouldn't hurt herself.
Hinata hadn't realized her eyes were closed until she slowly lifted one lid. She felt her back slowly and painlessly being connected with the ground. Sighing in relief, she let out a small giggle at their situation. She could feel the vibration of Sasuke's own chuckle against her chest, making her go rigid.
All the amusement previously existing disappeared into a whole different atmosphere when their eyes met.
She felt her face flush, and unsurprisingly Sasuke's own reaction was almost non-existent. Her breathing quickened, and she only took solace in the fact that Sasuke's hot breath on her face was equally as quick. His lips hovered over hers for what seemed like an eternity, and still she couldn't bring herself to close her eyes or even close the gap between them. She could only try not to faint as she waited for the kiss that…
…Never came.
Sasuke lifted himself up and off of her, turning his face away as he offered her his hand. Once she was up too, he stuffed his hands in his pant pockets, leaving a flustered and embarrassed Hinata in his wake as he walked back up the stairs into his room…
No, that wasn't it. Actually, that little situation had made things worse for a while. Confusion had etched in with every other depressing emotion she was feeling, and being around Sasuke had become even more uncomfortable. Primarily because she realized that she couldn't simply ignore him anymore. Whenever he stepped into the same room as she, she felt her entire body tense and she found that she could never relax until he was gone. She wasn't sure what was wrong with her; all she knew was that no one could see.
So, that experience had actually intensified her act, making it harder for her to keep up with. She was cheerful as ever at the hospital, but it was getting harder, more exhausting to pretend. That couldn't have been it; that couldn't have been when she became her own act.
So, when, then? Maybe it was that night, so long ago, when she'd been called on her lie…the same night they'd shared their first kiss…
Thunderstorms had never been her favorite type of weather at all. For some reason, Hinata simply couldn't sleep through them. A lifetime ago, she would've gone to her mother's room for comfort. It was only then, in the safety of her parent's presence, that she would be able to sleep. But once her mother had gone, she didn't go back. She didn't want her father thinking her weaker. Instead, she stayed awake until it passed. Sometimes, it didn't, and she ended up having no sleep at all.
Tonight, she didn't trust herself with her thoughts. They were all filled with so many emotions, she wasn't sure she could handle it. It had been at least a month since what she'd dubbed 'The Tickle Incident,' and she couldn't look him in the eye. Not that she could before…but it got worse. She tried getting longer shifts at the hospital, but being cheerful around her friends all day was proving more difficult than she expected. At least here, at home, they barely saw each other so she could relax. Still, she wasn't sure what she was going to do. This whole thing wasn't really working out the way she wanted it to, and she was on the verge of simply giving up her act and being her depressing self always.
Tch. Yeah right.
Sighing, Hinata lifted herself from her bed and padded tiredly down the stairs and into the kitchen. Unsure of what she'd really gone there for, she simply sat at the table and stared ahead of her at the wall, thoughts running through her head too quickly for her to keep up. She knew she wasn't falling asleep tonight; the frightening rumble of the thunder echoing outside the house was only a reminder of that. So she sighed again, fitting her head into her folded arms, knowing that tonight was going to last forever. What to do, what to do…
The beat of the rain delighted her, even if the flash of lightening and the bellow of the thunder frightened her, and she found herself singing softly like her mother always had. Though the song she chose wasn't one her mother would've, it fit her situation perfectly.
I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications
Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know I'll be alright
Perhaps it's just imagination
Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Alone between the sheets
Only brings exasperation
It's time to walk the streets
Smell the desperation
At least there's pretty lights
And though there's little variation
It nullifies the night from overkill
Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Come back another day
I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications
Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know I'll be alright
It's just overkill
Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Ghosts appear and fade away
"Hinata…?"
A jolt of fright caused her to jump up from her chair, knocking it backward in the process. Her tension didn't ease when she saw Sasuke in the archway. To the contrary, she felt her cheeks flush at the realization that he'd probably been there for a long time…long enough, even, to have heard his fill.
"S-Sasuke…d-did you…uh—"
"Yea. Nice voice."
Her blush deepened so it was noticeable even in the dark.
"You couldn't sleep."
It was worded as a statement, but she felt the need to answer anyway. However, she wasn't compelled to answer it verbally. Instead, she nodded slowly and saw him reach up to rub his eyes and emit a loud sigh. She gave a strained smile, mumbling an embarrassed apology.
He gazed at her skeptically for a few moments before sighing again and walking over. She tensed as he neared her, which didn't go unnoticed by him.
"I'm not a damn monster," he snarled, clearly offended. She cringed at his harsh tone, but couldn't help but feel bad. Another strained smile, another annoyed sigh, and he grabbed her wrist and started leading her back up the stairs. She followed willingly enough; at least before they walked past her room and started heading toward his. She dug her heels into the ground, but it did very little to slow them down.
"Wh-where are we going?"
"Sleep."
It was hard to argue with that.
Still, she couldn't help but feel nervous. She was sure that Sasuke could feel her pulsating heart under his fingertips, but he wasn't making any indication of it.
Finally, they made it into his room and Sasuke led her to the bed. He let go of her then, setting into the sheets while she stayed standing, staring at him with wide eyes. "What?!" he snapped, making her shrink into herself, trying to put up her smile; but, even with all her experience in faking them, it was hard to do when it came to Sasuke. "I'm not going to do anything, Hinata. Stop being so scared of me."
She took a deep breath and, knowing there was no way out of this one, slipped into the bed. Still, Hinata made sure that she was as far as she could be while still being comfortable. Thankfully, he made no protest to that much, but on the dim side he didn't sleep. She still couldn't, because the thunder was still sounding outside, but worse than even that she could see the dark outline of Sasuke's eyes as he stared at her. He seemed lost in thought, and judging by the way he was examining her, he was thinking of her.
"You know…" he began after a long, tense silence, "it's okay to be upset."
Hinata frowned, confused by his comment.
This seemed to please him, for he smirked. "Like now. I didn't even know you could scowl."
She instantly flushed, wiping said frown from her face. "I…I…"
"Doesn't it get tiring? Pretending all the time. Sadness and anger and all that other stuff you keep hidden, it's normal."
She was shocked, astounded, and downright speechless. How had he known? All those times she thought he was ignoring her, all those times she thought it was okay to let her guard down, had he really seen? Had he really been paying attention? The thought of it brought tears to her eyes and she allowed her frown to show again. Maybe, just this once.
Another flash of lightening accompanied by the terrifying roar of thunder made her forget her feelings for a moment and scrunch up into a protective ball. As if that was supposed to block it out.
Actually…it kinda did…
"You're scared."
Once again, it wasn't a question, but she found herself nodding miserably all the same. She didn't bother with another smile; he'd just see right past it.
Sasuke chuckled lightly at the miserable expression on her face and the shy nod indicating that she was, in fact, afraid of thunderstorms. He fought the urge to smirk as he reached out and gathered her in his arms, drawing her against his chest. He almost wanted to laugh at how she tensed, and he could practically see the shocked face she was making on his chest. But he retained his cool demeanor, for both their sakes. One of them needed to not freak out.
"S-S-Sasuke!! Wh-wh-what are you d-d-doing?!!"
"You said you were scared."
"Well…y-yes, b-but I don't—"
"Then shut up. This'll help." 'It's helping me, anyway.'
"But…but…"
He sighed, "Hinata, we're married."
He felt her dig her face into his face, presumptuously to hide her face. "I-I know th-that…"
"Then just go to sleep already."
There was a pause, and finally she nodded, molding into his embrace. She couldn't help but smile a little at his kindness. It surprised her. The last word she would use to describe Sasuke was 'kind' and yet here he was, holding her to comfort her from the thunderstorm raging outside.
And he'd seen through her, which beat the first by a long shot.
Even with her façade at full force, she'd somewhat wanted someone to see through it. Though it would expose her true colors and leave her vulnerable…it would mean they Saw her.
The same way Sasuke did.
She pulled away for a moment, both pleased and embarrassed to find that Sasuke was still looking at her.
She blushed, averting her eyes. "Y-you know, Sasuke…i-it's okay to be happy too."
For a moment, it almost looked like his eyes had widened, but it quickly passed and she thought she must've imagined it. "I…know."
She smiled, a true one this time, but it disappeared when she noticed he was lowering his head. She remembered, in a flash, The Tickle Incident and the very thing that had made it awkward to talk to him for so long. But when she realized that he was hovering over her lips again, she learned that it wasn't the fact that he'd been about to kiss her that had really embarrassed her. It was that she hadn't had the courage to kiss him.
She had it this time.
A quick push with her feet and their lips met. It was a simple kiss, quiet and soft as she was. Still, they both felt the emotion in it jolt them to the core and shake their foundations. Sasuke pulled away after a few seconds, barely realizing that he was wearing a small smile.
She blushed, smiling back, "G-good night…Sasuke…"
He brought his lips to her forehead before resting his chin atop her head, "Night."
Hinata found herself smiling at the memory. Yes, she'd changed after that day, but it wasn't when she'd turned into her act. It wasn't when she'd convinced herself that she was happy. To the contrary, she allowed her mask to slip and eventually she removed it completely.
Outside the house, she was as cheerful as she'd always been and she kept true to her act, even when hurtful things were done to her. Like when her father had come down to the hospital just to tell her how good an heiress Hanabi was. And when Neji had seen her down the streets one day and told her how much better the house had gotten since she left. Or when Sakura and Naruto began dating and, worse, Sakura having been jealous of Hinata's engagement to Sasuke earlier, flaunted their relationship whenever she got the chance. It hurt, but she didn't let it show.
But once she was inside, in Sasuke's arms late at night she cried. She yelled (or whisper-yelled, which was as close as Hinata was getting) out her frustrations. Sometimes, if the day had been bad enough, she pounded lightly on his chest, knowing she could never actually hurt him. And, in return, she was the only one to see his smiles, to share his laughter. Slowly, almost inevitable, Hinata found herself caring less and less for Naruto. More and more for the Uchiha survivor that truly knew her. It wasn't long before her feelings could be defined as love. She remembered, still, the first night she'd come to terms with that realization…
It was late at night, and Hinata was in room. It had been dubbed that way, at least in her mind. Because every night she came here, every night she lay in Sasuke's arms venting all her sadness and frustrations. He never said much, and though he used no comforting words, his presence was comfort enough. The fact that she'd seen her turmoil through her brightest smile, that was enough to her. She loved his smiles; they were never big at all, but they were always true, which was more than she could say for her own. Well, that wasn't completely fair…whenever she smiled at Sasuke, it was genuine.
Now he'd just fallen asleep after hearing her whine for hours. He truly was amazing. He could listen to her without getting annoyed with her. Well, she was sure he did to some degree. He was only human, and he was . But he never patronized her or told her to be quiet. He always…just listened.
She gazed at his peacefully resting face, a small smile forming on her lips. She'd heard the other girls of Konoha calling him sexy, hot, and so many other things; but to her, right now, the only word she could use to accurately describe her was 'cute.'
She reached up to brush away a bang that had fallen across his cheek, sighing softly, "Sasuke…I love you…"
The next thing she knew her lips were pressed against his with his hand on her neck to block her escape. 'He was…awake?!' She was far too panicked to respond; to the contrary, her hand was on his chest in an attempt to push him away. But he was steady, not even budging slightly.
Besides, she wasn't exactly pushing all hard.
Slowly but surely, she started to feel the now-familiar shock of lust shoot from his lips into her body. They hadn't progressed much intimately since the night of their first kiss, making this only their second.
Though, in reality, it was their first real kiss.
Her hands moved from his chest to instead wrap around his neck so she could pull him closer and deepen the kiss. He pulled away once, only for air, and only long enough to murmur a smug "I know" before he leaned back down to claim her lips again.
That night Hinata turned into an Uchiha, heart, soul…and body.
Even today, thinking of their first time made her face heat up in embarrassment. That was it. That was when the façade she fed the world had become her reality. That was when the fake cheerfulness and staged smiles had turned true. No longer did she have to lay awake for hours complaining to Sasuke; because, frankly, most nights they rather busy to be doing something like talk. Besides, she saw no reason to complain when life was so good.
He'd come a long way from just 'I know' as a response to her feelings. When she'd least expected it, he'd uttered the words in reply, and she knew she'd never been so happy as that moment. Though he wasn't one to utter them always or even often, it just made those few occasions he did say them all the more special. Besides, she knew. He didn't have to remind her.
So, whenever Sakura started making out with Naruto to bother her, Hinata would simply say a cheerful greeting and go along her way. Even when she turned the corner and no one could see, her smile stayed in place. After all, she knew that Sasuke and she would be doing the same later. And those few times her family came to taunt her, she'd stay positive. She knew she had a real family, her wonderful husband and their beautiful son, to go home to. It was possible to stay happy all the time. She was glad that she'd fallen for her own façade; it didn't even matter that she'd managed to fall for her own act. If this was all in her mind, it would be just as well to her.
She just knew that she was happy, her façade long forgotten, and replaced by something real. Something that came in the form of the husband she loved, a son who adored her, and a place she could call home. All three of which had knocked off her mask and exposed her true self.
Looking at the mirror now, she smiled. Her true self wasn't that bad after all.
Shimi-chan: Finally done! This took longer than expected. The song was a last minute thing, so here's the disclaimer for that. I do not own 'Overkill' by Colin Hay. I just saw it on Scrubs (GREAT show, watch it!!!) and thought it was perfect. I hope you enjoyed reading this fic! I liked writing it…